It will never be the same with her... move on...

[Johnny Alias]

I had a moment this morning... was cleaning house... and found a strip of photobooth pics with my ex when we were happy...

That hurt.

Took me a minute to calm down. 4 months out so there are still lingering emotions. Had to realize that though it was a nice memory its in the past. I'm sure many of you are like me... brought the ex back for another shot or she hoovered you in... many times even... and all the same crap started up again after a time.

Trying to recreate that honeymoon phase... give it life support... giving far more than you should to make things work... and definitely taking too much SHVT... are simply not worth it.

It ended for a reason... probably many reasons. You might have ended it. She might have ended it. Odds are extremely AGAINST the idea that you would have had a happy ending.

I broke it down the odds of a happy ending with mine statistically a couple months back:
55% of strippers have BPD. She was one once and definitely a Cluster B.
40% of BPD's were sexually abused. They're forever fvcked.
Both her parents are alcoholics and so is she.
89% never get treatment.
Only 36% of those who do recover.

I also want a kid... why I would want one with this train wreck is beyond reasoning but let's break it down anyway.
She's 43... 1% chance of her having a natural pregnancy and only 5% if she were to have $$$ fertilization treatments. 40% miscarriage rate.

The point I'm making is the odds of it EVER working with your ex are pretty much IMPOSSIBLE. My numbers are obviously set in STONE with what you just read, but if you get analytical and really take a hard look at the percentages its not going to be a pretty outlook. Granted, she might not have a personality disorder and might not be a drunk, but just break down what gets on you the most... gold digger, unfaithful, lying, irresponsible, dramatic, whatever... how many times has this behavior manifested? How many times did she say she it would never happen again... and it did? How many times did she say she would get help? How many times have you argued about it? What percentage of the time were you happy vs miserable? Take a hard objective look, do the math, and know beyond a doubt that it was NEVER going to work out.

Then... go FORWARD with your life.

I recommend this book to you all. It's called "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Many of us who are on here ruminate in the land of coulda, shoulda, woulda. We're so focused on what happened in the past and could have happened in the future that we lose sight of the present... which is a happy stress free life WITHOUT these women.

My two cents for the day. Trying to figure out how to work out, buy presents, see my therapist, and bang two chicks who want to see me before I leave for home tomorrow. That's NOW.

 

[Jariel]

This is so true. My gf and I broke up earlier in the year. We'd had an amazing relationship leading upto then and it came as a shock for it to end. Weeks later we got back in touch, she wrote me long letters saying how much she still loved me and we talked and talked, each promised to make some changes and we got back together.

Worst mistake I ever made!!

The whole dynamic of the relationship had changed. I got clingy and insecure, too accommodating, afraid we'd break up again. She got more distant and gradually we both lost sight of who we were, who we'd fallen in love with and it got so miserable. Months later we broke up again in a painful and bitter way.

The only way I see it working with an ex is after a much longer separation of a year or more, which gives you both time to put things in perspective, lose the emotional attachment and rebuild from scratch.

Most people's instinct is to chase her and try to get her back as quickly as possible before she escapes forever, whereas the key is to do the exact opposite, let her go and spend time focusing on who you are and becoming contented with your own life.

Good post mate and I must add my recommendation for Eckhart Tolle too!

 

[orbion2013]

This is so true. My gf and I broke up earlier in the year. We'd had an amazing relationship leading upto then and it came as a shock for it to end. Weeks later we got back in touch, she wrote me long letters saying how much she still loved me and we talked and talked, each promised to make some changes and we got back together.

Worst mistake I ever made!!

The whole dynamic of the relationship had changed. I got clingy and insecure, too accommodating, afraid we'd break up again. She got more distant and gradually we both lost sight of who we were, who we'd fallen in love with and it got so miserable. Months later we broke up again in a painful and bitter way.

The only way I see it working with an ex is after a much longer separation of a year or more, which gives you both time to put things in perspective, lose the emotional attachment and rebuild from scratch.

Most people's instinct is to chase her and try to get her back as quickly as possible before she escapes forever, whereas the key is to do the exact opposite, let her go and spend time focusing on who you are and becoming contented with your own life.

Good post mate and I must add my recommendation for Eckhart Tolle too!

this is true... sometimes you have to walk away... to re invent yourself and then maybe try again, if that chance ever does come around.

jarial i was in the same situation as you... the first year of the relationship i kept my feelings out of it... wasn't too clingy or accommodating, but because i did not open myself up or show her much feelings.... SHE DUMPED ME

then she came back 6 months later... this time round i opened up to her, showed her that i loved her & cared... what was the result?

her attitude changed, she got controlling, rude, disrespectful... f@cking lose lose situation


that being said, if you are dealing with a inherently toxic person... for example bdp/npd cluster b woman

or someone who is passive aggressive and does/and will not deal with issues and matters in a good constructive manner... someone who creates drama over little things

then you can forget about it... no matter how many times you break up & make up... these types of woman will never change!

they are not worthy relationship material, best to keep running!

