Is there any type of LDR that can be "alpha?"

[OnTheWayUp]

Long distance relationships are rightly criticised on here for being, more often than not, a product of a man's perceived limited options. The accepted notion on this site is that your typical AFC will luck his way into a relationship, convince himself that there is no other girl for him, and defend the relationship at all costs, even if logistics (such as distance) change for the worse.

I'm wondering if this view isn't a little too one-sided. I've just been reading this website: http://www.pualingo.com/pua-definitions/long-distance-relationship-ldr/. I found the following in particular to be quite enlightening, and not a view I've read on SS before:

"Whereas it is difficult to maintain a serious long distance relationship, managing casual LDRs is often much easier, which can work in the favor of PUAs. A PUA can even maintain multiple LDRs in different cities, and email each of them every few days or chat with them just often enough to keep some sort of connection going.

Depending on how serious the relationship is, the PUA might not even have to communicate with them at all, contacting them only when they are in the area, essentially having a long distance **** buddy relationship."

Discuss.

 

[ecko280]

i like it

 

[Iceberg]

If you're talking about having some chick two states away who you might visit once every 2 months to bang, then okay I can see that.

I think the type of LDR that's criticized here is a guy trying to maintain a RELATIONSHIP with a girl who's hours, or hundreds of miles away. Not occasional sex, but an actual emotional relationship with someone who they can only see very rarely. That's frowned upon because....well....it's just common knowledge, PUA or not, that long distance relationships are hard as hell to manage.

I guess you're asking this because you banged that girl that lives a few hours away from you. No one would tell you not to bang her. People would just advise against trying to make it serious. Because, it has a high chance of failure.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

If you're talking about having some chick two states away who you might visit once every 2 months to bang, then okay I can see that.

I think the type of LDR that's criticized here is a guy trying to maintain a RELATIONSHIP with a girl who's hours, or hundreds of miles away. Not occasional sex, but an actual emotional relationship with someone who they can only see very rarely. That's frowned upon because....well....it's just common knowledge, PUA or not, that long distance relationships are hard as hell to manage.

I guess you're asking this because you banged that girl that lives a few hours away from you. No one would tell you not to bang her. People would just advise against trying to make it serious. Because, it has a high chance of failure.

Good post. Yes, the reason why I ask the question is because of the girl I fuked who lives a way away from me. We've done it three times now, twice at my place and once at her's. Add in the fact she's pretty cool and good fun to hang out with even without the sexual side of things, and this is a girl I'd like to remain in some sort of contact with.

Clearly a normal relationship is out of the question. She brought the issue up when we met last, saying that she likes keeping things casual rather than entering into a longer-term contractual agreement. So it sounds as if we're on the same page here. We like each other, but appreciate that the distance makes a relationship impossible.

The plan is to keep seeing other girls, whilst maintaining basic contact with this girl every few days, with a view to leading to further meet ups whenever she is back in my local area. As I've said in previous posts, this should happen quite frequently, as her best friend lives in my town, and her parents' house is only an hour away. She reckoned she'd next be here around the end of April. She also said she wants to visit me over the summer.

Any further tips on how to avoid oneitis and keep things casual would be appreciated.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Good post. Yes, the reason why I ask the question is because of the girl I fuked who lives a way away from me. We've done it three times now, twice at my place and once at her's. Add in the fact she's pretty cool and good fun to hang out with even without the sexual side of things, and this is a girl I'd like to remain in some sort of contact with.

Clearly a normal relationship is out of the question. She brought the issue up when we met last, saying that she likes keeping things casual rather than entering into a longer-term contractual agreement. So it sounds as if we're on the same page here. We like each other, but appreciate that the distance makes a relationship impossible.

The plan is to keep seeing other girls, whilst maintaining basic contact with this girl every few days, with a view to leading to further meet ups whenever she is back in my local area. As I've said in previous posts, this should happen quite frequently, as her best friend lives in my town, and her parents' house is only an hour away. She reckoned she'd next be here around the end of April. She also said she wants to visit me over the summer.

Any further tips on how to avoid oneitis and keep things casual would be appreciated.

For all you incessant text junkies that are plauging sosuave. This is that type of chick you WOULD text.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

For all you incessant text junkies that are plauging sosuave. This is that type of chick you WOULD text.

Any chance you could elaborate?

 

[Maximus Rex]

Any chance you could elaborate?

You've already established an ongoing sexual relationship with this chick. So texting her to say "what's up?" is cool. Your touching based with her and using texting for it's intended purpose.

A lot of cats on sosuave, are trying run build rapport and comfort; escalate attraction, get and confirm dates, and eventually have sex all via texting. I've give a damn what the text junkies say, their are certain things that just can't be diciphered via "4 LCD screen." Dudes seem to forgot that women are hardwire to response to emotional stimuli. Unless you've distingushied yourself from the horders of other men that are trying to holla at her, I for the life of me don't understand how words on a "4 LCD screen is going to get a chick emotionally stimulated.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

You've already established an ongoing sexual relationship with this chick. So texting her to say "what's up?" is cool. Your touching based with her and using texting for it's intended purpose.

