Is she setting me up for rejection?

[Aspiring Don Juan]

So I've been flirting with this girl for a while now, but I ran into a little of an issue. I've already asked her out, but she said she wasn't in the right place for a relationship. Yesterday, I was escalating with her like crazy at a party and it was really flirty. However, I spent a lot of time talking to other girls as well, and I essentially killed what I had built that night with her. We had this conversation the next day. Check it out

[Her]: honestly you weren't that bad at all

apart from your voice being a little funky
you were still charming and sweet per usual

[Me]: wow thank you
I was slightly nervous talking you last night, even while tipsy heh

[Her:] didn't come off as nervous

/ you never come off as nervous

[Me:] Oh hun I'm just really good at hiding it

[Her]: really??

[Me]: Yeah I found you stunning last night
And I can't always say that

[Her]: .............
(my name)yyyyyyy!!!
goddamnit

[Me]: whatt aha

[Her]: why do you enjoy doing this me

[Me]: because I like you
duh

[Her]: caaaaaaaan I be completely honest

[Me]:go for it

[Her]:like
well
you know what you're like

[Me]:me?? wdym

[Her]: like
you're

[Me]: say it it won't phase me

[Her]: well also
please don't tell your friends this
because I want this to be to you not to other people

[Me]: Of course

[Her]: well you're outgoing and charming and come off as flirty and you're complimenty and I don't know how to take it

[Me]: i guess you're not used to the attention

[Her]: ??
no what I'm trying to say is
some guys act one way to someone
but I don't know if you act like this to everyone?

[Me]: Ah I understand
you know, I've always wondered the same thing about you

[Her:] really?

[Me]: I've never been able to tell if you're the same around everyone, or just me
I've struggled with that idea since I first starting talking to you

[Her]: wait maybe this would be easier to say in real life hm
okay wait I'm literally at 5% lol
so I'll message you late
*later

[Me]: let's go out for lunch on monday

[Her]: alright
sounds good

[Me]: bye!

I want to hear the opinions of my fellow DJ's on this forum. I don't have as much experience as you guys and I'm just curious as to your predictions. Thanks guys

 

[sazc]

so im not a DJ and cant comment from that perspective but from a females perspective I like it.

here's my take....

You started out not owning the frame. idk why you needed to tell her you were nervous and that you hide it well... to me it's unnecessary, a little beta, and not keeping control of your image.
Be nervous, but never let them know that. Females want to believe you are confident. Exposing your self, being vulnerable, can be done after you've found a quality chick to LTR with.
But then
But then you re owned the frame by cutting off that topic and telling her she was stunning. You had me back in frame. If I were her, im swooning a little at this point.
Then....she decided to get honest with you, that's a good thing. And the way she did it seems real. Also a good thing. And I liked the way you made it safe for her to get honest.
And then you re owned yourself by saying "I guess you're just not used to the attention"
My female brain is hearing "he wants to treat me well" and loving it.
Then you continue to own it by throwing the same thing she said right back into her lap, making her feel as if you guys have a connection.
Then you lunch close
dinner would be better if you want to create more of a possibility for yourself
If I were that chick, I am looking forward to lunch and thinking maybe we can have real connection.

I would go on to say, keep contact positive, but to a minimum, so you dont mess the vibe.

Again, im not a DJ so Im sure they can break it down from that perspective.

 

[AlphaNate]

However, I spent a lot of time talking to other girls as well, and I essentially killed what I had built that night with her.

You proved you had options. What makes you think you killed it?

 

[Aspiring Don Juan]

so im not a DJ and cant comment from that perspective but from a females perspective I like it.

here's my take....

