"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Is the universe conspiring against me?

ken chang

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Beginning to think the universe is conspiring against me. So this is how the story goes. Before, I ever heard about PUAs or Gaming or SoSuave, I fell for this girl. We will call her HOR. I got rejected, inevitably, and she leaves the country with my good former friend. We will call him JERK. Typical story, I know.

I get over HOR and fall for another girl. We will call her BAGGAGE. I learn about The Game a little too late and had already displayed too much AFC behavior in front of BAGGAGE. I next BAGGAGE and end up with a girlfriend. We will call her BORING.

After BORING and I become a couple, BAGGAGE starts showing interest in me again. I bite. Maybe I shouldn't have. And ask her out to lunch.

During the date, one of my friends sees us. We will call my friend, MOUTH. I kiss test BAGGAGE. She fails and I next her permanently. Should have done that sooner. (I posted about this incident before)

Later that night, BORING and I have dinner at a restaurant. Guess who we run into? That's right! My good friend, MOUTH. MOUTH innocently asks me, "Hey, Ken, I saw you with BAGGAGE earlier. Where did you guys go?"

So BORING gets mad, but that's not a problem, cause she will accept any lie I tell her anyway.

Anyway, with my inner game at an all time low, guess who just came back to the country and decided to work in my company? You guessed it! It's HOR!

I just say to myself," Well played, Universe. Well played." I'm beginning to think that Universe wants me to stay faithful to BORING. Maybe marry her and have BORING little kids with her. I am way past the marrying age. It's like Universe wants what's good for me but cares nothing for my happiness.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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DanelMadr

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ken chang said:
I just say to myself," Well played, Universe. Well played." I'm beginning to think that Universe wants me to stay faithful to BORING. Maybe marry her and have BORING little kids with her. I am way past the marrying age. It's like Universe wants what's good for me but cares nothing for my happiness.
It is worse than you think...universe does not give a rat's azz about you and you are going to die some day.

Cheer up, man. And listen to your gut so you can have at least some happy moments in your short life. And never succumb to fear or pity.

And yeah tough luck, man.
 

Wilko

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I just say to myself," Well played, Universe. Well played." I'm beginning to think that Universe wants me to stay faithful to BORING. Maybe marry her and have BORING little kids with her. I am way past the marrying age. It's like Universe wants what's good for me but cares nothing for my happiness.
But you won't because your eyes are open and to jump back on board now would require an act of willful ignorance on your part. 46% of American marriages end in divorce, in Australia it's one third. People are intrinsically bad at marriage, humans aren't cut out for a lifetime of monogamous co-habitation, that is born out by the divorce statistics, by our evolutionary history and by our own personal experience. It's unnatural and we suck at it but "we" keep pushing marriage, kids and a mortgage as the only socially acceptable outcome for men and women.
 

theunflushables

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ken chang said:
Beginning to think the universe is conspiring against me. So this is how the story goes. Before, I ever heard about PUAs or Gaming or SoSuave, I fell for this girl. We will call her HOR. I got rejected, inevitably, and she leaves the country with my good former friend. We will call him JERK. Typical story, I know.

I get over HOR and fall for another girl. We will call her BAGGAGE. I learn about The Game a little too late and had already displayed too much AFC behavior in front of BAGGAGE. I next BAGGAGE and end up with a girlfriend. We will call her BORING.

After BORING and I become a couple, BAGGAGE starts showing interest in me again. I bite. Maybe I shouldn't have. And ask her out to lunch.

During the date, one of my friends sees us. We will call my friend, MOUTH. I kiss test BAGGAGE. She fails and I next her permanently. Should have done that sooner. (I posted about this incident before)

Later that night, BORING and I have dinner at a restaurant. Guess who we run into? That's right! My good friend, MOUTH. MOUTH innocently asks me, "Hey, Ken, I saw you with BAGGAGE earlier. Where did you guys go?"

So BORING gets mad, but that's not a problem, cause she will accept any lie I tell her anyway.

Anyway, with my inner game at an all time low, guess who just came back to the country and decided to work in my company? You guessed it! It's HOR!

