is she worth keeping?

[ne0phyte]

before I get into this, I wanna say this website had opened my eyes since I found it. I've learned so much about being a man, and how to get women to chase me. but my goal isn't to bed thousands of women. I want to be married and have kids, and I will use my DJ skills to find quality, not quantity.

so I've been setting this girl pretty regularly close to two months now and things have been good. she's by far the prettiest girl I've ever been with (she's a 9 in my book) and she's sweet and kind. sex is great.

but here's the thing, she's super clumsy and ditzy. already i have to pick up things that she forgets, like her purse when we go out. she drops things regularly, and on top of that, she's not that smart. for instance, we were planning a road trip, and she said "oh, that's what the state of California looks like". we're both 25.

also, it seems like she has bad genes. she's really pretty, but she has severe asthma and she's legally blind in both eyes without glasses. I know these things will only get worse as she gets older, so I dunno if I wanna be that guy that had to take care of her if we end up together. already these little things are starting to bug me. ideally I would want a girl like her but able to take care of herself. I think a relationship should be a partnership, not one taking complete care of the other. tell me if i'm being naive here.

so for you mature DJs, what are your guys' thoughts? I haven't had much good relationship experiences, so I don't know if i'm making a big deal out of nothing here, or if these are legitimate concerns. the reason i'm wondering this is because it'll be easier to end things sooner than later, especially if I end up getting too attached.

 

[ne0phyte]

anyone?

 

[5string]

Why is she legally blind? What's the diagnosis? OK, she's ditzy and isn't a rocket surgeon. I could look past that. Is she fun? Can she carry on a conversation? How old are you guys? Either one of you ever been married?

Need more info.

 

[sodbuster]

What do you want your kids to turn out like? She's furnishing HALF the genetics and if she spends more time with them than you do... she will be the bigger environmental factor on their intelligence. To be honest, sounds like you've gotten as much good out of her as you ever will.

My ex-wife was a CPA-passed it on the first try, her dad took second in the state wrestling championship in Minnesota. My son's are both athletic and straight A students[ok, oldest one had a B plus in college physics,but an A plus in chemical engineering]. Now, I'm not exactly small,slow or stupid;but, I have to think her genetics helped. At least, neither one was dumb enough to be a Dentist like I am

 

[ne0phyte]

sodbuster, i want my kids to have character. I don't expect them to be geniuses, or athletic superstars, but i do expect them to always try their best, be disciplined and respectful of others. however, from what she's told me, i would be worried leaving kids in her care. like i said, i always have to pick up after her, she forgets sweaters at restaurants, sometimes she even forgets to take her purse at starbucks. she sets it down on the counter to pay for her drink, and leaves it there. when stuff like that happens, i'm thinking how can anyone be that ditzy? and the thing is, it happens often. if she can't pick up after herself, how will she deal with picking up after her kids?

5string, we're both 25, both of us have never been married. we do have fun, but shouldn't a "relationship" be more than just fun? if i just wanted to have fun, i wouldn't even be bothering asking this. I'd just let things run it's course.

and it's not that i expect her to be a rocket scientist, but being as driven as I am to succeed in life, it does annoy me that she's pretty much coasted by on her looks. for instance, she doesn't even know how to pump her own gas, since her father, and previous bfs always did that for her. I think her eyesight is part of the reason she's so clumsy. without glasses, she's 20/600, meaning she can only stand 20 feet away to see something that a normal person can see at 600 feet away.

like i said, my ideal relationship would be a partnership, one where she can at least carry her own weight. but since I'm definitely not experienced as you guys, i'm wondering if this is just naive of me. for you guys, how much weight do you guys expect your gf/wifes to carry?

 

[ne0phyte]

Men are often astounded by what females don't know, but that's because we guys are walking encyclopedias and would-be Jeopardy contestants. Women think differently, and her "intelligence" when it comes to caring for a family is what's more important.

man are you right about that haha. i was definitely astounded when she said that. if it was a rural state like montana, i'd understand. but with california, i was like SERIOUSLY???

i agree with you that what's really important is her "intelligence" when it comes to caring for a family. but how do u go about evaluating that?

 

[5string]

NeO

You're right. The relationship should be much more than just fun. We could discuss that for hours though. sam is right also. There should be alot of fun regardless. And don't discount yourself. You seem wiser than someone your age.

The fact that you are asking us already means, at least to me, that you're thinking she may not be able to hack it in a relationship, especially if you are as driven and motivated as you have indicated. I suspect you have serious doubts actually.

Bottom line, no need to be hasty. Spend some more time with her and evaluate her further. The only downside to this approach would be if you catch feelings and make a wrong move.

 

[ne0phyte]

5string, you're dead on. i'm worried/wondering about this precisely because my gut is telling me something. it's just that with my afc history, i don't know if i can trust it.

the more i think about it, all this stems from my upbringing. my parents are immigrants, of the poor working class type. they had to scrape and claw their way to survive in this country, and that drive has been instilled in me. that's why I'm almost done with my master's degree, having worked part time throughout it.

now i get that women are different, and i don't expect every one of them to be able to face the hardships that my parents faced, but to see someone like her, who's family was well off, who never had to work, or face challenges, and has had everything done for her - that bothers me. I don't blame her for it, her upbringing is hers, just as mine is mine. I just hope mine isn't clouding my judgement to the point where I have unrealistic expectations.