Seriously dude, I read the DJ Bible, and a bunch of stuff on confidence, and approach girls, but EVERY TIME I go out in the field, I get scared again dude. For instance, I read the "Gunwitch method" before I went to jazz camp, but when I got to jazz camp, I just couldn't get myself to talk to people, especially girls. Like, there were 2 hot girls at jazz camp, one an HB6, one an HB8, both redheads, and both amazing saxophone players, but I just couldn't bring myself to approach them. It's like I read the stuff, but then when I get out on the field I seize up, and start getting all paranoid, and thinking about why the girl might not like me, or why she might reject me. That's the reason that I don't approach ANYONE dude, I'm afraid they're going to reject me, ignore me, or be mean to me. I read all this stuff on how NOT to care, and how to be confident, but no matter how much I try to be confident and happy, I always end up being sad, and unconfident. It's like I'm afraid I'll go up to them, and say "Hey, how's it going?", and they'll ignore me, and think I'm weird or not cool or something. My basic problem, is that I care too much about what others think, and no matter how much I read about confidence, I just can't seem to get over that problem. At jazz camp, I was afraid that if I approached one of those girls, they would just shoot me down, or think I'm a loser. Now band camp has past, and the girls probably don't think of me as anything but "The guy who plays bass guitar", and I won't get to see either of the girls, until next summer. I also care way to much about what other people think of me, and even though I've read solutions, I still can't seem to change. But dude, is there no hope for me? Seriously, no matter how much I read, I just can't seem to go out there, and change. I have another chance to approach girls, when I leave for marching band camp on Sunday, and I'm afraid that the same thing will probably happen there, I'll want to approach a hot girl, but I'll act like a *****, and seize up.
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
Is there no hope for me?
- Thread starter MikeViper
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"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
It may be that you have a deeper psychological problem that's preventing you from making progress in this area. Perhaps you should start seeing a therapist? Either way, just make sure you don't give up on yourself. The best things in life never come easily, but they're worth the sacrifice you have to make to get them.
XSilverStarboyX
Don Juan
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Theres always hope. Even if it seems like its not there. I sometimes feel like theres no hope for me. But I cant let it get me down. I seem to have the same problem you have. I guess just think that theres a chance you may never see them again. I took that mentallity to Japan with me and I was popular with many girls over there
instead of tryin so hard to pickup girls, jus try to be genuine wit them. ask em questions like "hey howre u doin?" then talk wit em a lil while over wutever u can think of. if u dont even ask for their name until later on, then they get the feelin that ur genuinely interested or at least genuinely nice (not in a bad, pu$$yish way). another good thing about it is they cant say anythin bad unless theyre a HUGE ***** and u dont want that anyway. u cant be like "hey how ya doin" and shell be like "uhh i dont know u". thats jus mean, and i guarantee u that wont happen alot.....do lil things like that and youll eventually start gettin better at talkin to girls...bein nervous around girls but still havin the guts to talk to em is alot more attractive then doin nothin
Michele l'Arcangelo
Master Don Juan
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wow... this thread name is almost the same one as your first few posts... as Viper.
anyways i agree with 'i am me'
anyways i agree with 'i am me'
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Michele l'Arcangelo
Master Don Juan
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well get some good friends. and have them go with you.. and dont expect to pick up chicks... expect to make friends instead....
its a first step.
its a first step.
Skilla_Staz
Master Don Juan
Let me ask you something...
If she ignores you, what happens? You feel embarassed correct? How long does that last? A few minutes?
If she doesnt ignore you, and you get the number, you get the 'chill session' or whatever, how long can that last? As long as you want it to.
Get my point? The embarassment from being rejected lasts a few minutes. It's not like you lose a limb from being shot down, it's not as if you suffer some sort of extreme physical pain. When you realize that you'll be perfectly fine, then thats when you become more comfortable.
If she ignores you, what happens? You feel embarassed correct? How long does that last? A few minutes?
If she doesnt ignore you, and you get the number, you get the 'chill session' or whatever, how long can that last? As long as you want it to.
Get my point? The embarassment from being rejected lasts a few minutes. It's not like you lose a limb from being shot down, it's not as if you suffer some sort of extreme physical pain. When you realize that you'll be perfectly fine, then thats when you become more comfortable.
oakraiderz2
Master Don Juan
Look, i dont like you much; however, i understand where youre coming from. Your fears are slightly irrational and you have to do something about them. The only way to get better is to make a move. Knowledge is one thing, experience is another. Seriously PM me and ill tell you some stories, ive been where you are. If you dont PM me then youre making the choice to struggle until you figure out whats going on...and we all know that others can make our lives easier.
Penguinplayer
Don Juan
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you said your scared of the girl rejecting you....and?
So what, it shows she's not worth it.
If you don't think you have the looks or anything START NOW. Get to the gym, do you spot cream, shower every day, wear deoderant. Brush you hair every morning and before you go to bed, use a dandruff shampoo everyday.
What ever is wrong physically sort it out, then you shouldn't really have a problem when you're looking the best.
Your the king in your kingdom, choose your subjects as you will, and start acting like one.
So what, it shows she's not worth it.
If you don't think you have the looks or anything START NOW. Get to the gym, do you spot cream, shower every day, wear deoderant. Brush you hair every morning and before you go to bed, use a dandruff shampoo everyday.
