It feels like someone isn't being honest with me here..

[Jaun_Don]

Just when I think things are sweet, this happens...okay the story goes...I asked my room mate/best friend (this is debatable)
what he was up to tonight and he said going to a party with K (the female room mate) and I just thought w.t.f. why didn't I get an invite?, I have just gone out of my way to get this ***** a concert ticket for next week and she takes him?, but it's more about this thing she said to me the other week, she told me that I exclude myself from things but this is exactly what she does...anyways I spoke to my so called best friend and said that sux to me dude, I just don't think it's fair (I should mention that these 2 have gone out to things a few times, as far as I can tell there is nothing going on...it does seem to be a brother/sister thing), I just told him that the least she could have done was invite me and he said but you guys have been having so much trouble and I said yes I know but we have had a good talk and things are fine and he said it just doesn't seem solid to me, which does make me think, why do you care so much bro?, you have only known this girl for 5 months.

So i texted her and told her that I'm not sure about her ticket for next week and that she has just done that excluding thing to me and that it sux that I didn't get an invite to this party, she texted me straight back and said
"u crazy bastard, U can come if u want but it's invites, sorry (my name) U could come later if u want 2 but it's not my call, it's (her friends) party and I just can't invite my room mates."

I texted her back and said "you invited S" (my roomie), and she texted back and said "no i didn't"...so my question is how is he going then?, he hardly knows her friends I know them better than he does, has she lied to me again?.

Just for the record I'm not over thinking this, but I appreciate outsiders views and opinions you know.

To me it seems like that perhaps she did lie to me but really wants this ticket and told me I could come to the party as a way to keep things grounded.

The thing is if they are ****ing then it's crazy lame that niether of them have the balls to tell me, that's what would hurt and yeah of course I'd be jealous but the broken friendship trust thing stays with you longer.

Your thoughts are appreciated.

 

[Jaun_Don]

This also feels like she is trying to make me jealous as well.

God I should have just said NO move out...live and learn I guess.

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

Sounds like you're trying to hang the ticket over her as a bribe as if you're saying "if you're a good girl you can go to this concert".

If you have to resort to that, then you've already lost man, sorry. I was actually watching David DeAngelo's Double Your Dating lecture thing someone suggested and I agree with his point there that once you are seeking her approval or trying to win over her attention you've lost.

Now if you think your roommate or best friend is macking on your girl tell him in private that you are going after her and youd appreciate it if he would stay out of it. Don't be overly confrontational about it though. Just tell him how you feel. If he doesn't care about what you think and goes after her anyway then you got a messy situation.

Now as I understand it this girl is your other roommate? You're takling bout sh1tting on your own doorstep here by getting into this triangle. It almost reminds me of an episode of Boy Meets World where Eric and Jack (two roomates) were going after the same girl who was living with them (Rachel).

Maybe your roommates were both independently invited and decided to go? Could that be a possibility?

Hmm well this looks like it wont be pretty when the dust clears.

 

[Jaun_Don]

Originally posted by I'm Joe Dirt
Sounds like you're trying to hang the ticket over her as a bribe as if you're saying "if you're a good girl you can go to this concert".

I can see why you would say that but, it's not like that, it's more if you can invite him and not me to a party then why the **** should I go out of my way to get this ticket for you?, it worked though didn't it? look at the text?, she told me twice that I could come if I wanted too.

He knows that I like her, I get the flirting gestures he doesn't thats what puzzles me.

Maybe your roommates were both independently invited and decided to go? Could that be a possibility?

he hardly knows the girl whose party it is.

 

[Black_Italian]

Setup hidden cameras all over her bedroom and your other roomates bedroom and see if you catch them havng sex or anything.

Ninja Out

 

[Jaun_Don]

Originally posted by Black_Italian
Setup hidden cameras all over her bedroom and your other roomates bedroom and see if you catch them havng sex or anything.

Ninja Out

that helps

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Call me a naive old fart but instead creating drama for yourself, wouldn't have been easier tell "K" that you heard about the party and ask if she would mind if you came along? Feelings aside, the whole concert ticket thing and questioning your flat mate's friendship is something I see women doing all of the time.

