It's like a part of me wanted me to be miserable

[curiouscat]

Hello,

I love this forum, it’s full of information that motivated me to do something about my extreme shyness but the more I try, the more I have the feeling that my nervous system is dead set on preventing me from moving forward. By that I mean that most of the time when I want to approach a girl (and I really want to !) it’s like my brain was momentarily hijacked and all the negative thoughts that usually make no sense to me are suddenly the only truth precisely when it should not.

I am talking about thoughts but sometimes it’s even deeper than that, like a primordial feeling that I have completely freezing me, not a thought, not really fear because I am barely conscious of it and it seems to be even faster than my awareness. For example today I managed to talk to two hot chicks but it was only to ask directions (which I obviously didn’t need) and I could not go beyond that, even if I had a good feeling about the second one (she was smiling the whole time). I guess that if I am honest with myself it is fear, fear of embarrassment (I wondered if she was smiling because she could read through my bullsh#t).

Anyways, it’s two more opportunities blown and this happen constantly, it is like if this feeling (fear ?) was stronger than my thoughts and stronger than my will and completely changing my perception of reality at the worst time possible.

I wish I could find a way to get over it, lately I have been forcing myself to talk to strangers (I even got a phone number from a girl yesterday but after she gave me her number I found out she is only 18, and I’m 35 so that’s not going to happen !).

I am really into meditation and it helps me with anxiety in general but when it comes to approach anxiety, a part of me dreams to be able to open who I want when I want but another part (the part that usually has the upper hand) wants the status quo.

Any idea how to overcome this type of deep approach anxiety ? I have tried rationalizing it to death, tried to perceive this feeling as “excitement” etc… but in the end, I am always stuck and I am sick of it.

It's so bad sometimes I think I would need some type of medication to help me

 

[curiouscat]

I don't know if I should make it happen with the 18 years old, I mean she is hot but really young, it sounds like trouble. 20 I would be ok with that but 18 I don't know.

Anyways I will try to approach tomorrow again and hopefully I will be less of a p*ssy

 

[BigSmooth]

Stop over-analyzing, over-rationalizing and over-thinking.

Stop dreaming, fantasizing about the day you can "magically" approach a girl.



The more you do this, the more you get stuck in fvcking fairyland in your mind where you can ride unicorns bareback with Jessica Alba slung across your back while Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar On Me is playing in the background.


STOP LIVING IN YOUR HEAD!!!!!

Living in your head literally cripples you. I know this because I use to do this all the time...it still happens once in awhile.

Approach first, think second. Don't wait for the perfect opportunity to approach because it will never happen. Don't force yourself to find the perfect opener because there IS no perfect opener. No girl is going to bang you or not bang you due to your opener. You adjust to the interaction after you approach, not before.

~BSmooth

 

[curiouscat]

I have been living in my head for so long, that stoping it would feel like being homeless

 

[j0504s]

Stop over-analyzing, over-rationalizing and over-thinking.

Stop dreaming, fantasizing about the day you can "magically" approach a girl.



The more you do this, the more you get stuck in fvcking fairyland in your mind where you can ride unicorns bareback with Jessica Alba slung across your back while Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar On Me is playing in the background.


STOP LIVING IN YOUR HEAD!!!!!

Living in your head literally cripples you. I know this because I use to do this all the time...it still happens once in awhile.

Approach first, think second. Don't wait for the perfect opportunity to approach because it will never happen. Don't force yourself to find the perfect opener because there IS no perfect opener. No girl is going to bang you or not bang you due to your opener. You adjust to the interaction after you approach, not before.

~BSmooth

this great advice +1

 

[curiouscat]

Today I took this idea of something in me wanting me to be miserable and took it to the extreme by imagining it was a completely distinct part of me and consciously decided to ignore it whenever it would try to “bully” me. It seemed to have worked ! I approach another girl, but it turned out she had a boyfriend (or maybe she lied who cares).

I thought I was on to something with this idea… only to be disappointed later, I saw a milf with an average face but a ridiculously hot body. I really wanted to approach her but a part of me kept telling me “why bother ? countless guys probably approach her all the time and you don’t even know what you are doing, it’s pointless” or “you stared at her for too long without acting, you will look like a creep” so I didn’t act.

I know I shouldn’t have overanalyzed it again and I should have taken action but the problem was that at first I literally didn’t know what to say and when I finally found something I was completely paralyzed by the approach anxiety.

This made something really clear to me, I am still terrified of approaching women who I am extremely attracted to… so that it my next goal, to obliterate this fear !