Is there ever a good reason for a girl not to accept a date initially?

[DJorBUST]

I went on a date with a girl I met off a dating website last night. She actually initiated contact with me and we chatted online and set up a dinner date. The date was okay, no striking chemistry but the conversation flowed well, she laughed quite a bit and we have a lot in common (education, ethnicity, politics, etc). There was no kino or flirting though (mostly my fault but I was kinda nervous since we had just met in reality). We said our goodbyes, I gave her a hug and she said "keep in touch".

Anyways, I don't hear back from her the following day (today) so I called her up a couple of hours ago and chatted with her a bit and asked her on a second date (this time to a lounge\bar\club) near the beach for Friday night. She seemed interested when I mentioned it. She said she would let me know (tomorrow). I have no idea what GOOD reason she would have not to accept the offer right there. Worse yet, I checked and she logged back on to the dating site today. So, how am I not supposed to assume that she isn't that interested and\or is working other guys on the side. I don't think I have ever asked a girl who was actually interested in me on a date and had her delay her answer.

Am I overreacting or potentially reading this wrong?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

I went on a date with a girl I met off a dating website last night. She actually initiated contact with me and we chatted online and set up a dinner date. The date was okay, no striking chemistry but the conversation flowed well, she laughed quite a bit and we have a lot in common (education, ethnicity, politics, etc). There was no kino or flirting though (mostly my fault but I was kinda nervous since we had just met in reality). We said our goodbyes, I gave her a hug and she said "keep in touch".

Logical non-sexual/non-flirty discussions don't create attraction, nor do they amplify interest. "Keep in touch" was her polite way of telling you she's not initiating anything with you in the future.

Why are you even doing "dinner dates" with somebody you don't already know? Your situation is the perfect example why you should avoid those types of dates. She was laughing, being nice, etc. as a way to thank you for dinner.

Anyways, I don't hear back from her the following day (today) so I called her up a couple of hours ago and chatted with her a bit and asked her on a second date (this time to a lounge\bar\club) near the beach for Friday night.

You're kiddin', right? Are you that needy that you felt compelled to call her the next day? "Keep in touch" does not mean "call me right away, tomorrow."

She seemed interested when I mentioned it. She said she would let me know (tomorrow). I have no idea what GOOD reason she would have not to accept the offer right there.

She's spinning, or at least trying to spin different plates, so at best, she's waiting to see what other guys will ask her out, so she can interview then let you know. Sounds more like she just didn't want to say no directly. That is just what broads do.

Worse yet, I checked and she logged back on to the dating site today. So, how am I not supposed to assume that she isn't that interested and\or is working other guys on the side.

She doesn't care what you assume or not, and she shouldn't care, neither should you. She's on a dating site, getting bombarded by emails everydays, off course she's looking. So, you assume correctly. She's not interested in you. She already auditioned you. Not enough attraction/chemistry to warrant a second interview.

I don't think I have ever asked a girl who was actually interested in me on a date and had her delay her answer.

Correct. You haven't in the past, and this one is no exeption.

Am I overreacting or potentially reading this wrong?

You're not overreacting, nor reading it wrong. You're not on her priority list. You shouldn't care. Stop being so clingy/needy. Expect her to tell you she's seeing somebody, or just doesn't have the time to date at this time. So save yourself the trouble and don't contact her for her answer to the date request. If she's interested, she will contact you to set up plans.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

double post.

 

[JackPrescott]

you need to let her know of your interest, your sexual interest right away. Let her know you find her attractive. Otherwise you are a eunich to her.

 

[DJorBUST]

I've read and thought about the above posts. She texted me about an hour ago saying she's going to a movie tonight and she can't talk but going to a club or something tomorrow night sounds good. So, I consider this a second chance to initiate attraction. I'm not a great dancer, so clearly that's not going to be my strong point. Any tips not to f*ck it up again?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I've read and thought about the above posts. She texted me about an hour ago saying she's going to a movie tonight and she can't talk but going to a club or something tomorrow night sounds good. So, I consider this a second chance to initiate attraction. I'm not a great dancer, so clearly that's not going to be my strong point. Any tips not to f*ck it up again?

Swallow your pride, get out on the dancefloor and have a good time. Understand that even though this is a second chance, she was attempting to spin plates (like Gangster said) and her accepting your offer was because she didn't have a better one. This is why you need to be a "good date." Just don't put so much effort in trying to do things right that you forget that you still need to qualify her.

 

[DonJuan11]

I went on a date with a girl I met off a dating website last night. She actually initiated contact with me and we chatted online and set up a dinner date. The date was okay, no striking chemistry but the conversation flowed well, she laughed quite a bit and we have a lot in common (education, ethnicity, politics, etc). There was no kino or flirting though (mostly my fault but I was kinda nervous since we had just met in reality). We said our goodbyes, I gave her a hug and she said "keep in touch".

