Is this immature behaviour?

[FortunateSon]

Last week I asked a girl out, she turned me down, she's really nice about it, I appreciated it and that was that.

She started getting awkward around me, she then proceeded to ignore me, so I just gave her space, she acts as though I didn't exist. So I'm cool with this, it's her way of dealing with the situation.

If she ever approaches me to talk, I won't be bitter or anything, she'll get treated the same way as anyone else does.

Now apparently this girl is shy and likes me, but yet has rejected me, so I don't believe she likes me at all and to be honest after the rejection, I couldn't care less, I'm cutting my loss and moving on with life.

My male friend thinks that my "ask once only" rule is immature. Basically I have always had a rule where I will only ask a girl out once if the girl rejects me, regardless of the reason, I will never ask her out again, even if I still like that girl. If the girl wants to pursue something with me after rejecting me, I immediately slap the let's be friends line on her.

Is this a good attitude to have or am I being a bitter man who can't handle rejection despite the initial rejection not fazing me at all?

 

[Echoes]

.....

Now apparently this girl is shy and likes me, but yet has rejected me, so I don't believe she likes me at all and to be honest after the rejection, I couldn't care less, I'm cutting my loss and moving on with life.

What makes you say that apparently she likes you?

My male friend thinks that my "ask once only" rule is immature. Basically I have always had a rule where I will only ask a girl out once if the girl rejects me, regardless of the reason, I will never ask her out again, even if I still like that girl. If the girl wants to pursue something with me after rejecting me, I immediately slap the let's be friends line on her.

Is this a good attitude to have or am I being a bitter man who can't handle rejection despite the initial rejection not fazing me at all?

You'll reject her "regardless of the reason"?

I'm not sure I'd call it immature, but I think you should consider the reason. Maybe it's legit?

I think your policy is a bit rigid.

 

[FortunateSon]

That's according to people I know who know both me and her, I have no idea if she liked me or not, I just saw what I wanted and went for it. Something which I'm very proud of doing considering most guys will spend weeks/months overanalyzing situations and never finding the balls to walk up to a girl and ask her out.

I actually don't care that she rejected me, she's just one of the many girls that have rejected me in the past and will do in the future.

She turned me down because she was busy, but I call BS on that. I know for a fact that if a girl is interested in guy, she'll make time for him, but in credit to her she was polite, so I can't ask for more than that.

As for my system, how can I make it less rigid? What tweeks do you suggest I make?

How would a DJ handle this?

 

[Skyline]

I would say go after what you want. But asking a girl out a million times isn't gonna change her view on you. It's gonna make you look needy and desperate. If you ask out a girl and she turns around and wants you, I would give her another chance. But after that, if she still has mixed feelings, I would slap the let's just be friends status. No one likes being played. Another thing, listen to her actions. Words can lie but actions cannot. If she's really interested she will find a way to show it, even shy girls find a way.

No its not immature, its a standard you have placed. Immature would be asking her out a million times then b*tching about it every time you get rejected. Asking her out and going for what you wanted is quite the opposite. Like you said, most guys spends an abnormally long time on asking out a girl. You did well!

 

[FortunateSon]

I'm only going to ask a girl out once, if I get anything other than a 'yes', I'm just going to move on!

I'm not wasting time on a girl that isn't interested and the ball is in her court, if she wants anything to happen, she can grow a pair and come and tell me and I'll make a decision from there as whether or not she is worthy of my effort and time. If she doesn't, then nothing's going to happen.

 

[devilkingx2]

I think you should evaluate the reason a girl said no

what if her grandmother died and you asked her out for the day of the funeral?

generally though, don't ask her out more than 2 or 3 times, nobody's grandmother dies THAT much.

when in doubt, ask yourself if her excuse would be true if you said it(if your grandmother died, would you flake on a date for the funeral? what about if you had math homework?)

 

[FortunateSon]

I respect your opinion man, but the stuff going on in her life is of no concern to me. If she has stuff going on and doesn't have time to go out and get to know me, that's cool, but she's missed her window of opportunity as I won't ask more than once. Now if she was to ever want something to happen, she'll have to work, pursue me and ask me out otherwise nothing will happen.

As soon as I'm rejected, I move on, I'm not wasting time on a girl that isn't interested, I'd rather spend time making things happen with a girl who is interested.

 

[Mike32ct]

I think the OP has the right idea.

Early on, f283000 had the Two Strike Rule.

I believe Judge Nismo later recommended making it a One Strike Rule.

One strike is not unreasonable because if she is genuinely busy, she can make a counteroffer. If she doesn't counteroffer, she doesn't want to meet.

Please don't be the guy who brags that his wife or gf rejected him four times but settled for him due to his persistence lol.

 

[El Payaso]

OP, I think you for great. You gathered the courage and asked her out, she said no. End of story. You can now move on peacefully with your life.

Don't ask her out again. The ball is in her court.

 

[FortunateSon]

Please don't be the guy who brags that his wife or gf rejected him four times but settled for him due to his persistence lol.

Hell no! I'd rather remain single for the rest of my life then be settled for.

I just don't know how a man can ask a girl out again after he has been rejected. To me it just seems so desperate, it seems as though the guy has built this girl up into something she's not, put her on a pedestal.

My pride and self-respect couldn't allow me to ask out a girl who has rejected me.

 

[FortunateSon]

OP, I think you for great. You gathered the courage and asked her out, she said no. End of story. You can now move on peacefully with your life.

Don't ask her out again. The ball is in her court.

Thanks! This is the approach I am taking! I've laid down my mark, signalled my intent and that's all I'm prepared to do. If the girl thinks I'm going to spend weeks or months chasing after her, then she has another thing coming. I don't play games, I don't chase and I don't pursue relentless, got better things to do with my time.

 

[Bokanovsky]

My male friend thinks that my "ask once only" rule is immature. Basically I have always had a rule where I will only ask a girl out once if the girl rejects me, regardless of the reason, I will never ask her out again, even if I still like that girl. If the girl wants to pursue something with me after rejecting me, I immediately slap the let's be friends line on her.

Is this a good attitude to have or am I being a bitter man who can't handle rejection despite the initial rejection not fazing me at all?

Your friend is an idiot. Persistence works sometimes, but it never leads to happy relationships. If a girl accepts your advances after having previously rejected you, it either means that she's playing games or that she's settling for you due to lack of better options. Neither is a good thing for obvious reasons.