Its funny..

[Demodulate]

I have come to the conclusion I can tell how good or bad my relationships are going based on the amount of time I spend on this site.

The past couple of months I haven't been on here at all, this week I find myself reading a lot more posts.

my GF of about 6 months came back from a girls weekend and she just hasnt been the same.

canceled last nights plans on me, canceled this weekends plans on me.

I feel the dump coming and I have no idea why. Things seemed great the week before.

pretty bummed about it, not sure what to do.

currently I feel myself putting the wall around my heart back up as it where. steeling myself for the inevitable news. I liked this girl, and hardening myself up seems counter productive to maintaining a relationship but I dont know what else to do. Communication with her has stopped unless I initiate it now. I really dont want to call her up and be like whats going on. there is no drama, just we seem to have drifted apart since she got back.

but her actions are ringing loudly in my ears.

any tips for someone about to be single?

 

[hithard]

Start talking more to as many other women as possible. You don't have to be setting up dates as such, but it will put you back in the right frame of mind. Don't narrow focus onto just one if she starts flirting, try to get as many flirting with you at once. If the break does come it makes it a hell of a lot easier when you can just walk into a root.
Just don't narrow your focus on one girl though.

I have come to the conclusion I can tell how good or bad my relationships are going based on the amount of time I spend on this site.

I know that feeling.

 

[Kailex]

6 months is usually the make and break for me.
If you are seeing these actions now, it is better for YOU to cut off the relationship than to wait for her. Even if you know it's coming, the whole dynamic shifts when you are the dumper instead of the dumpee.

I'd say: If you see the signs now pointing towards the Exit, you might as well run there yourself instead of waiting for someone to push you there.

Don't wait.
You've been on this site long enough, you're old enough... you know what's coming.

6 months isn't a lot of time invested. You will be able to go out and meet new girls. I'm pretty sure her girls weekend ended up with her doing something she wouldn't readily admit to you.

Start moving on.
Trust your gut.

I always say that the first year should be the easiest and best year in terms of a relationship. If it's come to this at 6 months, then what's the point of sticking around? It's a vicious cycle waiting to happen.

 

[Demodulate]

Most girls I would agree with running for the exit.. but this is the first girl in years I really do like.. making it that much more upsetting.

I haven't been dumped in 10 years..

I have always gone on the offensive..

yeah..

really dont know what to do.

dumping someone I actually like doesnt seem like the answer though..

 

[Jeffst1980]

If you want to "fix" the relationship, you have to dump her now and then start dating other women. That's the only way to get her interest level back up.

The reason doing this is so uncomfortable is because it violates the foundation of "trust" in a relationship--our instincts when things go sour is to preserve the relationship and "fix" things through communication, instead of initiating a break to shock their interest level back to life.

Thing is, she's already violated your trust by withdrawing her affection, so in all likelihood, there are issues that would eventually come between you two anyway (unless you've let yourself slip into AFC ways). Some girls just aren't marriage material.

But, if you want to keep her, you have to dump her now. Be honest and say that you feel like she's not making any effort in the relationship, and that you want to part ways out of fairness to both of you. Nothing vindictive, and if she objects, tell her your mind is already made up. Then, go no contact for a week and watch the apologies roll in.

 

[CHICAGO27]

No amount of "talking" is going to help. Her IL, for some apparent reason, is waning. The only way to help yourself is to launch a pre-emptive strike. Get out of there. If you cut it off first you still have a chance for reconciliation. Women NEVER come back after they do the dumping. If you drop her it puts you in a position of strength. Make her earn you affections back. You are in a dangerous position emotionally. Get out now!

 

[Kailex]

Clarification:

Do not dump her just to improve your grounds with her.
You dump her and you move on PERIOD.

This relationship is OVER.

Your gut knows it.
We're telling you.
You KNOW IT.

But I don't like the concept of "Dump her and increase your value in her eyes".
Why?

Because you just can't dump her everytime this happens. It happened now, by 6 months, it WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. What do you do in 4 months when it happens again? Dump her?

I've seen jophil state this and I wholeheartedly agree: Once the relationship ends once and there is a break-up, I never see any resolution after the fact, but I see future REPEATS of the first situation. By dumping her just to regain a certain level of interest, you're not solving the problem at it's core, you're only providing a temporary solution.


