It's back... but there may be a light... Should i do this...?

[silverwex]

Hi all,

Went out last night and the girl i have (a bit of) oneitis for was out too, as usual. Anyway I didnt really talk to her or see her much but she did get into my head and i thought about her a fair bit last night especially when i got home.

I say i was 95% over her until i saw her out. Now id say im only at 60%.

ANyway there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. I was in the takeaway and saw this girls HB of a friend (shes an 8 and i kissed her before). So naturally i sat down beside her and talked away to her. Apparently she kinda likes me. She was applying kino on ME. Putting her arm around me etc (she had been drinking tho but she wasnt twisted)... i was doing the same. Teasing her, C+F etc were all used.

The thing is she may be out tonight which is great coz shes very approachable and good to talk to BUT her friend (who i have oneitis for!) will also be there as they usually always go out together and to make matters worse the prick who's currently seeing my oneitis will probably be out with them too. So not only do i have to see my oneitis, ill also have to watch her all over this fella (who i really really dislike - not just for the obvious reasons, hes arrogant and a big head, he doesnt use C+F - its just 'C' with him and we nearly fought one night a long time ago).

So i have two options:

1) Go out & show my oneitis im having a laugh without her but, deep down, suffer from seing her with that guy which may really get to me - and it may not. Id also get to see her HB8 friend.

OR

2) Stay at home and 'protect my heart'.

Any advice guys?

Quickly needed!

 

[Ser_i]

I have the same thing, I fall back every time I see my ex,

it's a matter of getting over it, and every time you see her, you'll get less affected by it,

I'd say go for it! show you are strong! you are the DJ, mess wit hthe girl you like, and just go into conversation with the other 2, especialy your one-itis, don't give her any positive remarks, don't go to deep in to conversations... if possible get away with the girl you like and spend the time with her alone... away from the other 2, show up in some time and dissapear again..

anyway good luck

 

[Santos]

If this girl is your one-itis because you've done something stupid (like when I confessed to my oneitis that I liked her) stay away from her friend, she will soon learn all your dirty little secrets.

If she is your one-itis but you didn't do anything stupid or too AFC with her, then you could go...I think it depends on your character, if I was in your shoes I would feel depressed during the evening seeing my one-itis with her BF. If you think you can handle the situation then go.

My advice is that you just don't go. If you weren't a terrible AFC with your oneitis, and she has not nasty secrets then arrange with her friend some other time. Just the two of you, on a date.

But see what everyone else says...

Santos

 

[aguynamedwill]

yeah you got it bad

you keep talking about your oneitis girl. you are even thinking of other people in relation to how they know this girl

this girls HB of a friend...the prick who's currently seeing my oneitis

I think what you need to do is go out with your guy friends and have fun. Don't concern yourself with if you're going to see her out. Don't concern yourself with seeing her friend, because she'll remind you of the oneitis girl (don't get oneitis for this new girl either!). Tell your friends you don't want them to tell you if they see her.

Don't go and see her, that might traumatise you. Look at the first thing Ser_i said. Just go out with your friends and do what you do to have fun. Women like fun guys (you showed that in your one post about kissing four chicks), and you'll have no problem meeting some who are in no way connected to the oneitis girl. That's how you'll forget about her. That's how the oneitis leaves. By having so many chicks on you, you simply forget to think about her.

And stop typing stuff about her! Typing about her makes you think of her. Just stick to telling us your successes, leaving her out completely.

By having so many chicks on you, you simply forget to think about her.

 

[Santos]

Originally posted by silverwex

1) Go out & show my oneitis im having a laugh without her but, deep down, suffer from seing her with that guy which may really get to me - and it may not. Id also get to see her HB8 friend.

Sorry, missed this part of your post. If you think this will make your one-itis take you back, then you're wrong. Don't go. You will only suffer further.

Right now I am thinking of calling my oneitis just to talk. I'm actually feeling fine now, but the temptation is there. I won't do it though because the pain of not being able to have her will return.

Don't go! You'll damage your self-esteem. Go out with some other friends or summin'

Santos

 

[silverwex]

Thanks man.

Yeah i came out of the oneitis about last week but now ive seen her again its coming back. It comes and goes, ya know?

Im feeling ok at the moment. Ill see about later... Theres no guarantee the girl i like (not my oneitis) will go for me altho she does kino me a lot etc and she said before that she liked me. Suppose thats fairly obvious then

Anyone else wanna give some great advice ?

