Is relationship experience important?

[corrector]

I don't think I do come from a place of need. I am perfectly happy being single. I can attract girls when I'm out and about. Setting up a date I find fairly straight forward. It's just from that point on I struggle and it's frustrating

We should exchange ourselves. I have a problem setting up dates but I have relationshp experience, lol!

Here's what I'll do. You can borrow my relationship experience.

I met a girl last year spring online. We knew each other for a while as friends and then we got serious. Went to a whole bunch of places with her over the summer. We planed to marry each other by the end of the summer. We loved each other and our families loved each other as well. I eventually broke-up with her in November because she was not honest with me about her past and it was a deal-breaker and called off the engagement. We have not spoken to each other since and she's moved on with her life and doesn't want me back. I have also moved on myself and don't care. (i.e. she lied about being divorced (i.e. and circumstances around her divorce - but for your story you can just say she lied about being divorced).

Remember, this is just a story that you can beef up as you wish. You can say you had sex with her in your car, etc.. I don't care what you do with this story. After all, it's fictional to you. All you know is you loved the girl and she loved you in your story you'll use for your new game plan.

If there is any questions you want to know about this you can ask since you are borrowing this for yourself. Let me know how your future dates go.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

I don't think I do come from a place of need. I am perfectly happy being single. I can attract girls when I'm out and about. Setting up a date I find fairly straight forward. It's just from that point on I struggle and it's frustrating

I'm still not entirely sure whether it's the girls I'm dating or me? I've dated girls from different backgrounds, ages, experinces, nationalities. At first I thought I was just unlucky, but when it's the same thing with every girl, I start to think it's me that's doing something wrong.

Ok, so you are attracting girls and setting up dates. good. If the same thing is happening over and over again you have to start looking at yourself. You should be getting some repeat business.

You wrote: I just wish these girls would give me a chance.

That is an AFC mindset. I think you need to dig a little deeper into yourself. A person who felt happy and whole wouldn't be looking for a girl to give them a "chance". That is putting them on a pedestal. A guy who was whole wouldn't be asking this question in the first place. You don't "need" these girls. They are auditioning for a place in your life. I guarantee you are not thinking that way.

Its really hard to know what you are talking about and how you come across to these women on the dates. You think the are rejecting you because of no relationship experience but that is probably not it at all. For a girl to even say that would be logical thinking. Girls are not logical. If they are attracted to you, they will bang you.

What you have done is made the whole thing a story in your head and it becomes a self-sustaining loop. So when you talk about your lack of experience you project an uneasy vibe. The girl feels that vibe and also gets uneasy, then rejects you. You internalize the negative feedback and cement the story in your head even more. Ad infintum. You need to change the story and feel like your lack of experience is a good thing. You need to OWN this lack of experience. Girls will take cues on how to feel about it from you.

 

[corrector]

What you have done is made the whole thing a story in your head and it becomes a self-sustaining loop. So when you talk about your lack of experience you project an uneasy vibe. The girl feels that vibe and also gets uneasy, then rejects you. You internalize the negative feedback and cement the story in your head even more. Ad infintum. You need to change the story and feel like your lack of experience is a good thing. You need to OWN this lack of experience. Girls will take cues on how to feel about it from you.

He is telling these girls that he is career focused, is happy being single and I think he's just responding to the negative feedback by saying something like that. It is true, these 8 women did not give him a chance and understandibly would feel better if one of them did.

Any guy on here would find it funny if they kept getting negative feedback on a particular area in their life with no rational explanation, even if they were happy and whole. At best, if your car is not starting after 8 tries, you want to find out why and fix it, right rather than saying, yeah, I'm happy and whole I'll use public transit.

With 8 people responding the same way, and just one particular objection, I think Bible_Belt is right. These women are smelling blood like a shark and asking him about his experience. This is a matter of fake it until you make it and using outer game canned responses.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

He is telling these girls that he is career focused, is happy being single and I think he's just responding to the negative feedback by saying something like that. It is true, these 8 women did not give him a chance and understandibly would feel better if one of them did.

Feel better? Again, an AFC mindset. Deriving internal worth based on external validation.

Any guy on here would find it funny if they kept getting negative feedback on a particular area in their life with no rational explanation, even if they were happy and whole. At best, if your car is not starting after 8 tries, you want to find out why and fix it, right rather than saying, yeah, I'm happy and whole I'll use public transit.

Absolutely. There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve. Be passionate about the process and not attached to the outcome though. That attachment is what will cause you to feel a certain level of discontent all the way to downright suffering. So if your car doesn't end up starting you are still at the same emotional level. Doesn't mean you give up trying to fix it either. And while you're riding the bus you are still happy.

With 8 people responding the same way, and just one particular objection, I think Bible_Belt is right. These women are smelling blood like a shark and asking him about his experience. This is a matter of fake it until you make it and using outer game canned responses.