A dinner date for the first meeting? A little intense but OK I guess. I take it you don't engage in any foreplay when have sex.

Anyways, I don't hear back from her the following day (today) so I called her up a couple of hours ago and chatted with her a bit and asked her on a second date (this time to a lounge\bar\club) near the beach for Friday night.

NO NO NO. Phoning back the next day is a definite NO NO but you did it anyway. Wait at least a few days. Give her some breathing room. It's like eating a whole bucket of ice cream in one shot. You get sick to your stomach

She seemed interested when I mentioned it. She said she would let me know (tomorrow). I have no idea what GOOD reason she would have not to accept the offer right there.

Check your ago at the door. You seem so into yourself that you think this girl should drop her underwear and sleep with you just because you asked her out a second time. I hate to think what you would expect after the 5th date.

Worse yet, I checked and she logged back on to the dating site today. So, how am I not supposed to assume that she isn't that interested and\or is working other guys on the side. I don't think I have ever asked a girl who was actually interested in me on a date and had her delay her answer.

She's not interested in you, that's why she delayed. What did you want her to do? Eliminate her profile and run over to your house to sleep with you over and over again?


Am I overreacting or potentially reading this wrong?

You are misreading her interest level for someone who is interested. Just like everyone misread the Patriots winning the Superbowl.

 

[DJorBUST]

So, I went on a second date to a local club\lounge and it went fairly well. We had several drinks and joked around and got a lot closer. I had my hand on her thigh and around her several times as we were talking and we had a good time overall. Unfortunately I never found the right moment to try and kiss her.

I'm now questioning whether she is as uninterested as several posters stated earlier. She said that she doesn't want to tell people she met me off this particular dating site because her friends are judgemental. So, she came up with this whole scheme of how we met so she can introduce me to her friends\family. She also made reference to doing several things in the future. If she was truly as uninterested as I thought after the first date (and several posters thought so too) then why come up with a back story and refer to future encounters unless she expected us to continue dating?

Also, with Valentine's day coming up, what do you guys suggest I do? I really don't want to go all out for somebody I just met but I also don't want to ignore the day. Any suggestions?

 

[Jitterbug]

So, I went on a second date to a local club\lounge and it went fairly well. We had several drinks and joked around and got a lot closer. I had my hand on her thigh and around her several times as we were talking and we had a good time overall. Unfortunately I never found the right moment to try and kiss her.

Man, I bet you just went down a few major points in her book right there. A woman who allows you to have your hand on her thigh at the very least wants you to kiss her that night, and usually in my experience is up to some fooling around. You don't "find" the right moment. You create it. During the conversation, there will be a few peaks when both of you are really enjoying it (like sharing a good laugh). That's when you hold eye contacts, do the triangular gaze, let the conversation fade out, create that little bubble containing just you and her and go in for the kiss. There's no right moment that just magically happens. The whole kissing good night at the door at the end of the date or other "right" moments are movie cliches.

I don't think she was uninterested earlier, but she was weighing up her options (you and other dates she got).

 

[DJorBUST]

I agree that it was my fault and responsibility to create that moment and I failed. She has continued to login to the dating site sadly enough, but has actually contacted her best friend to work out this back story with her friend that involves me meeting her at a party instead of meeting through this dating site. Why involve your friends in a complicated lie to explain a guy while at the same time actively searching or dating other guys? Man, woman are cold and devious. Perhaps it's better to end this and start fresh with somebody who doesn't think so highly of themselves.

 

[Jitterbug]

Insecurity. Red Flag. She's ashamed of how she met you. This isn't a good start. If you don't see that you're getting anything out of this soon, I'd say cut it and move on.

 

[The Bat]

Look, the drama has already started. Do you really want somebody like this, man? If you are not looking to sleep with her, then ditch her. She is not worth your time.

 

[DJorBUST]

I can sorta understand why she might be insecure about the way she met me. Her social group and cultural group is very judgemental and this site has a bad reputation. I'm not saying I agree with the lengths she is taking this.

I can understand why her shame is a bad thing but the strange part is the lengths she has gone to to create this complicated back story of how we met and she has involved her best friend in the creation of this tale.

Why the effort if she doesn't see me sticking around for the forseeable future? Isnt the whole point of this plot to introduce me to other people in her life?

You'd better beleive that I expect sex out of this relationship. I am not going to throw her to the curbside because I haven't nailed her by the second date.

I WILL throw her to the curbside if she continues to long into the dating site tho.

I'm not sure what to do for Valentine's day. I've gone out with her twice and it seems ridiculous to go to any restaurant which will surely be doubling or tripling its normal price. My two best friends are going out with their girls who they've been dating 1+ years each and they said the place they're going to is $80 PER PERSON! I was thinking of asking her to come over to my place, I'll cook something and we'll watch a movie. Perfect opportunity to make a move.