 

[silverwex]

Thanks guys, im actually fine about not being with her to a certain degree. I know im coming across as being a major AFC but in reality im not! When i was with her i teased her, neg-hitted, applied kino and used a load of C+F comments. I did nearly everything right but i did get a bit annoyed when she backed out of a date at the last minute! Thats where it all went downhill. Ah well ive learned my lesson

Im not trying to get her friend to get at her. Ok, initally when i kissed her friend that was the plan - but now im actually starting to like this new girl.

So after telling you guys this, should i still stay at home tonight or go out...?

 

[squirrels]

If you run and hide from your one-itis, she is STILL controlling your emotions and your actions, just in a different and potentially more harmful way.

Don't sit around and feel miserable. Even if you DO, eventually, if you think about it, you'll come to the shocking realization that, "hey, this self-pity is BULLS#$%!! I'm a goddam prince among common men! What do I have to feel bad about?"

If anything, try to feel happy for your O-I that she found someone more on her level (and a little sorry that she wasn't woman enough to bag the REAL catch...YOU).

Do not hinge your happiness on how this one-itis feels about you. You're in control of your own happiness. You define yourself and the world around you; she does not. You find approval in yourself, not from other people, because you KNOW you're a man and you're proud of it, and what you're not proud of, you're proud of the way you strive to improve it.

If you want to go with her friend to make her jealous, don't waste your time. If you want to go with her friend because you're a man seeking companionship (sexual or otherwise) from a woman and her friend has proven herself worthy of your attention or turns you on, IE you WANT HER, then go and have FUN.

And always be willing to walk away. There are plenty of women in the world, but only one you.

 

[silverwex]

Great post squirrels... as usual. Uplifting stuff man.

 

[aguynamedwill]

you're lacking the mindset dude

When i was with her i teased her, neg-hitted, applied kino and used a load of C+F comments. I did nearly everything right

These are techniques. They drop a woman off her pedastal, show her you're confident and playful, create mystery and intrigue. BUT TECHNIQUES ARE NOTHING WITHOUT THE MINDSET.

Now this is something I learned the hard way. I read it over and over and didn't get it until it just clicked one day, a very recent day too.

Being Don Juan is not what you described above. Being Don Juan is being the best damn man you can be. You value your time and respect. You are not bothered by flakey (confusing) women, especially since you know most women are flakey. You easily move on when a woman proves to not be what you are looking for, or simply isn't interested.

Your one-itis is showing that you lack the mindset. You are still talking about her. You have not moved on. Stop talking about her!!! You are asking us if you should go out. You are a DonJuan, you do what you want to do. A DonJuan does not need a woman, they are simply one spice of life. So go hang out with your mates and have a blast without looking for females. If you see one you like the look of, go for it, but don't go hunting. Let them come to you.

I'm not flaming you if it comes across that way. Just giving my perspective. Oh yeah, and listen to squirrels, he seems to know his stuff.

 

[PANK]

1 You shouldnt be kissing a woman so quickly

But since thats already been done why dont you go out and have a good time if it bothers you too much leave and go to a different club try talking with her friend and if possible why dont you try and leave the club with her you could have an excellent night and maybe you could get her number and then go out more.

 

[silverwex]

Hey PANK and aguynamedwill.

Good advice as per usual from my fellow DJ's. I already have her number PANK. Shes very quiet and shy so im not gonna ask her out over the phone.Ill wait til i see her and then ask her face to face.

Ill let you guys know what happens IF i go out. And you're right squirrels PANK and aguynamedwill - ill go out tonight IF my mates are going out - it all depends on them, not some girl!

 

[squirrels]

Re: you're lacking the mindset dude

Originally posted by aguynamedwill
I'm not flaming you if it comes across that way. Just giving my perspective. Oh yeah, and listen to squirrels, he seems to know his stuff.

Ack...I've become the proverbial "divorced marriage counselor".

Don't listen to me. Read the Bible articles, and some of the articles on the main page (Allen's stuff is particularly good), and work on internalizing the attitude.

You're at that phase where you KNOW the path, but you're not WALKING it. Your mind is adopting this new set of attitudes, but you don't KNOW it in your HEART, and your mind is desperately trying to convince your heart that the DJ way is the best way and 20something years of assurance otherwise is WRONG.

I'm picturing Neo on the roof of the building..."Free my mind...OK...free my mind....Aaaaaaaah!!!" *thud*

It works. Trust me. When you start to not just THINK it, but actually start to BELIEVE it, to KNOW it, that's when it'll all come together. And it'll come out in all aspects of your life, not just women.

It's hard. I know this. But I'm finally "getting it."