CapedCrusader08
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All this. This anxiety,this fear,this not moving foward,this not knowing who I am,and what my true principles/morals are. This lack of self confidence,this whatever it is.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
It's driving me nuts....
- Thread starter CapedCrusader08
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
War Against Betaism
Master Don Juan
Hey CapedCrusader are you a Toronto Raptors fan?
CapedCrusader08
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No.not a raptors fan,don't really follow basketball,why do you ask?
I don't mean to annoy anyone,I just am looking for an answer to these problems I feel so plauged with. My mood shifts from somewhat enthused,when I am at work,to downright miserable,days off. I feel my life is unfullfilling and am severely behind,and I obviously have some massive insecurities. I am not the socially active/succesful person I so wish to be.
I mean today,I had a bill to pay,so I was in town for a little while,saw some sets or whatever you call it,couldn't do it. As they say,the window closes,he who hesitates,masturbates,etc etc. This is all psd related,well,now so,before,I was just shy and lacked confidence,now it's something else,my whole view of reality is skewered. I mean,with all this time on my hands,you would think I would have put the pieces together sooner,but no. I mean,I don;t know what it is,how come guy a,b, and c,always has the girl trying to get with him,and I am seemingly always single? I honestly hate the idea of the game,and would rather just meet someone,be in a commited relationship,and eventually get married and start a family,but with women and they're b.s compatibility crap,that seems harder in today's day and age.
Or do I have some sort of repressed side? I have mostly gotten my satisfaction from watching porn,something I am trying to cut down on,so they're is this seemingly large gap/void in my life.
this post has got me thinking: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=156075
or is it something more like not knowing enough about desire/attraction,and that I am possibly undesirable. I mean,alot if makes sense,but I don't know how to make it work for me.
I don't mean to annoy anyone,I just am looking for an answer to these problems I feel so plauged with. My mood shifts from somewhat enthused,when I am at work,to downright miserable,days off. I feel my life is unfullfilling and am severely behind,and I obviously have some massive insecurities. I am not the socially active/succesful person I so wish to be.
I mean today,I had a bill to pay,so I was in town for a little while,saw some sets or whatever you call it,couldn't do it. As they say,the window closes,he who hesitates,masturbates,etc etc. This is all psd related,well,now so,before,I was just shy and lacked confidence,now it's something else,my whole view of reality is skewered. I mean,with all this time on my hands,you would think I would have put the pieces together sooner,but no. I mean,I don;t know what it is,how come guy a,b, and c,always has the girl trying to get with him,and I am seemingly always single? I honestly hate the idea of the game,and would rather just meet someone,be in a commited relationship,and eventually get married and start a family,but with women and they're b.s compatibility crap,that seems harder in today's day and age.
Or do I have some sort of repressed side? I have mostly gotten my satisfaction from watching porn,something I am trying to cut down on,so they're is this seemingly large gap/void in my life.
this post has got me thinking: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=156075
or is it something more like not knowing enough about desire/attraction,and that I am possibly undesirable. I mean,alot if makes sense,but I don't know how to make it work for me.
Watch this, its very short.
http://www.maniacworld.com/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.html
This is on another thread by TheRealSupreme, but I doubt you'll watch it there.
And to quote Karmasutra
http://www.maniacworld.com/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.html
This is on another thread by TheRealSupreme, but I doubt you'll watch it there.
And to quote Karmasutra
CC08; Remember what I said about being grateful for even having a right hand to jerk off with? What do you have to say now?
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
CapedCrusader08
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Yeah.I already watched it. What I have to say is well,why am I not as enthusiastic as that guy? Why am I trapped by this misery? What can I do to get over this,even though so much time has gone by,and I feel I am not moving forward as much as I would like to?
I know I do this to myself,perhaps it's an addiction,an addiction to feeling bad,seeing all these people who seem "better" than me,while I feel on the bottom. I mean,I am getting older,and still haven't conquered this problem,which concerns me,esp when I feel I should have conquered it sooner,like say,19,20.
It feels like I am craving what I am not getting,sex,love,intimacy,connection,etc.