I know it seems counterintuitive to dump her because you "like her", but she doesn't like you the way you like her. Right now your IL is WAY above hers and no temporary fix is going to solve that. If at this stage of your "relationship" her IL drops that low, it's time to move on.
This relationship is not adding value to your life. It's not even a YEAR in and you already have these problems. What makes you think it's going to get better?

The best relationship is the one where IL is high ALL the time, not the one where it goes up and down like a yo-yo.

Don't cut it off to regain her interest, cut her off because it's the right thing to do for YOU.

Im sorry, but I don't see any other alternative... she's going through the motions for YOU to dump her, but she'll get to a point where she'll see that you can't take a hint and do it for you.

 

[samspade]

Agree, dump, and move on.

You know you'd tell us the same thing if one of us posted this problem.

It's just a question of facts. vs. feelings. We're here to help you sort them out.

It sucks that you like her, so you'll just have to admit to yourself that for whatever reason, the timing isn't right for the two of you.

 

[Demodulate]

well I pressed the issue this afternoon at lunch and got dumped over the phone..

I need a drink...

 

[Kailex]

well I pressed the issue this afternoon at lunch and got dumped over the phone..

I need a drink...

I'm not going to rub it in, because there's nothing to rub in, but this thread DOES serve as a fine example, as Danger stated.

You had read some of this advice before pressing at lunch and what you did was put her back up against a corner, thus forcing her to dump you.

You should have taken the preemptive.

All be warned, if you see those signs beginning to develop and your gut tells you something isn't right... TRUST YOUR GUT.

And this "I need a drink" nonsense... if you want to mope around for one day, I'll give you permission but just ONE day. Tomorrow is a bright new start for you. This was a 6 months relationship, not 6 years, so no internal drama on your behalf. It's time to move on. Live and learn. In the end, it's her loss.

But next time, be the one to make the first move.
YOU be the one on the offensive, not the defensive.

And remember, she dumped you over the phone which demonstrates a REAL lack of character and integrity... a woman like that would have brought you even more trouble in the future.

 

[Demodulate]

I'm not going to rub it in, because there's nothing to rub in, but this thread DOES serve as a fine example, as Danger stated.

You had read some of this advice before pressing at lunch and what you did was put her back up against a corner, thus forcing her to dump you.

You should have taken the preemptive.

All be warned, if you see those signs beginning to develop and your gut tells you something isn't right... TRUST YOUR GUT.

And this "I need a drink" nonsense... if you want to mope around for one day, I'll give you permission but just ONE day. Tomorrow is a bright new start for you. This was a 6 months relationship, not 6 years, so no internal drama on your behalf. It's time to move on. Live and learn. In the end, it's her loss.

But next time, be the one to make the first move.
YOU be the one on the offensive, not the defensive.

And remember, she dumped you over the phone which demonstrates a REAL lack of character and integrity... a woman like that would have brought you even more trouble in the future.

thanks for the much needed kick in the ass..

your right.. I didn't even rate high enough for a face to face.. messed up.

 

[jophil28]

my GF of about 6 months came back from a girls weekend and she just hasnt been the same.

canceled last nights plans on me, canceled this weekends plans on me.

Read the last line ^
Those cancelations alone violate the 2 Strikes Rule and she deserved to be dumped after the second cancelation..
If you were just 'dating' her would you have stayed around after she canceled twice ?
The mistake you made was to suspend the 2 Strikes rule because you were in an LTR - as if she is somehow exempt because you and she have logged time together..
In fact an LTR needs MORE daily scrutiny and harsh applications of your expectations, standards and 'rules' because without them you become complacent, soft and forgiving of the unforgiveable just because she is your "girlfriend". You can never take your hand off the switch..as you discovered.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Six months? Unless she's built like the ex-stripper I dated, six months is long past expiration for the average puss.

 

[cordoncordon]

thanks for the much needed kick in the ass..

your right.. I didn't even rate high enough for a face to face.. messed up.

It seems as though we are missing a lot of details here. I can't imagine she just dumped you out of the blue IF things were going so well. That doesn't really make any sense nor is it consistent with how women act. Give us some details on what your relationship was like, what you two did together, was there someone else in the picture, had she ever threatened to break up before. Had you? Details man details!

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

But we know that the "girls night out" is a common catalyst for a guy to get dumped. They go out, some new guy is sniffing around, and the gfs team up on the "understanding" boyfriend.

That's why you don't give these *****es any slack; they will tell you how great and understanding you are, then piss in your face.

 

[blong1068]

well I pressed the issue this afternoon at lunch and got dumped over the phone..

