Is this REALLY over?

[Smartone84]

Hey guys. First post in many, MANY years here. Part of that is because well, I feel like I outgrew these forums a bit, and another part is because there hasn't been much for me to talk about until now, which should give you an idea about how important I feel this post actually is.

I'm a normal 32 year old guy living in NY and for FIVE years now I've been single as can be, struggling and battling through the often difficult ways of the NYC/Long Island dating scene. For me at this point, as much as I want a girlfriend, there has been a large feeling of surrender at times, because of just how much I've gone through mentally with dating, a story that lord knows would take forever to tell, but in a nutshell, it's been bad. While I'm not the worst looking guy in the world and do have tons of hobbies, I'm not the most well built, don't have a college degree, and have probably the most basic/boring sounding (but good) job there is. These I have felt are just a part of the reason why I have had difficulty with online dating and dating in general. It also doesn't help that I personally despise the majority of women that an area I live in has. Typically your high maintenance entitled type. You know the deal. It has gotten to the point where these days for me to be truly into a girl here is probably as rare as hitting the jackpot on a scratch off. Many, many dates, all of which haven't gone anywhere. To put into perspective, last REAL plate that I felt could have been something was March 2015.

So on New Years day 2017, for the first time in a long time, something interesting happened, and I began talking to someone that I felt a TRUE connection with. I sent a couple messages out on my online dating app, one profile of which I specifically was hoping for a response. The kind of pictures you see and just know is your type. She was beautiful, matched up (profile writing wise) in every way, and just seemed like the type I'd even be a little upset if I didn't get a response. Well I did get a response, and long story short over the next week we texted (and talked on the phone a couple times) pretty much nonstop and set up a date for the coming Sunday. She was almost a bit over the top at times, texting me right through the evening. She's 28. Still, this would be the first date I really really looked forward to in a long long time.

The date came and she showed up surprisingly looking even better than her photos. In my five years of online dating, it's possible that I was never more attracted to a girl I was on a date with than this girl. For nearly three hours we had lunch and talked. We realized how much we had in common, laughed, etc. Towards the end of the date she even friend requests me on facebook. All seemed to be falling into place and I couldn't have been happier. It appeared that there was a chance at least for a fling with this girl who I now was very interested in. That was until two days after the date, on Tuesday. Now it's interesting because on both Monday AND tuesday, she comes to ME via text, just saying hello, stuff like that. On Tuesday night I ask if she's free for a call to which she says she actually has to hop in the shower and after that make dinner. Now I wasn't upset, but I will say that if you're into someone in the early stages you can kinda make 5-10 minutes for them on the phone. She tells me to text her in a little WHILE and she'll see if she's free then. I text her in a hour and she "just sat down for dinner". I thought ok, this phone call ain't happening tonight thats for sure. The weirder part would be that there would be no other texts from her after that. Keep in mind, she came to ME on this night originally.

The NEXT day, Wednesday, i message her in afternoon saying how i was actually going to ask if you'd like to get dinner with me this weekend. She responds later that night after work saying "Sure! Sat or sun? But an early dinner or lunch would work better".

So right there I viewed that as a bit of a red flag. Ok she's agreeing to the date but trying to water it down and dodge the dinner factor for BOTH nights??? Also with no reasoning or explanation behind it. I tell her that Sunday would work better then and to just let me know what time works for her. She responds saying only "Ok!". That was ALL. In my mind she was actually trying to dodge the date by bringing up the lunch thing, but it didn't work for her. No other texts came from her for the remainder of that Weds night. Again, the first 9-10 days was NONSTOP communication. It was very obvious that something was up at this point, and it was confirmed something was up on Thursday when I didn't hear from her at ALL. I was very shocked, and upset. I had ZERO clue what was going on. Here's a girl I had great convo/vibes with for over a week nonstop, went on a great date with, got FACEBOOK requested by, and now something sketchy was going on.

