Is this normal?

[phil2015]

In regards to my bpd/narc ex who seemed to like starting issues/problems/arguments with me....I still feel bad and hold myself responsible for it all going wrong.

She seemed to enjoy the argument and try as I might, she wouldn't let things drop no matter how much I talked and explain things to her. I even read up on other resources whilst I was with her to prevent conflict, but it didn't help.

It's now 2 month later, and whilst I don't actually miss her as a person, I'm replaying things over in my mind and carrying the blame for it. I feel like I was the one being argumentative, and don't feel like much of a Man. I'm told I've been 'gaslit' which basically means I had all of the blame placed on me, whilst she accepts none and never will.

I need to resolve this before I can move on and am wondering if any of you feel anything similar. Even when the relationship has ended

 

[wifehunter]

Yep, most women are trash, to be thrown out. Time to clean house!

 

[sazc]

I think everyone has regrets and replays situations in which they could have handled themselves better.

Let me ask you this - are you happier now? Are you more at peace with your life? Are you enjoying not walking on eggshells? Those are big things.

As for as assigning yourself blame, I want you to try and see this from a different viewpoint - one of 'relationship dynamics' and 'compatibility'

At the very least you have to admit that the issues between you both were a 'relationship dynamic'. Between you and she, neither one of you could figure out how to achieve resolution to a situation and exist together peacefully. That is a fundamental lack of compatibility, and it exists in BOTH people. If you need to feel responsible the you can only assign 50% of that blame to yourself.

The bigger takeaway is to really understand that you both had a relationship dynamic and lack of compatibility that simply didnt work and neither of you would have been happy existing in that dynamic in the long term.

Bad relationship dynamics/lack of compatibility happen. No one person is more responsible, no one person is more at fault. People are who they are. You will find someone with whom you have bad relationship dynamics again. I promise you will. For me, the biggest thing I learned about this situation is, identify it for what it is, try to address issues in a mature way early on, if it looks like a pattern and/or dynamic that is going to exist in the relationship, WALK. Free yourself up to find someone that might be a better match for you.

Time doesn't stop, but humans are only granted so much of it. Make an effort and if nothing changes, stop wasting time.

Or keep her as a plate, stay emotionally divested, and look for someone you are more compatible with

 

[@Jonanthony]

You seem like your pretty much there... Remember to set boundaries...never accept bad behaviour , just learning to recognise them; and to deal with said swiftly and absolutely, this unfortunately comes with experience. Go forward with those memories in order to not repeat . Been there mate , chin up.