I know I do this to myself,perhaps it's an addiction,an addiction to feeling bad,seeing all these people who seem "better" than me,while I feel on the bottom. I mean,I am getting older,and still haven't conquered this problem,which concerns me,esp when I feel I should have conquered it sooner,like say,19,20.
It feels like I am craving what I am not getting,sex,love,intimacy,connection,etc.
Dannyrt34
Master Don Juan
Your just making everything more than what it is bud. You don't have to use what everyone calls "game". Basically when I approach a girl I am just genuine with her. I even come off as loser sometimes (purposely). Sometimes you can even make fun of yourself with the girls, as long as you do it confidently. Yeah it sounds like it contradicts itself, but it doesn't. It's actually quite charming.
For example, I talked to this girl in my class last night. I even portrayed some nervous ticks while talking to her. Such as tapping my foot. But I still talked confidently. At one point during the conversation she asked me why I'm single.
I told her "Because I'm a big loser." She laughed and thought it was charming how I was behaving. It's all because I'm confident with who I am. Hell sometimes after approaching a girl, I tell her straight up I almost pu s sied out of talking to her.
As you can see. It really doesn't matter what you say, it's just confidence bud. Don't make things so complicated. So how do you get confidence? First you have to look at life more positively, then we'll go from there.
For example, I talked to this girl in my class last night. I even portrayed some nervous ticks while talking to her. Such as tapping my foot. But I still talked confidently. At one point during the conversation she asked me why I'm single.
I told her "Because I'm a big loser." She laughed and thought it was charming how I was behaving. It's all because I'm confident with who I am. Hell sometimes after approaching a girl, I tell her straight up I almost pu s sied out of talking to her.
As you can see. It really doesn't matter what you say, it's just confidence bud. Don't make things so complicated. So how do you get confidence? First you have to look at life more positively, then we'll go from there.
CapedCrusader08
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Well,that's my problem. I wake up every day,and I feel miserable. Everything is repetitive,nothing changes,I am not where I would like to be at,and no women. I guess I am making things more than what they are,that could be why I have my anxiety problems. I mean,it seems to me,by a certain age,more experience is expected out of you,and hence,if not as up to par,it's a turn off. I do lack self confidence. I am unable to see the light so to say,and whenever I try to feel better,I end up feeling miserable. Jealous/resentful even, I worry I may have bi-polar,or even bpd.
I guess I am too caught up in knowing what to say,or saying the right thing,or feeling not good enough,and even inferior,all things to kill confidence. Alot of this also has to do with how I often see the world. Perhaps I am too miserable to be with anyone,I always manage to find something to complain about,and get into the whole I'm right everyone else is wrong thing.
Oh,yeah,I put myself down,not confidently,that's what caused this one girl I was with before to leave me. I now realize the mistake I made.Well,as in not to do it again.
I mean,how do I get back the motivation? I remember when I made it a goal to get laid,sure,I met her online,spent way too much time doing that,thought it was the easy way out,I then eventually realized it was just a crutch,still is,and I met her,we went out,and I finally got laid. It didn't solve my problems for me,which is why she left. I would put myself down for not having been in an ltr, or not having had sex sooner,god,I wish I knew better. I mean,I haven't even spent time trying that the past few years. I mean,getting up and back on the horse is a seemingly harder than normal task.
I guess I am too caught up in knowing what to say,or saying the right thing,or feeling not good enough,and even inferior,all things to kill confidence. Alot of this also has to do with how I often see the world. Perhaps I am too miserable to be with anyone,I always manage to find something to complain about,and get into the whole I'm right everyone else is wrong thing.
Oh,yeah,I put myself down,not confidently,that's what caused this one girl I was with before to leave me. I now realize the mistake I made.Well,as in not to do it again.
I mean,how do I get back the motivation? I remember when I made it a goal to get laid,sure,I met her online,spent way too much time doing that,thought it was the easy way out,I then eventually realized it was just a crutch,still is,and I met her,we went out,and I finally got laid. It didn't solve my problems for me,which is why she left. I would put myself down for not having been in an ltr, or not having had sex sooner,god,I wish I knew better. I mean,I haven't even spent time trying that the past few years. I mean,getting up and back on the horse is a seemingly harder than normal task.