So.... Friday night comes and the text comes in. "Hey, so i'm not going to be able to go to dinner. I wanted to go on a second date and I had fun last weekend, but something just isn't clicking for me. I wish you the best of luck."

I was devastated.

I text her back an entire message saying how i'm quite shocked and have no clue what happened. I said we had such a nice time and have a lot in common and you're "Even friending me on facebook" and that I'm here if she wants to talk about it. She then responds saying the thing is I "remind" her of her EX-boyfriend and she just got a bad feeling. She also says she DIDN'T request me on facebook but that I DID!!! LOL. I thought it was just a desperation to get rid of me and cover up whatever the real reason was. Well the facebook friend request thing aside, I got home that night and pulled up the ex's facebook page, whom she dated for two years and split from in 2014 might I add. I was shocked at what I found.

The guy looked like my fraternal TWIN. It was downright freaky, and at the same time just sickening to think this is what happened here. How this girl DID in fact like me, but just couldn't handle the fact that well, I looked like her ex boyfriend!!!!! She told me in addition that she "tried to ignore it" at first but couldn't. I sent her one final desperation text the next day on Saturday morning saying how if you really had a good time with me and wanted another date, you shouldn't let something to do with a guy you dated years ago stop you from at least exploring your feelings. I finished by saying the offer for lunch is still on the table for tomorrow (Sunday) and I hope you reconsider.

Girl writes BACK to that saying "I just usually go with my gut a lot, I had a bad feeling. But we can talk later. If I can't go tomorrow we can hang out at some other point, ok?"

So now, to my surprise, it was as if my text actually talked her out of this a bit, or she's just too nice to the point where she cannot just tell me she's sorry but its over. Regardless, I was kind of pissed at the whole act she was putting on about the date making me feel like a tool, saying "if i can't go....". It's like at this point, just BE honest with me. My gut feeling was that she was just being too nice and was afraid to just tell me sorry but she can't do this. After all this is a girl who facebook friended me at the end of the date and continued to text me a couple days after when she realized I already looked like her ex. (Lord knows her family and friends seeing my FB pics and making comments to her probably did me in)

So moving to the conclusion now... I text her back to this on this Saturday morning saying "Just call me tonight anytime after 5 if you can. We can talk". No call came in, and then today, Sunday, the day there was maybe a CHANCE for the date to still happen, she messages me in the morning simply saying "Hey, I won't be able to go today". I respond saying "K thanks", and that was it.

I know this might be the most bizarre kind of story some of you have read, but the point of it all is that this girl that I liked so very much and was beyond attracted to and could see myself dating and all that good stuff, DID in fact like me. She DID have a good time on our date. She DID want go go on another date and she even ADMITTED THIS TO ME. Everything seemed perfect except for this one sick twist of irony that apparently she couldn't see past. I suppose my question is, is there a CHANCE for some form of "redemption" here? Usually I wouldn't ever think twice about posting about something like this, but I have never been so disgusted and sickened by a blowoff maybe in my life. I know its nothing I can control and I know its not really her fault, but it is just enough to make me absolutely livid. Finally I met someone who I was very into, and THIS is what happens, lol. Is it possible she was weirded out so much initially and maybe she'll reconsider once things calm/cool down?

What could everyone possibly have to say about such a thing? Her birthday is next weekend and I may send a Happy Birthday text to feel her out.

 

[Smartone84]

It's responses like that which is part of WHY I "outgrew" these forums. Think about what you said here. Basically ripping me from head to toe. I showed no desperation from the start and only sent the "needy" follow up text after I felt like I was blown off and had nothing to lose, and guess what, it actually may have WORKED to a degree. Then you say she met one or two other guys she likes more. Oh, you know that? I'd love to find out how. Did you even read or ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that I said I found the ex's facebook and he does in fact look JUST like me? Did you understand that part and that she was telling the TRUTH? Grow up man. You may be right how overall I didn't project a total image of control coolness and abundance but I honestly feel like you're way off everywhere else.

