"It's always on your terms"

[Alex DeLarge]

Went out the other night with a girl I had been sort of seeing.. We're always off and on with each other. I feel as though she's just exploring her options, which I don't really care about cause I'm doing the same thing.. But she always comes back to me cause I'm usually the best..

But anyways.. We were out at some stupid nightclub the other night and I went to give her a kiss, and she just stops me and says..

"No I don't wanna do this right now."

I just said back to her "Okay, something on your mind?" and she said back "We always do this on YOUR terms." then went on whining about how I wouldn't kiss her the night before blah blah.. I just said back to her "You're such a crazy girl" (joking) and gave her a big hug. She didn't seem mad at all after this, but she still didn't want to kiss.

This girl is seems to be pretty into me and I know I'm doing something right if she always comes back to me, but how the hell do I counter this? Do you guys think I'm not showing her enough affection? Maybe I should bring her out on a legit date or something.. We'd been friends for 7 years before we actually kissed for the first time a few months ago.

I also know for a fact she's not always coming back for superficial reasons, cause I'm always broke as fvck haha.

I feel like it's probably not a big deal, but I'm just so sick of fvcking up any kind of female companionship.. Or maybe it is her...

...

for like the 3842th time since I started reading about game, inner game and applying it.... Lol.

I have pretty solid game. Decent looks (I'm handsome but not a model), Great charisma, wit, charm, social status (play in a pretty popular local rock band, and attend college), and a huge social circle.

 

[Aaron B]

You handled it fine. Who cares what she says as long as you are getting what you want? 99% of what women say is irrelevant. Hell even I say stuff sometimes that should be ignored.

Feel free to go direct and tell her like it is. Women rarely get told straight up how its gonna be.

If she kept pestering me after I dismissed her with some comment like "cute" and a smack on the ass, eventually I'd hit her with something like this:

"Look, its always going to be this way. Either you are willing to stick around for more or you're not. But if you think whining about it every couple of days is going to get you anywhere its not, and its annoying and it makes me not want to be around you."

Then shut up, let her react, and don't argue with her reaction. Re-state your case if necessary.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to controlling the frame. Which you know how to do already. Do it from day 1 and don't ever stop. Then some day you will have been in a relationship for several years with a wonderful woman who has earned the right to have some input into how you spend your time, how you handle her, and etc. Until then its your way or the highway.

Also there's nothing wrong with taking her comment into account (letting this be the 1% of the time you lend credence to her words) and making adjustments in the future so she feels more comfortable (provided this is an actual issue that is bothering her and would improve her comfort level if you changed it - you will need to observe her closely to figure out exactly where she is coming from with this).

 

[Alex DeLarge]

You handled it fine. Who cares what she says, as long as you are getting what you want? 99% of what women say is irrelevant. Hell even I say stuff sometimes that should be ignored.

Feel free to go direct and tell her like it is. Women rarely get told straight up how its gonna be.

If she kept pestering me after I dismissed her with some comment like "cute" and a smack on the ass, eventually I'd hit her with something like this:

"Look, its always going to be this way. Either you are willing to stick around for more or you're not. But if you think whining about it every couple of days is going to get you anywhere its not, and its annoying and it makes me not want to be around you."

Then shut up, let her react, and don't argue with her reaction.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to controlling the frame. Which you know how to do already. Do it from day 1 and don't ever stop. Then some day you will have been in a relationship for several years with a wonderful woman who has earned the right to have some input into how you spend your time, how you handle her, and etc. Until then its your way or the highway.

I've gone this route before and it just opens up a pandora's box of stupid fvcking arguments that go on and on... It usually ends up like this.

1.) She's right, you're wrong.. You're the ******* that gets dumped
2.) You're right, she's wrong.. You made her feel like ****, so you're the ******* that gets dumped.

Honestly, I come from a divorced househould, and almost all of my family that I have (aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents, cousins etc..) are divorced. So I've never even seen a non-dysfunctional relationship other than close friends and their girlfriends.

 

[bukowski_merit]

But anyways.. We were out at some stupid nightclub the other night and I went to give her a kiss, and she just stops me and says..

"No I don't wanna do this right now."

POWER GRAB!

I just said back to her "Okay, something on your mind?"

Man... It's better to not give her a free oppurtunity to brain fvck you. It's not good to invest energy into solving her whims. Brain fvcking follows!

and she said back "We always do this on YOUR terms."

See...... She's brain fvcking you lol... You're in her frame now... And the whole rest of your post is proof.

then went on whining about how I wouldn't kiss her the night before blah blah.. I just said back to her "You're such a crazy girl" (joking) and gave her a big hug. She didn't seem mad at all after this, but she still didn't want to kiss.

The best medicine for getting a woman who's pulling this type of stuff is to put her on her toes about the possiblity that you could fvck other women. If a woman feels she has a lot to lose - she would never pull such a stunt.

Your reaction to her wasn't that bad. You treated her like a goofy little girl - great! Now continue to do that... and never show incongruency/weakness with that. You've already shown too much.

This girl is seems to be pretty into me and I know I'm doing something right if she always comes back to me, but how the hell do I counter this? Do you guys think I'm not showing her enough affection? Maybe I should bring her out on a legit date or something.. We'd been friends for 7 years before we actually kissed for the first time a few months ago.

These are all bad ideas. Her brain fvcking has put you in a state of trying to "fix" things and make them "right".

This all goes back to you asking her what was wrong!

I feel like it's probably not a big deal, but I'm just so sick of fvcking up any kind of female companionship.. Or maybe it is her...

