Is this my fault or hers?

[odawg]

Hey guys,

I had a fight with my girlfriend last night at a nightclub and I would like to hear 'the floors' thoughts on what happened, because I am not sure whether I am in the right on in the wrong.

Quick background and synopsis

We were out together last night at a club with family and friends and everything was going well. We do unfortunately have a history of fighting when we are out together, with a combination of alcohol and jealousy etc..but last night we had a good talk before we went out and decided to be a little more mature this time. Sometimes she gets jealous when I talk to other girls I have been with in the club (as I have a little bit of a 'rep' back home for being a player), however in this 'talk' at the start of the night I explained to her that she was number one in my life and just because I was talking to other girls didn't mean I was flirting with them. I kindly told her that I needed to be able to talk to other girls like a normal human being but her jealousy issues were completely unwarranted because she was number one and I didn't want anybody else. The truth is that what I told her is correct as she is an absolute bombshell of a girl looks wise (I too am an attractive bloke, but if I am being honest with myself I am punching a little above my weight in the looks category, but what's wrong with that eh?).

So for a change we were getting on great. Drinks were flowing and we were having a great time in the VIP area of the club. Towards the end of the night we decided to go for a dance in the main area of the club and on the floor we could see a bloke who she was 'seeing' a little during a 4 month period when we had a break. At the time she was seeing him casually but I interjected and told her I wanted her back and she decided to get back with me. Unfortunately he got his heart broken but that is life.

So....we are on the dance floor and he and his 'colleagues' were semi-blanking us, which is fair enough. My girlfriend tried to politely chat to one of his mates out of courtesy but he was very backward to her, so we did decide to keep our distance. I then said to her "I am better than him", and she went bazerk, flaring up and saying I shouldn't be talking like that about anyone and I shouldn't be looking down on people. Truth be told I just said it because I wanted to make myself feel a little better, I do think that it is natural to come out with statements like that after a couple of drinks and in the presence of another guy who used to see her that got burned, and probably still has feelings for her. I was being alpha male inside my mind and do not think that what I said is a terrible thing to come out with. We then have a fight where I hardly get a word in and she runs off.

I talk to her outside and she is still saying I shouldn't be coming out with statements like that because I am better than nobody and she hates when I am a ****y bast*rd. I told her to wise up, and that I only said it because I wanted to make myself feel a bit better which was very much the truth. I told her it was a natural reaction of self assurance but she didn't listen at all. Basically she just kept saying that I shouldn't be looking down on anybody and everybody is the same. Fair enough, she has a reasonable point on paper but she failed to even comprehend the situation and that what I said was just a self assuring back-handed comment, which probably is said by every male with gonads every single day on this god forsaken planet.

In short, there was no talking to her and we had a fight. We got a taxi home, didn't speak and haven't spoken since this morning. All because of THAT. I do know it is terribly immature to be having petty fights like this, but it was alcohol induced and tbh I don't see where I went wrong. I tried to tell her that all she needed to do if she disagreed with me was tell me her thoughts and not to flare up like a drama queen, which only escalates the problem. She should have reassured me for comedic value at least or made a joke out of it if anything, but instead she went down my throat and started a fight.

I will undoubtedly talk to her today very soon, so before that, I would be obliged if I could hear 'the floors' thoughts on whether I am in the right, or in the wrong.


Thanks.

 

[betheman]

Hey guys,

I had a fight with my girlfriend last night at a nightclub and I would like to hear 'the floors' thoughts on what happened, because I am not sure whether I am in the right on in the wrong.

Quick background and synopsis

We were out together last night at a club with family and friends and everything was going well. We do unfortunately have a history of fighting when we are out together, with a combination of alcohol and jealousy etc..but last night we had a good talk before we went out and decided to be a little more mature this time. Sometimes she gets jealous when I talk to other girls I have been with in the club (as I have a little bit of a 'rep' back home for being a player), however in this 'talk' at the start of the night I explained to her that she was number one in my life and just because I was talking to other girls didn't mean I was flirting with them. I kindly told her that I needed to be able to talk to other girls like a normal human being but her jealousy issues were completely unwarranted because she was number one and I didn't want anybody else. The truth is that what I told her is correct as she is an absolute bombshell of a girl looks wise (I too am an attractive bloke, but if I am being honest with myself I am punching a little above my weight in the looks category, but what's wrong with that eh?).

So for a change we were getting on great. Drinks were flowing and we were having a great time in the VIP area of the club. Towards the end of the night we decided to go for a dance in the main area of the club and on the floor we could see a bloke who she was 'seeing' a little during a 4 month period when we had a break. At the time she was seeing him casually but I interjected and told her I wanted her back and she decided to get back with me. Unfortunately he got his heart broken but that is life.

So....we are on the dance floor and he and his 'colleagues' were semi-blanking us, which is fair enough. My girlfriend tried to politely chat to one of his mates out of courtesy but he was very backward to her, so we did decide to keep our distance. I then said to her "I am better than him", and she went bazerk, flaring up and saying I shouldn't be talking like that about anyone and I shouldn't be looking down on people. Truth be told I just said it because I wanted to make myself feel a little better, I do think that it is natural to come out with statements like that after a couple of drinks and in the presence of another guy who used to see her that got burned, and probably still has feelings for her. I was being alpha male inside my mind and do not think that what I said is a terrible thing to come out with. We then have a fight where I hardly get a word in and she runs off.

