It all comes down to having a life...

[KillingTime]

Is it just me or could everything said in the DJ bible, the site, and this board be expressed in three words: "Get a life"?
Having a life meaning that you have a job you enjoy, you have hobbies that add meaning & value to your life & that basically 99% of your time is always filled with things to do. If you have a life, you are naturally busy, you don't have to play games b/c it's a reality. No need to try and make yourself interesting b/c you already have a very interesting life. No need to try and act busy b/c you really are. And if you have a busy and interesting life filled with things you enjoy, that naturally builds up your confidence. I've heard of people saying that they won't call a girl back the next day, they wait a few days and then do it. In my eyes that's just as pathetic as being a typical nice guy. If you have a life you don't need to wait a few days, you'll naturally have trouble finding the time to call back the next day. I know people like this, they don't know about all this DJ stuff and could care less about attracting every girl or guy they see, they just have a life and everything naturally goes "right" for them, male or female. My mom, out of all people, is a good example. She's divorced so she goes out on dates and stuff. She's in Real Estate and has lots of hobbies and projects. She never has time to call the guy back, sometimes she takes like a week.. not b/c she wants to but b/c she literally has tons of stuff to do. This one guy has been after her for like four years, he calls every now and then asking for a date but she goes out with him like once or twice a year, b/c she literally doesn't have the time, she's always busy.... I know my mom, she's not trying to play this guy she just has a busy life and she comes first. Well I just felt like writing, and the point of this is that there's no need to play games & all that bs if you don't want to. Just get a life. Say you got about four free hours left in the day... fill them up, leave about one hour free and fill the rest up; take music lessons, take a cooking class, go to the track and race your car.... start a garden in your backyard? It doesn't matter, just fill up your time with things that make you feel good (this is for you, not for women or anyone else, so even if it's not something popular or whatever, do it!). Isn't that what it's all about?

 

[Tails]

well well well... you certainly have a good point here. very interesting. i too myself have thought about that. why pretend? i don't know. but i try and fill up my empty space by doing things. sometimes i really forget to call girls and end up even losing interest and never do call. infact, girls hit on me at the place i study, before, during, and after... i just forget about it straight away and keep on living my life.

good stuff pal. this thead should enlighten some of us.

 

[darkofthematinee]

I agree with you up to a point - don't forget that u can have a busy exciting life, but still be an AFC.

To be a DJ you have to learn to respect yourself too!

 

[backbreaker]

you are right to some extent. (I would love to have you as an accountant " couldn't this hour long meeting be summed up by saying we lost alot of money?")

However, you can have a life and still be an AFC. Just like Gambling and real life in general, this whole thing has a "human" aspect to it.

Yes you can be the buiest person in the world, but if a HB calls you, more people than not are going to either stop what they are doing and talk to her or try to talk to her while they are doing what they were doing. I had this bad with one partiuclar girl. I could be drop dead sleep at 3 in the morning, but I wouldn't ever tell her I would call her back. Of course it costs me some points that have to be made up.

Yes having a life makes it easier to do this, but more importantly you have to remind yourself that SHE does not come BEFORE your life.

 

[WestCoaster]

People are more important than hobbies

I hate people who don't call back, I tire of them real fast.

Your mom has now interest level with this guy, period, case closed, end of story. She has time for a two-minute phone call. She spends more time putting on her make-up and polishing her car then calling this guy, thus her interest level is low.

Most people -- whether they're good friends or lovers -- have a desire for human connection, it's a basic need for mankind. Hobbies are great and I have plenty of them, but they just fill gaps between the times I want to see my friends and family.

If I don't have time for a long call, I call a friend and talk maybe for two minutes or fire off a quick e-mail to tell people I'm busy, but I'm thinking about them.

The time our car racing, gardening, hobbies, real estate career become more important than PEOPLE, well f-ck you and the people who act like this.

I just watched "Tuesdays With Morrie" last night and I highly suggested everyone watch it. In the end when you die, your car, real estate career, and garden won't be there for you ... but if you lived your life right, your families and friends will be there.

When you're born, you're crying and everyone else around is smiling and happy. When you die, hopefully these same people will shed a tear or two because of the person you were and whom you connected with.

Hobbies are just that -- HOBBIES. Same with careers.

In the end it's people who matter.

 

[backbreaker]

actually, in the end, YOURE DEAD, so none of it matters. Who cares if your friends and family are there if you are DEAD.

I do favor my career above most people, because I know without a doubt that when I put the time and energy into it, I get good results, plus it has made me the person I am today.

with that said, people are different. I respect your POV and you should respect mine, simple as that.

 

[WestCoaster]

I respect your right to say your point of view, I don't respect it because I don't agree with it.

In the end, when your career sends you job overseas, or you get downsized, or even then when some newbie leap-frogs you in the management pool, you hopefully will want people around to support you.

But if that's your POV, that's cool. When you're living alone in your later years as a bitter retiree all by yourself ... don't say I didn't tell you so.

Career gives me some sense of satisfaction and it's a huge part of my life.

It's not my entire life.

 

[DJ_Dork]

Re: People are more important than hobbies

Originally posted by WestCoaster
I hate people who don't call back, I tire of them real fast.

