Is this appropriate ?!

[yoyoing]

here is the situation !
My girl I have been dating for 10 months and like a lot had her work Christmas party yesterday. I had plans to hang out with some friends and invited her but she called it off due to having her work party witch I wasn't invited too and she said might finish late. Fair enough ....

At about 11 o'clock she text me she is on her way home.

I text her back around midnight asking if she had fun.

She text me back around 2 in the morning saying it was fun and that she actually went to a house party with work people.

I asked her who... And turns out she went to a house party with the new guy in the office ( she told me about him a week earlier that he was very quiet and weird ) and her best friend from work ( her best fiend is not the party kind at all so a bit unsure that she would go to some random party at midnight )

Anyways too make a long story she could feel Ididnt know what to think about it so she called me. She was telling me she was crazy about me and had nothing to worry about... Was 110 % with me etc etc she even cried about i because I was a bit cold with her.

Anyways I am used to displaying very little jealousy and my girl consider me a catch and generally treats me like a king. But I got played in my back in last relationship so I am a bit more aware of that stuff now and don't want to be innocents or naive about it.

But am I right to think this is a little in appropriate or simply paranoid ?!

 

[dustmuffin]

here is the situation !
My girl I have been dating for 10 months and like a lot had her work Christmas party yesterday. I had plans to hang out with some friends and invited her but she called it off due to having her work party witch I wasn't invited too and she said might finish late. Fair enough ....

At about 11 o'clock she text me she is on her way home.

I text her back around midnight asking if she had fun.

She text me back around 2 in the morning saying it was fun and that she actually went to a house party with work people.

I asked her who... And turns out she went to a house party with the new guy in the office ( she told me about him a week earlier that he was very quiet and weird ) and her best friend from work ( her best fiend is not the party kind at all so a bit unsure that she would go to some random party at midnight )

Anyways too make a long story she could feel Ididnt know what to think about it so she called me. She was telling me she was crazy about me and had nothing to worry about... Was 110 % with me etc etc she even cried about i because I was a bit cold with her.

Anyways I am used to displaying very little jealousy and my girl consider me a catch and generally treats me like a king. But I got played in my back in last relationship so I am a bit more aware of that stuff now and don't want to be innocents or naive about it.

But am I right to think this is a little in appropriate or simply paranoid ?!

It was disrespectful. Says she is coming home then goes to house party? Very odd....There are a few things you can do. Ignore it and watch her actions. Then act accordingly. Remove your attention for a while. I would add a little dread into the mix too.

Set a boundary like you would with a dog. Tell her calmly what she did was disrespectful and that if it happens again you will walk. You have to mean it. Don't go into a long explanation.She will come back with all kinds of crap like you are being controlling. Tell her that if she wants to be with you thats the way it has to be. Turn around and walk out. let her think about it.

Tell her things aren't working out and walk.

It's up to you. It could have been innocent. You won't ever know. If she wants to cheat she will. What you have to do is to stop being emotionally invested. So if something is going on you won't be hurt. Protect your heart. Be vigilant and look for signs.

 

[RangerMIke]

I typically do not care if women I'm seeing check in with me. If she was fvcking this other guy I wouldn't care. What they do when they are not with me is none of my business and what I do is none of theirs.

My advice isn't going to be much good to you since my guess is you want to maintain this thing between you two... But anytime I start feeling jealousy with a particular woman I go out of my way to avoid her and see other women more.

 

[yoyoing]

Yeah she said he invited them on the way home in the bus.

Was already a little cold and told her I would probably not hang out today had some stuff to do.

She knows I can walk away anytime because I already did . I also don't chase etc. I am emotionally invested but never to the point of no return. Plenty of fish in the sea.

I just had a bad feeling about it since she was really excited about the work party and she already subtly told me about that new guy at work and that it would finish late. I also find it odd that in all the people at work she would end up at a house party with 1 girlfriend or alone with this guy ( would be very curious to know for sure if her friend went with her )

Said she felt bad on the phone I didn't seem to trust her and felt distant. Reassured that she loved me and was crazy about me etc told her it was late and I was tired that we would speak another day...

 

[yoyoing]

Fair point ranger mike . This would apply really well to a women I am casually dating since I think the same way. Just with this girl we are in a committed serious relationship I didn't push for it but she did. I mean I wouldn't mind us seing other people or a more open relationship but she does not seem to want any of that and is a pretty straight good girl.

 

[dustmuffin]

Fair point ranger mike . This would apply really well to a women I am casually dating since I think the same way. Just with this girl we are in a committed serious relationship I didn't push for it but she did. I mean I wouldn't mind us seing other people or a more open relationship but she does not seem to want any of that and is a pretty straight good girl.

Relationships don't last. Maybe it's time to end this one or demote her status. I agree with mike I don't care what a woman s doing in a non committed relationship. Just keep your eyes open.

 

[Desdinova]

Said she felt bad on the phone I didn't seem to trust her and felt distant.

It's not a trust issue. It's a respect issue.

She went to a party with two other people, one of them being male. I wouldn't consider that a dumpable offense. If it was just with him, that would be an issue. Remind her that you won't tolerate one on one hangouts with people of the opposite sex and then drop the subject.