Its not easy to not be quiet or shy

[El Don]

I have a problem with always being a quiet person. Everyone says that you just have to start more conversations and you will just start talking more but I don't think this is the case. I have just always been told by my friends and everyone that I am quiet and never say anything. I have moments where I do talk more than others but I want to just be more outgoing and not be quiet. I dont know what to do but its very frustrating. It gets to be a combination of not knowing what to say and then running out of things to talk about. I always think to myself how good it would be to just One of my best friends is the complete opposite of me. He is outgoing, jokes around alot, and has no problem talking with people and holding conversations.

I dont know if theres any books or anything anyone can suggest but this problem is getting serious and I think it really restricts me from meeting new people and meeting women and I getting depressed over it. I know I have alot of things going for me that I could attract women but they would never know what you have to offer if you can't communicate more. Its not that I am a social outcast with little outside communication but I just want to be more outgoing and alot of advice I received hasn't really worked for me. Maybe I just need to try harder but any help would be appreciated

 

[Interceptor]

Start talking to people who have the same interests as you.
Look for a girl thathas the same hobbies, experiences, and general interest as you.


For example, I personally like Martial Arts. So I have an easy time talking to fellow class mates and students in MA class because we share things in common.

It's not as hard as you think.

You think it's hard....but your thinking is wrong.

 

[El Don]

Start talking to people who have the same interests as you.
Look for a girl thathas the same hobbies, experiences, and general interest as you.


For example, I personally like Martial Arts. So I have an easy time talking to fellow class mates and students in MA class because we share things in common.

It's not as hard as you think.

You think it's hard....but your thinking is wrong.

thanks for the fast reply. You are probably right though and my mindset is all wrong and I definitely need to work on it.

 

[reset]

It is your mindset. I used to be very quiet too. It comes from being self-conscious. The reason you're having difficulty with your conversations is you're not really present during them-- you're in your own head worrying about how you're acting, maybe rehearsing what you'll say when they're done talking-- learn to listen. But you can't do that when you're pre-occupied with your own thoughts. If you can get to the point where you aren't concerned with how you're coming off, your natural personality will come through, and talking with people will become fun instead of stressful.

Trust me, I was in the same situation, and it took me quite awhile to go from a guy who doesn't say much to someone who initiates most conversations... but I did it.

Practice this stuff with everyone, not just women. You've got many chances to make conversation with strangers throughout your day. Try making eye-contact and smiling to as many people as you can, then move up to saying hi... just build yourself up to the goal of being more social. It can be done.

 

[Bjj_playa]

yes practice will help....i've had the same problem, and everyday im improving more and more. part of it is the insecurities or the fear (whatever it may be) and the other part is the lack of experience. i got a job where im serving lots of customers, so as time goes on, that fear of speaking or being uncomfortable goes away more and more, and as that happens i notice..damn i dont have very good social skills. but that part comes with having conversations with people and interacting. its all about getting out of your comfort zone. ever wonder why when your drunk your words seem to just keep comming out?...ya