You started out not owning the frame. idk why you needed to tell her you were nervous and that you hide it well... to me it's unnecessary, a little beta, and not keeping control of your image.
Be nervous, but never let them know that. Females want to believe you are confident. Exposing your self, being vulnerable, can be done after you've found a quality chick to LTR with.
But then
But then you re owned the frame by cutting off that topic and telling her she was stunning. You had me back in frame. If I were her, im swooning a little at this point.
Then....she decided to get honest with you, that's a good thing. And the way she did it seems real. Also a good thing. And I liked the way you made it safe for her to get honest.
And then you re owned yourself by saying "I guess you're just not used to the attention"
My female brain is hearing "he wants to treat me well" and loving it.
Then you continue to own it by throwing the same thing she said right back into her lap, making her feel as if you guys have a connection.
Then you lunch close
dinner would be better if you want to create more of a possibility for yourself
If I were that chick, I am looking forward to lunch and thinking maybe we can have real connection.

I would go on to say, keep contact positive, but to a minimum, so you dont mess the vibe.

Again, im not a DJ so Im sure they can break it down from that perspective.

Wow I really appreciate this comment, thanks for breaking things down so well. I really only admitted I was nervous to really make an impact when I complimented her though.

 

[Aspiring Don Juan]

You proved you had options. What makes you think you killed it?

Like we were touching so much earlier in the night, flirty eye contact. But as the night progressed, I kind of pussied out and stopped talking to her as much. I began to openly flirt with several other girls and testing the waters, even though I really only wanted her. Then after I came back to her, she wasn't grabbing my waist as much or reaching for my hand like she was earlier. I am slightly disappointed at myself. I thought invoking jealousy would favour me.

 

[sazc]

Wow I really appreciate this comment, thanks for breaking things down so well. I really only admitted I was nervous to really make an impact when I complimented her though.

well then it worked on me

 

[9Volt]

So I've been flirting with this girl for a while now, but I ran into a little of an issue. I've already asked her out, but she said she wasn't in the right place for a relationship. Yesterday, I was escalating with her like crazy at a party and it was really flirty. However, I spent a lot of time talking to other girls as well, and I essentially killed what I had built that night with her. We had this conversation the next day. Check it out

[Her]: honestly you weren't that bad at all

apart from your voice being a little funky
you were still charming and sweet per usual

[Me]: wow thank you
I was slightly nervous talking you last night, even while tipsy heh

[Her:] didn't come off as nervous

/ you never come off as nervous

[Me:] Oh hun I'm just really good at hiding it

[Her]: really??

[Me]: Yeah I found you stunning last night
And I can't always say that

[Her]: .............
(my name)yyyyyyy!!!
goddamnit

[Me]: whatt aha

[Her]: why do you enjoy doing this me

[Me]: because I like you
duh

[Her]: caaaaaaaan I be completely honest

[Me]:go for it

[Her]:like
well
you know what you're like

[Me]:me?? wdym

[Her]: like
you're

[Me]: say it it won't phase me

[Her]: well also
please don't tell your friends this
because I want this to be to you not to other people

[Me]: Of course

[Her]: well you're outgoing and charming and come off as flirty and you're complimenty and I don't know how to take it

[Me]: i guess you're not used to the attention

[Her]: ??
no what I'm trying to say is
some guys act one way to someone
but I don't know if you act like this to everyone?

[Me]: Ah I understand
you know, I've always wondered the same thing about you

[Her:] really?

[Me]: I've never been able to tell if you're the same around everyone, or just me
I've struggled with that idea since I first starting talking to you

[Her]: wait maybe this would be easier to say in real life hm
okay wait I'm literally at 5% lol
so I'll message you late
*later

[Me]: let's go out for lunch on monday

[Her]: alright
sounds good

[Me]: bye!

I want to hear the opinions of my fellow DJ's on this forum. I don't have as much experience as you guys and I'm just curious as to your predictions. Thanks guys

Convo seemed ok. Don't worry about it and forget the "DJ" nonsense or you'll wind up coming across as a fraud /weirdo. See if she shows up.

I personally would have told her: "I'm going to go here for lunch Monday. Lets go." and any other time always make sure it's a place you were already planning to go to begin with. Not just saying that while depending on a chicks answer or friends etc. So if a chick or a friend didn't show or couldn't make it you were already going to place X as it is.