 

[Die Hard]

Your behavior and feelings throughout this story are understandable and human...I totally understand you and would be inclined to act and feel the same way. BUT I WOULDN'T! Coz it's all wrong and sabotages your chances at succes! You've been too needy and this showed through your behavior...

The games start from the first fvcking conversation you have with a woman. Even if she is really into you, if you don't play the game right, her interest will drop hard! And EVERY girl needs gaming, there is no honest, truthful woman on this earth who will just like you for who you are and give you what you DESERVE without playing games. You have to play games with them, always, with each and every one! You have to MANIPULATE them into giving you what you want, you have to TAKE from them what you want, you have to MAKE them act the way you want! If you ever fully realized this, I guess you forgot about it when you met this girl and got swooped off your feet...

I'm not gonna write an extensive analysis of your whole story, but I will take out one example:

On Tuesday night I ask if she's free for a call to which she says she actually has to hop in the shower and after that make dinner. Now I wasn't upset, but I will say that if you're into someone in the early stages you can kinda make 5-10 minutes for them on the phone. She tells me to text her in a little WHILE and she'll see if she's free then. I text her in a hour and she "just sat down for dinner".

She's testing you, seeing how high value you are, whteher you are a man who will take the lead or a man who will fall down at her feet and submit to her... And you failed! Look, you said it yourself, anyone can find 5 or 10 minutes of free time to hang on the phone, she was playing games. She even told you to text AGAIN and then her HER HIGHNESS would evaluate your request again! Do you even realize how incredibly weak you acted by GIVING IN to that bullsh!t and texting her again an hour after that?!?!

That's all I have to say. This one interaction showed to her that you are weak, needy and unable to stand up for yourself, you allowed her to lead you instead of the other way around, you allowed her to make you jump through her hoops like a good doggy. This kills attraction like a motherfvcker!! Women DESPISE this kind of behavior in a man! That's why they test you on it and when you fail the test they scrap you from their list and go look for another man...
The same principle I explained in the example above applies to the rest of your story, go find out yourself where you went wrong and which actions you should've done differently. If you've been on SoSuave for so long, you're perfectly capable of that.

Don't take my post as an offense, I am trying to help you and I really feel sorry for you that it didn't work out with this girl. But you gotta get it through your head man, you have to be a leader, you need to grab the frame from the very first moment, you cannot show neediness, you need to make her work for you instead of the other way around etc. etc. etc. I think you know exactly how the game works, you just forgot about it coz you thought: with this girl it's gonna be different. Or rather you secretly WISHED it would be and the wish was father to the thought...

Good luck man, there will be more women on your path and more doors will open for you, just make sure you're ready to walk through them by having good game!

 

[hockeyfreak79]

I don't see how Raiders ripped you from head to toe. I thought NewYorkers had thick skin?
His reply was actually pretty damn mild if you ask me.

"Again, the first 9-10 days was NONSTOP communication".

^This is desperation.^ Men lead, woman follow.
There is zero reason to give a broad this must attention in the beginning. ZERO. You handed all your power to her, that drys up the P real quick.

There is nothing bizzare or special about your story what so ever. This sh*t happens all the time.

 

[Smartone84]

@Die Hard , your response was great, mature, and guess what, I agree with it all. If I could look back and point out one thing that was dead wrong it was probably bowing down to her with the whole phone call situation. By that point I was convinced she was into me, and got caught up in the moment of it all. That being said, what do you make of her reasoning for the blow off, which as I stated there was 100% EVIDENCE of truth to? I do in fact resemble her ex boyfriend of two years. Do you honestly think this was just an excuse even though it's TRUE? I mean after all it should be noted that her "fade" seemed to begin a day or two after the date. I guess my point is that while I may have made a wrong move or two, I still think there's a very, very good chance no matter what I did it was already over. Dating someone who looks just like your ex would even be mentally weird for me, but when two people are into each other, it's just hard to give it up. But apparently she did, with no real issues either...

