It's long, but please please read it..I need advice!

[mecca411]

My girlfriend and I have been together now for about 5 months. WE're long distance (about 2hrs), but we see each other most weekends and sometimes even during the week. Things are going well. Her family likes me and my family likes her. Now on to my issue.

We've got great chemistry and sex is great. I never like to delve into past relationships, but she's pretty open about everything thing and sometimes just offers things up without me even asking. I don't know why, but I tend to fixate on things that happened in my girls past. Maybe it's because I like the idea of the girl that I'm dating to be fairly pure without alot of past sex partners etc. Well, I know that my girl has had two serious realtionships in the past. The last one ended almost three years ago. They dated for a year and things were pretty serious, but they broke up because he was somewhat unstable and they realized they werent meant to be.

In the space of time since the breakup up until just before we met, she had plenty of dates, but never had sex with anyone. Then about 3 or 4 months before we met she met a guy in the club in MOntreal(about 45 mimutes from where she lives) and they got along well. They spent alot of time togther and hung out for about a month (kissing only) before they started having sex. I guess she figured that they would end up boyfriend and girlfriend, so it wasnt a casual thing to her.

THen one day she decided to find out where things were heading and talk about meeting each others family and he tol dher that he wasn't really looking for a girlfriend, but he still wanted to hang out with her. WHen she realized this, she broke it off with him. She said it was weird because the whole thing had felt so real. He's Jewish and she figures that he probably had pressure to date a jewish girl. Anyway, she was mad about it, but she firgures it wouldn't have worked out anyway because he was a boring guy and she sometimes felt that he acted like she wasnt good enough for him. Also, her best friend, who she really trusts and respects, hated this guy and his personality. So that was that. She met me about 2 months after that when she was visiting my city (Ottawa) on Canada day and we've progressed to the point we're at. ANd like I said, things are good.

NOw on to my problem. I don't know what it is, but I keep thinking about my girl with this Jewish guy before me and it's really bothering me for some reason. Maybe it's because I feel like it was so soon before we met. Before that last guy it had been a couple years since she had sex(I think she really missed it too). I don't have problem when I think about her having sex with her past serious boyfriends, just thing bothers me. Almost like I don't feel so special anymore since it was so close together or that she could connect with someone else like that such a short time before me and then connect with me. I'm the type to only have sex when I know for sure that things are going to work out. I guess I kind of don't like the fact that she feel into that whole thing before she really knew. I don't know what it is. I don't think it really bother me...but it does when I think about it. When I'm with her, things are great, but lately I've been dwelling on that and it doesn't feel good.

I don't think I should bring it up to her since it's really my own issue. I really like her a ton. Why do you think it bothers me? How do I stop it? I know it'll pass, right? Thanks.

M.

 

[DJDamage]

It bothers you because you have examined her past and you don't like it. Once she starts dating you, her past should mean nothing to you. You should have not asked her about her past because every chick past always "had some guy" who broke her heart and probably was very deep into him( You don't want to hear that sh1t). If you are worried about being just a "rebound" after this guy because she dated you so soon after him don't be, 5 months is quite a long time.

Don't bring it up anymore or ever. Accept her for who she is and be thankful that she slept with other men and is experienced and is not a prude in the sack. If you keep on bringing this guy up, the more you do the more she will think about him and the more insecure and jealous you will seem. You are with her now and that's what is important. Get over it because your way of thinking will screw up a good thing.

 

[mecca411]

Thanks man. That was some sound advice. I guess the idea of my girl getting sweaty with some other dude just really gets to me. I can deal with it when it's a long term realtionship, but when it's just a short 2 month deal and that ends with him saying that he doesn't want a girlfriend....it's almost as if she got played and is a bit foolish. Although I can see how she'd think it was real since they spent everyday together and it wasn't just a booty call thing.

The fact that he was a bit older (30 years old, she's 25, I'm 28), maybe he's looking for something that could really last (i.e. a girl who is also jewish that would be accepted by his family etc.) He must've liked her if he intro'ed her to his friends. Anyway, she never brings him up and I got the impression that she didnt really care about this guy at all. There just may have been potential.