War Against Betaism
Master Don Juan
I visit this basketball forum and there's this guy with the exact same name as yours, I was thinking "I swear I've seen his name before." Well not exactly the same name, he doesn't have the 08, I just thought it was too much of a coincidence as I've never seen anyone else with the name CapedCrusader beforeCapedCrusader08 said:
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Why haven't you seen a therapist and got on meds yet? You're not BPD. You're probably not bi-polar either, but I wouldnt rule it out. You're depressed, and you need meds. Go on you-tube, and watch some zoloft commercials. Thats you. Go find a forum for depression. You have no idea how much better you will feel if you get on some antidepressants or something. I know a lot of people here are against them, but they were a Godsend to me when I was down low. I felt like a new person.
Some questions I want you to answer, before you start rambling your usual babble.
1. Why havent you seen this therapist yet?
2. Why dont you want tomorrow to be a better day?
3. Do your parents know how bad it is with you? If not, why havent you told them? If so, what did they tell you?
4. Why do you think you're so old? you're 23. your still a kid. You have no idea how young you are.
You're making the same mistake every second of every day.
YOU said it. You're acting as though, if you found a girl right now and got laid, it would solve your problems. Its been proven that it hasn't. If you find a girl right now, she will dump you in no time flat. Then where will you be? Not only lonely and miserable, but heartbroken at the same time. Fix your brain first. So many of us here have been trying to drill this shyt into your head. How can you not want to wake up tommorrow in a good mood?
Some questions I want you to answer, before you start rambling your usual babble.
1. Why havent you seen this therapist yet?
2. Why dont you want tomorrow to be a better day?
3. Do your parents know how bad it is with you? If not, why havent you told them? If so, what did they tell you?
4. Why do you think you're so old? you're 23. your still a kid. You have no idea how young you are.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
CapedCrusader08
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1.I am trying to get in touch with said therapist. Called a few times,waiting for a call back.
2.Why not? I don't know
3.Yes,may parents know it's bad. For some reason,I find it easier to talk to my mother than my father. Whole other issue right there. So basically,some of the stuff I vent on about on here,I vent to her.
4.It's not that I think I am old,it's that I feel behind everyone else and cannot get my stuff together. I said I am getting older,and feel inexperienced,sexually/romanticaly/dating. I feel I missed out on alot growing up,while everyone else was having the success I wasn't,all I could think about was how I wasn't getting it,rather than figuring out how. Social isolation and social environments probably had alot to do with this. I basically grew up alone it feels like,I had lots of problems growing up,and it seems more than normal,I mean looking back,I can see where I was just one mean s.o.b for a kid,and I don't even know why. I was picked on/felt left out,felt unatractive,etc. And rather than doing anything about it,it consumed me,and made me feel miserable.
2.Why not? I don't know
3.Yes,may parents know it's bad. For some reason,I find it easier to talk to my mother than my father. Whole other issue right there. So basically,some of the stuff I vent on about on here,I vent to her.
4.It's not that I think I am old,it's that I feel behind everyone else and cannot get my stuff together. I said I am getting older,and feel inexperienced,sexually/romanticaly/dating. I feel I missed out on alot growing up,while everyone else was having the success I wasn't,all I could think about was how I wasn't getting it,rather than figuring out how. Social isolation and social environments probably had alot to do with this. I basically grew up alone it feels like,I had lots of problems growing up,and it seems more than normal,I mean looking back,I can see where I was just one mean s.o.b for a kid,and I don't even know why. I was picked on/felt left out,felt unatractive,etc. And rather than doing anything about it,it consumed me,and made me feel miserable.
Dannyrt34
Master Don Juan
Why do you look at everyone that's doing better than you? There's just as many people behind you as there is ahead of you. Think of yourself as in the middle. Yea, things aren't going great for you. But stop looking at everyone that's getting ahead. This is what I mean when I used to tell you your way of thinking is not correct.