 

[speed dawg]

I know this might be the most bizarre kind of story some of you have read.....

No, it's not bizarre at all. You are the prototypical AFC.

I'm sure the girl did like you. But you turned her off within 2 days. Forget all the ex-boyfriend stuff, that's just an excuse. You were terribly needy from the outset. Way too much contact.

You say you've outgrown this forum, but that's laughable. Honestly the only thing I know to tell you is to read the DJ Bible. What's worse is that you don't want our true comments - you want someone to tell you that it's OK and that you have a chance with this girl. But that ship has sailed.

If you want specific, truthful answers...stick around, we might give them to you. But the way you responded to LARaiders, it's really not worth our time.

 

[Smartone84]

Lol ok so the fact that the guy looks like he could be my fraternal twin is just an "excuse"? And did you even READ the entire post? How exactly was I being needy from the ONSET? How exactly did I turn her off within "2 days" when the girl continued to text me nonstop for over a week until our date.

I mention how SHE was the one being a bit over the top, texting into the evening most of the time, almost nonstop. I knew that it was too much and often tried to keep things on an acceptable level for the first week. I'm not exactly looking for people to just agree with me and say its ok. I'm looking for mature answers in a MATURE forum but apparently all people want to do is bash the hell out of me when in all honesty, maybe only 10% of what I did was AFC. You don't know me. You don't know what I've been through and what i've learned. You just choose to bash me bc it's fun.

 

[Die Hard]

True dat, this sh!t happen all the time. He'll, I m fvcked up

@Die Hard , your response was great, mature, and guess what, I agree with it all. If I could look back and point out one thing that was dead wrong it was probably bowing down to her with the whole phone call situation. By that point I was convinced she was into me, and got caught up in the moment of it all. That being said, what do you make of her reasoning for the blow off, which as I stated there was 100% EVIDENCE of truth to? I do in fact resemble her ex boyfriend of two years. Do you honestly think this was just an excuse even though it's TRUE? I mean after all it should be noted that her "fade" seemed to begin a day or two after the date. I guess my point is that while I may have made a wrong move or two, I still think there's a very, very good chance no matter what I did it was already over. Dating someone who looks just like your ex would even be mentally weird for me, but when two people are into each other, it's just hard to give it up. But apparently she did, with no real issues either...

Apart from a few exceptions, most women don't understand their own nature. When a man jumps through a woman's hoops, she will experience negative feelings towards him and lose attraction to him, but this is simply an instinctual response, just like your mouth starts watering when you smell good food or any other instinctual response. She doesn't consciously understand WHY she responds this way to him, so she'll try to look for an explanation. She then attributed her feelings to the fact that you look like her ex... This is not the real reason why she lost attraction to you, but she thinks it is, she has convinced herself that it is.... But it's not. It's your neediness that caused it, she just doesn't realize this herself.

But you know, and you can use this knowledge to make sure you won't cause this instinctual response in the next woman. So do just that... Go out there, find a new one, don't act needy this time, and she will stay attracted. Ta-daah! Like it's magic! Except, it's not, lol. Show the right behavior towards them and they'll show the right response back to you, it's that simple.

 

[BeExcellent]

Hot girls get swarmed online. I know; I am one. It's totally overwhelming TBH.

@LARaiders85 gave you the correct answer. I actually filter for men who show restraint and who take a little time to reach out/keep in touch. This gives a woman enough space to wonder about you; to hope she hears from you. Scarcity creates value for you.

Texting all day isn't restraint, even if she initiated. It just satisfies her desire for validation and attention, and it tells her very clearly that you have nothing better to do, which means you will seem to her like a stage 5 clinger no matter how cool or witty or whatever you think you are...nobody wants a stage 5 clinger.

The looking like the ex thing IS an excuse...a convenient one, but an excuse. She has other guys she has decided to engage instead of you. You have to remember if you were blown away by her...so to are most men. The guys who are "blown away" are the ones from whom she will run away.

