Is she keeping me as insurance?

[amazingme85]

I am a married man, but my marriage has been a string of fights and incompatibility ever since 3 months after the marriage started. This made me get attracted to this amazing girl at work. I told her about my feelings and she made out with me. After 10 minutes into it, she started saying I won't do it again because if you leave it will leave me devastated. I said ok, I feel dissappinted but I respect your feelings. The next day she pulled me up and started telling me things. She said she is avoiding me and she does not want that. She asked us to remain normal and not think about what happened the day before. I said ok, although I like you very much I will try not to think about it.

A little bit of history before we move further with the story. 2 years before, when I had just met this girl, she used to give me signals. Always liking my facebook pictures, laughing at every lame joke I made. She even sent me a message saying - "Do you like ABC? ABC is a nice girl. Take care of ABC", where ABC means her own name. At that time I was shy and I had just met my wife and it was going well with her. I didnt say anything and tried to change topic (although i regret it as hell now!).

So, now with that piece of history, and the fact that she made out with me 5 minutes after I told her about my feelings, now she says that she has "zero" feelings for me and would never be able to change that. I asked her about the messages 2 years ago and she replied that she was just joking (anyone here would believe that?). My marriage is on the verge of a collapse and to make matters worse I am madly in love with this girl. She once said that we can remain friends. We tried for a while, but I broke and told her that I was missing her. She cried. She cries every time i tell her how deeply i feel about her. But she maintains she has not feelings for me.

She greets me when she comes in for work and leaves, but tries to avoid eye contact. She told me that if we continue talking it will be bad for me in future because we are not meant to be together.

Is she telling the truth? Is she waiting for me to be single again before she tells me how she really feels about me? Or she is just playing with my heart, trying to keep me close because I make her feel good about herself?

 

[vinkoch]

The problem, I think, and I speak from experience, is that you can't have a healthy relationship and have it progress normally until you're officially done with another, especially since you're married. I've been through this three times now. Just at the time she needed to know I was filling for divorce, I couldn't let my wife go. And then things fell apart.

You need to commit to your wife and really work on the problems there, or divorce her and then see other women.

The reason I say this is now that my wife and I. agreed to divorce and are ok with b each other seeing other people, I realize I know longer have to feel like I'm choosing one over the other. When you're at that place of choosing, you'll always worry about making picking the wrong one. This is what you're doing right now. And this girl knows it. From her point of view you aren't taking her serious and you go home to. someone else every night. You really think she's not going to keep options herself then? And that's where you are man. You gotta a girl who likes you and won't take you serious until you leave your wife and file for divorce. But are you willing to throw away your wife for someone who hasn't shown, who can't show you out of self respect, that she's committed to you and that it will last so that you don't feel like you made a mistake about your wife if it doesn't work out with the new girl?

 

[Tictac]

Get out of your marriage. You are using your wife as training wheels. Nothing your wife did "made me get attracted to this amazing girl at work". Big time beta.

Get your sh*t together on your own. Then see other women.

Stop telling women your feelings 5 minutes after you meet them.