 

[Jaun_Don]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Call me a naive old fart but instead creating drama for yourself, wouldn't have been easier tell "K" that you heard about the party and ask if she would mind if you came along? Feelings aside, the whole concert ticket thing and questioning your flat mate's friendship is something I see women doing all of the time.

Just for the record I'm not over thinking this, but I appreciate outsiders views and opinions you know.

 

[Tazman]

I believe I've read about you and this roomate several times before. I think a lot of your interactions with her show that you have it for her bad and she enjoys getting a rise out of you, especially since you aren't getting anywhere with her. Why do you continue to do this to yourself? Why not just completely forget about her and trully show her you don't give a fvck? Any progress you've made with her has probably been ruined every time you show a bit of jealousy and just how much you really care. Seems you continue to fuel the fire.

 

[JonJack]

Let's dismantle the situation a bit here.
First, the girl and your so-called best bud planned on going to a party together but did not invite you. Your pal did not lie to you about where he was going and with who (that is the girl).

So, it can be concluded that your pal did not believe that it was anything you should get upset over. If he knew you were going to get angry and whatever, he probably would've lied. People doing things behind your back will tend to lie to you.

As for the reasons they did not bother inviting you, there's just too many to state. It could be that they believe you wouldn't have been interested and that you wouldn't enjoy yourself. It could be that they thought that you would've 'spoiled' the party and they didn't want to be the people who are associated with the party-pooper. It could be that they were trying to get rid of you as a friend. It could be so many things. But since you're not over-thinking this, all that doesn't matter.

Next, you confronted the girl about her not inviting you and you 'used' the tickets as a means to justify why her actions are wrong, especially when it is directed towards you. Now, there's two possibilities. She's either surprised that you're pissed or she expected it because she knew what she was doing was going to get you pissed. Either way, you tried to judge her actions. Doing that puts the other person's honor and integrity on the line and people do not like that, especially when they are not the type to give in or admit that they could have been part of the problem.

Finally, the fact that she actually 'gave in' to your so called threats and while calling you a "crazy bastard" actually says that she's probably lost all respect for you. She probably thinks you are overreacting and behaving like a child. She does not even want to be bothered with you and she does not want this whole thing to go any further and she wants to shut you up by allowing you to invite yourself.

And if the two of them are having sex, I don't believe there's any rule that says that they have to let you know about it. And I believe that there is no rule that states that not telling your friend who you're having sex with is a legitimate reason for your friend to stop trusting you.

And your questions on "how is he going then?" and "has she lied to me again?" is really over-thinking the situation. It is not humanly possible to get an accurate answer without actually first asking them about it. In fact, it is not humanly possible to actually get a 100% accurate answer because people lie all the time or sometimes they bend the truth so slightly as to mislead you on their intentions. So, stop thinking about all those unimportant things that you're so hung up over and start thinking about how you are contributing to the ultimate destruction of your relationship with these two people. And I do hope you seriously realize that you are partly to blame.

 

[Jaun_Don]

Originally posted by Tazman
I believe I've read about you and this roomate several times before. I think a lot of your interactions with her show that you have it for her bad and she enjoys getting a rise out of you, especially since you aren't getting anywhere with her. Why do you continue to do this to yourself? Why not just completely forget about her and trully show her you don't give a fvck? Any progress you've made with her has probably been ruined every time you show a bit of jealousy and just how much you really care. Seems you continue to fuel the fire.

nope, in a lust way yes but other than that she does my head in, nah I just think I have been lied too and someone isn't being straight with me, I just sense this...I have NOT once made a pass at this girl or come onto her, the only dumb thing I did was tell her I like her months ago,It's not a jealousy thing either it's a trsut thing and I just think if she asked him then why not me as well?, you see the excluding thing she spoke about...the only times I really like this girl is when she is homely, no make up and dressed down that is when we get on the best.

