Its a Long Journey Isn't It?

[scholarjan]

Currently I'm a college Freshman who was unfamiliar with social relationships about a year ago. I've had a long history of attacks on my persona,thus when I entered High School I was shy, timid, and overtly cautious. So, I missed out on a lot of things that I should have done, like have lots of friends, go parties, girlfriends, and needless to say I'm still a virgin.

However thanks to reading some things on this site and other PUA websites I learned tactics that boosted my self confidence as man. I've literally become a different person.

Since I've started college I've began to talk to a lot of girls and analyze their behavior for IOIs. It almost seems like I can't get a single girl to respond back on txt that they would like some coffee sometime. What am I doing wrong? I'm a great conversationalist, I try to deep dive, use kino etc. Is it my body, am I too skinny?

The problem is, that I feel beat up each time I find out that a girl isn't interested in me. It makes me apathetic to approach more attractive women. What can I do to distill these feelings of bitterness? I want to be a lover of women not a cynic.

 

[Boilermaker]

First off, welcome.

You didn't miss out sh!t. Don't feel beat up. The sooner you understand how girls work, the more successful you will be.

Girls are the buyer, you are the seller. Don't get mad if they don't buy. You wouldn't buy any guy if you were a girl either.

It's not personal. It's part of the deal, a fact of life.

Be confident, sell your best stuff and move on.

Be a lover of women.

I love them as they are. If they don't buy me, they don't buy me. I have the potential to get the best. But I can't get "any one of them".

Much like quantum theory ---> probabilistic at heart. You can know what happens to 10,000 electrons, you can't, for the life of you, tell what is going to happen to a single electron, EVEN WITH THE BEST INSTRUMENT POSSIBLE.

Don't forget that.

I had a friend who became a Faculty member to Berkeley EECS who got rejected from Pen State.

Don't forget that either.

Your big brothers will help you.

Stay tuned, and let us know.

 

[backseatjuan]

Are you Armenian?

 

[scholarjan]

Are you Armenian?

No, and what makes you think that?

 

[backseatjuan]

jan is a common Armenian word, like Alex-jan, Ivan-jan.

In college its common to get in quickly and leave in the hurry, same at work, to a point it is automatic. Get in early leave a little late, socialize. Gather a click of cool dudes around you. Play sports. Join a college theater class, perform. A reading and nook study club, etc.

 

[bluenorther]

Never try to use texting to set up dates. SPEAK to them, in person. Texting is to confirm a detail, nothing more. BTW, Hang up and drive!

 

[L B]

It's a long fun journey. Enjoy it.

You started as a shy kid with no idea how to socialize. Now you're talking. Next hone in on how to talk effectively and vary your approach to different people. It takes persistence and practice. It takes time, you might as well learn to have fun with it.

You're going to fail a lot in the beginning, it's expected. Don't give up. It does get easier.

 

[NobodyCares1]

I've been in the same situation... though I began my transformation when I came to high school... it's hard... especially in the begining but believe me it is worth it... there will be a lot of hard times but at the end there's always a reward... a great reward...

it's never too late to make your life better

 

[flashpoint]

Girls are the buyer, you are the seller. Don't get mad if they don't buy.

and dont beat yourself up about it. that is actually a very good analogy that boilermaker is giving here. it is really like in bizness, just because you got some contacts doesnt mean you have business yet. you need to work hard to turn that into some. and would i text my future customers they would pretty much ignore me most of the time. last campaign e.g. was sent to 2000 people in our database (no random people), and only like 10 responded and 5 got real. even the contacts that are somewhat higher quality because there was already more interaction and satisfaction on their side, are no sure thing at all. the best results you get by calling and if necessary over and over again. keeping it light still, with not much pressure to actually do something but giving lots of information and keeping in touch. also being interested in their situation and just responding to what they are giving you. and if you cant reach someone after three times trying, you need to strike them from your list, it is just not worth your time.

so it is really quite useful to see this dating game as a sales process, do not take anything personal but constantly try to improve your approach. and of course your product that is you. another parallel: the more convinced of your product or services you are the better your results selling it. so if you have some insecurities fix them. and learn to love what makes you special. pursue your interests, develop, build upon your strenghts.

another often times overlooked parallel: do you know your target group? what kind of a girl do you can see you with? REALLY? by this i mean what do you really want, not what do you think you can get right now. and then find out what this specific breed of potential customers are looking for in a product. maybe do even some deep market research first, find girls that appeal to you and make them your friends. since they are basically what you are looking for they should be able to tell you what to change or emphasize and so on. girls might be shytty at giving dating advice, but concerning style and so on they are your best advisors. and of course you can use this as a false disqualifier, saying "you are just the kind of girl i'd like to date. any advice how to get someone like you interested in me? what are you looking for, how about my appearance etc." - they LUV to give advice and as said (like in NLP-selling) you can use their qualifiers for a potential mate to indirectly link them to you. worst case you get a shYtload of hot female wingmens.

i think so many are afraid of the "friendzone" that they dont see the potential of "making friends first" (a phrase that Deangelo also has used). take the pressure out of the game. find out whether they are cool to hang out with and are friendly people. make them qualify themselves as a person first, you ll get much better results than telling them that they are cute and such.

finally ill quote something that also Deangelo has said in one of his programms, "There's two bulls standing on top of a mountain. The younger one says to the older one: "Hey pop, let's say we run down there and fock one of them cows". The older one says: "No son. Lets walk down and fock 'em all". (i think it is from the movie "colors"??). This is really something you want to embrace, be patient, take one step at a time, dont rush things but be sure to get there. hth.

 

[scholarjan]

since they are basically what you are looking for they should be able to tell you what to change or emphasize and so on. girls might be shytty at giving dating advice, but concerning style and so on they are your best advisors. and of course you can use this as a false disqualifier, saying "you are just the kind of girl i'd like to date. any advice how to get someone like you interested in me? what are you looking for, how about my appearance etc." - they LUV to give advice and as said (like in NLP-selling) you can use their qualifiers for a potential mate to indirectly link them to you. worst case you get a shYtload of hot female wingmens.

Quite honestly, I would rather take the fashion advice of a gay man over a woman's because men generally know better about male fashion than a girl does. This man is not gay, but his work has generally inspired me to dress much better, and become more aware of the clothing that I buy.

If you haven't seen him, I suggest checking some of his videos out, I will have to warn you that he can be bit annoying in his videos.

http://www.youtube.com/user/AlphaMconsulting?feature=CAoQwRs=

 

[scholarjan]

since they are basically what you are looking for they should be able to tell you what to change or emphasize and so on. girls might be shytty at giving dating advice, but concerning style and so on they are your best advisors. and of course you can use this as a false disqualifier, saying "you are just the kind of girl i'd like to date. any advice how to get someone like you interested in me? what are you looking for, how about my appearance etc." - they LUV to give advice and as said (like in NLP-selling) you can use their qualifiers for a potential mate to indirectly link them to you. worst case you get a shYtload of hot female wingmens.

Quite honestly, I would rather take the fashion advice of a gay man over a woman's because men generally know better about male fashion than a girl does. This man is not gay, but his work has generally inspired me to dress much better, and become more aware of the clothing that I buy.

If you haven't seen him, I suggest checking some of his videos out, I will have to warn you that he can be bit annoying in his videos.
http://www.youtube.com/user/AlphaMconsulting?feature=CAoQwRs=