Is she interested?

[ink_wizard]

Hey guys,

have an interesting situation with a girl that I can’t read who I met off tinder. So we’ve already been on 2 dates which have gone really well, lots of laughing and vibing, lots in common, nothing sexual yet but both have communicated mutual attraction for one another. The problem? We still haven’t kissed...we held hands and flirted a fair bit on the last date and I tried to escalate to kissing from hugging but she informed me she was not “ready for that yet”.....

After the date she messaged me saying how much of a good time she had and how much she really likes me but can be quite reserved and shy with new guys until she’s fully comfortable with them. I told her it was fine and she suggested our next meet up next week. So far throughout the whole interaction with her which has been the past month she has initiated all the dates and texts but sometimes takes hours to reply to texts (she hates talking on the phone so I don’t bother with calling). I don’t know if this chick actually is interested or just wasting my time ?

obviously I want to smash asap lol but I don’t know how long she is going to make me wait...I don’t have much experience with shy/reserved girls, usually by date 2 we’ve already made out and are in bed together so I don’t know what to think...she has told me before we met up that she wanted to”go with the flow” and see where it ends up. She’s an 8 so I’m sure she’d have other dudes hitting her up on the go, just don’t know if it’s worth pursuing this?

what do you guys reckon?!

 

[TheProspect]

Shy or not, if she's interested she'll be receptive to you setting up dates and your attempts to escalate on them.

So ask her out, and escalate on the date. You'll figure out quickly her interest level or if she's just wasting your time.

 

[spikeanut]

Her interest level is mediocre at best. Couple things; why are you treating her like a GF when you barely met her? (ie: holding her hand, communicating mutual attraction, hugging). If you continue on your path, you will get friendzoned soon, if not already there. You need to escalate ASAP, but also continue to go on dates with other girls. It's fairly obvious you are way too into her, much more than she is into you. She is continuing to keep you on the hook because you quench her emotional neediness without her having to spread her legs. It's a win-win for her. The first problem is you actually believe her whole spiel about new guys and being shy. She is on Tinder...that alone gives it away. She may not be getting physical with you, but more likely than not, she is getting physical with someone else. However, this is besides the point. What she does is not your concern. She's not your GF, therefore she can date, kiss, F8ck anyone she wants and it's a non-issue.

Here are my suggestions: tell her something came up and you can no longer make the date; do it the day prior or even the morning of. Pull back your attention, meaning less texting, longer times in between responses, not being so available. Start making the dates; you're the man, act like one and take the lead. As the man, you should be controlling the flow of the interaction, not her. Escalate on the next date (if there is one). If she pushes back again, remove even more of your time and attention. Finally, and most importantly, stop believing what comes out of her mouth, and start looking at her actions (no romantic physical touch, long responses, no phone calls); these alone should provide you enough information of her interest level. Good luck OP.

 

[derby1]

"you met her on Tinder Shy & Reserved".....Read that back to yourself brother.

Then let me serve you some cold medicine. You are dealing with a Jedi master of Attention whoring. Shes done this same trick to 5 other blokes this week. Then on the 7th Day she pulls her pants down real quick for the guy who doesnt hold her hand.....

A girl who likes you will kiss you not make you jump through hoops,

do you notice how you are enchanted by her behaviour ? Like you have found the one

Sadly I can guarantee she is giving the fruits to a guy who verbally abuses her & messes her about, tells her to change her hairstyle for him. that kind of thing, the total opposite of the 1000 guys who will "DATE" her

they belong to the streets

 

[ink_wizard]

Her interest level is mediocre at best. Couple things; why are you treating her like a GF when you barely met her? (ie: holding her hand, communicating mutual attraction, hugging). If you continue on your path, you will get friendzoned soon, if not already there. You need to escalate ASAP, but also continue to go on dates with other girls. It's fairly obvious you are way too into her, much more than she is into you. She is continuing to keep you on the hook because you quench her emotional neediness without her having to spread her legs. It's a win-win for her. The first problem is you actually believe her whole spiel about new guys and being shy. She is on Tinder...that alone gives it away. She may not be getting physical with you, but more likely than not, she is getting physical with someone else. However, this is besides the point. What she does is not your concern. She's not your GF, therefore she can date, kiss, F8ck anyone she wants and it's a non-issue.

Here are my suggestions: tell her something came up and you can no longer make the date; do it the day prior or even the morning of. Pull back your attention, meaning less texting, longer times in between responses, not being so available. Start making the dates; you're the man, act like one and take the lead. As the man, you should be controlling the flow of the interaction, not her. Escalate on the next date (if there is one). If she pushes back again, remove even more of your time and attention. Finally, and most importantly, stop believing what comes out of her mouth, and start looking at her actions (no romantic physical touch, long responses, no phone calls); these alone should provide you enough information of her interest level. Good luck OP.

funny because after our last date I have been withdrawing my attention and delaying replies to her texts and she must panic when I do that because she’ll always double text me to make sure I’m not pissed at her...she’s the one who always texts me first.

