I've been seeing someone for a couple of months now, even though we were acquaintances at work for a couple of years. I left that job and then we started dating. She says she is afraid of break ups and so isn't allowing herself to develop feelings. I've been away for a week and she said she doesn't need to email as it will then give us the space 'we' always talk about. It's good between us, and I guess I want it to be more, but am a bit worried that she might not be into it as much as I would like. Writing this I realized I am being a bit of a control freak by asking for this so soon. When is it reasonable to expect some firmer commitment? Or should that be present already?
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Is she committed?
- Thread starter Dudenski
- Start date
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Boilermaker
Master Don Juan
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Here's the trick: If you want it to be more, you need to walk away from it.
Very counter-intuitive but works like a charm. An example strategy would be:
- I know, I am feeling the same. I don't want to get wrapped up in anything serious. It's totally cool if we don't talk for a week. I guess I need it, too.
And ... you wait for HER to call you.
Very counter-intuitive but works like a charm. An example strategy would be:
- I know, I am feeling the same. I don't want to get wrapped up in anything serious. It's totally cool if we don't talk for a week. I guess I need it, too.
And ... you wait for HER to call you.
wait_out
Master Don Juan
Golden rules:
1) you can't control 'em
2) judge by actions not words
3) if you find her making you unhappy, commit less, not more.
In short if you want to draw closer and she wants to pull away you are setting yourself up for unhappiness. Gaming the situation with *looking* less invested is not good... you really need to emotionally invest less.
I'm not saying it couldn't turn out well but if you are running to the internet for help demystifying the situation, something is going wrong.
1) you can't control 'em
2) judge by actions not words
3) if you find her making you unhappy, commit less, not more.
In short if you want to draw closer and she wants to pull away you are setting yourself up for unhappiness. Gaming the situation with *looking* less invested is not good... you really need to emotionally invest less.
I'm not saying it couldn't turn out well but if you are running to the internet for help demystifying the situation, something is going wrong.
DonJuanabe
Master Don Juan
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"I've been away for a week and she said she doesn't need to email as it will then give us the space 'we' always talk about."
I hope the 'we' means what I think it implies -- her and only her. You should never *talk* about needing or wanting space. You just have space.
If a girl is committed to you you won't have to ask whether she is or isn't. It will be obvious. Thus, in your case, the answer is no. You need to step back and spin plates. Consider this girl as an FB for the time being. She will either become something more or you will eventually not spend time with her anymore. If you push it and become needy or demanding I guarantee it will be the latter.
Memorize: "If you want to win, you have to spin."
I hope the 'we' means what I think it implies -- her and only her. You should never *talk* about needing or wanting space. You just have space.
If a girl is committed to you you won't have to ask whether she is or isn't. It will be obvious. Thus, in your case, the answer is no. You need to step back and spin plates. Consider this girl as an FB for the time being. She will either become something more or you will eventually not spend time with her anymore. If you push it and become needy or demanding I guarantee it will be the latter.
Memorize: "If you want to win, you have to spin."
Scaramouche
Master Don Juan
Dear Dude,
Yeah the general concensus has it,just another LollyPop finished!
Yeah the general concensus has it,just another LollyPop finished!
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Boilermaker
Master Don Juan
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All of us at some point came here for help, so I wouldn't demean coming to SoSuave for advice by calling it "running to the internet".wait_out said:
"really investing less emotionally" is easier said than done. Those just are just words. Do you believe you can execute them yourself?
wait_out
Master Don Juan
Not demeaning... just my way of writing.Boilermaker said:
And no it's not easy. But learning to recognize and manage your emotions (rather than being ruled by them) is part of growing up IMO. Doesn't mean it ever gets fun, though...
sharkbeat
Master Don Juan
Whatever the excuses are, they are none of your business. Something went wrong. Maybe you said something, did not say something, did something, didn't do something, PMS, her cat just died, issues with her friends, whatever it is. Walk away.Dudenski said:
kimberleah
Banned
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Dudenski said:
No actually this woman is smart and not weakminded. Unfortunately, if you believe the stuff written on here she is not the type to go after.
Some women dont show much interest even when they have it...for a good reason. Look at all the **** your bros write on here. I was on the fence about relationships before I came here but Ive completely written them off now after being on here and observing how selfish, callous, unemotional, uncompassionate men are. Men are only out there to use you and throw you away when you are done...first girl written on this site that Ive seen that isnt a dumb, submissive airhead.
Boilermaker
Master Don Juan
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It's not easy - especially in the beginning. I agree it's part of our growth.wait_out said:
Anyone must execute a few solid NEXTs before they can claim to be a DJ.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Greasy Pig
Master Don Juan
Can the mods please do something about the troll?
Kimberleah, instead of behaving like the trailer-trash cvm junkie your posts seem to indicate you are, feel free to contribute meaningfully to these boards or fvck off and drink chamomile tea with your women's support group and bytch about men there.
To the OP, a woman saying she needs space isn't a good sign IMO. It seems like a tactical withdrawal to me. I'd definitely pull back your attention.
Hopefully this will make her hamster spin as she wonders that maybe you don't give a fvck about her after all.
If she's still willing to see you, assume she's a FB at most. People in serious relationships don't seek space unless there are major problems or it's the first stage of breaking up.
Kimberleah, instead of behaving like the trailer-trash cvm junkie your posts seem to indicate you are, feel free to contribute meaningfully to these boards or fvck off and drink chamomile tea with your women's support group and bytch about men there.
To the OP, a woman saying she needs space isn't a good sign IMO. It seems like a tactical withdrawal to me. I'd definitely pull back your attention.
Hopefully this will make her hamster spin as she wonders that maybe you don't give a fvck about her after all.
If she's still willing to see you, assume she's a FB at most. People in serious relationships don't seek space unless there are major problems or it's the first stage of breaking up.
Kimberleah seems like she has been pretty hurt by someone... I agree with some of the stuff she says (not all .. but some) ... however, she is being overly general in her accusations and assumptions while lashing out across the forum.
To OP .. when a woman says she needs space .. its usually because she has someone to contrast you with and wants a chance to persue that contrast. Seeing how you have only been with your lady fora few months .. dont take it too seriously. Obviously shes not .. GO climb a mountain... or get together with some buddies and chill out with them. Have some fun. Dont worry about the girl.
To OP .. when a woman says she needs space .. its usually because she has someone to contrast you with and wants a chance to persue that contrast. Seeing how you have only been with your lady fora few months .. dont take it too seriously. Obviously shes not .. GO climb a mountain... or get together with some buddies and chill out with them. Have some fun. Dont worry about the girl.