I need a drink...

Congratulations! Now you don't have to worry about it anymore.

Reading your thread caused me to recall my "gut feelings" over the years. I never wanted to believe what my gut was telling me at the time, but looking back, it was right every single time. I believe that it's better to trust your feeling and just break up, rather than take a chance that you are wrong. Even if you are wrong, and things are just fine, there are so many woman out there that dumping a good one doesn't mean you'll never get another "quality woman". I look at it a little like playing the stock market. As long as I make a profit, I can't be upset if the stock shoots up after I sell. I know I made the right decision, and in the long run I'll be better off playing smart than taking chances.

 

[Demodulate]

It seems as though we are missing a lot of details here. I can't imagine she just dumped you out of the blue IF things were going so well. That doesn't really make any sense nor is it consistent with how women act. Give us some details on what your relationship was like, what you two did together, was there someone else in the picture, had she ever threatened to break up before. Had you? Details man details!

postmortem now is mute..

its over..

 

[Demodulate]

Read the last line ^
Those cancelations alone violate the 2 Strikes Rule and she deserved to be dumped after the second cancelation..
If you were just 'dating' her would you have stayed around after she canceled twice ?
The mistake you made was to suspend the 2 Strikes rule because you were in an LTR - as if she is somehow exempt because you and she have logged time together..
In fact an LTR needs MORE daily scrutiny and harsh applications of your expectations, standards and 'rules' because without them you become complacent, soft and forgiving of the unforgiveable just because she is your "girlfriend". You can never take your hand off the switch..as you discovered.

I feel asleep at the wheel.. you are right.. I got comfortable and let things slide and turned into a nice guy.. and was promptly dumped.. harsh reality..

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Demodulate,
If you can see the axe falling,then get out first....consider how much less bruised your ego would have been if you had done the ditching.

 

[backbreaker]

Its your fault that the slvt ****ed some dude on her "trip" and then dumped you over the phone like the ho she is????

no need to go around name calling the woman.

if we were the other guy, on that trip, we'd be high fiving about the new **** buddy we took from some sap.


life is not black and white. one of the things the dating game teaches you. she is a female that for whatever the reasons, lost interest. it happens. that's what women, congresswomen, women who work at mc d's, women who are attorneys, women who are sports stars, women who are 5's and women who are 9's, church women, or bar sluts, they leave when they lose interest.


i have a question for the OP.

how long did you know her before you dated? how hard did you make her work?

everyone remembers their first car. mine was a 92 white toyota tercel. now, i nkew i was getting a car. my mom sold insurancde and was never home, and it was inconvenient driving me everywhere, my dad didn't live there, i had become an inconvenince and everyone's life was made easier, when i had my own car. so the day i turned 16, i got a car. the day. i treated that car like utter ****. i don't think i got the oil changed once. car didn't last one year.

i did not have to work for it.


when i was 19 i decided i was going to go into business for myself. mny mom had given me her accord, she got a mercedes. that accord had 300k miles on it. i kept it clean but i learned the value of a car, with that car lol. i went though hell with that car. i lived in it for a while. after a while i told myself never again, if i was foruanite enough to ever get a better car, i would not treat it like ****. one day, actually not that long later, i had always wanted a lexus sports car. that was my dream car. and i bought it. that was 6 years ago and i bull **** you not, not only do i still have the car, it's in just as good condition as the day i bought it if not better. i have 3 cars total and i still love that damn car, appricate that damn car and drive it about 70% of the time.


what i am getting at is with that story, people in general, dont' appreciate **** they don't earn. doesn't matter if it's a car, money, sobriety, house, women, clothes, games, schooling, doesn't matter.

when i met my fiancee i was dating or ****ing 4 other women, not counting the women i knew i could **** if just called back. it took her almost a half a year before i settled down with her, she want dime and truth be told, i knew i wanted her not long after i met her, very shortly, i knew she was the goods for me, but i knew that the only way this was going to work long term is if she appreciated what she had. and the only way you can do that is make them earn it. make them earn YOU. make them go on dates with you and prove to you why they should be the one you are with. make them cook for you. make them talk to you and show how smart or unsmart they are. make them show you that they know how to balance a checkbook. make them show you that they can clean up after themselves. many a time she got pissed and told me she was tired of me ****ing other women, wasn't budging. because this is the only way it will work. you will either show me you are more woman then the others, or you are going to flame out. there is no other options. eventually she did.