Is this kind of persistence good or bad??

[Jester090]

Recently, I found this in a dating book I've read, and I want to know if this advice is good or harmful:

"With women, you will be a much happier man if you just keep initiating; don't take anything a woman does personally. A case in point: a hot woman will never ask you out and will rarely call you back. If you really want her, you have to prove your worth; you will have to prove you are persistent and patient, and that there is something that sets you apart from the others. When Bob met a beautiful 20-year-old woman at a bar, he initiated the chat with her and got her #. He called her several times and she didn't call back. He kept initiating phone calls and finally talked to her. They set a date for coffee and she didn't show. He initiated another call and set up a date with her. On that next date he slept with her. "

So basically he was successful because he didn't take anything personally, resent the woman, or give up. Now my question is, is 'persistence' a good quality when dealing with women or does it show desperation / neediness??

 

[rocky_mtn]

The advice is not bad, but not good. Theres a lot of women out there, and if one is not interested another one will be interested.


Most dating advice is framed to set men up to be AFCs. Sure a woman would like it if we were persistant and keep trying to ask them out. But they won't tell you about how to avoid 'oneitis'. They just want men to be subservient pvssies who will keep trying like a puppy chasing a tennis ball. They are putting the pvssy on a pedestal. We know better.

Men need to regain self respect, if you set a coffee date and she doesn't show, unless her house was on fire and she got car jacked, I'm not going to set up another date with someone who dissed me.

The advice about resenting women is good. Never resent anyone, it only harbors bad feelings inside of you. You can't control what others do to you, but you can control how you react and how you feel. Always keep it positive.

 

[onyx]

^^^yeh

 

[everywomanshero]

Staying positive is definitely key. It is a very small minority of women who will respond in the way we'd like to a guy she barely knows becoming angry. That will just make her want to avoid him even more, it also shows he is truly desperate and that no other women are even remotely interested, negative social proof.

Where I met the chick seems important based on field work:

Inet chicks. I will sometimes just talk on phone until they suggest we meet. Doesn't normally take longer than a week, sometimes on the first or second call. If they stop talking to me for a week or more, but suddenly call out of the blue, it is almost always a bootie call. Whatever guy they were with is dissapointed her and now she's going to sleep with me. Other times I'll just say to meet me at the mall when I'd be going there anyway. If they flake, no foul. I can sometimes get them straight to my place to "watch a movie" but more often I have to go to theirs. When going to their house I get the address then say my phone is going dead so she won't be able to reach me. A lot of times Inet chick have other bfs who will come over and then she will call and flake on you. If she can't reach you and you have her addie, then it's game on and she flakes on him instead.

Bar/Mall chicks. Most flakes are in the form of not returning calls. Occasionally, one will txt but not call. I treat these as Inet chicks and do not agree to go out of my way to meet them unless it's a bootie call at their house and I have the addie.. even this is risky, I may or may not go for it. If they answer the calls and agree to meet, chances are it's game on. If a make otu with a bar chic, I call her that same night to say goodnight. This helps prevent flaking and takes a whooping 5 minutes.

Any chicks that have blown off 2-3 calls and a txt msg, I just leave a final attempt msg (Ross Jefferies and Craig have good ones). I think it's best to collect some from online and some from bars/malls to keep a busy schedule. Most times when they show up the lay is fairly easy to get, so it's worth the effort.

There is some truth to the quality vs quantity, and our behavior greatly influences flakiness, but I think for RAFCs they need to get some numbers going to get experience with what works and what doesn't Try new things, mess it up, but don't get arrested for harrassment or stalking.

 

[flexion_]

Depends on how you are persistent. If you are just naturally who you are then its fine. If you are being someone you are not with an agenda then it will turn out badly.

 

[blueguy]

You're setting yourself up to be used later on this way. More likely she'll string you along, cheat, etc. Unless you started this way and slowly moved it toward the way things need to be (equal respect), but that's difficult because you've already set expectations in her mind and aren't being congruent.

 

[Phyzzle]

They set a date for coffee and she didn't show. He initiated another call and set up a date with her. On that next date he slept with her.

The real story is: on that next date, she didn't show either.

