"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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It all changed at the drop of a dime [ProgressJournal]

goldStandard

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On new years eve 2010, I met a great girl. My first impression of her was that she was sophisticated, mature, and classy. Boy, I was right. I went up to her, and we hit it off right that second. It turns out she's in her late 20's, virgin, and finishing up med school and to top it off -- she was absolutely beautiful.

20+ dates and 90+ days later, we decided to settle down and step into a relationship. I was her "first" and at that point in time I was very convinced that she was the one.

Well, it's summer 2011. Just recently my business went under for specific reasons and all throughout July I've been spending most of this dramatic and emotional downturn trying to pick myself up. Despite the emotional part, I have not self destructed, drank, or have done any type of binging. The only emotional thing I've done was TRY to seek comfort through my girlfriend.

I am writing this today, because throughout this month I have not been the same confident person I usual am. I've also been noticing my girl has been trying to avoid me. At this very moment I have no problem picking myself up and start fresh with my career, however, it is the girl I am concerned with. She usually gives me "good morning" texts or tell me how "sexually frustrated" she is when she hasn't seen me for a day; but now, after a few days, nothing. Not even a "hello, how is your day?"

If I was just dating this girl I would completely dismiss the fact that she I have not seen her for quite some time.

I will be using Pooks - Dodge the Bullet to get me through this week in attempts to protect my heart as a "just in case" scenario.

6 1/2 months ago she fell for a confident man, and at the moment I am at my most vulnerable. If she can't comfort me, she doesn't deserve me...

"goldStandard" 7/15/2011 4:00pm
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Borknagar

Master Don Juan
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I'd start talking and meeting more women. If she finds out and gets hurt, that's her problem. You're going through some **** right now, she should be understanding. I don't give a fu*ck about how people say women aren't logical, and only go by emotions. Seriously, if you're going through **** your women should understand that.
 

Domo_Arigatoo

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^ I agree.
In my opinion one of the fundamental reasons for a relationship is for you to be able to comfort your partner when they are in turmoil or when they're feeling down. If she only thinks that it's a one way situation, for you to always be strong and for you to help her when she's feeling down, then she obviously has some misconceptions about relationships. I suggest you talk to her about this and if she's not willing to adapt, you should leave.
 

Yo'Mama

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What a *****. Sorry to hear that mate. Good luck with everything.

Late twenties, finishing med school and a virgin...... that's unusual to say the least.
 

sinnerman

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sry to hear about your situation mate. if she naturally isn't taking care of you and all then don't force it. only if it comes from within then its of any importance. when i was in this situation i had another girl who took care of my emotional needs and was there with me whenever i needed her.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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JirQUEST

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Truth is, you're in a situation where if she breaks up with you, she won't be on the losing end.

I read the article you linked, and while it is good advice, I don't see how it works to your advantage in relation to your situation.

If I were you, I'd romance her. Get her out on a date, be as romantic as you can be, give her the night of her life, and then break up with her. Ignore her calls, avoid contacting her at all costs, and then let her wonder what the hell happened.

In the meantime, sort yourself out.
 
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