Is this an AFC move?

[NotAgain]

I developed oneitis to my closest friend and I don't think she feels the same way. Although she is one of the most busiest girls you'd know, I'm sure she would of let me know about dinner plans when I asked her a while ago.

So this all hit me and I went NC so that I could get over her, signed up for the gym, took more shifts at work and hit the clubs hooking up with girls and working on my game.

Thing is it's opened my eyes to the amount of hotter chicks out there and I doing great now. Tomorow is a special day for us when we use to do nice things to eachother. I was going to get her a single flower (she showed me a fake one once and asked how pretty it was) write something smooth with it. Her birthday is in 3 weeks too so as a present (for party invite) I was going to get her this glass swan she liked on a trip I took with her away once.

Basically I want to keep my ties with her good (she's got hot friends) but at the same time I'm still not talking to her as I get over her. Are these sudden moves AFC?

 

[Aaron B]

yes

 

[window]

yes they are but you could just send a card to her on her birthday wishing her a happy birthday, without any flowery stuff in it. Just something like happy birthday my friend have a great day. This will show you still care and she is important in your life. Only do this though if they are your true intentions and you are still not trying to form a romantic relationship with her.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Your clearly not even close to being over this chick if you have to ask this question.

And while you might not admit it, I'm sure your thought of getting her the things you mentioned was partly due to you hoping that it would have some sort of positive effect on how she see's you.

Well let me save you the anguish because she has you squarely entrenched in the friend zone and no single flower or swan vase or whatever it going to change that.

If anything it will bury you deeper in the friend zone.


Don't do it; if anything just hit her up on her birthday and wish her well.


And carry on with your current plan of gym, club, self improvement. GCS!






PIMP

 

[NotAgain]

Yeh, I'm seeing it now. You guys are right, damn why can't this be any easier!? It's funny, I've changed that much in a space of 2 weeks and it definitely is making a difference yet, 1 girl can seem to derail everything!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Yeh, I'm seeing it now. You guys are right, damn why can't this be any easier!? It's funny, I've changed that much in a space of 2 weeks and it definitely is making a difference yet, 1 girl can seem to derail everything!

Your young so I'll break it down for you.

Every time you meet a girl its an opportunity for something to happen. If at any point you come off the wrong way, (for example too needy, jealous, chumpish) she might immediately eliminate you from consideration.

If you become friends with a girl (like the one in question) and she isn't open to your advances for whatever reason, it is VERY VERY HARD to change her mind.

Most guys often ask if they can get out of the friend zone; in fact usually for most guys there's that one girl that drives them to improve and change their typical results. What most guys don't tell you is there are different categories of the friend zone.

For example:

You could be friends with a girl, who might be attractive and cool, but for whatever reason you weren't into her when you guys met. Maybe you were dating another girl, maybe you didn't even look at her in that way etc. She could have interest in you from the get go, but since she's a girl she will only give you subtle hints in most cases, hoping you take action. If you don't you guys will just continue to be "friends." However that doesn't mean if one day you start to dig her and make a move and she accepts that you suddenly "escaped the friend zone." You were never really in it; its just a label.

In situation two; you could be friends with a girl that you have a crush on, but never reveal your feelings for a certain period. Then when she starts dating a guy, your feelings could cloud your judgement and suddenly make you think that making your big move will yield positive results. But guess what? They likely won't because she never saw you in that way due to your actions, lack of game etc etc. Escaping this situation is much more difficult than the previous scenario for obvious reasons.

Do you see the difference?


2 weeks isn't going to change this girl's opinion of you! Girls keep guys "as friends" because they like the ego stroking, the validation, the attention. Maybe after 2 YEARS, you might have a chance again with this girl because after enough time has past with no contact what so ever, she might look at you from a different perspective and a fresh start.

But my question is why? Why would you want to put in so much effort and time for table scraps, when you could start over new with a girl who has high interest of the bat.

If this is happening to you on a regular basis; I got news for you. Its YOU! Not the girl; get some game and improve yourself.






PIMP

 

[NotAgain]

Thing is she was in a relationship when I met her and when she became single I was the guy she was making the moves on. Our relationship was always one of genuine care mixed with ALOT of flirting. Problem was I was after another girl the time she was interested in me.

I understand mate and I am slowly taking what you guys are teaching me in. Problem is when you have her messaging you, telling you she loves you jokingly, keeping your distance becomes hard. I know if I made my advances, she'd be open to them but would it be as friends or more? I'm getting there though. The old me would of replied like a typical AFC but now, unless she is going to show me genuine interest, I honestly don't give a damn no more.

Thats all the truth, my mates have noticed a change in me and to me I think it definitely comes down to not giving a f*** about anything in life anymore and just living it! I guess thats the good thing about me, I'm pretty moldable and all it takes is a realization and 1 night and I'm good.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Stop listening to her words; watch her actions. A girl can playfully tell you she loves you all the time; doesn't really mean much.


Just remember, its never a smart move to shower a girl with gifts unless you are actively having sex with her and she has gotten you some great gifts as well.





PIMP

 

[NotAgain]

Thanks Pimp, yeah everyday I'm getting better at this. If I'm every out and I hear a man talking about DJ named Pimp, I'll remember to buy you a drink cos it's advice like this that's gonna stop my AFC ways for good.

 

[backbreaker]

on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being not AFC, and 10 being very AFC, this is about a 16.