I just say to myself," Well played, Universe. Well played." I'm beginning to think that Universe wants me to stay faithful to BORING. Maybe marry her and have BORING little kids with her. I am way past the marrying age. It's like Universe wants what's good for me but cares nothing for my happiness.
I think you're looking at this the wrong way.

Think of it this way: If you were born and lived in a capsule outside our universe, could you say the universe exists? Yes, but for you the universe would be your capsule.

You (the subject) can only observe the universe subjectively. Subjective observation is your reality. By changing your perceptions of the universe, you change the very nature of the universe itself.

If you think the universe is conspiring against you because of this one string of women, then the universe IS out to get you.

But lets hypothetically change your perception and see what happens.

Your new perception of these current events is the universe is trying to teach you something.

1. HOR - yeah, it hurt when she rejected you and it hurt even more so when your friend betrayed you. But you survived. This is the universe's lesson: You are stronger than you think you are!

2. Baggage - This is a pretty simple one and its right in the name you gave her "Baggage": You have your own bags to carry on the path we call life, don't carry someone else's.

3. Borring - Again the name you gave her should be a dead give away, but you ignored those feelings when they came up. You needed a little kick in the ass, so Baggage shows up! And you try to kiss test her! Another sign right there. If things were great in the relationship with Borring you would not be trying to kiss Baggage If something is not providing you with fulfillment its time to move on.

4. The Return of The Hor - This is the test to see if you've been paying attention. And you have! You remember the pain caused by Hor and that Judas of a friend but you survived. You remember you're not going to carry around someone else's baggage. And you remember being unfulfilled leads to unhappiness. You passed the test and the next time you see Hor you walk right past her with fire of a million suns burning in your heart and the supreme knowledge that she does not belong in your universe. Her negativity is not allowed.

5. Marriage, kids, and the future. LET GO! The past has ceased to exist and the future never will exist. The only thing that exists is the now. Don't worry about it, if it happens it happens. But until that point live your best life NOW!

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Now see, doesn't that feel much better than "the universe is conspiring against me"?

You are the creator. Create the most amazing and fulfilling life for you at this moment.
 

jophil28

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Ken, there is no such thing as a "universe" which conspires or intervenes in your life.
And deluding yourself that changing your perceptions will alter reality is just that - a delusion . Only persistent action changes your results, not watching "The Secret" .
"Reality" is what actually exists, and it remains in existence exclusive of our consciousness.

At your age you have had relationships with several women and none have turned out very well BECAUSE those women were not good matches for you . It is that simple.
I have had about ten times your adult dating experiences and I can report that out of all the women that I have dated or banged there were only TWO who came close to meeting my expectations. I was too young and self centered at the time to appreciate them.

You have a ways to go yet . The road to finding quality women is a long one and you will take a lot of detours and wrong turns along the way.

Just keep walking , you will be fine, and you never know who is around the next corner.

Just life, is all .
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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War Against Betaism

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No it's just in your head. That story kind of made me giggle though, especially the way you labeled all the characters.
 

PlayCold

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ken chang said:
I just say to myself," Well played, Universe. Well played." I'm beginning to think that Universe wants me to stay faithful to BORING. Maybe marry her and have BORING little kids with her. I am way past the marrying age. It's like Universe wants what's good for me but cares nothing for my happiness.
.........Seriously? Get this out of your head and just (try to) be happy and live.
 

Kailex

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Conspiring against you.
Showing you life for what it is.
Demonstrating opportunities.
Revealing who your true friends are.

The pessimist will say the universe is conspiring against you.
The optimist, like me, will say that the "universe" is giving you opportunities to see these people for who they really are.

You are a better man today than you were a year ago and the year before, and the year before... and it's not because the universe conspired against you, it's because these situations helped you learn and you gained knowledge through them. How is that a bad thing?

And HOR coming back to your company, you are at a different time in your life now than when you were with her. It shouldn't even bother you by now.

And MOUTH, get rid of him as a friend. That wasn't cool.
 
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