Your desire to not fvck up female companionship can hurt you badly.... It can force you to do things to "make things right" --- which will just fvck up your female companionship.... This is a vicious cycle!

Being truely good with women - starts with not being afraid to be alone. Your trump card should always be - your ability to walk out of a relationship at any moment.... Fear of being alone will severly hinder that ability...

 

[Aaron B]

Being truely good with women - starts with not being afraid to be alone. Your trump card should always be - your ability to walk out of a relationship at any moment.... Fear of being alone will severly hinder that ability...

agree 100%

 

[SgtSplacker]

Dude women are B I T C H I E and fussy ignore the little things like "dont kiss me now bla bla bla" ignore her a little for her flippant comment. Next time she wants a kiss at night pause for a moment just long enough for her to remember you didnt do this last time. Then give her one, don't let her win anyhting important...

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Thanks for the crit Bukowski. She knows that I can see other women when I want, in fact.. On the way back I actually ran into another girl that told me to "go fvck myself" two or three weeks ago. She apologized to me for all that and we wound up hanging out together that night (The original girl in the post is a mutual friend of ours).

As for the whole brain fvcking thing.. Honestly I don't let it affect me with this girl. She's told me she's in love with me before and sh1t and she always comes running back to me. I flirt with her hot roomates all the time and her roomates even tell HER that I'm attractive.

I think my solution to this problem based on what everyone's saying is to just not even think about it. It's not a problem at all.

As for the alone thing, I'm not afraid to be alone.. Every girlfriend I've had has been short term. But I am a virgin, and I think it's really creating some hangups for me. I just want to get a girl into bed so I can get experienced, then have great sex with future girlfriends instead of having terrible sex and getting dumped the second I walk out the door. Know what I mean?

 

[SgtSplacker]

Man you gotta get that sex thing out of the way. Get used to how coochie tastes, etc.

 

[bukowski_merit]

As for the whole brain fvcking thing.. Honestly I don't let it affect me with this girl.

But you are letting it affect you. Her not kissing you and throwing the whole "you didn't kiss me when i wanted it" at you - did in fact fvck with your brain! Otherwise, you wouldn't be on here making this thread and questioning if you should do things like take her on a "legit date" and try to be more affectionate.

Brain fvcking is when a woman does or says something that has you put energy into figuring out why she did it, and how to take action.

It doesn't have to be something like, "there's this guy at work with really cute eyes". (<which will brain fvck 99% of men).

It can be something as simple as, "how come you never hold my hand when we go out?"

In both of the cases above - those are just setups. A woman can ask, "how come you never hold my hand when we go out?" And the guy can answer, "what are you talking about? i hold your hand when we go out all the time." <- And at that very moment things are going to get very bad for him... It may be 100% true that he holds her hand, but things are going to get bad because he took her serious and opened up the conversation like a can of worms.

I think my solution to this problem based on what everyone's saying is to just not even think about it. It's not a problem at all.

Pretty much, just change the subject or do something else.... I mean if she's being blatantly disrespectful - feel free to be harsher...

As for the alone thing, I'm not afraid to be alone.. Every girlfriend I've had has been short term. But I am a virgin, and I think it's really creating some hangups for me.

Alright, so you're not worried about women having short term relationships with you and leaving you because you don't want to be alone? You're just hungup from being a virgin and wanting to get it over with?

And since the women are only sticking around for the short term - you can't get that done?

Well, that sucks too and isn't a step up at all from not wanting to be alone.

I just want to get a girl into bed so I can get experienced, then have great sex with future girlfriends instead of having terrible sex and getting dumped the second I walk out the door. Know what I mean?

That's not really reality lol.... If you have terrible sex - wait a lil bit and go again! If it's still terrible - the girl probably isn't going to just dump you.

Not too long ago, i fvcked a girl and came in about 2 minutes. After - we hung around and drank some wine, laughed, and talked... Then we did it again and i busted again in like 2 minutes... That was bizzare to me because i can be pretty quick on #1, but #2 - i almost always go 30+ minutes.... But i just played it off like, "d@mn, you got some really good... blah blah" She surely left my house unsatisfied sexually (but fullfilled in other areas).

2 weeks later - we fvck again and i redeem myself greatly (no details needed, but let's just say she tapped out).

Now, she could have been some big hoe who left my house the 1st time and went and told all her friends i was a minute man, etc. But she didn't.... Because "most" women feel they've made a pretty big investment when they make the decision to sleep with a guy and will stick around even if he never improves (hence all the woman who are married to men who have never pleased them)...

Being a virgin isn't an automatic "you're going to be bad" token either man... When you finally do it - you may damn well surprise yourself.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

I didn't make this post out of insecurity.. I made it to better myself and to learn. If I was insecure about her whole statement I probably would have called her up like a crying whiny AFC begging her to not think what she said.

I saw the girl yesterday and she seemed completely normal around me. Neither of us mentioned that whole thing from the previous weekend, we just talked about how much fun we had together. I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear with this one.

Thanks for the advice especially on the whole virgin thing. I even told some of my female friends about the whole "virgin" thing and they're amazed.. Most of them think that I fvck every girl that I date, even some more distant friends too haha.

 

[Aaron B]

are you holding out by choice? like waiting for marriage?

 

[Alex DeLarge]

are you holding out by choice? like waiting for marriage?

No, I'm not.. Before I found this site (back around april of this year) I never really dated much and I don't think I had ever approached a girl in real life. I had one girlfriend in highschool when I was 16 and that was about it.

I had a few opportunities to lose my V-card over this summer, but I don't have my own place right now (living with my mom and she's always home).

 

[Aaron B]

how old are you?

 

[Alex DeLarge]

21 years old.