I do want to go on another date with her but am sceptical in case she’s just stringing me along and rejects my escalation like she did the other day.

 

[Mazer]

She isn’t interested. I have been out with hundreds of women and the women who never kissed at the end of the night ALWAYS turn out to be time wasters. I understand no sex on the first date but no kissing means she isn’t into you. Like others have said, be strong, cancel your next date, tell her something came up and wait to see if and how she responds. Don’t let her play you. Good Luck.

 

[derby1]

funny because after our last date I have been withdrawing my attention and delaying replies to her texts and she must panic when I do that because she’ll always double text me to make sure I’m not pissed at her...she’s the one who always texts me first.

emotional manipulation.

if her vast eco system of 100 males was ever to drop to 98 or 97 it would make her suicidal. Then ontop of this to know she controls the narrative of the meets.

Sickening isnt it ? when all you want to do have a good time with a woman

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

You are lucky enough to get two dates out of a girl from Tinder. The second date should be smashing regardless. Girls on dating apps are narcissistic sociopaths to begin with, so don't be surprised by this nonsense when you choose to deal with women on dating apps.

 

[NSX-R]

Experience has taught me whenever i see mixed signals or I’m not sure that she’s attracted, then 95% of the times she’s not attracted and she’s just attention whoring like one poster already said . That being said , i should not count at the 5% because if she does eventually be attracted, then she will make it obvious in other ways , like fcking or agreeing to go out for a date or be at worse receptive. Try to escalate, if she’s still the same after few dates then you get a very clear answer on where you stand . Also don’t be a puss and ask her why this and why that concerning your current status with her and why she’s not letting you escalate. Have some fun as well .

 

[ink_wizard]

Experience has taught me whenever i see mixed signals or I’m not sure that she’s attracted, then 95% of the times she’s not attracted and she’s just attention whoring like one poster already said . That being said , i should not count at the 5% because if she does eventually be attracted, then she will make it obvious in other ways , like fcking or agreeing to go out for a date or be at worse receptive. Try to escalate, if she’s still the same after few dates then you get a very clear answer on where you stand . Also don’t be a puss and ask her why this and why that concerning your current status with her and why she’s not letting you escalate. Have some fun as well .

Well after the last date when she messaged me when she got home she said she can be reserved with new guys until she’s comfortable and that she does like me and want to see me again. I did try and escalate throughout the date and the furthest I got was hand holding and a hug....

As I said I’m not used to going this slow...we are supposed to meet up this week (I said I’ll let her know when I’m free) but I’m seriously just considering going ghost on her and focusing on other girls just because I don’t know if she’s just playing me for attention or if she really does like me.

 

[Georgepithyou]

I do want to go on another date with her but am sceptical in case she’s just stringing me along and rejects my escalation like she did the other day.

This is a very good learning experience for you OP, takethe advice from this thread and make sure you apply it best you can.

Either way your going to come out of this more experienced and rwady for next time, because things like this happen very often these days.

I had a girl literally invite me back to her place for Netflix, we made out on her bed and suddenly she wasn'tready to go all the way. I pulled back and after the date she said she "isn't ready to date, and wants to just stay friends for now".

I just deleted the number and moved on, never heard from her again.

 

[manfrombelow]

I had a girl literally invite me back to her place for Netflix, we made out on her bed and suddenly she wasn'tready to go all the way. I pulled back and after the date she said she "isn't ready to date, and wants to just stay friends for now".

I just deleted the number and moved on, never heard from her again.

Sounds very much like a combo of LMR + Anti Slvt Defense. But from my own experience, unless she resisted pretty hard, then there are girls who tend to "fight" a bit (to make you feel like she's not that much of a slvt) before fvcking your brains out. And if this chick's the case, then she was frustrated that you didn't go all the way, hence she gave the LJBF bullsh!t afterwards.

Anyway, you did the right thing by walking away. Our time is too precious to waste into playing chicks' stupid mind games.

 

[manfrombelow]

Experience has taught me whenever i see mixed signals or I’m not sure that she’s attracted, then 95% of the times she’s not attracted and she’s just attention whoring like one poster already said . That being said , i should not count at the 5% because if she does eventually be attracted, then she will make it obvious in other ways , like fcking or agreeing to go out for a date or be at worse receptive. Try to escalate, if she’s still the same after few dates then you get a very clear answer on where you stand . Also don’t be a puss and ask her why this and why that concerning your current status with her and why she’s not letting you escalate. Have some fun as well .

Bingo, Jiraiya-sama.

The moment you have to ask the question "Is she interested in me?", 99% she really is NOT.

Because when a woman is interested in you, you don't need to wonder.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

have an interesting situation with a girl that I can’t read who I met off tinder. So we’ve already been on 2 dates which have gone really well, lots of laughing and vibing, lots in common, nothing sexual yet but both have communicated mutual attraction for one another. The problem? We still haven’t kissed...we held hands and flirted a fair bit on the last date and I tried to escalate to kissing from hugging but she informed me she was not “ready for that yet”.....

