is she talking bs about "you should have chased me"?

[bukowski_merit]

girl i was pretty serious about, we were together a bout 9 months as FBs, and then it was progressing into a rel (we started saying "i love you" one night while having $ex and stuck with it). suddenly out of nowhere her ex starts texting/calling, declaring his love to her 800 times a day (in the saddest most AFC way possible; to which i thought for sure it wouldn't work).... but i start to notice it affecting her... in fact, it slowly becomes a competition.... in fact, she starts lieing to both of us (way more to him as she tells him that there's no one else in her life because she "doesn't want to hurt him")... long story short - after about a month of this - i just stop pursuing and move on to new/different girls....


- we happened to run into each other... so we do an instant date to catch up...
- she's engaged to mr. afc provider man now... (but doesn't seem happy about it - he's a good provider though, pretty wealthy.)
- during our conversation she tells me that she saw me as her soulmate, and the one she'd been waiting her whole life for. a guy who knew how to handle her, etc....
- then she tells me this "I don't understand why you just gave up. I used to lay in my bed and cry because i felt like we had something real special, something amazing, and you just walked away from it..." and then "i knew all along i wanted to be with you; i just wanted you to prove you wanted to be with me. when you gave up; i knew which one of you really loved me and i was dissapointed in that outcome"


so she's basically saying that if i had chased her and been more like her (constantly texting his declarations of love to her) ex - that we'd be together right now?


i'm fine... i have 2 very happy relationships right now (one with an amazing fvck!) and am more or less perplexed by her saying that....

is she just bsing? could she have possibly really wanted me to chase her to show her i wanted to be with her??? she wanted me to act obsessed with her?


everything in my reading and my experience says that there's no way she really wanted that... but then again - i do have trouble trasitioning from FB to LTR, and i think it's because i'm so cold about caring... dunno?

 

[Metaphysical]

- then she tells me this "I don't understand why you just gave up. I used to lay in my bed and cry because i felt like we had something real special, something amazing, and you just walked away from it..." and then "i knew all along i wanted to be with you; i just wanted you to prove you wanted to be with me. when you gave up; i knew which one of you really loved me and i was dissapointed in that outcome"

she wanted u so badly because YOU WOULDN'T chase her

thank god you didn't

if you would have chased her, she would have put you in the same line with the other guy and she would be talking about how she isn't really feeling the relationship with either of you

it would stroke her ego and her pride if you chased her like a puppy dog

never do that

 

[sodbuster]

Some women want to be chased at the biginning of a relationship,but once you are in one? She should know what she wants.

 

[CaptainJ]

Women think they know what they want, but truth is, they have no idea. It would be too logical for a woman to know what she wants from a man, and women are emotional beings.

 

[Following_of_Me]

This is why some of the advice here isn't meant to be taken quite so literally.

Given the situation, it would not have been "afc" to have fought for the relationship. It wouldn't even have been chasing her. She didn't want you to chase her, shower her in compliments, etc. She wanted you to stay with her, wanted you to tell her that you care about her and you should stay together. Obviously she would have chosen you over the chump, but you didn't even bother to fight. You just gave up and moved on. I can imagine that left her pretty baffled, that this man she thought she knew to be strong could just give up so easily, probably broke her heart.

Too late to do anything about it now, but understand that in some circumstances it's ok to fight for what you have. If you give up on every woman in your life and move on everytime you feel like you have to work for your relationship, then your relationships won't last very long.

 

[War Against Betaism]

What I would have said in that situation if she said "You should have chased me," I would have been like "Oh damn did I really miss out? Damn, that sucks, I guess, oh well," kind of sarcastically. My friend is going through almost the exact same thing you're going. He's 22 and he's been talking to this one girl for a while, then out of nowhere she starts talking to her ex and my friend starts splitting time with her with her ex. I keep on telling him why keep bothering with her? He keeps telling me she wants him more but she keeps on spending time with her ex. Fvck her if she doesn't know what she wants.

 

[horaholic]

What a bunch of crap. She's the one that walked away, yet she 'cries' that you didnt chase her?

i felt like we had something real special, something amazing

Not special or amazing enough to keep other guys out of the picture.

i just wanted you to prove you wanted to be with me. when you gave up; i knew which one of you really loved me and i was dissapointed in that outcome"

This makes me irate, just reading this. First of all, its a lie. She didnt want you to prove yourself, she wanted you both to fight for her. She 'thought' he wanted a guy that would love HER, more than himself. Her plan backfired on her. You did the right thing, especially if your totally fine without her. Good for you for being cordial to her, though. I'll bet it makes her regret her decision even more.