I talk to her outside and she is still saying I shouldn't be coming out with statements like that because I am better than nobody and she hates when I am a ****y bast*rd. I told her to wise up, and that I only said it because I wanted to make myself feel a bit better which was very much the truth. I told her it was a natural reaction of self assurance but she didn't listen at all. Basically she just kept saying that I shouldn't be looking down on anybody and everybody is the same. Fair enough, she has a reasonable point on paper but she failed to even comprehend the situation and that what I said was just a self assuring back-handed comment, which probably is said by every male with gonads every single day on this god forsaken planet.

In short, there was no talking to her and we had a fight. We got a taxi home, didn't speak and haven't spoken since this morning. All because of THAT. I do know it is terribly immature to be having petty fights like this, but it was alcohol induced and tbh I don't see where I went wrong. I tried to tell her that all she needed to do if she disagreed with me was tell me her thoughts and not to flare up like a drama queen, which only escalates the problem. She should have reassured me for comedic value at least or made a joke out of it if anything, but instead she went down my throat and started a fight.

I will undoubtedly talk to her today very soon, so before that, I would be obliged if I could hear 'the floors' thoughts on whether I am in the right, or in the wrong.


Thanks.

Your 'statement' was little to do with her going off on one, sounds like she was more pissed because he was blanking her, she sounds incredibly insecure (been there done that, it rarely ends well) and she will have a hair trigger when it comes to getting upset over such issues.
she wants to be able to do what she wont allow or hates you doing, i.e. talking to those of the opposite sex.
She has proven to you that once youre out of the way, she is on to the next branch, you got back but she is still looking for a branch.
I dont think this is a question of how to repair the damage, the pattern is there, you either learn to live with it or move on, ultimately, from experience, moving on is probably best as her insecurities arent likely to subside

 

[odawg]

Interesting.

It is most certainly not a case of her being annoyed at that other bloke. I am leagues above him, so that is quite simply not an issue. That thought does not even enter my mind.

She just gets very annoyed when I act ****y and arrogant, as she seems to think that I think I am better than everyone else when I am out at a club and drinking alcohol (don't we all after a few drinks but that is where the fun lies). Obviously that is not the case but it is the cause for arguments..

Thanks for your thoughts anyway, will take on-board.....

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Anyone else imagine Ronnie and Sammi form Jersey Shore when you started reading this thread?? LOL

Okay, okay here's my thoughts:

Your girl is immature and it sounds like in this case she's overreacting but part of the blame in this situation falls on your shoulders due to your past and reputation. I'd look for another girl, hot girls like these are nice to carry around on your arm, but they are so empty inside its beyond pathetic.




PIMP

 

[jafyk]

I'd say you were wrong for saying what you said but she over reacted and it could mean there's something else going underneath the surface and she got the excuse to act out.

 

[Chickfight]

I was reading your post and was thinking drama queen and then I read this:

I tried to tell her that all she needed to do if she disagreed with me was tell me her thoughts and not to flare up like a drama queen

Bro, your girlfriend is a drama queen. I think you know that. It's not a huge deal, most girls are to some degree. There's no changing her so if you want to be with her you have to learn how to handle her.

Girls like that will blow up over some random trivial thing you did, not because they're actually mad about it, but because they're mad about something ELSE, but they don't wanna admit it. It doesn't matter that you said "I'm better than him". She would have found something eventually to get you on.

She's was probably pissed about you saying you still wanted to talk to other girls, but since she already said she was cool with it, she had find another way to let out her anger and need for drama.

This is something she'll always do. Don't try to logically argue why what you did is not a big deal (since it's not about that anyway). You can't prevent it, but you can diffuse the situation by not getting angry and not escalating. Just calmly go talk to her outside and ask her "What's this really about?". If she's still acts super pissed after you tried to level with her, then don't react to her anymore and go chill with your buddies. You're a man and you don't descend into the drama girls create. Believe me, she'll come back.

 

[odawg]

Thanks for the replies guys. It is very helpful to hear other perspectives.

Chickfight, your advice is spot on mate. I do know she can be a bit of a drama queen at times, particularly after a few drinks, but hey, aren't all girls. You are definitely right to say it won't change and the options are to either next her or learn how to better manage the situation and diffuse her little tantrums if/when they come about. I think for now I will go with the latter. She is a genuniely lovely girl and I do love her, so for now I do think it is best to try and learn and move on.

We have talked it over today and realised it is stupid. Apparently I was talking **** all night about how good I was and even said at one point that 'I owned the nightclub'. I am man enough to admit that when I was informed I said that I cringed a little. I think that last comment maybe put her over the edge and she burst. I personally think it is quite funny, and the things we say when we are drunk should never be taken too seriously.

So yes, for now I will try to learn how to diffuse such situations instead of meeting, matching and even excelling her anger. I guess that is part and parcel of playing the game and winning it.

In the words of Charlie Sheen...WINNING