You need to stop worrying about where you should be right now compared to everyone else. And only think about your own life.
And also it's been said on here that there's no way you can be happy in a relationship if your not happy being single. It's true.
I too am single, but I'm still happy. I have a sh'tty job, but I'm still happy. I'm 22, and happy. I get nervous when I approach girls, but I'm still happy cause I force myself to do it. I've been able to approach girls for a loooong time now, I used to be like you and couldn't bring myself to do it.
You know what I did? I FORCED MYSELF TO DO IT. I was a trembling piece of sh't the first bunch of time, but I did it. And let me tell you what, today I'M STILL NERVOUS WHEN I DO IT. But now I always do it! The nervousness never went away, but I did get better. Because I no longer use it as an excuse not to approach.
Back in high school I never liked my body either. I was 'too skinny'. I had a lot of great friends, some were them muscular jocks that had all the girls, I wanted that. So rather than sittin around complaining about my body, I HIT THE GYM! I was 16 then, and been hitting the gym hard ever since!! I built a body that I'm proud of, and when a girl gives me a compliment about my body I REALLY APPRECIATE IT! Because I worked hard for it!
All this sh't you say is just a bunch of excuses. Nothing more. When you get behind, you CATCH UP! Instead you lye down and admit defeat. You say you don't understand it. Well how the hell am I or any of us supposed to understand why you do this? Go to work, work your ass off, drive home jamming your favorite music with a big smile on your face. Walk in the door, eat your favorite meal, take a shower. Hell, sing in the shower. Just be a fvcking happy person. I don't know what else to tell ya.
You need to stop worrying about where you should be right now compared to everyone else. And only think about your own life.
And also it's been said on here that there's no way you can be happy in a relationship if your not happy being single. It's true.
I too am single, but I'm still happy. I have a sh'tty job, but I'm still happy. I'm 22, and happy. I get nervous when I approach girls, but I'm still happy cause I force myself to do it. I've been able to approach girls for a loooong time now, I used to be like you and couldn't bring myself to do it.
You know what I did? I FORCED MYSELF TO DO IT. I was a trembling piece of sh't the first bunch of time, but I did it. And let me tell you what, today I'M STILL NERVOUS WHEN I DO IT. But now I always do it! The nervousness never went away, but I did get better. Because I no longer use it as an excuse not to approach.
Back in high school I never liked my body either. I was 'too skinny'. I had a lot of great friends, some were them muscular jocks that had all the girls, I wanted that. So rather than sittin around complaining about my body, I HIT THE GYM! I was 16 then, and been hitting the gym hard ever since!! I built a body that I'm proud of, and when a girl gives me a compliment about my body I REALLY APPRECIATE IT! Because I worked hard for it!
All this sh't you say is just a bunch of excuses. Nothing more. When you get behind, you CATCH UP! Instead you lye down and admit defeat. You say you don't understand it. Well how the hell am I or any of us supposed to understand why you do this? Go to work, work your ass off, drive home jamming your favorite music with a big smile on your face. Walk in the door, eat your favorite meal, take a shower. Hell, sing in the shower. Just be a fvcking happy person. I don't know what else to tell ya.
Well, you need to keep on the therapist. Or call another one. Leave a message saying you need help, and need it now. I basically grew up alone, and i am somewhat hindered by it, but I do alright. I felt similar to you when I was young, and I'll tell you what. It doesnt matter what time frame you do whatever you do. Everyones different. Style didnt lose his virginity till he was 22. Look at him now. Dont worry about what everyone younger than you is doing. There are 18 year old kids doing life in prison. Age is a number. Thats all. I'll tell you one thing though, time goes by faster and faster. You will be 33 before you know it, I promise you. And you will be asking yourself "what did I do this last ten years?" Hardly anyone is where they think they should be in life. You're having a mid life crisis, but your only 23. Quit worrying about where you're at now, and worry about where you will be in ten years. No, dont worry about it... Dream about it. 23 is nothing, son.
Whats your dad like? Are you in school/planning to go? What are your interests/hobbies/passions? What is your job?