Don't flood chicks with compliments or compliment them back A.S.A.P if they compliment you. A compliment should be not only sincere but deserved. Not to gain their approval or acceptance of you or to passive aggressively try to manipulate someone else to get your way.

See how things go. Keep up general conversation, commonalities, different topics and look directly into her eyes and LISTEN more than you speak. As in ask her questions and then respond or branch off the topic. You don't want to come across as trying to brag or "one up" a chick due to nerves which will either make her be polite but start getting turned off and or she'll sense you're just bragging to "impress" her.

To get your mind off your nerves think of it as meeting a friend so you keep your cool but balance that out with touching her at times to see how she responds or if things escalate. IE: You're walking beside her and hold the door open for her as she walks through you walk behind her putting your hand on the small of her back or taking her hand at times etc.

 

[9Volt]

Like we were touching so much earlier in the night, flirty eye contact. But as the night progressed, I kind of pussied out and stopped talking to her as much. I began to openly flirt with several other girls and testing the waters, even though I really only wanted her. Then after I came back to her, she wasn't grabbing my waist as much or reaching for my hand like she was earlier. I am slightly disappointed at myself. I thought invoking jealousy would favour me.

Most dudes will fail getting the chick they really want (fantasize about) because they are too worried about every detail and don't want to "ruin the perfect fantasy" they've made up in their mind. Then some other dude who she might have a connection with who is grounded in reality and relationships etc comes along and doesn't let his head go to fantasyland winds up with her because he's not worried about some fairytale .

Keep yourself grounded as hard as it seems when you really like a person so you don't wind up walking on eggshells etc. trying to keep the fantasy you made for the two of you in your mind from being "ruined".

 

[Aspiring Don Juan]

Convo seemed ok. Don't worry about it and forget the "DJ" nonsense or you'll wind up coming across as a fraud /weirdo. See if she shows up.

I personally would have told her: "I'm going to go here for lunch Monday. Lets go." and any other time always make sure it's a place you were already planning to go to begin with. Not just saying that while depending on a chicks answer or friends etc. So if a chick or a friend didn't show or couldn't make it you were already going to place X as it is.

Don't flood chicks with compliments or compliment them back A.S.A.P if they compliment you. A compliment should be not only sincere but deserved. Not to gain their approval or acceptance of you or to passive aggressively try to manipulate someone else to get your way.

See how things go. Keep up general conversation, commonalities, different topics and look directly into her eyes and LISTEN more than you speak. As in ask her questions and then respond or branch off the topic. You don't want to come across as trying to brag or "one up" a chick due to nerves which will either make her be polite but start getting turned off and or she'll sense you're just bragging to "impress" her.

To get your mind off your nerves think of it as meeting a friend so you keep your cool but balance that out with touching her at times to see how she responds or if things escalate. IE: You're walking beside her and hold the door open for her as she walks through you walk behind her putting your hand on the small of her back or taking her hand at times etc.

Thanks for the input mate. I'm not worried about the lunch, it will go well. The purpose of me posting this thread was more to ask whether or not you think the thing that'd be "easier to tell me in real life" is going to be another rejection, or something else. My gut is telling me she will reject me.

 

[Aspiring Don Juan]

so im not a DJ and cant comment from that perspective but from a females perspective I like it.

here's my take....

You started out not owning the frame. idk why you needed to tell her you were nervous and that you hide it well... to me it's unnecessary, a little beta, and not keeping control of your image.
Be nervous, but never let them know that. Females want to believe you are confident. Exposing your self, being vulnerable, can be done after you've found a quality chick to LTR with.
But then
But then you re owned the frame by cutting off that topic and telling her she was stunning. You had me back in frame. If I were her, im swooning a little at this point.
Then....she decided to get honest with you, that's a good thing. And the way she did it seems real. Also a good thing. And I liked the way you made it safe for her to get honest.
And then you re owned yourself by saying "I guess you're just not used to the attention"
My female brain is hearing "he wants to treat me well" and loving it.
Then you continue to own it by throwing the same thing she said right back into her lap, making her feel as if you guys have a connection.
Then you lunch close
dinner would be better if you want to create more of a possibility for yourself
If I were that chick, I am looking forward to lunch and thinking maybe we can have real connection.