What's the best way for me to get over this or just forget about it. I thought I'd let her know how I felt about it and that I was thinking about it. Bad idea? Let me know what you think. Thanks again.

M.

 

[NewMan]

No, you will not get over this.

There are 2 types of guys.

1) the type who is realistic. In that, when his girl says she's not had sex in 12 months - he knows thats likely not to be true. When she says - I've never had sex that good, it's likely not to be true. When she says - You've got the biggest d#ck I've seen - it's likely not to be true.

This is life. there's is NOTHING so ipso facto - so black and white. Some guys relaize and except this. For these guys have history as well. These guys have lived - have experienced.

2) The other kinda guys. Whether it's low self respect - whether it's a denial of the world - whether it's religion or upbringing - or perhaps it'a a jealousy because these guys themselves have never had casual relationships - or perhaps they are just to tightly strung - whatever the case may be - these guys will not except that their girl may have made some bad decisions. Or that she may have beebn out played by some smooth guy. Or maybe she just was into this guy. Or perhaps - god forbid - she enjoys sex.


Your in the #2 category.

You will not get over it. It will eat you alive.

Why you take life so serious I don't know.

But there's your answer.

 

[belividere]

At least you realize the truth that it IS YOUR PROBLEM. If you want an innocent virgin than start hooking up with the ladies in a rectory. What good does thinking about it do for you? How do you really think she is going to take it when you bring it up? Jealousy is an insecurity and a sure way to kill a relationship. Everyone has a past and hers actually sounds pretty innocent.

 

[Andromax]

If I ever think about a guy that was involved with a girl friend of mine, it puts a smile on my face. I always love a romantic story. You cherish yours, let her cherish hers. You gotta accept that you arent that only important man that a woman has ever had in her life.

Shes with you now bud, and you will keep her if you dont worry about crap like that.

 

[mecca411]

Yeah, guess you're right. That shyte is only going to bug me if I let it. Truth is that things are sooo good right now it's almost like I'm searching for something to sabotage it. I'm gonna ride it out and not bring it up to her. It'll pass.

M.

 

[Unforsaken]

I use to have this problem in the past. Then my friend gave me a different way to think about it. I know I have had past experience with women and I should not have double standard for if she also had past experience with guys. If she is any where close to being hot, you won't be the only guy to have ever felt attracted to her. I was proud that I had a hot girl friend who many other people have seen what i had seen in her. For the whole virgin issue, aslong as she doesn't have a std then it doesn't matter. For the only big thing was if you were the one who pop her cherry. Just relax and be happy. You my friend have a hot girlfriend and should cherrish it. If you only knew how many other guys on this site would like to be in your position.

 

[DJDamage]

Maybe you are not ready for LTR yet. You have developed Oneitis for this girl because her past is bothering you and its getting to your head. You fear of losing to this guy because you know that he had a tight game and you are thinking he could manipulate himself back to her life while your game is not as "tight". Deep down you view her as the "prize" and not you instead.

You are doubting yourself and therefore your LTR could suffer.

 

[mecca411]

Nah, I think it's more to do with the fact that she was looking for a relationship, but he wasn't. She was the one who ended it, so that was a good thing. I didnt like the fact that she gave it up before she knew if he wanted to be serious. I've got no fear of losing her to anyone. If it had been that they dated and then SHE decided to end it, I'd see it differently, but in this case it's like HE didnt want anything serious with HER. Makes me wonder why.

M.

 

[belividere]

Dude quit thinking you're not only sabatoging your relationship but you're limiting your fun.

He probably left because a month into it she was all "I want you to meet my family". I don't blame the guy some girls just wanna move way to fast like that. Like you said she gave it up though. My guess is she is looking for an LTR and wants a guy to follow her leads. He objected which I would do in his situation as well.

Fact of the matter is though you will never know. Why spend the time pondering it?

 

[anti-trend]

I didnt read the whole thing but what I read. Long distance means no good. Thats where the first problem lies. Everything else (and my laziness) is pretty much summed up from what the others have mentioned.