Is this my business?

[wjh]

GF has a MySpace. Her excuse? She uses it to communicate with family she has overseas. (She has a big family).

I generally don't feel too comfortable with girls I'm semi-serious with having a MySpace. Thing is... Her MySpace address is her ex's initials and hers combined. She also has him still as a friend. She doesn't have him on a "Top 8" or whatever. She doesn't have a super AW profile or anything with 400 "friends".

Now, I'm young and LTRs right now shouldn't really be that big of a deal. I know this girl is very interested in me. But I don't trust her 100%. I'm not sure if you can trust anyone 100% - even family.

So I'm just wondering if it's my business... Should I care? He's not in the picture, other than that. I told her in the beginning, after finding out she was only single a couple months, that I don't date girls with ex-boyfriend baggage. It's one of my rules. She made it a point to tell me that she was in no way in contact with him and everyone in her family knows she wants nothing to do with him.

The truth is, not only because I don't trust her 100%, but because I also don't see her as much as I would like (she's busy with school, she lives about an hour drive, she has family obligations which I respect) - I don't know if this relationship is very strong from the jump.

There are no indicators that I would break up with her for any reason, other than finding a better girl/more accessible girl without a MySpace... Should I just stick this through for now and see what happens?

If this girl was a girl I didn't have these other issues with, I think I would make a bigger deal out of this MySpace, but I'm not. She also has a FaceBook.

And another funky question, I'm not sure if this is normal or an AFC disposition, but is it weird/bad/not DJ to consider dating other girls (spinning other plates) not an option right now? I feel it would be dishonest, because of the monogamy... I'm not sure what I'm saying here, but I'm also positive that this girl isn't 100% what I want from a "real" LTR - this almost feels temporary. Did I jump into something I shouldn't have?

There are other girls I could "get" if I wanted to, it's not really a scarcity thing... I like a lot of things about this girl in particular, some not so much.

Why am I so confused?

 

[Phyzzle]

There's nothing wrong here, and I'm sure all the other guys under 35 would agree. However, there are plenty of posters here above 35 who will say the opposite.

I could see how you might be confused if you only see her once a week, though. That could get annoying after a while, if you're in a monogamous relationship.

 

[wjh]

There's nothing wrong here, and I'm sure all the other guys under 35 would agree. However, there are plenty of posters here above 35 who will say the opposite.

I could see how you might be confused if you only see her once a week, though. That could get annoying after a while, if you're in a monogamous relationship.

Thanks for the input.

One question though. I've read many places that seeing a girl often can make things boring quickly. It dispels a lot of the mystery and creates a vacuum for a more interesting guy to come in the picture and dazzle your GF. So the DJ/SS thing to do would be to keep the timing of visits about the same as they are now (once a week). However, I feel as though this is an artificial SS/DJ mannerism we're initially supposed to replicate while in rAFC mode. If I feel I'm beyond that, and just want more of her, but can't get it due to circumstance, what then? Deal with it? Am I being needy? I think I am, but I'm not sure.

 

[wjh]

I could go more into detail... But I think the consensus is that I should just chill out and not worry about these things. Make the most of it and live. Thanks guys. I feel better.

 

[cedd]

GF has a MySpace. Her excuse? She uses it to communicate with family she has overseas.

there are other more private tools for communicating with family rather than MySpace or Facebook...you should better worry about if she really uses her MySpace or Facebook for "social networking" and communicating, not for casual flirting.



cheers

 

[02hero]

To the OP,
You stated that you weren't sure of your real feelings for her in your opening post, so this feeling of confusion and wanting her to get rid of her ex's initials stems from you wanting to possess/own her. Try to let go of that feeling man, ownership is just one of the many illusions in this life.

As for not wanting to spin plates, if you did I think it would help you out in not feeling this way.....

 

[speed dawg]

Dude, quit thinking about this so much. Just have fun with her, and you won't even half to worry about her ex-boyfriend.

You have One-itis for this chick, whether you admit it or not. She's your only option right now.

I've been there. Once you find this stuff out it's hard to get it out of your head. My advice, quit giving a sh1t about all this useless stuff and just live your life.

 

[Warrior74]

she probably made her myspace when she was with him. you gotta hate the fact that you can't go back and change somethings on myspace after you've done them with out deleting all of your stuff and starting over. It was probably just easier for her to keep her name than go through all of the work of redoing her page.

 

[samspade]

Seriously, almost everyone I know is on Myspace and/or Facebook. For women, it's an exercise in vanity and attention...nothing to get worked up about. Chicks love posting pics, commenting on pics, and getting flattering comments from AFCs in a public forum. And yeah, she probably created the address when they were together. Once you create one you're stuck with it, unless you want to start all over with a new account. No biggie.


(oops, I just repeated what Warrior74 said. haha.)

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

No cut on WJH, but you have to laugh at the irony of MySpace; In the Discussion Forum we've got the kids singing the praises of MySpace hookups and what a great modern convenience it is for online sarging. And in the Mature Forum, we've got "Is it my business that my GF still has a MySpace profile with her Ex's initials as her profile name and still has him on her friends lis?"

Heheh,..

 

[true romance]

Stay away from my spce and facebook...if she wants to cheat she will find other ways.

Guys get off this web **** ....You have a busy life and this is the least of your problem. women lke to post their life on teh web let them do it....

You are building your life through business, work, school....

Bang her and have a good time

For gods know she post her nake pictures on the web and you would not know.

So enjoy her company and live life.