She wants a man who ISN'T blown away, or if he is he doesn't let on. A man who acts normal & who acts as if he is perfectly accustomed to beautiful women.

 

[speed dawg]

Lol ok so the fact that the guy looks like he could be my fraternal twin is just an "excuse"? And did you even READ the entire post? How exactly was I being needy from the ONSET? How exactly did I turn her off within "2 days" when the girl continued to text me nonstop for over a week until our date.

I mention how SHE was the one being a bit over the top, texting into the evening most of the time, almost nonstop. I knew that it was too much and often tried to keep things on an acceptable level for the first week. I'm not exactly looking for people to just agree with me and say its ok. I'm looking for mature answers in a MATURE forum but apparently all people want to do is bash the hell out of me when in all honesty, maybe only 10% of what I did was AFC. You don't know me. You don't know what I've been through and what i've learned. You just choose to bash me bc it's fun.

No one in this thread has bashed you, not even a little bit. Just wanted to clarify that.

If you want a safe space, might try Loveshack.org.

 

[BeExcellent]

I wanted to add...refrain from wishing her a Happy Birthday.

You are going to get yourself all wound up about her response/non-response if you do & create something else to over analyze.

Don't do that to yourself.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

This isn't a bizarre story. It's as generic as it gets, and you've already lost. Seriously. You're done. She doesn't like you anymore after this behavior. Don't text her on her birthday. Doing so will only turn her off more, if that's even possible.

And no one "bashed" or "ripped you to shreds". Everyone has been very kind to you so far, but it's evident you didn't outgrow the forums at all. You talk like you've never heard of game before.

 

[Smartone84]

So just to verify before this thread ends, everyone, including @BlueAlpha1 is taking this girls side and thinking that I completely played this wrong in every possible way, right? @BlueAlpha1 I must ask what you mean by "This behavior" ? If you are talking about my last ditch effort text Saturday morning after she ALREADY blew me off thats fine, but if you, or others are going to imply that me responding to her texts and talking to her a decent amount in the week leading up to our first date was a "mistake", then I will disagree. I don't ever recall just running away from conversation being a part of the game. Had I been the one texting her over and over then yes of course thats a mistake.

Something obviously happened on the date and I truly believe it had to do with her being weirded out that I resembled her ex bf of two years very closely, followed by her family and friends looking at my facebook and feeding into/confirming her thoughts. It wasn't that i responded to her TEXTS too much and even though it was a mistake i don't think it was bc I asked her to talk on the phone. I wasn't looking to ask where I "went wrong" in my initial message. I didn't think I did too much that wrong to begin with. I was asking what everyone thought I could do with her bizarre excuse which i found out to be accurate and if there was a chance of possibly, in some way shape or form, changing her mind. Instead, yes, I did get bashed to some extent, in multiple ways.

 

[Reyaj]

It's responses like that which is part of WHY I "outgrew" these forums. Think about what you said here. Basically ripping me from head to toe. I showed no desperation from the start and only sent the "needy" follow up text after I felt like I was blown off and had nothing to lose, and guess what, it actually may have WORKED to a degree. Then you say she met one or two other guys she likes more. Oh, you know that? I'd love to find out how. Did you even read or ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that I said I found the ex's facebook and he does in fact look JUST like me? Did you understand that part and that she was telling the TRUTH? Grow up man. You may be right how overall I didn't project a total image of control coolness and abundance but I honestly feel like you're way off everywhere else.

Seriously man.. Most people here are keyboard jockeys. I've been in your situation many times sir.. What you wrote in your original thread is in my opinion the the hardest part of this game... It's when you really like someone, put in a good effort where it looks like the feelings are reciprocated, and then lose everything so fast via one date or small encounter...

Contrary to what some others have wrote, I don't think you committed any cardinal sin here.. The only thing I would say to learn from this is to keep your feelings in check until a relationship is established with someone. It's normal and all too easy to get infatuated with someone you are attracted to and click with, it's actually something that makes you feel alive and happy. But you have to reason over this emotion and realize that women are very odd creatures in the way they reason things.

