Is there still a chance after getting desperate and needy?

[summersky]

Hello everyone,

i approached this girl on the street and we had an instant date. She is 33 years old, a very beautiful ukrainian woman. We went to a bar and had a great time. I felt like the chemistry was there, talked about personal topics but somehow I fear that I did not enough to attract her. I did a bit of light touching and went for the kiss at the end but she gave me the cheek. Throughout the date, she mentioned that she likes to take it slow and don't like it if the man is too touchy in the beginning.

After the date we texted a few times before I set up the next date. She seemed to be happy to hear from me when I texted and texted back quickly, but she never reached out to me first (maybe a cultural thing). The second date was even better, we had a lot of fun. I think the attraction part was better this time, I teased her a lot and we also talked about sexual stuff. Lots of touching from my side, handsholding while walking to the next location. I felt she was a bit stiff while holding my hand and seemed not very into it. Maybe there was too much touching from my side, I think I was acting a bit too needy. Made some compliments, told her how great she is. I think she felt that I'm totally into her. At the end I went for the kiss and got the cheek again. After the date she texted me, that she had a great time and lots of positive emotions.

After date two she didn't reached out again and I called her, she didn't pick up but called me back. We had a great conversation and I told her to come to my town and I will take her to the lake. She said she doesn't know yet but it sounds like a good offer. Because she was not sure I made a mistake and got desperate and needy. Asked her why she is not sure and that if she likes a man, she has to show him that she wants to see him. Told her that I really want to see her again. She offered a few excuses, told me that she feels smothered. The discussion went on and she finally got a bit angry, told me that she doesn't want to talk about it right now. I said ok and she hung up the phone.

Well I know I did a big mistake by acting too desperate. Didn't call or text her for a few days now and also heared nothing from her. Do you think it is a done deal or is there any way to turn it around? I really like this girl but I know I have to work on getting attached too soon. How should I behave from now? I'm sure if i go silent, she won't reach out because of her conservative and cultural conditioned attitude. Should I contact her in a few days and act like nothing happened or should I apologize for pushing too much? Should I just let her go?

Would be very thankful for every opinion on this topic!
summersky

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Even if you could save this, its a better use of your time to pursue new opportunities

 

[summersky]

Thank you for the answer, I am always pursuing other women. Rarely I meet a woman as beautiful and intelligent as her. How to proceed?

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Thank you for the answer, I am always pursuing other women. Rarely I meet a woman as beautiful and intelligent as her. How to proceed?

Go to a place you have to go anyways, invite her to tag along.

 

[Clockwerk50]

A couple of things to consider:

1. By lashing out at her, you not only came across as impatient, egoistical, and insecure, but also as someone more concerned with your own pleasure than hers.

2. In the future, frame yourself in a way that the less you seem to need others, the more they'll be drawn to you. This applies to all relationships. Understanding this will help you suppress neediness more naturally.

3. You must learn to attune yourself to your conquests and adapt to their moods. When you sense defensiveness, take a step back. When you sense they're opening up, push forward. Learn this in the future.

4. If you genuinely want to apologize, do it for your own peace of mind-not as a strategy to win her over. Kindness with an ulterior motive is not real kindness, and women sense that.

If I were you, I wouldn't initiate contact unless she reaches out first. If she does, keep it light, ask how she's doing and how life is going, then apologize for lashing out (without framing it in a self-deprecating way). After that, let the conversation end naturally. If she wants to see you again, she'll make the effort. She knows where to find you.

Since she didn’t initiate the conversation after date 2 you must likely did something that turned her off. There was an article here about how date 2 was you selling yourself and her finding liabilities but I can’t find it.

Edit: Found it. Also, you may have oneitis.

The Purpose of the First and Second Dates

Women are experts at this type of covert interrogation. Even they don't know they are doing it. They are just following a biological program. They may feel a genuine bond with you during the date. BUT, after the date, they will think about what you've revealed, and they will reject you.

www.sosuave.com

 

[crowolf]

You are chasing her, and that would never work in your favor. Especially coming from a desperate place.