I was there..... the woman in question was living in a city 1,5 hours drive away. 1st date was in that city for a few drinks, nice conversation and goodbye, which is okay for me. She came to my place for 2nd date, stayed overnight Sat/Sun, we cooked, drank wine, watched a movie..... i escalated, no kissing because "not ready for that yet”(thats what SHE said), me -> SHOCKED, slept in the same bed after that.

She contacted me the following week and invited me to stay overnight at her place. It was Saturday, we had dinner at a sushi-bar, then went for a LOT of drinks, did some dancing, i tried to escalate in the club but to no effect. We got back to her place by 5 a.m., rather drunk and (me) rather pissed, i didnt even try to escalate anymore. We went into the same bed, i fell asleep, woke up and it was about noon, we watched a movie until i felt comfortable enough to drive.

Didnt contact her , she wrote me on the following wednesday that "her feelings arent the real deal for us".

I just couldnt grab it back then why for gods sake that crazy chick would spend 2 days with me, sleep in the same bed for 2 nights but wouldnt kiss me. I thought and still think this kind of woman is just nuts and to be avoided.

Thinking about that episode, if a woman didnt fvck me on 3rd date, it never happened = waste of my time.

And that is why:
If a woman doesnt kiss on 2nd date -> NEXT
If a woman doesnt fvck on 3rd date -> NEXT


I guess what YOU can expect for 3rd date is a little bit of kissing at best and thats it.
If you are really into her i guess you can go for the 3rd date, but dont expect anything to happen.
Good luck!

 

[Bigpapa]

Way too much negativity in the responses

 

[manfrombelow]

She came to my place for 2nd date, stayed overnight Sat/Sun, we cooked, drank wine, watched a movie..... i escalated, no kissing because "not ready for that yet”(thats what SHE said), me -> SHOCKED, slept in the same bed after that.

She came to your place, stayed overnight, yet you didn't fvck the hell outta her? COME ON MAN.

 

[bat soup]

Hey guys,

have an interesting situation with a girl that I can’t read who I met off tinder. So we’ve already been on 2 dates which have gone really well, lots of laughing and vibing, lots in common, nothing sexual yet but both have communicated mutual attraction for one another. The problem? We still haven’t kissed...we held hands and flirted a fair bit on the last date and I tried to escalate to kissing from hugging but she informed me she was not “ready for that yet”.....

After the date she messaged me saying how much of a good time she had and how much she really likes me but can be quite reserved and shy with new guys until she’s fully comfortable with them. I told her it was fine and she suggested our next meet up next week. So far throughout the whole interaction with her which has been the past month she has initiated all the dates and texts but sometimes takes hours to reply to texts (she hates talking on the phone so I don’t bother with calling). I don’t know if this chick actually is interested or just wasting my time ?

obviously I want to smash asap lol but I don’t know how long she is going to make me wait...I don’t have much experience with shy/reserved girls, usually by date 2 we’ve already made out and are in bed together so I don’t know what to think...she has told me before we met up that she wanted to”go with the flow” and see where it ends up. She’s an 8 so I’m sure she’d have other dudes hitting her up on the go, just don’t know if it’s worth pursuing this?

what do you guys reckon?!

I think she's probably juggling a whole bunch of guys and her puzzzy is sore.

After she leaves you, she calls Tyrone.

 

[Lookatu]

and I tried to escalate to kissing from hugging but she informed me she was not “ready for that yet”.....

She isn’t interested. I have been out with hundreds of women and the women who never kissed at the end of the night ALWAYS turn out to be time wasters. I understand no sex on the first date but no kissing means she isn’t into you. Like others have said, be strong, cancel your next date, tell her something came up and wait to see if and how she responds. Don’t let her play you. Good Luck.

This ^^^

As we always advocate, action over words. Don't listen to her in whatever she says. Look at what she did. Her actions in this case is she rejected your advances to kiss. If you two vibed really well as you said, kissing should've been natural and already have happened if she was interested in you(especially since you met her through Tinder). She may even be getting railed by another dude or two while trying to lasso you into being her sucker bf...

 

[Bigpapa]

This ^^^

As we always advocate, action over words. Don't listen to her in whatever she says. Look at what she did. Her actions in this case is she rejected your advances to kiss. If you two vibed really well as you said, kissing should've been natural and already have happened if she was interested in you(especially since you met her through Tinder). She may even be getting railed by another dude or two while trying to lasso you into being her sucker bf...

the problem is that we always assume that the woman is doing this in purpose , but we never really know if the guy played it good or not

women , especially the less experienced ones ,most of the times they will fight with you a bit till they put up . So basically she wants and expect the guy to make it happen , so she can backwards rationalize that she is not sl8tty

basically LMR +ASD

 

[Lookatu]

the problem is that we always assume that the woman is doing this in purpose , but we never really know if the guy played it good or not

I agree.
The guy has to lead but also be calibrated and smooth. In re-reading OP's post, the fact that there wasn't even hand holding until the 2nd date signaled impending doom to me to start with.

Handholding/Hugging on a 2nd date may only be acceptable if OP met an inexperienced woman off ChristianMingle or something like that. LOL