The irony here is that you looking like her ex is probably what attracted her to you in the beginning (I think Des's High Score Theory might apply here). But unfortunately its the same thing that is making her have doubts. I'm not sure of all the details of how your date went, but I didn't see you mention trying to kiss her or what not.. Next time try to be more assertive in this regard as I find girls that make some kind of physical investment even if it's just kissing are more prone to see you again.

Keep your head up... I'll get flamed for saying this but if you really want any chance with her, maybe in a few days message her something like "hey I just want to apologize if I offended you. I realize relationships can have a traumatic effect on someone. I'd like to be friends"

That should lower her guard, then if you hang out with her again you can try kinoing and starting to hook up. Again I'm sure I'll get flamed for this advice because I mentioned the word "friend" which to anyone that reads this is a cardinal sin lol

 

[Smartone84]

Thank you @Reyaj for being one of the few level headed ones who doesn't actually think I did just about EVERYTHING wrong. Question though what exactly is Des's High Score Theory?

As far as messaging her and saying sorry I offended her, I won't be doing that. What in the world did I even do to offend her? LOL. If anything she should be the one coming to me apologizing for such a phony kind of blow off where she just couldn't be an adult and be clear that it was over, instead agreeing to a date initially and then even saying after the blowoff that there was still a chance.

Also there was no attempt at a kiss at the end of the date. Just a hug.

 

[Red Legg]

Why the hell did you ask permission to call her? your whole post reeks of neediness and being waayyy to eager!!

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Seriously man.. Most people here are keyboard jockeys. I've been in your situation many times sir.. What you wrote in your original thread is in my opinion the the hardest part of this game... It's when you really like someone, put in a good effort where it looks like the feelings are reciprocated, and then lose everything so fast via one date or small encounter...

Contrary to what some others have wrote, I don't think you committed any cardinal sin here.. The only thing I would say to learn from this is to keep your feelings in check until a relationship is established with someone. It's normal and all too easy to get infatuated with someone you are attracted to and click with, it's actually something that makes you feel alive and happy. But you have to reason over this emotion and realize that women are very odd creatures in the way they reason things.

The irony here is that you looking like her ex is probably what attracted her to you in the beginning (I think Des's High Score Theory might apply here). But unfortunately its the same thing that is making her have doubts. I'm not sure of all the details of how your date went, but I didn't see you mention trying to kiss her or what not.. Next time try to be more assertive in this regard as I find girls that make some kind of physical investment even if it's just kissing are more prone to see you again.

Keep your head up... I'll get flamed for saying this but if you really want any chance with her, maybe in a few days message her something like "hey I just want to apologize if I offended you. I realize relationships can have a traumatic effect on someone. I'd like to be friends"

That should lower her guard, then if you hang out with her again you can try kinoing and starting to hook up. Again I'm sure I'll get flamed for this advice because I mentioned the word "friend" which to anyone that reads this is a cardinal sin lol

Keyboard jockeys? You're kidding right?

This poster signed up here 11 years ago, and comes back a decade later clearly balls deep still in the Matrix. He told a pitiful story where the answer is obvious to everyone yet, is clearly not receptive to any information that doesn't equate to "yes, she likes you but is just unsure of what she wants! Do X, Y, Z to get her interested again."

He's accusing others of "bashing" him in this passive aggressive tone but is being super defensive of himself, not understanding it's not personal but that this girl is JUST GONE. This story doesn't end well, so stop handling him with kid gloves. I have sympathy for newbies, and we all want to help, but not this level of ignorance after a decade and with this attitude.

OP, stop whacking at everything that moves like a grumpy cat and just listen to us.

 

[Reyaj]

Thank you @Reyaj for being one of the few level headed ones who doesn't actually think I did just about EVERYTHING wrong. Question though what exactly is Des's High Score Theory?

