"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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issue with college-mates

drSpum85

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So despite my afc-status last year (freshman-year), I managed to get myself voted into one of the "hot" or "cool" coed living groups on campus. I guess I'm attractive and I have a pretty nice body since I worked out to an almost OCD-like level in high school (super-AFC then) and I seemed to be able to not piss anyone off who lives within the group, so I"he's such a nice guy" got in.

Anyways, long story short, it seems my AFC-ness from last year (eager-to-please/supplicative) is still in the minds of most of the people within the group. Sometimes I'll overhear people talking **** (they're usually drunk) or others will simply assume I'll just smoke them up (cannabis) on command.

While I've been enacting my own personal program of "Don't fark with me or I will crush you", I'm simply seeking more advice/anecodotes on how to become a commanding presence with my mates, while still recognizing my position within the social hierarchy of the group(I'm the youngest in the group).

If they see how far you're willing to go, noone will mess with you (don't get in trouble),

p
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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exwhyzee

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"If they see how far you're willing to go, noone will mess with you (don't get in trouble),"

I think you are right about that, and you may think you have changed from your old ALC self, but others may not see what is going on inside you.

It is very difficult to change other peoples opinions about you unless you do somthing big that they can see and understand, and have reason to see that you are indeed different.

Goodluck.
 

Alphathree

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My long time friends actually refer to the "Old" and "New" me.

It took more than just a couple of forum posts to redefine myself.

I didn't have to do anything "external" to change they way they thought of me.

One day I woke up, and I was just finally someon else, after all that work, I was my own man, and people just started to see that.

I didn't have to "try" to convince them or "try" to dominate them or anything.

That said, I've also ripped a lot of people right out of my life... when I refer to these long time friends, I have few left. My allegiances are all fleeting and new-ish. It's like I've only been alive for two years; I really do think of it that way.

What I'm saying here is that although you shouldn't have to change anything outside of yourself, you might find that when you change things INSIDE yourself, you automatically start messing with the outside reality so that it suits the new you.
 

drSpum85

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well

I'm not suggesting that my post-count is any indication of what level on the AFC-to-DJ scale that I am at, I am just searching for some honest, anonymous, and intelligent advice, but I digress. So with a new mindset, should I just get in someone's face (this is in college mind you) at a moment of disrespect? Call them out when they try to subordinate me? What's great about this place is that everyone is pretty weak-spirited despite all their money and/or "edukation" so noone is strong enough to make the first move physically. "That's right *****"

American psycho,

p
 
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