Well I am in a very rough situation currently, and at this point I just keep butting heads with myself.
I am in the military and have currently been seeing a women (just about 2 months now) who is also in the military. Everything is great except for the fact she has a boyfriend who is currently deployed. When we have talked she told me they were in bad place before he even left and they have been both off and on, but at the same time they do have a 3 year history. Eventhough the situation i know is horrible, she tells me that she promised him to wait till he came back before making any final relationship decisions, on top of that she controls everything he owns while he is away and doesnt want to add any more stress then he has to go through such as wiping him out (money wise). I knew about the boyfriend since day 1 and she told me that he knows about me, she said she told him because she wants to be honest with her feelings though I don't really know what she said. We have kissed and done some (not all) physical stuff, and she asked to try to take a step back and be just friends, she told me she was afraid if we moved to fast now, in the situation we are in that a relationship would be doomed at the start. She tells me all the time that this isnt the decision that she wants but is the decision she has to do now. I have been fairly oblivious to some things that my friends and family have pointed out. Of course I was hurt when she asked me to take a step back, especially when she said she wants so much more from me then "just friends" but she felt it wasn't right.
I tried to make plans with another women, nothing major, just to see a movie and it wasn't even a 1on1 deal i had 3 other friends accompany us. I told her, not thinking anything about it, since she had said lets just be friends, but she ended up coming over the night before when i had another friend (male) over and she began to get upset saying how she couldnt believe I moved on so fast, but I think I ended up playing into her game because i told her i wanted to be with her and that this movie date was just having fun with another lady and some friends. I ended up going to her house after i saw the movie with the other girl since she had asked me too and of couse she assured me how much she really wanted me. It seems as if every time we do anything physical other then kiss that she regrets it because she says "I hate to hold back, but what we are doing is wrong." we stepped back again and tried the just friends approach, the same girl i took to the movies ended up getting into a small car accident a few days later and was unable to watch her dog, so i had offered to watch it for her. The day she was suppose to come over to pick up the dog, the women with a boyfriend, for some reason was feeling "sick" and had recieved a ride to work from a friend and had asked me to give her a ride home (we work the same shift) that same night, after talking to my friends most of them said she had probably planned it so that she could keep an eye on us, and i didnt even think anything of it until she herself said she didnt want to sit in a certain room because she thought we would see her and that i would think she was watching me and the other female.
I have mentioned to her what i want in the distant future after she had asked me, and i told her that one day I do want to be married and have children (i didnt say with her I was keeping it general), the first time we discussed this she said she didnt know if she would ever be married and said she didnt want any kids, but as days had gone by I think she realized that it was pushing me away and it seems like now she likes the idea of being married and having kids.
A small note if anyone who offers advice thinks this matters, her mother did pass away just over a year ago because of cancer.
I know after anyone reads this all they will see is negative since that is all I wrote about, but we do have a great time together and it feels that every hour feels like it is only a second. we have a lot in common and we do genuinley like being around each other, since evertime we get together we are with each other for atleast 4 hours normally a lot more, She always tries to get me to stay over so she can try to cuddle with me all night long.
All I am looking for is advice from a anyone prefferably in the mid to late 20's being that i am 24 and she is 27. It's hard to recieve unbiased advice from friends and family.
Thank you
I am in the military and have currently been seeing a women (just about 2 months now) who is also in the military. Everything is great except for the fact she has a boyfriend who is currently deployed. When we have talked she told me they were in bad place before he even left and they have been both off and on, but at the same time they do have a 3 year history. Eventhough the situation i know is horrible, she tells me that she promised him to wait till he came back before making any final relationship decisions, on top of that she controls everything he owns while he is away and doesnt want to add any more stress then he has to go through such as wiping him out (money wise). I knew about the boyfriend since day 1 and she told me that he knows about me, she said she told him because she wants to be honest with her feelings though I don't really know what she said. We have kissed and done some (not all) physical stuff, and she asked to try to take a step back and be just friends, she told me she was afraid if we moved to fast now, in the situation we are in that a relationship would be doomed at the start. She tells me all the time that this isnt the decision that she wants but is the decision she has to do now. I have been fairly oblivious to some things that my friends and family have pointed out. Of course I was hurt when she asked me to take a step back, especially when she said she wants so much more from me then "just friends" but she felt it wasn't right.
I tried to make plans with another women, nothing major, just to see a movie and it wasn't even a 1on1 deal i had 3 other friends accompany us. I told her, not thinking anything about it, since she had said lets just be friends, but she ended up coming over the night before when i had another friend (male) over and she began to get upset saying how she couldnt believe I moved on so fast, but I think I ended up playing into her game because i told her i wanted to be with her and that this movie date was just having fun with another lady and some friends. I ended up going to her house after i saw the movie with the other girl since she had asked me too and of couse she assured me how much she really wanted me. It seems as if every time we do anything physical other then kiss that she regrets it because she says "I hate to hold back, but what we are doing is wrong." we stepped back again and tried the just friends approach, the same girl i took to the movies ended up getting into a small car accident a few days later and was unable to watch her dog, so i had offered to watch it for her. The day she was suppose to come over to pick up the dog, the women with a boyfriend, for some reason was feeling "sick" and had recieved a ride to work from a friend and had asked me to give her a ride home (we work the same shift) that same night, after talking to my friends most of them said she had probably planned it so that she could keep an eye on us, and i didnt even think anything of it until she herself said she didnt want to sit in a certain room because she thought we would see her and that i would think she was watching me and the other female.
I have mentioned to her what i want in the distant future after she had asked me, and i told her that one day I do want to be married and have children (i didnt say with her I was keeping it general), the first time we discussed this she said she didnt know if she would ever be married and said she didnt want any kids, but as days had gone by I think she realized that it was pushing me away and it seems like now she likes the idea of being married and having kids.
A small note if anyone who offers advice thinks this matters, her mother did pass away just over a year ago because of cancer.
I know after anyone reads this all they will see is negative since that is all I wrote about, but we do have a great time together and it feels that every hour feels like it is only a second. we have a lot in common and we do genuinley like being around each other, since evertime we get together we are with each other for atleast 4 hours normally a lot more, She always tries to get me to stay over so she can try to cuddle with me all night long.
All I am looking for is advice from a anyone prefferably in the mid to late 20's being that i am 24 and she is 27. It's hard to recieve unbiased advice from friends and family.
Thank you