Is this a sh!t test or dumping?

[cupraikso]

I need to understand this, is this a sh!t test, or is she dumping me?

This is the scenario:

I was seeing this 20-year old girl who is a risk taker and sleeps around a lot, and she openly talks about it. She hit on me, 2 weeks later she asked me out, 2 weeks after that we had sex, and we continued seeing each other and having sex for a while. Sex is good, she is nice to me, she is fun to hang around.

I'm not seeing her as LTR, just as a FB. There's no LTR potential due to her age and interests mismatch, but it's very fun to hang out with her.

When she asked what my plans were with her I just said "I don't know, let's just keep it an open relationship". She constantly texts me, has never stood me up or flaked on me. She has mentioned openly that "there are other guys", and I don't mind and told her so.

She called me yesterday to tell me that "some things had happened that made her change her mind about me". I said "like what?" she said "well you are the jealous type, and I can't deal with that, so it's not going to work anyways." I said "bull****, that doesn't make sense". She starts saying that one guy came to her house and so on and that she doesn't want to deal with boys anymore because they eventually turn into *******s .. I just calmly stopped her in her tracks and said "you know what, it's totally ok if you don't know what you want. You should focus on your school and figure out what you want to do. Besides, you know I'm too busy with my projects." she said "yes, I know, you're always busy" and I finished off by saying "well, have a great life, and good luck!". She didn't know what to say for a few seconds and said "bye" finally.

Before this she showed no signs of lessened interest or mistakes on my part, she still called me constantly, texted me, I'm usually unavailable, etc. I didn't see it coming. She actually has expressed that she's "too attached" to me and that "she loves me". I was told by her that I'm not the usual guy, and that I'm sweet, so probably I made some nice guy mistakes here and there, but besides that I think everything was solid.

She has called me 4 times today, and sent me a text saying to call her. I haven't answered.

I want to continue the FB relationship as long as she doesn't play stupid games, and I want her to know that, but this came out of nowhere, I don't know if I should treat it as a sh!t test (and do something) or as a "dumping" (and just continue no contact), which doesn't make a lot of sense since we're not exclusive.

 

[Iceberg]

I came into this thread ready to see the typical "I never met her, but we've been talking every day for 8 months..." stories. But in your situation i actually think it might be a sh!t test.

You've already made it clear that this "relationship" is not your priority. You pretty much told her to go explore her options. She has no reason to view you as clingy or even emotionally attached to her.

So, who knows what she's thinking.....but I could really see this as being her way of finding out what you think of her. Which is nice, I guess. Except for the fact that she's banging like 5 dudes. But either way...it's nice to be wanted.

 

[cupraikso]

So, who knows what she's thinking.....but I could really see this as being her way of finding out what you think of her. Which is nice, I guess. Except for the fact that she's banging like 5 dudes. But either way...it's nice to be wanted.

Haha! Why would anyone want or expect exclusivity from a FB? I don't get it. It's just sex, and maybe going out to a bar and having fun now and then. I don't really mind if she f*cks someone else, but I do like f*cking her now and then.

What would you do in the sh!t test situation? she's calling me again as I write this, LOL.

Should I lose the girl and forget about it? In a way, no contact seems a bit absurd here, like giving her too much importance; it feels that it communicates that I'm butt-hurt or something.

My gut feeling is to answer her next call and see what she wants, but I don't know what could she throw at me.

 

[cupraikso]

Google Voice is really cool, here's the voicemail she just left me.

(edited out)

 

[cupraikso]

Anyone?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Just based on your description and the tone of her voice on that recording, I'd say this girl has some issues.

It could be that she's used to guys chasing her, and since you were upfront about not wanting anything long term, she feels like a slvt, which may have her questioning her behavior.

OR, she could find your calm, detached demeanor highly attractive, in which case part of her wants to reel you in for the catch (after which case she would no doubt lose interest).

Hard to tell over the Internet.

I think the best course of action might be for you to decide PRECISELY what you want, and PRECISELY what you don't want from her. Figure out a way to say it in a respectful way (e.g. don't say "I just want to rail you till I nut and then go home"), and then keep repeating that, in different terms whenever you talk to her.

For example:

Her: blah blah blah
You: Yea, I understand that, and I (your terms here)
Her: But I blah blah blah! and we blah blah blah! and I thought blah blah blah!
You: Of course. I totally understand. And I (your terms here)
Her: But you said blah blah blah! And I blah blah blah!
You: Yea, Yea, I know. It's just that I (your terms here). If you wanna get together, that'd be great. Otherwise, I totally understand.

Just don't get hooked into anything she says. Let her say it, emphasize with it, validate it, but don't respond to it. Just keep repeating what you want.

But something tells me the days of easy, care free puzzy from this girl are over....

Of course, there's no reason to be rude or purposely cruel to her.

Hope that helps.

 

[origin138]

She's obviously a nutjob with daddy issues. So this is not an ordinary sh!t test, she is literal sh!t emotionally so the test is when she's NOT acting this way.

I think you handled this perfectly.

Couldn't agree more. Her "test" is a huge red flag and is no standard test women use to "filter". Getting attached to this broad is the worst thing you can do, and it sounds to me like you're playing it well. I think the fact you're playing it well is ****ing with the hamster in her head in a big way and it's starting to show in her behavior. She can't seem to exert power over you and it's making her crazy. Nice work.

 

[Desdinova]

Didn't hear the recording, but I'm not seeing any problem. Arrange for another romp in the sack because you've made it extremely clear that she's nothing more than a fvck buddy. If she starts getting emotionally attached to you, it's not your problem, it's hers. You are NOT responsible for her emotions toward you.

 

[typical]

Its a sh!t test to make you commit, she's had a taste and doesn't want to be just your FB any more, she want's more.

Tread carefully she's trying to dig her nails into you , but like Des said not your fault if she falls head over heels for you.