As far as messaging her and saying sorry I offended her, I won't be doing that. What in the world did I even do to offend her? LOL. If anything she should be the one coming to me apologizing for such a phony kind of blow off where she just couldn't be an adult and be clear that it was over, instead agreeing to a date initially and then even saying after the blowoff that there was still a chance.

Also there was no attempt at a kiss at the end of the date. Just a hug.

Yeah dude my bad, you don't have to apologize like that per say. I meant it more as just something to transition from and more literally like "I'm sorry you feel that way" similar to when you say I'm sorry when someone dies, you're sorry for their loss but not that you did anything wrong. Regardless you don't have to transition with that, just say you thought about it and you understand how she may feel like that or some other bs

Honestly you may be better off nexting this girl and focusing your efforts on the future, that's practical I advice I'd agree with. But if you wanted to take one last shot just for the hell of it, you could try the above.

Des is one of the mods and senior members here. He wrote the High Score Theory which I believe you can read in the tips forum.. the gist of it is that basically women develop a "type" early in their life, whether it be a celebrity, father figure, early boyfriend etc... and depending on how closely you match this will dictate a lot of her attraction to you. Des can explain it more detail as I know I'm not doing it justice, one of the items on my to-do list is to read it and comment.

Keyboard jockeys? You're kidding right?

This poster signed up here 11 years ago, and comes back a decade later clearly balls deep still in the Matrix. He told a pitiful story where the answer is obvious to everyone yet, is clearly not receptive to any information that doesn't equate to "yes, she likes you but is just unsure of what she wants! Do X, Y, Z to get her interested again."

He's accusing others of "bashing" him in this passive aggressive tone but is being super defensive of himself, not understanding it's not personal but that this girl is JUST GONE. This story doesn't end well, so stop handling him with kid gloves. I have sympathy for newbies, and we all want to help, but not this level of ignorance after a decade and with this attitude.

OP, stop whacking at everything that moves like a grumpy cat and just listen to us.

He left because he reads the same dogmatic responses here over and over again. I can totally relate to him as I have gotten flamed in posts just for uttering "blasphemous" words that were against the DJ bible or the group think here. It honestly can be as bad as political partisan responses..

The problem I have is that people here don't seem to want to "read" or "relate" to scenarios that people post. Its like they believe if you follow the advice here verbatim you'll have success. Do you really think saying "Can I call you later" versus just calling would have really made a difference in this girl's view? Don't get me wrong I probably would have been more assertive and just called or said "I'll call you later" but its not like that is going to make or break this for him. Maybe it's just the way a lot of you come across... it just sounds like dictation as opposed to empathy and objective advice.

What I've been finding is that yes having solid fundamentals is key, but all to often a girl make's an initial determination of whether she is into you in a very short time frame, and if she isn't into you then following the fundamentals will not change her mind. If you do want to change her mind you better start playing some serious psychological games which very rarely will be worth your time and effort.

I know I've been saying it for a while, but I'm writing a log of all the real world experience I can remember. I hope to start post it soon. It's going to be pure facts from my experiences without any kind of slanted agenda. I want to post concrete things from my experience not just theory...

What I can tell you is that it seems when there is instant attraction from a female things have escalated very well... having to play long drawn out games have seldom been fruitful...

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Every act that you commit which demonstrates low value is subtracted from your value score:

[O]ver the next week we texted (and talked on the phone a couple times) pretty much nonstop and set up a date for the coming Sunday.

-1

All seemed to be falling into place and I couldn't have been happier.

-1 This attitude reflects in your sub-communications.

It appeared that there was a chance at least for a fling with this girl who I now was very interested in.

-1 You just met her; why so interested? Your thirty-ness reflects in your sub-communications.

On Tuesday night I ask if she's free for a call to which she says she actually has to hop in the shower and after that make dinner.

-2: -1 for asking. -1 for her denying.

She tells me to text her in a little WHILE and she'll see if she's free then. I text her in a hour and she "just sat down for dinner".