 

[LP700-4]

Here's the fact, it didn't work out because she didn't match your values or you didn't match her values. Why would you want to compromise your values for someone that doesn't believe in them? Seems like a waste of time to me.

 

[orbion2013]

because some of us are stupid enough to compromise are values, because she happens to be hot & sucks great c@ck

big big mistake

 

[LP700-4]

because some of us are stupid enough to compromise are values, because she happens to be hot & sucks great c@ck

big big mistake

Yup. It's very sad. I can't even front because I was like that too. This girl didn't want to have kids. She only wanted to adopt. I've always known that I want to have kids. Three or four if possible but just because I was like "zomg diz girl iz soooo hotttzzz" I said "I'll adopt with you". Man, I laugh when I remember how weak and easily influenced I was.

Any man that doesn't stand for something will fall for anything. Have your values and beliefs. Anyone that doesn't match up to them, shouldn't hold a centerpiece in your life. Simple. No matter how amazing the sex or *******. Think with your big head not your little head.

 

[Renegade357]

then she came back 6 months later... this time round i opened up to her, showed her that i loved her & cared... what was the result?

6 months later? That's quite a hiatis. How did she come back? Email? Phone? And why'd you take her?

 

[orbion2013]

6 months later? That's quite a hiatis. How did she come back? Email? Phone? And why'd you take her?

yes 6 months later.... she sent me emails, wanting to meet and talk...

i took her back.... don't make this mistake.... sometimes she will come back because she couldn't and didn't find anything better out there..

or she got dumped or played.... she will come back, because she knows you are reliable...

but trust me, soon enough she will be gone again

 

[orbion2013]

Yup. It's very sad. I can't even front because I was like that too. This girl didn't want to have kids. She only wanted to adopt. I've always known that I want to have kids. Three or four if possible but just because I was like "zomg diz girl iz soooo hotttzzz" I said "I'll adopt with you". Man, I laugh when I remember how weak and easily influenced I was.

Any man that doesn't stand for something will fall for anything. Have your values and beliefs. Anyone that doesn't match up to them, shouldn't hold a centerpiece in your life. Simple. No matter how amazing the sex or *******. Think with your big head not your little head.

i agree with this... if she does not hold your values up to certain degree... show her the f@cking door, or keep her only for sex, and nothing more!

no matter how hot she is....

 

[orbion2013]

6 months later? That's quite a hiatis. How did she come back? Email? Phone? And why'd you take her?

i took her back, because i felt it was my fault she left... i did not open up to her, i showed her little feelings... was mostly sex and company on my part

when i did the opposite and showed her i cared... the evil b@tch came out

 

[Renegade357]

yes 6 months later.... she sent me emails, wanting to meet and talk...

i took her back.... don't make this mistake.... sometimes she will come back because she couldn't and didn't find anything better out there..

or she got dumped or played.... she will come back, because she knows you are reliable...

but trust me, soon enough she will be gone again

Sounds like death. Mine hasn't made any move yet. I imagine it'd be the same motivation/outcome.

Did she pour her heart out to you when you met up? She reconciliatory? Or was she luke warm and you just took the chance?

 

[Maximus Rex]

And You Didn't Send Her Punk A$$???

55% of strippers have BPD. She was one once

What hold on a minute. You had a b*tch that had a foot in the game, but instead of sending her punk a$$ to go get your money, you were out here on some "Mighty Mouse," sh*t trying to "save her day." Damn dude, don't you know you can't turn a hoe into a housewife?

 

[orbion2013]

Sounds like death. Mine hasn't made any move yet. I imagine it'd be the same motivation/outcome.

Did she pour her heart out to you when you met up? She reconciliatory? Or was she luke warm and you just took the chance?

I wouldn't count on it... just move on... if she hits rock bottom, then yes she might come back... she kind of poured her heart out..

but you know what... if they left you once, then there is a big big chance they will leave again

don't put yourself through that cycle... it will destroy you

 

[Renegade357]

don't put yourself through that cycle... it will destroy you

Nah, I'm too smart for that. I'll find someone better. Solid story though thanks for sharing. Best of luck to you!

 

[JWT]

I wouldn't count on it... just move on... if she hits rock bottom, then yes she might come back... she kind of poured her heart out..

but you know what... if they left you once, then there is a big big chance they will leave again

don't put yourself through that cycle... it will destroy you

So true. I must have been a glutton for punishment. I've decided to work on myself and go forward rather than look back and obsess. Still have some weak moments, but have learned to accept those when they happen and quickly dismiss the thought and stay focused on going forward.