Your mom has now interest level with this guy, period, case closed, end of story. She has time for a two-minute phone call. She spends more time putting on her make-up and polishing her car then calling this guy, thus her interest level is low.

Most people -- whether they're good friends or lovers -- have a desire for human connection, it's a basic need for mankind. Hobbies are great and I have plenty of them, but they just fill gaps between the times I want to see my friends and family.

If I don't have time for a long call, I call a friend and talk maybe for two minutes or fire off a quick e-mail to tell people I'm busy, but I'm thinking about them.

The time our car racing, gardening, hobbies, real estate career become more important than PEOPLE, well f-ck you and the people who act like this.

I just watched "Tuesdays With Morrie" last night and I highly suggested everyone watch it. In the end when you die, your car, real estate career, and garden won't be there for you ... but if you lived your life right, your families and friends will be there.

When you're born, you're crying and everyone else around is smiling and happy. When you die, hopefully these same people will shed a tear or two because of the person you were and whom you connected with.

Hobbies are just that -- HOBBIES. Same with careers.

In the end it's people who matter.

AGREED. The poster who put "BUSY WITH LIFE" BLAH BLAH BLAH, "BUSY WITH CAREER" to appear "confidence" that is F***ken bullcrap. Listen buddy, there are messed up people out there in the world because their parents work TOO MUCh and make excuses like "We gotta pay the bills, blah blah" rather than spend time with their kids. I'm going to guess your mom is one of them and PERHAPS that is why she is divorced? and look where it's going.. THE CYCLE continues passing along TO YOU who believe "hard work = good" "relaxation = bad."

I grew up in a household where two parents "who were busy" never took the time to go to parent-teachers conference, the time to encourage me to go out and play basketball - AND THEY WONDER when I was a young man I did poorly in school, Why I never was athletic as other males? (Those problems were remedied..but it makes me a late bloomer)

 

[KillingTime]

Good points from everyone, but I never said interaction with people was bad. I consider hanging out with friends & family part of keeping yourself busy, in fact most hobbies will probably involve interaction with others. The point is you are doing things that make YOU happy, and in return that solves all the problems of having to put on any acts, or having to pretend to be busy. To me, life isn't about having a g/f or attracting the opposite sex... it's about doing whatever makes ME happy, the opposite sex will naturally follow, and if it doesn't it's cool b/c I'm having too much fun with life anyway (How many times has it been discussed here, smothering is bad... if you have a life you don't have time to smother). My mom isn't just busy with work, although she does work VERY hard. She has lots of hobbies with other people, and goes out with her friends when she has time. Point is, she is ALWAYS happy and smiling, she doesn't have time to sit around and obsess over some guy. Being active = the best thing you can do IMO. Too much free time is a bad thing, often dangerous (sometimes it will lead to something harmless like "oneitis", but it has led to depression and suicide in certain people.. need to keep the mind busy). I'm definately not against interaction with people, all I'm saying is keep yourself active and busy and there is NO need to put on any acts. (And I do agree that an AFC would need help with his or her confidence, but most AFC's I know either do nothing all day, or work/study all day pretty much just keeping to themselves... if they had various hobbies and activities and people to hang out with the confidence would slowly build by itself, which goes back to my point: Get a life and everything else will follow)

 

[NRM]

Well, I think it depends on what a person's goal is. If a person has the goal of meeting and attracting women, then let them have their way. They'll get to it too if they know what they're doing. If your goal is to have an overall fufilling life, then you should do that, but you shouldn't do that expecting a girlfriend in the end. I might come, but then again, it might not, and you never really pursued it.

If a man likes a woman, he should go and take her (or at least try to) and somewhat make an effort towards it. Some people have busy lives and some people have leisure lives. Neither should be without what they really want. If it is a woman or otherwise.

People should just set their own goals and strive towards them, no matter what their goals are. I think that's the most fufilling thing you could do.

 

[khane9]

I first posted a few weeks back. I was stck i a dead end job that killed my social life. I moved, got a new & better job, but didn't know a soul. Since then I just got off of my ass and went out hell or high water. Alone at first. I started meeting people, and eventually made one or two friends to keep in touch with. I hung out with them this weekend.

One of these guys run into people that know him everywhere we went. I must have been introduced to at least 50 people. I'm no hunk. No big bucks. I'm 5'9 and about 160, average looks. Same with the rest of the guys. I was hugging hotties left and right and everyone went home with numbers. Aside from lots of kino and a little social proof, most of the tips here just came naturally or weren't even needed. Some even broken completely.

The whole weekend, there was always someplace else to go, someone else to hang out with. A party here, a concert over there, attractive women everywhere. Phones ringing. People doing stuff meeting up with other people doing suff. I made plans for the beach one day, possibly fishing another day. All I had to do was get out of the house and talk to people. That was 90% of the battle. A HUGE load was erased. I can just work on making what's good even better.

I do think this site is good to read and keep in mind. I like to come here and read sometimes. But I don't think I'll be giving or asking much advice, maybe an opinion here or there, because all of the progress I've made in these last few weeks didn't come from a revealing article, a great tip or a solid piece of advice. It came from seeing how many people here are having problems and how many people out there are having fun.

Just my two cents.