Is there any real point in monogamy if you don't want kids?

[Mr Wright]

The sole tool of monogamy is to help raise children in a safe environment. But if you don't want children, the "natural" reason has been removed from the equation. Or until you're looking to have children, is monogamy just a pain? You can screen for a good mother outside of monogamy, you can see multiple women, get the variety your body craves for but also get that individual affection you need.

As far as I'm concerned some of the arguments for monogamy just don't wash wash with me. If you're getting in a long term deal just to have someone wipe your arsê when you're old, it's doing your life a disservice. And lets face it the majority of men who get into monogamous relationships do so for lack of other options. The definition of settling.

This is mainly for those who don't want children, would you consider a life without monogamy? I'm thinking about that choice at the moment, it's weird because from day 1 we've been bombarded with the idea that once you get old you settle down and live your days in peace. Maybe once I slow down, I will inevitably change my mind for now it seems a long way away and a steep price to pay.

Just curious to see where you lot stand on the matter, especially when children are not involved.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Monogamy is a choice, it's not every human beings fate.

 

[MtnMan]

You make an excellent point. I think in modern western society the popularity of monogamy is even more confusing.

Maybe I am just cynical, but I see a lot of my friends settling down and getting married and I am doubtful that its going to last. Also a lot of the women are starting to hit the wall (my friends are mostly 30+). Suddenly I feel like the lucky one for being single and being able to have sex with cute girls in their early/mid 20's. I rarely consider dating women my age.

I think a lot of men push for monogamy because being single and gaming women is HARD for the common man. (myself included) It is exhausting! I had a lot more free time and was more productive with my hobbies when I was in an LTR. If I lived in a city with lots of women, things might be different, but I live in a cabin in the mountains, and it requires real effort to get out there and find/date women.

I don't think I would consider marriage/monogamy if I didn't think I wanted children. Its too dangerous and western women have too much mobility to do as they please with NO consequence. "you go girl!" :crazy:

In my heart, I wish I could settle down with a nice, attractive women and build a life together. I think I still believe that its possible, but the older I get, the more cynical I get about it. I'm just happy to have made it to 30 with no real baggage to speak of.

I would say we are in the best of times and the worst of times as men.
-the best of times: we have unprecedented access to attractive slutty women
-the worst of times: the amount of 'quality' women is at an all time low. Hypergamy is basically allowed and encouraged to run rampant. This does not bode well for those who would like to settle down into a comfy situation. The game NEVER ends.

 

[zekko]

The thought of banging some girl who is also having a bunch of other c0cks stuffed into her disgusts me. Call me old-fashioned. I imagine that the OP is mainly talking about the male being monogamous though.

I've always said that the male should be the role model for behavior - the male does not follow the female. If you don't want your woman banging other men behind your back, you shouldn't be banging other women. That's like parents telling their children not to smoke while they do it themselves.

 

[Tomo]

Could it be that people are getting into marriage far too early? I've found a lot of my friends are entering into marriage in their early to mid twenties - that of which I'd never even consider until I hit my 30s. Surely this is not a time when you're fully aware of what you want in life let alone in a chick.

Or do we simply put it to how society has now changed...

 

[MOTU]

^^^^Good points Espi.

In The Moral Animal author Wright spends a great deal of time discussing marriage and monogamy, and makes the point that what we have today is actually "serial monogamy" which, in practice, is a form of polygamy. He also discusses at length the effect of culture as well as sexual selection on the evolution of monogamy, from the standpoint of evolutionary psychology. Anyone who has a serious interest in this topic would find this well worth a read.

So to answer OP's original question directly - from an evolutionary standpoint, no. There would be no point.

From a societal standpoint, this becomes very murky; if no one ever married again, that would definitely create some significant risks. Unmarried, childless men are much more likely to commit violent crime and other risky behaviors that we find unacceptable.

For the individual, who can be the statistical exception, I would view this in utilitarian terms: if the increase in the total sum of happiness in your life that would come from being single, free and slaying the tang is greater than the decrease in total happiness that could result from potential loss of companionship later in life, then staying single is a viable choice.

Oh, and for those who are afraid if they don't marry in their 30's that they'll die lonely, that is not a valid fear. Look at the demographics - there are for more single women in their 60's than their are men, because women tend to live longer. If you spend your life building your own value, you'll have no problem at 65 finding an old maid that will be happy to take care of you in exchange for getting to adopt your lifestyle. She may not be a hottie, but if she'll wipe your @$$ who cares??????

 

[zekko]

I have already have chosen polygamy--that's the best antonym I can find right now for monogamy. (Note that there really seems to be no respectable term for men who choose to be with multiple women.)

I think the word you're looking for is "polyamory"

Do what you want. I don't get why people need justification from biology textbooks. Some men prefer being with one woman, at least at a time. ("Serial monogamy.")

Yeah, that describes me pretty well currently, although I did date multiple women when I was younger. I doubt that I would have the patience to deal with more than one woman at a time at the moment.

Also, I am an introvert, and I don't really like having a bunch of people around me at once. When I was younger, I used to fight these tendencies and push to be more social. Now that I'm older, I've given into them more. Some might consider this falling back into my comfort zone, but I see it more as doing what I want to.