I would go on to say, keep contact positive, but to a minimum, so you dont mess the vibe.

Again, im not a DJ so Im sure they can break it down from that perspective.

What I'm really wondering is whether or not you think she will break good or bad news to me on Monday. She did say she thought "it'd be easier to tell me irl." My gut is telling me it won't be good news tho

 

[9Volt]

What I'm really wondering is whether or not you think she will break good or bad news to me on Monday. She did say she thought "it'd be easier to tell me irl." My gut is telling me it won't be good news tho

If you are focusing on a fantasy of "perfection" with her yet expecting "rejection" you're going to come across as a reject. Who is she anyway? A Goddess? No. She's a chick that you're going to lunch with. Take it one step at a time. You just go out and have a good time. See how things go. What makes you think she's going to "reject" you? Are you going to propose to the chick?

 

[sazc]

What I'm really wondering is whether or not you think she will break good or bad news to me on Monday. She did say she thought "it'd be easier to tell me irl." My gut is telling me it won't be good news tho

the vibe I got was that it was going to be a "let's LTR" convo. But, in truth, it could be anything, but who cares? Dont spin your hamster wheel over it. Just live and let Monday happen.

 

[JohnChops]

Most dudes will fail getting the chick they really want (fantasize about) because they are too worried about every detail and don't want to "ruin the perfect fantasy" they've made up in their mind. Then some other dude who she might have a connection with who is grounded in reality and relationships etc comes along and doesn't let his head go to fantasyland winds up with her because he's not worried about some fairytale .

Keep yourself grounded as hard as it seems when you really like a person so you don't wind up walking on eggshells etc. trying to keep the fantasy you made for the two of you in your mind from being "ruined".

cant stress this enough. When you are starting to read and compile all the information you possibly can to "get the girl", you end up **** blocking yourself because you go in confident, think you made a little mistake, second guess yourself, try to bounce back and end up ****ing the whole thing up.

When in reality, if you just put all that stuff you learned in the back of your head when approaching and talking to women, you will come off more genuine and sincere , and she will pick up on that. A girl can tell when you go from confident, in control frame to "I ****ed up now I feel like I have to beat myself up about it by screwing up this interaction" frame.

 

[Roober]

Convo seemed ok. Don't worry about it and forget the "DJ" nonsense or you'll wind up coming across as a fraud /weirdo. See if she shows up.

I personally would have told her: "I'm going to go here for lunch Monday. Lets go." and any other time always make sure it's a place you were already planning to go to begin with. Not just saying that while depending on a chicks answer or friends etc. So if a chick or a friend didn't show or couldn't make it you were already going to place X as it is.

Don't flood chicks with compliments or compliment them back A.S.A.P if they compliment you. A compliment should be not only sincere but deserved. Not to gain their approval or acceptance of you or to passive aggressively try to manipulate someone else to get your way.

See how things go. Keep up general conversation, commonalities, different topics and look directly into her eyes and LISTEN more than you speak. As in ask her questions and then respond or branch off the topic. You don't want to come across as trying to brag or "one up" a chick due to nerves which will either make her be polite but start getting turned off and or she'll sense you're just bragging to "impress" her.

To get your mind off your nerves think of it as meeting a friend so you keep your cool but balance that out with touching her at times to see how she responds or if things escalate. IE: You're walking beside her and hold the door open for her as she walks through you walk behind her putting your hand on the small of her back or taking her hand at times etc.

Agreed! you are the prize, not her!

 

[Konada]

If I were you, I would've tried to get her home after flirting with her that heavily instead of going to talk to other girls and trying to ger her jealous. You overgamed here dude.

Right now what she needs is comfort for you to bang her. Grab lunch, keep it short and invite her over your place if possible. She already knows you can escalate, but she unsure whether you can seal the deal like a man.