 

[blueguy]

Haha, yeah it probably is fake. "Bob" lol

 

[donArjun]

I would say its different trains of thought...
DJs would frown upon the persistence as showing neediness, and the others would frown upon DJs as giving up too quickly. I think you can be the best of both, Its easier to become a persist guy, thats a natural AFC tendency, but a DJ is definetly going to try combine the best of both, show skill in making yourself loook good, and also be persistent when you need to be. THe persistence strategy is not bad at all either, its like a sledge hammer , hammering away where as the DJ is more sharp and sleeker type of work.

 

[Jester090]

Follow-up:

Well, a related question then: how do you know when to give up on a girl? I mean sometimes it's obvious (ie. she refuses to give you her #), but what more ambiguous cases? For example, a girl I just met gave me her # and I called her up to set up a date but she said she's busy that night, although she sounded real disappointed that she couldn't make it. So the next time I called her, she's again busy, but sounded disappointed again...and the pattern continues. Yet at the same time this girl always sends text messages saying "when are we gonna hang out?" Do I move on or keep being persistent??

 

[donArjun]

judge her response,

if it cold and her expression says "leave me alone" and a very , very low interest level then probably drop it. Not worth it. But if she says "no" to your asking her out, but she's looking at you in the eyes , coyly, and smiling..she'll probably eventually give you a date if your persistent in that case continue it.
I would say , a DJ would have probably dropped it right then and there when she said 'no' and walk, but a smart person would miss out on a potential opportunity had he been a bit more persistent....

 

[Kings_royalty]

He called her several times and she didn't call back. He kept initiating phone calls and finally talked to her. They set a date for coffee and she didn't show. He initiated another call and set up a date with her. On that next date he slept with her. "


She had all the power in this interaction with him, AFC behavior all the way. She stood him up and he 'still' went after her? That is just sad, no pu$$y (excuse my language) is worth my self respect as a man.

I wonder 'why' she slept with him? Was she drunk, trying to make someone jealous, hadn't gotten any in a long time?

Don't buy into the nonsense fellas.

 

[KoalaKing]

I would ask the pretty girl out once, if she refused the offer I would forget about her unless I happened to bump into her again somewhere but she then would have to initiate the contact.

Never have only one girl on your mind, have several, then you will find it so much easier to win over the girl of your dreams.

 

[Un-Aru]

It’s the old argument of DJ vs PUA and finding the middle ground. A ‘pure’ DJ will think “I am sooooo the **** that girls will come to me, I don’t NEED to chase. If she’s smart, she will chase me, if she’s not, she’s beneath me and I don’t associate with girls that are beneath me. NEXT.” A ‘pure’ PUA thinks: “I don’t need her, but I sure as hell want her, and I’m not going to NEXT her until her legs are pinned above her head screaming my name. I just have to revise my strategy a bit… hehe… GAME ON.” The truth is both of these creatures are purely theoretical, they can help facilitate a paradigm shift of sorts but anyone who advocates these mindsets as practically applicable needs to get off the computer and join the rest of us in the real world for a bit.

In practice you need a degree of persistence. No girl of real value is gonna get on her back and spread her legs for you without a bit of effort, no matter how much value you have. The higher the interest in you, the more obvious she’s going to make it, but if you decide to play Mr ‘Super Cool’ and not project any interest don’t expect her to grab your d*ck and say “I wanna f*ck you NOW.” It’s just not gonna happen. Yes, in 6 months she may still be lusting after you in her mind but make no mistake: the guy who captured her interest AND let her know of his interest in her AND pursued her is the one who will actually be f*cking her. And what would you rather be? Mr ‘Cool’ with your d*ck in your hand OR Mr ‘Cool Persistence’ with your d*ck in her?

The key is how you project that persistence, and what seems to work for me in cases of flaking is an attitude of tongue in cheek teasing for being a naughty girl. It let’s them know that yes you are aware they flaked but you don’t particularly care one way or the other. I’ve tried being assertive before but it doesn’t fit my personality, I come off as controlling which may be ok when the relationship has been cemented but tends to come off as needy and creepy at the beginning. I believe in persistence over the long haul (not to be confused with bombarding her with messages every day) but when you start getting flustered/angered by any ‘games’ she appears to be playing I believe it’s time to remove her as a potential romantic interest and thus stop contact, or scale it back significantly. If she re-engages, she’s POTENTIALLY interested, if she doesn’t at least you don’t have to waste any more time.