With 8 people responding the same way, it all comes down to the vibe that the OP is presenting it with. He is the common denominator. Maybe 2, 3, or even 4 I would say it was the girls, but this is a pattern. In the end we can't see OP on a date. It would really help a lot to hear the conversation and see mannerisms. Non-verbals are 90% of communication.

 

[Tryingtoimprove]

You're trying to appeal to reason when you should be appealing to her ovaries.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I'm like you sorta, I'm 25 and haven't been in a relationship either although I'm not a virgin, I recently lost my virginity with a friend with benefits a few months ago, but I know I could have had some relationships years ago its just I didn't want to settle, if I wasn't so picky in the looks department then I would have some experience, I have been on dates with girls before just never turned into a relationship, and I will say this, I sure as hell do not want to settle down anytime soon

 

[NewJack]

There are two frames in relationships: romantic/sexual and friendship.

Here is an off-the-cuff guess at what may be going on.

You are not using any friendship energy in the dating process. You are not trying to discover a friendship connection. This is perhaps because the anxiety around romantic/sexual things is very high. Its often the case with virgins that "everything about sex is a really big deal". We've all been there.

You seem to want to push girls into the romantic/sexual frame without any basis of friendship. This would normally be a fairly typical 'predatory' dating pattern of seducing the woman into sex and then seeing if a relationship was possible. Other guys can do this because they are comfortable with their sexual frame, whereas you are not.

Emphasizing the 'sex and relationships' frame right off the bat is difficult and dangerous (see the thousands of pages of theory here that tell you how to do it - lol!). Especially for a person who has a fair bit of anxiety about these things. You aren't able to pull this off, however, if you just went out and kept doing this - you know, of course, it would eventually work. I mean, you will eventually have some success.

I will soon make a post about how to mix friendship frames into romantic ones.

 

[TheODB]

I'm a 25 year old guy, never had a relationship and I've been finding it hard to get girls to take me seriously. They seem to be really shocked that I haven't had any previous relationship experience and I feel that I'm being judged because of it. I'm a perfectly normal guy. Decent looks. Good job and very sporty. No idea how I'm suppose to gain experience, when I'm getting rejected for my lack of experience. I don't feel that I would be incapable in a relationship. I'm very attentive and loving person. I just wish girls would give me a chance.

So is having a lack if relationship experience a turn off or concern to girls?

I'll echo what others have already said. You really shouldn't be divulging your lack of relationship history until things start to get more serious with the woman you're seeing. Even at that point, I'd recommend not doing so as I don't really see the point.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I wonder what the OP's living situation is, does he still live at home or on his own now? Have a college degree, in his career yet or not?

 

[skinnyguy]

If you don't have relationship experience, just lie about it

I went out with a girl a few months ago and we went to Chevy's. On the date, I said, I don't approach girls, I wait for them to approach me. She said "you won't get many dates that way". Then, I told her that I've had 6 girlfriends in the past year (which is complete BS). She believed me (I'm incredibly good at lying to people).

At the end of the day, if you have any kind of insecurity, you can always lie. Sometimes if I'm going after a Persian girl, I'll lie about my income because I know that's what they want to hear. The worst thing that could possibly happen is that the girl finds out you're lying, but who cares? Just next her and move on.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

If you don't have relationship experience, just lie about it

I went out with a girl a few months ago and we went to Chevy's. On the date, I said, I don't approach girls, I wait for them to approach me. She said "you won't get many dates that way". Then, I told her that I've had 6 girlfriends in the past year (which is complete BS). She believed me (I'm incredibly good at lying to people).

At the end of the day, if you have any kind of insecurity, you can always lie. Sometimes if I'm going after a Persian girl, I'll lie about my income because I know that's what they want to hear. The worst thing that could possibly happen is that the girl finds out you're lying, but who cares? Just next her and move on.

Yeah are Middle Eastern, Arab and Persian girls, also Indian/Pakistani girls very picky about income? But yeah I wonder if there is a way to successfully lie about your income and you can get away with the lie in time in order to sleep with her

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Why would you want these girls? You will probably end up with their cousins and brothers trying to murder you if you aren't middle eastern too.

In my experience, stay the hell away from dating anyone from these countries, but Especially women. I would never let a women I know get into anything with men from these countries. It always ends badly. They are taught that raping white girls is fine, and that they are property. I am kind of a segregationist when it comes to some places, but especially Pakistan. They like putting other cultures 12 year old daughters on the game as hookers while murdering anyone who looks at their women. Small penises I guess, or just outright primitive.

Indian/Pakistani and Persian, Middle-Eastern women are bang in', hot, gorgeous that's why

 

[SgtSplacker]

You have 15 years before the "you've never had a relationship?" turns into "You're not married yet?"

Start lieing to these girls before you start living under a bridge man.

All good relationships start off with some deception at least...

 

[JaegerPilot217]

far more important for men than it is for women yes