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Is this the exclusive talk, or something else?

RickPound

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Fellas,

Been seeing (and ****ing) this girl for about 4 weeks now. Keeping it to once a week roughly (a few twice a week). She was going on other dates when we met and knows I’m dating others as well. Last week she told me she doesn’t want me ****ing other girls, that she dropped her others. I played it off and told her I want to take things slow. It’s always a straight yes when I set dates, but she rarely reaches out first.

Is this her setting me up for an ultimatum? The exclusive talk? Or something else?

I don’t want to let her drop, but also don’t want to give in just yet.
 

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M

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That’s going to be the talk, brotha. I had it happen this year, you’ve spun her hamster too fast and now it’s an ultimatum. Keep cool, stick to what you want. Ultimatum is never a good strategy and you can use that when she does give you it. I saw it almost a game of chicken, but I cracked even though it wasn’t what I’m ready for
 

RickPound

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I’m not trying to play games, but we all know you can’t stop playing the game. I have a feeling she’s been trying to play it cool (hence not initiating a lot because that’s the tone I set), but she can’t take it any longer.

How honest do I be with her? I have to admit, it’s hard spinning plates without it blatantly being in their face sometimes.
 
M

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I’m not trying to play games, but we all know you can’t stop playing the game. I have a feeling she’s been trying to play it cool (hence not initiating a lot because that’s the tone I set), but she can’t take it any longer.

How honest do I be with her? I have to admit, it’s hard spinning plates without it blatantly being in their face sometimes.
Let’s just say if they like you enough, they don’t mind being the ‘first’ option
 

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RickPound

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She’s not the hottest, but the easiest to get along with
 

The Duke

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She’s not the hottest, but the easiest to get along with
Very likely "the talk" is coming. Hold out for one that is hotter and easy to get along with. If your SMV is solid and you can demand a premium, then only commit to the one that brings it's all to the table.
 

Giovanni SouthSide

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“She was going on other dates when we met”
she seems to enjoy the company of other men in a close window if I’m not lacking better judgement
sage advice would be to keep tagging this one as fb status or probation especially after only 4 weeks. Let it simmer for 3 months atleast.
Keep bangin until she proves more commitment and loyalty that’s if you are still betting stakes on the LTR

and what is the itch of replying right away let the hyna marinate on your silence till the next day and text “was swamped with some business whats good bbygirl ” or just randomly hit her up
I would have not replied to that maybe it’s my dicey nature taking a stab and it’s not like shes my girl
In the beginning sexual tension and anxiety play their own due diligence and pays in dividends.
 
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RickPound

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@Giovanni SouthSide Exactly, I don’t wanna jump the minute she asks to see my hand. I wanna keep it simmering. But I guess this is just the typical risk of losing a plate at some point when they don’t like the situation
 

Pierce.Manhammer

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As has been said, you deserve hotness and a pleasant demeanor. Personally I’ve fired my hottest on the roster because she didn’t add anything to my life other than validation, and frankly I’m plenty validated. The juice wasn’t worth the squeeze. If she’d been more pleasant and easy to get along with she would’ve been the ultimate package, alas she is for the streets.

Homie don’t play dat.

She’s not the hottest, but the easiest to get along with
 

RickPound

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Let’s just say if they like you enough, they don’t mind being the ‘first’ option
Well, this is what it came down to. She wants to be the “first” option.

Earlier this week she reached out first and proposed a date for “Friday, or sometime this weekend”. I told her I didn’t know my plan yet and she said to let her know when I did.

She said she knows I’m dating other girls and just wants me to say “yes” if I’m free and make the plans so she doesn’t feel like I’m waiting for a better deal.

Also, totally by chance she saw another girls eye makeup on my bathroom hand towel. Oops.
 
M

member160292

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Crossroads, yeh? It’s really up to what you want, keep her as a plate or commit. Tough decision for sure. My thought is that she may like you enough to see you while you ‘find what you are looking for’ meaning I really like you, but we need to spend more time to get to know each other’

And spin your plates…but if you feel this is The One you can commit to, lay out your demands

Don’t play games. Yes, her not wanting you to fvck other girls is a prelude to the “what are we?!” conversation. Talk to her. Bring your negotiating hat and get her cards on the table.
As IbRollin says set boundaries, expectations sexually and let her know that these are the things I want before we commit. She is on Cloud 9 right now, you can always reference back to this if she doesn’t comply long after
 

RickPound

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@Chowdah Solid advice and viewpoint brotha. Crossroads for sure. She’s just trying to up her rank and there’s nothing wrong with that. Good on ‘er. As long as she’s earning it, I’m happy to oblige and get to know her more.
 

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Pierce.Manhammer

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You can float the idea of primary, do something like “we share something special, we can still see others but we are each others first choice” then suggest you two only go raw with one another - but no one else - women if they’re into you, love this option. Never had a plate in this situation say no.
 
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M

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You can float the idea of primary, do something like “we share something special, we can still see others but we are each others first choice” the. Suggest you two only go raw with one another - but no one else - women if they’re into you, love this option. Never had a plate in this situation say no.
Haha, you sly dog
 

RickPound

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I kept this spinning for another couple weeks but she blew herself out this week. She started getting pretty demanding, aggressive with “we need to talk” stuff, and even got more feminist and masculine lately. After a date this week I took her home because I had an early work commitment in the morning and wanted to sleep. She freaked out and the next day texted “we need to talk over lunch. Let’s meet at this place, you pick the time”

All that started to turn me off honestly and I’m not even attracted to her anymore. She finally pulled the plug saying “let’s just admit we’re not compatible for a romantic relationship. I’m sorry my self respect demands more than keeping it light and fun for you”
 

Scaramouche

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Hi Rick,
All's fair in Love and War....Honesty doesn't come into it,did Montgomery do the Gentlemanly thing and advise Rommel on his plan of battle at El Alamein?...That doesn't mean lying,certainly not,just be vague,avoidist and above all disingenuous....Hazy goal posts set well in the future like:when I get better established in my career or when I have saved enough to buy a home worthy of you...Get the idea?....Now comes the hard part,sweating it out while she comes to terms with this,at the same time withdrawing priveleges,leveraging what is really her only weapon....Here the value of spinning plates and having viable options can be appreciated.....The principal fall backs in a Successful Don Juans progression is always having a plan B.
 
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