What ever is wrong physically sort it out, then you shouldn't really have a problem when you're looking the best.
Your the king in your kingdom, choose your subjects as you will, and start acting like one.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Well, I don't brush my hair, so that might be it, I also don't put on lotion, or deoderant, so that might also have something to do with it, I already shower more than once every day. The main thing I'm scared of, is that if I come up to her asking something like, "How's it going?", or "How was your summer?", it won't go very far, or she'll think it's lame or weird. I'm seriously considering hypnosis though, because really, I think that's the only thing that can change my way of thinking. I want to stop being that guy who sits in the corner alone, and start being that guy that everyone wants to talk to.Penguinplayer said:
dannowillbookem
Master Don Juan
you little queerbag do you enjoy living in fear like this?
if yes, then keep it up.
if no, then go do something about it.
being a little biitch and whining about how you cant do it isnt getting you anywhere. life is a pathless path, with no real destination, but you arent living life unless youre going somewhere on the path.
pathetic, some things never change. you are dead to me.
if yes, then keep it up.
if no, then go do something about it.
being a little biitch and whining about how you cant do it isnt getting you anywhere. life is a pathless path, with no real destination, but you arent living life unless youre going somewhere on the path.
pathetic, some things never change. you are dead to me.
Who's whining? You're the only one whining here. I'm not going to approach some girl just for her to shoot me down. But seriously though dude, if I could get past caring about rejection, I could DO IT, but no matter how much I read about getting over it, when I go out on the field, and try to have a none caring attitude, I just end up caring too much again. Like I'll go out in the field confident, and everything, but then when I notice that no girls are noticing me, I start getting unconfident. These are situations that I'm afraid might happen if I approach a girl I like:dannowillbookem said:
Basically, I'm just afraid that when I approach the girl she's either going to:
A. Find an excuse to not talk to me.
B. Act rude, mean, or b*tchy towards me.
C. Not show interest towards me.
D. Think that I'm weird by approaching her.
And I've read a ton of stuff on confidence, but for some reason, I just can't become confident about myself. I tell myself that I'm good at the saxophone, that I'm good at bass guitar, that I'm good at video games, that I have decent looks, and a bunch of other positive things, but I still just don't feel confident about myself, because hey, what's the use of being good at all those things, if hardly anyone notices it? Exactly.
I guess I could try reading the DJ Bible again before band camp, but I don't know how much it will help, since I've read most of it before, and still haven't improved.
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ValleyDJing
Master Don Juan
I took a look at your rejection scenarios and I have an idea to offer you. Take a look at these situations, put what you've learned to good use. What I mean by that is, I'm sure you've read through lots of threads and whatnot...many guys on this site have got some pretty snappy comebacks to put a *****y girl back in her place. For example for some of your scenarios, I would probably respond to her like this. If she says "Do I know you?" You say, "No..."then with a are you stupid look on your face say, thats the idea here, to get to know you." If she still is a ***** after that, just say "well, I guess there are a whole bunch more hott girls to talk to that aren't rude *****es. And you know what? I'd be willing to bet there are probably a bunch that are hotter than you too! Bye!" Or if you didn't want to seem like an ******* yourself, you could just say something funny like "No...but I thought you were worthy to meet me." (CF) or "No you don't know me...but I didn't want you to miss out. By the way...yes, the sex is great!"
have fun with it.
have fun with it.Well, I got a new style already, and I won't really have time to do either of the latter 3 at band camp. I don't know, I'm just going to go up to her, give her eye contact, say "Hey, how's it going?", and see what happens.Exp said:
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Skilla_Staz
Master Don Juan
Exactly.
Winners say "Lets give it a try and see what happens"
Losers say "I can't do it"
Winners say "Lets give it a try and see what happens"
Losers say "I can't do it"
Just tell me, is it a GOOD opener, or is it really weird? Like can you become friends with a girl by opening with that? Because if you can't, I'm not even bothering, and I'm going to find a better opener. I'm also not that good with starting conversation so after I asks how it's going, I'll probably just ask how her summer was, and if she doesn't drown me, it will probably end in complete silence, with not much of an interest level; just like all my other approaches. I imagine something like this will happen:Skilla_Staz said:
That's exactly what I'm expecting to happen, no interest level, no attraction, it'll be like making small talk.
The thing is, is that it isn't my first try. Besides, this is band camp we're talking about, so I wont be seeing any waitresses or anything. But the fact that they're paid to be nice really wont help me, because inside they could be thinking something ENTIRELY different. Besides, the fact that they can't reject me, wouldn't prepare me for the "real" world because real girls CAN reject you, so following your idea, I would go out into the field thinking no girl can reject me.
I'm uncomfortable with approaching women, yes, but I have to start somewhere. If you're telling me that "Hey, how's it going?" isn't a good opener, then I might as well not even open on any chicks, because I won't get any good results. I go out in the field to get chicks, not just to practice, so I don't think I'll be using that "Hey, how's it going?" crap on this chick(You stated yourself that it wasn't smooth).
I'm uncomfortable with approaching women, yes, but I have to start somewhere. If you're telling me that "Hey, how's it going?" isn't a good opener, then I might as well not even open on any chicks, because I won't get any good results. I go out in the field to get chicks, not just to practice, so I don't think I'll be using that "Hey, how's it going?" crap on this chick(You stated yourself that it wasn't smooth).
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
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