I do see your point but I am just explaining it from my side, I am have been seeing other girls lately and feeling a lot better about myself.

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

I don't remember reading about this before, but if this is indeed a pattern as Taz says it is then you probably already blew it. Once a girl senses you are needy its over just like that. You gotta be the selector, the one she is trying to win over, not the way around.

I agree also mostly with JonJack's assessment though I disagree about if they should let you know whats going on. I think its just guy code not to go after a girl your buddy is interested in.


Edit: Oh no you let her know how you feel and she didnt reciprocate? *nails on the coffin*

You shouldnt ever tell a girl how much you like her, especially if she doesnt say it first cause if she didnt tell you she likes you back and I assume she didnt since you would be officially together if she did, you're pretty much screwed.

 

[Jaun_Don]

Originally posted by I'm Joe Dirt
I don't remember reading about this before, but if this is indeed a pattern as Taz says it is then you probably already blew it. Once a girl senses you are needy its over just like that. You gotta be the selector, the one she is trying to win over, not the way around.

I agree also mostly with JonJack's assessment though I disagree about if they should let you know whats going on. I think its just guy code not to go after a girl your buddy is interested in.


Edit: Oh no you let her know how you feel and she didnt reciprocate? *nails on the coffin*

You shouldnt ever tell a girl how much you like her, especially if she doesnt say it first cause if she didnt tell you she likes you back and I assume she didnt since you would be officially together if she did, you're pretty much screwed.

I know and that's why her mixed signals annoy me, I do think she enjoys the games and the attention but I am far from being needy, I tell her straight up when she is being a ***** or what pisses me off about her, I have told her I can't live wth her twice yet she wants to stay, my room mate leaves at the end of the month too...All I am doing is trying to work out why was I excluded and HELL ****ING YES if a best friend ****s a girl you like and hides it from you then that's not bieng a true friend.

 

[JonJack]

With regards to the friend having sex with a person you're interested in, there is no rule that says that your pal has to tell you. However, I do understand the fact that your pal might in fact be a bastard. That will all depend on his intentions. If he sleeps with the girl only because you've never made an actual move on her for like 2 years, then there's nothing wrong with that in my book. If he sleeps with her because he wants to beat you to it or because he wants to prove to you that he's better than you, then that's just plain sh!tty.

Everything isn't always black and white. There's always a grey area somewhere. That grey area is what I call intention. If you really appreciate your friends, you should at least try to understand their intentions and whether they indeed was being malicious towards you. Most of the time, people get angry over all the wrong reasons. You think you are able to justify your feelings, but whether your justification actually comes close to reality is something else altogether.

I strongly suggest you talk to your friend about this issue. If the two of you are indeed really close friends, one measly girl shouldn't come between you guys. If she does, then you can rest assured that he thinks of her as being more important than you.

 

[Jaun_Don]

Originally posted by JonJack
With regards to the friend having sex with a person you're interested in, there is no rule that says that your pal has to tell you. However, I do understand the fact that your pal might in fact be a bastard. That will all depend on his intentions. If he sleeps with the girl only because you've never made an actual move on her for like 2 years, then there's nothing wrong with that in my book. If he sleeps with her because he wants to beat you to it or because he wants to prove to you that he's better than you, then that's just plain sh!tty.

Everything isn't always black and white. There's always a grey area somewhere. That grey area is what I call intention. If you really appreciate your friends, you should at least try to understand their intentions and whether they indeed was being malicious towards you. Most of the time, people get angry over all the wrong reasons. You think you are able to justify your feelings, but whether your justification actually comes close to reality is something else altogether.

I strongly suggest you talk to your friend about this issue. If the two of you are indeed really close friends, one measly girl shouldn't come between you guys. If she does, then you can rest assured that he thinks of her as being more important than you.

Brilliant advice thanks so much...we have only known this girl for 5 months, him I have known for 9 years.

 

[Jaun_Don]

I just don't care anymore, tonight I found that they have been sleeping together and yeah it sux but I have to deal with it, me and the best friend are not friends anymore, I can't stand the sight of him or her.