If she is so unsure about you, I think it's simply not the right woman for you.. Move on and focus on yourself.

 

[summersky]

Thank you for the replies, I read everything you wrote carefully and will work on myself, especially on my needyness. I am talking to other women but I would really like to see this woman again. I know it propably won't work out, but I want to try at least. Thought about texting her a short message in a few days to see how she reacts. Still not sure if I should apologize for smothering her with my insecurity.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Thank you for the replies, I read everything you wrote carefully and will work on myself, especially on my needyness. I am talking to other women but I would really like to see this woman again. I know it propably won't work out, but I want to try at least. Thought about texting her a short message in a few days to see how she reacts. Still not sure if I should apologize for smothering her with my insecurity.

I would advise against that. You already asked her out and she declined. Counting the two dates and the argument, you've made your interest clear. You think that by being persistent, present, and trying one more time, you'll reignite her attractionbut it actually does the opposite.

You need to understand a fundamental principle of love and desire: the more openly you pursue someone, the more likely you are to push them away. While attention can be flattering at first, too much of it quickly becomes suffocating and unsettling. It signals weakness and neediness, two of the least seductive qualities.

To prevent your confirmation bias from leading you down the wrong path, maybe try to examine both sides of your desire to text her. Look for evidence supporting your impulse and challenge yourself to find evidence against it. Ask yourself: What are her voids and needs in life right now? Would a leader or a prized man be supplicating for her attention, or would he make her come to him? Were the dates as good for her as they were for you? If your game, appearance, and life were as tight as you think, would she be blowing up your phone? By shifting your focus to her psychology rather than your own desires, you’ll gain clarity and maintain your frame.

You can read this as well. If you are investing this much time on this woman that you haven’t had sex with it is a symptom of oneitis.

Trying Too Hard With Women

The more effort you put into trying to "win" a woman, the LESS likely you are to get her. Your energy and effort will make you seem desperate and undeserving.

www.sosuave.com

 

[crowolf]

Bro, it's clear - the guy already decided what he plans to do, and he just wants someone to confirm this for him.

No problem, dude. Go ahead, chase her and show desperation. Act like a woman, be very emotional and "love"-consumed. Maybe your Disney fantasies will work out, and this woman will be so impressed by your sucking up to her, that she will reward you with pure love and devotion!

 

[crowolf]

I don't think bashing him that hardly will be helpful. Even if we speak facts. But rather he may need to explore his trauma and attachment issues or whatever is happening there, and has been happening for a long time. Also, OP - I somewhat understand where you are coming from. I also sometimes crave affection, especially if a woman showed some hopes for it.. But it's very harmful to your own inner peace and time to invest yourself into people who aren't really that into you. It's very likely that you are a 2nd option for this woman. Or she is juggling you for attention. In any case, you'd be better off cutting all contact, and letting her come to you. If she doesn't - well, that says enough.

Also, I think you may find Tom Torero's stuff helpful. He had a lot of experience with Russian/Ukrainian women. And he talked exactly about this phenomenon of them "taking things slow". I don't remember exactly where, it might have been in his archive files or in a podcast with Alex Forrest or John Matrix... But I remember that somewhere he discussed Ukrainian women requiring many dates before physical escalation (and you not having to put up with that bs).

 

[jhonny9546]

Be a good owner, someone who puts a collar on their dog but never uses a leash, and the dog still returns to them. This is the kind of relationship you want to have with others in your life.

I see many people who keep others on a metaphorical leash. When those people try to walk away, they tug on the leash.

However, a truly respectful dog doesn't need a leash.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Doesn't this site still point newbies to the DJ Bible? Some posters haven't read it and it shows.

OP, you are giving off boyfriend vibes on first dates. Big no no.

Go ahead and text her and apologize for being a wuss. See how it turns out. Spoiler: her vag will end up drier than the Mojave.

I'd flush this one and move forward.

 

[jhonny9546]

When you sense defensiveness, take a step back.

If this is very frequent, next her