Is this a subtle rejection?

[duke007]

I've been flirting with and getting to know a chick at work for a few weeks now. All the signs appeared to be good, and the fact that we barely get 5 minutes here or there to talk must be helping to increase my value. It's a casual job where we phone people to do surveys, so you can only chat to workmates during the break or before the shift.

Before Wednesday's shift I was chatting to my target girl and mentioned (without intending to ask her out...yet) that 4 hours on the phones puts me in the mood for a relaxed drink. Then I told her how last Friday I had intended to suggest going to the pub with a few colleagues, but I was stuck on a phonecall past 9pm. So once I completed the survey everybody had already left.

Then she said while smiling, "I don't normally work on Friday's but if I'm here I'll go to the pub with you". I didn't expect this but it sounded like she was keen so I said, "OK, you're on"

Well today was Friday and she wasn't there......now surely if she was interested she would have made the effort. You can sign up for next-day shifts easily so that wasn't the problem.

I don't know whether I should brush it off and pretend we never exchanged those words or completely cease pursuing her. Or am I just overanalysing here?

 

[Microphone Fiend]

1. As a man, you don't settle for "subtle" rejections. It always leave things up in the air and questioning was it really a rejection (trust me I know)
2. She didn't reject you, she just didn't show up on Friday, which she doesn't normally work. As a DJ would you work and extra day JUST to meet a chick that you are sorta interested in? Nah
3. At the most she is playing hard to get, or just had better things 2 do then come work.

Don't make it seem like she got some personal vendetta against you by not signing up for extra work

 

[cactus3178]

Over-analyzing.

There's a thousand possible reasons why she wasn't there. She's probably got a life as well. You guys didn't have real plans, and she wasn't at work that day anyway...I'm assuming you haven't built some good rapport with this girl? Just ask her again next week. If she flakes/doesn't show/whatever, on to the next one.

 

[smoke city]

I disagree. Duke--my guess is that she WAS interested (at best). but...
"well, if I'm here then I'll go out with you" is not a plan for a date. You said "you're on" to what? some vague hope that she would come down from her pedestal for a few hours to be with you? F*ck that!!
man, she was testing you--I know many girls who will say things like this to test guys. they know that a man will just ask her out--but a wimp will go along with her games and try to read "signals" (read: cues from other people as to how to act).
Duke--I'm a strong believer in acting totally on my own volition--
don't wait for cues from others.

If a girl said "If I'm here then I'll go out with you" I would say something like
"well if I'm still interested then I'll actually ASK you out"

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by duke007
Then I told her how last Friday I had intended to suggest going to the pub with a few colleagues

This is turbo-weak. "I would ask you out, but insert random excuse here." Either ask her out or don't. If you're not going to be available to go out with her on Friday, don't sit around and tell her, "I would, but...", ask her out for Saturday. Or Tuesday.

 

[duke007]

You're completely right it was turbo-weak. I was never intending to ask her out in this AFC roundabout way...I was just in a chatty mood and it came out. Big mistake. So I wasn't prepared to deal with any tests that came with it.

I'm going to ask her out properly next week. No decent woman would lose interest from something as petty as this.

 

[duke007]

Update

You'd be happy to know I 'sort of' went out with her tonight after work and her IL is pretty healthy.

I was running late to work so I didn't know she was there until my computer crashed and I got shifted into her room! (How lucky is that?!). While there I flirted with another girl who seems into me. I've never had that much fun at work!

At 9pm we were the only two left in the room. I was still doing a phone interview and she had returned from stacking the dishwasher (which I teased her about later of course). She sat there for quite a long while filling out her timesheets.

She was about to finally leave when I gestured for her to come over to me. Then I scrawled on a sheet of paper, "I'm getting some food. Are you coming?" She nodded, pulled up a chair and sat watching me for 2 minutes while I completed the phone interview with utmost professionalism!

She walked all the way with me to get some food when she never really wanted any. All she wanted was a drink when we got there so I decided to make it take away. Surely that is high IL, all she had to say was "Sorry I don't feel like eating anything, bye" My C+F was flowing like melted butter and I got the digits when we parted. All I have to do now secure a date outside of work.

I won't go through everything I said but this C+F was money, just have to share it.

Me: "I don't want to eat junk like McDonalds, lets find somewhere healthy"
Her: "Oh so are you on one of those 'go to the gym and eat healthy diets?'"
Me (smiling): "Of course! Can't you tell by looking at me?"
Her:
Me: "What about you, do you like exercising?"
Her: "No I never exercise, I'm too lazy"
Me: "Well what about when you're 50 and start to balloon out?"
Her: "That's OK, I wouldn't mind to be fat when I'm that old"
Me (smiling): "Note to self: Don't marry Corinne"
Her:

That's kinda why I like her, very down to earth and not superficial and appearances or trying too hard to be cool. Does have a quite pretty face even so.