Why dont you download some positive thinking self hypnosis? It requires no effort on your part, and they do help a LITTLE. You can get them for free if you know where to look, hint, hint.
Whats your dad like? Are you in school/planning to go? What are your interests/hobbies/passions? What is your job?
Why dont you download some positive thinking self hypnosis? It requires no effort on your part, and they do help a LITTLE. You can get them for free if you know where to look, hint, hint.
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CapedCrusader08
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Why do I see everyone as better than me? Feeling behind everyone else in alot of ways I guess.
I mean,I guess I just have always hated my life in a sense,wishing I was someone/somewhere else. Esp with women. I too could have gotten in shape before,but due to lazyness and/or depression,I just didn't. There were even times I considered fasting. I just feel I have been in this rut,with everything,for a long time now. And getting out of it is very hard.
Why do I make these excuses? I really don't know. Maybe it's blaiming others as a scapegoat. Maybe it's the feelings of jealousy/resentment.
Or maybe it's my own misguided ideas of things like love,sex,attractiveness etc.
I mean,I feel severely insecure,feelings of inferiority,the thought if only someone would love me, either not being able to accept or overcome whatever flaws are there,severe hangups,I feel needy,but don't show it,I am not controlling,and I do have trust issues.
I haven't even begun to try and overcome this. Maybe it's these ingrained fears/anxieties. I mean,I went through the whole I'll always be a virgin/never get laid thing,and it just consumed me to where I never saw a way to overcome it. Or even the freinds first,then dating. I have few freinds of either gender really.
I mean,I guess I just have always hated my life in a sense,wishing I was someone/somewhere else. Esp with women. I too could have gotten in shape before,but due to lazyness and/or depression,I just didn't. There were even times I considered fasting. I just feel I have been in this rut,with everything,for a long time now. And getting out of it is very hard.
Why do I make these excuses? I really don't know. Maybe it's blaiming others as a scapegoat. Maybe it's the feelings of jealousy/resentment.
Or maybe it's my own misguided ideas of things like love,sex,attractiveness etc.
I mean,I feel severely insecure,feelings of inferiority,the thought if only someone would love me, either not being able to accept or overcome whatever flaws are there,severe hangups,I feel needy,but don't show it,I am not controlling,and I do have trust issues.
I haven't even begun to try and overcome this. Maybe it's these ingrained fears/anxieties. I mean,I went through the whole I'll always be a virgin/never get laid thing,and it just consumed me to where I never saw a way to overcome it. Or even the freinds first,then dating. I have few freinds of either gender really.
SharinganUser
Master Don Juan
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Get up off your ass and do something about it.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
CapedCrusader08
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how? esp when i am just not comfortable or happy enough with myself.
SharinganUser
Master Don Juan
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I used to go through the same things you are going through. You just have to get up off your ass and do something about it.
CapedCrusader08
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I know. Maybe it's what I do,which is work,which takes up most of my time as is. Hell,on days off,I feel more miserable than usual. It's something in my head,something eating away at me. This feeling of not being where I feel I should,maybe I am overcomplicating things. But like even to the point where I either don't give out or pick up the right signals,and I just expect things to happen,as it seems to for everyone else. Is this the whole alpha/power thing? Am I a more weakened person?
Is it because I don't care about the seemingly superficial things everyone else does,and don't believe in the idea of a "scene"? I mean,I can't even put together goals or plans. I feel I am living in this just get up and go mode,as in work/home,work/home,work/home. With the time off in between just spent mulling about.
I mean,this is a real emotional problem. What's the whole thing with men,women,and emotions? Women want to be turned on emotionally? Is that it? With someone they trust more,or are attracted to more?
Is it because I don't care about the seemingly superficial things everyone else does,and don't believe in the idea of a "scene"? I mean,I can't even put together goals or plans. I feel I am living in this just get up and go mode,as in work/home,work/home,work/home. With the time off in between just spent mulling about.
I mean,this is a real emotional problem. What's the whole thing with men,women,and emotions? Women want to be turned on emotionally? Is that it? With someone they trust more,or are attracted to more?