 

[PTC]

No cut on WJH, but you have to laugh at the irony of MySpace; In the Discussion Forum we've got the kids singing the praises of MySpace hookups and what a great modern convenience it is for online sarging. And in the Mature Forum, we've got "Is it my business that my GF still has a MySpace profile with her Ex's initials as her profile name and still has him on her friends lis?"

Heheh,..

I agree with this. I think these days with all these online "look at me" sites it is too easy. Most of these women on here are attention ho's especially the ones with 300+ friends. I myself will never seek a LTR with a chick from myspace again. For sarging,...yes it has its advantages but I have met lots of women who don't have a myspace page and the intellectual level is noticeably different!!

Just my two cents

 

[Trader]

GF has a MySpace. Her excuse? She uses it to communicate with family she has overseas. (She has a big family).

I generally don't feel too comfortable with girls I'm semi-serious with having a MySpace. Thing is... Her MySpace address is her ex's initials and hers combined. She also has him still as a friend. She doesn't have him on a "Top 8" or whatever. She doesn't have a super AW profile or anything with 400 "friends".

You said it yourself - you don't feel comfortable with her having a MySpace. Tell her to drop MySpace. If she has high interest in you - she will drop it like it's hot.

And another funky question, I'm not sure if this is normal or an AFC disposition, but is it weird/bad/not DJ to consider dating other girls (spinning other plates) not an option right now? I feel it would be dishonest, because of the monogamy... I'm not sure what I'm saying here, but I'm also positive that this girl isn't 100% what I want from a "real" LTR - this almost feels temporary. Did I jump into something I shouldn't have?

There are other girls I could "get" if I wanted to, it's not really a scarcity thing... I like a lot of things about this girl in particular, some not so much.

Why am I so confused?

Set your own standards. If you are not comfortable dating more than one girl at once, then don't do it. In fact, I happen to take your stance as well.

You say you don't see her a lot because of distance - what you need to do is focus on your LIFE. Which would be work, school, and just continue to be social with other girls. If you find a better girl, then you can just NEXT this one.

 

[Latinoman]

I won't bother dating a woman that has too much time in her hands (and is that insecure for attention) as to have a MySpace and Facebook accounts.

In fact, I would disqualify them.

If they want to keep contact with family members...then email is the way.

Note: Do NOT tell her to drop anything. That would be controlling. Simply tell her that you don't like or some crap like that. And tell her why. If she continues with it...then you know she is by all effects a FWB. I mean, why make your life miserable by investing emotionally on a woman that needs that kind of attention?

 

[wjh]

You know, she's almost too busy. This is getting ridiculous. I just don't think I met this girl at the right time. Too many family obligations, school, I'm just getting tired of it. I care about her, but I have "needs" and the potential to score with too many other girls.

I'm really over the MySpace thing. I don't think she's doing it for AW purposes, I've seen AW MySpace accounts, it's not that. I think I was being a little paranoid and maybe possessive. Upon reflection, and reading a couple of the opinions here, I've forgotten about it.

I went out last night and got a girl's number. Meh, she wasn't very hot. I think I'm gonna delete it though. The night before I got some great IOI's from a few girls, but the single girl I was interested in was being hawked by several guys and quite frankly didn't feel like being one of "those" guys. She would have been nice to number close. Because I'm in an LTR (it's only been a couple months), I don't really sarge or make a huge effort to meet new girls. Maybe I should pick that up more and more.

I'm not sure how much longer I can take this.

 

[thedeparted]

You should end your LTR b/c you're not getting anything out of it. Myspace or not, she's just not making time for you and you are not happy. Find a better woman.

 

[Colossus]

WJH-

I can relate to your situation. When you are in a monogamous relationship (not spinning other plates), you are naturally going to want to spend more time with that person because your interests are now more focused. Similarly, if you went about choosing her in the right way, you will want to spend more time with her simply because you like her and enjoy her company. LDRs are a huge strain. They give rise to jealousy, suspicion, resentment, and are generally NOT an option for a DJ; but sometimes you dont plan on these things.

I was in a relationship like this for a long time, and I can tell you in no uncertain terms that I would not repeat that situation. If one or both of you have any deficits in communication it is basically doomed.

The way I look at it is this: if I am going to be monogamous with a girl, she will have to be pretty damn cool for me to want to stop spinning other plates and see her on the regular. If I only saw her occaisionally from the beginning I would not engage in monogamy in the first place. If I am going to have a legit GF naturally I will want her around, otherwise it would defeat the purpose. LDRs hold all the responsibilities of a relationship with none of the benefits.

Regarding the myspace thing, there is nothing you can do about it. If it bugs you enough to say something to her you will only drive her away and increase the likelihood she will enagage other opportunities. So I would forget about it unless it becomes obvious she is using it in a way that is disrespectful to you. Im not sure how long you have been dating her so that is a factor as well.

 

[decades]

I love it when they say they use it to communicate with family as if they have never heard of email.

 

[Colossus]

Because I'm in an LTR (it's only been a couple months), I don't really sarge or make a huge effort to meet new girls. Maybe I should pick that up more and more.

You would be wise to do so. At the least, you could have a few girls to go on casual dates with. This could open up other doors and will keep you from getting unnecessarily frustrated with your GF. Im not saying cheat on her, but you are young, man. See what else interests you.

As I said above I have been in a relationship where my GF was constantly busy. It can really get under your skin if you let it. Sometimes people do get genuinely busy with life sh!t and cant maintain a relationship; but there comes a point when--if she is truly interested--she will make time for you.