A lot of cats on sosuave, are trying run build rapport and comfort; escalate attraction, get and confirm dates, and eventually have sex all via texting. I've give a damn what the text junkies say, their are certain things that just can't be diciphered via "4 LCD screen." Dudes seem to forgot that women are hardwire to response to emotional stimuli. Unless you've distingushied yourself from the horders of other men that are trying to holla at her, I for the life of me don't understand how words on a "4 LCD screen is going to get a chick emotionally stimulated.

I disagree with your assessment of texting. I've always viewed texting as just another medium, like calling, FB, IM, email, speaking in person, writing letters etc. Like these other media, it can be used effectively, in a way that will help your chances with women, or not. To say that it only has value as a medium after you've slept with a girl is simply untrue. It is just as valid a way of contacting a girl at any given stage as any of the others I mentioned. What's more important than the medium is what you communicate through it (so neediness vs alphaness, etc).

Anyway, this is all a digression from the subject of this thread: LDRs...

 

[bigneil]

Of course it can be alpha. If you meet a girl who really likes you, enough to see you again when you live 1000 miles away, why not pursue it? It can be extremely romantic as long as they have super-high interest.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Of course it can be alpha. If you meet a girl who really likes you, enough to see you again when you live 1000 miles away, why not pursue it? It can be extremely romantic as long as they have super-high interest.

Well, the girl in question did say that she wanted to visit me in the summer, and that's a trip of more than 1000 miles. There is clearly high interest on both sides. We were contacting each other roughly once every day until 2 days ago (this started after she came to my room for the second time, two weeks prior to this). I'm now going to try and force myself to back off for a little bit and contact her again in 3-4 days time, to give her "the gift of missing me" as it is sometimes expressed on here. I feel that if we contact each other every day, it will cheapen the whole thing and this will rapidly become a LDR. She said something similar when we were talking in bed.

On a related note, it just occurred to me that I was already kind of following the view advocated by the link I posted in the OP before I started the thread. The view I suggested was that it is possible for DJs to have multiple long distance fuk buddies, as well as those who live closer to home. Well, there's this girl who always had a crush on me from primary school who's found me on FB, and wants to make a journey of some 1200 miles to come and visit in April! She's been giving me lots of IOIs in our (sporadic) messages, including quite a few sexual ones, so I reckon I could sleep with her if I wanted to. The difference with this one is I could take her or leave her- she's about a 5.

 

[bigneil]

I did find that after 21 days apart things start to fade. Their scent wears off or something. She will start to lose interest. To stay on her mind, it's good if when you are together to take photos of her (and you together) and have her download her favorite songs which you can listen to when you are together, then in the "off time" you can mail her the photos and burn her CD's of her songs. That works wonders.

When you are apart, have "movie night" where you both rent the same DVD and watch it at the same time. Another thing we did was order pizza at the same time (I paid for hers and told her dinner was on the way to surprise her). An occasional hand-written love letter (1-2 sentences max) also really helps.

But as you said, take a few days off now and then, even if they are texting you 5 times to see where you are. That was my mistake - we went 77 straight days without missing a day, then things fizzled out. Though I managed to get her back, it was never quite the same.

 

[handle]

OP isn't talking about a LDR, he's talking about some chick you can bang when she happens to be in town. Which is a good thing, obviously.

As for LDRs -- my rule is you only do it if it has a concrete endpoint. As in, it's long distance because one of you is finishing up a job or a term of college or something, and you know you'll be back in the same area within a few months. If it's indefinite then **** that.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

When you are apart, have "movie night" where you both rent the same DVD and watch it at the same time. Another thing we did was order pizza at the same time (I paid for hers and told her dinner was on the way to surprise her). An occasional hand-written love letter (1-2 sentences max) also really helps.

Handle's right. The sort of relationship I'm after with this particular girl does not include coupley things like what you mention above. It's basically an arrangement wherewe sleep together whenever we're in each other's towns. Does that mean I need to stay in contact with her at all apart from when it comes to arranging another meet-up, I wonder?

 

[bigneil]

Ok my bad. I was referring to when you meet a girl in another city on business/travel and they are really into you. Some cities have a higher girl/guy ratio so this can happen. However, the maintenance things still apply when they move away.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Ok my bad. I was referring to when you meet a girl in another city on business/travel and they are really into you. Some cities have a higher girl/guy ratio so this can happen. However, the maintenance things still apply when they move away.

This is pretty much exactly what happened. I'm studying abroad atm, and met this awesome girl who is also a student but is not studying in the same city. It's not that we're not into each other, more that neither of us believe in a traditional LDR where you contact each other all the time.