-1. Good little doggie. Now jump.

The NEXT day, Wednesday, i message her in afternoon saying how i was actually going to ask if you'd like to get dinner with me this weekend.

-1 She already blew you off. Now you're asking for a date? Desperado.

She responds later that night after work saying "Sure! Sat or sun? But an early dinner or lunch would work better".

-1, She's playing you hard now and you're still not getting the point. <Facepalm>

I tell her that Sunday would work better then and to just let me know what time works for her.

-1 Here you should have ejected permanently, but you're still game? Now she's going to "rape" you.

She responds saying only "Ok!".

This means, "Jerk off!"

So.... Friday night comes and the text comes in. "Hey, so i'm not going to be able to go to dinner. I wanted to go on a second date and I had fun last weekend, but something just isn't clicking for me. I wish you the best of luck."

Such a surprise!

I text her back an entire message saying how i'm quite shocked and have no clue what happened.

-5, now you are bordering stalker territory.

I said we had such a nice time and have a lot in common and you're "Even friending me on facebook" and that I'm here if she wants to talk about it. She then responds saying the thing is I "remind" her of her EX-boyfriend and she just got a bad feeling. She also says she DIDN'T request me on facebook but that I DID!!! LOL. I thought it was just a desperation to get rid of me and cover up whatever the real reason was. Well the facebook friend request thing aside, I got home that night and pulled up the ex's facebook page, whom she dated for two years and split from in 2014 might I add. I was shocked at what I found.

The guy looked like my fraternal TWIN. It was downright freaky, and at the same time just sickening to think this is what happened here. How this girl DID in fact like me, but just couldn't handle the fact that well, I looked like her ex boyfriend!!!!! She told me in addition that she "tried to ignore it" at first but couldn't. I sent her one final desperation text the next day on Saturday morning saying how if you really had a good time with me and wanted another date, you shouldn't let something to do with a guy you dated years ago stop you from at least exploring your feelings. I finished by saying the offer for lunch is still on the table for tomorrow (Sunday) and I hope you reconsider.

-10, now she is contemplating a restraining order.

Girl writes BACK to that saying "I just usually go with my gut a lot, I had a bad feeling. But we can talk later. If I can't go tomorrow we can hang out at some other point, ok?"

Translation: I am afraid of you now because you seem crazy, let me try to be easier and let you down slowly.

No need to go further with this. You are sickly obssessed with this girl who has zero interest in you. Rejection is your friend. If you want to bang scores of hot women, you better learn to recognize and embrace rejection.

 

[logicallefty]

OP, this same thing happened to me years ago, in 07 I think it was. I met a woman in online dating that I just thought was IT. We clicked. After a fun night of dinner and bowling we did the nasty in my truck on the street by her place. She had a roomie so we couldn't go in at that time, and my place was further away. After I zipped my pants and took her to the door I drove straight to my mother's house which was only 2 miles from hers. I said "Mom I think I have found THE ONE". We celebrated. The next day I tried texting and no reply. Never heard from her for over week, not a peep. She had went stone cold. The writing was on the wall but I didn't act on it.. I should have dumped her after that long. Instead, I sent something smartazz to her in text. I don't remember what it was. She responded to that right away... With a long series of about 5 texts. That was back when texts could only be 160 characters. She ripped me to pieces, then she dumped me.. The worse part is I find out a week or so later that she actually dumped me for a WOMAN! I was still crushed for quite a while.

Moral of the story, b|tches can be hot like the Sun and then cold as the South Pole in a snap. You just gotta roll with it. That was the last time i was ever dumped though. Now I have learned the signs. And when I see the relationship deteriorating I end it first.

Regarding some previous posts in this thread: Sometimes we dish out a little bit of tough love on this forum that's not intended to be derogatory. But it seems like it is, especially when you are not in a clear frame of mind over a breakup (happens to the best of us). I don't think anyone in this thread meant to defame your character.