Espi said:
Dam...I don't agree with this.
Texting is lame? I don't agree.
You also write that asking her out for drinks is a lame idea...but meeting up for food or at a bookstore for coffee is better. Really? How? Because that sounds pretty lame to me. And, as I can tell from personal experience, you ge stuck with a fvucking moron of a girl, you're waste more money and time.
I guess a coffee is OK...but it just seems bland to me. Alcohol loosens people up. Bars are cool. Bookstores are for geeks--and I LOVE bookstores by the way...but nor for meeting chicks on a first date.
And...there's o need for options. YOU--the man--are paying 99.9% of the time...so that means YOU get to pick the place. ONE PLACE.
"Hi. Wanna meet me for a drink or two this Wednesday night at 8 pm at the Rusty Nail?" What's so freaking bad about that?
And if she thinks you're just trying to get alcohol in her to fvuck her, then you know what? By Golly SHE'S FVUCKING RIGHT! I'm a freaking man and that's what men like to do!!
Allow me to answer to one thing at a time:
1. Texting IS lame. It's for people who don't have the guts to up and call a female 'cause they can't think on their toes or improv during a conversation. It's especially lame the way most guys use it - rather than using it specifically for dates, they use it to try and have full-on conversations with a girl. It makes them look too available, their conversations are usually wack so it makes them sound lame, and it takes away the whole challenge aspect since, if you're sitting there texting to her and messaging her back right away, it means to her that you must not have anything exciting going on. (If you want further reasons about why texting KILLS relationships, get my free eBook in the link below.)
2. Asking for drinks is a lame idea because it's too forward, in the sense that it's basically asking a girl to agree to have sex with you without any subtleties. And, if you haven't met up with her before, it can deter her from wanting to do so. As I said in my original response, I always suggest a coffee shop or book store.. that's NEAR SOME PLACE WHERE YOU CAN GET DRINKS. The reason is two-fold: one, so you can make her feel like she's meeting you in a safe place; and two, so you can take her to a separate spot, thus making it feel like two dates instead of one. A woman is more likely to want to sleep with you faster as you go on more dates with her. By meeting her at a coffee shop or bookstore, then saying "Hey, let's go to this restaurant/bar/cafe/dance club nearby," it psychologically makes her FEEL like she's going on more than one date with you, which makes it more likely that she'll sleep with a guy on the first or second date. This is why I've been able to close on so many second dates - by the time we get to it, it feels like our 3rd.
3. And doing this doesn't have to cost a lot of money. For starters, asking a girl on the coffee date will help you separate out the gold diggers from the girls who want to be with you for YOU. So, ideally, the ones who accept the date shouldn't be caring how much money you spend on them. As a result, once you meet at the coffee shop, you could ask chick if she wants to walk and get ice cream at the parlor up the street and she'd probably say "YES." What's that, $5 maybe? (I'm lactose intolerant so I don't know the cost of ice cream, lol.) Or, you could say "I'm starving, let's go get some appetizers at the Chili's up the street" and spend maybe $20 or less on the whole date. The focus isn't on the money, it's about making her feel good and seeing if you two click - and if you're smart, you'll know how to be able to trigger those things in her that will make her want you without spending a whole lot of money.
4. PLUS, when you take her to the second place, it should be one that serves alcohol anyway! So, again, you're not getting coffee at the coffee shop - heck, the goal isn't to even STAY at the coffee shop. It's just the first meeting place that you use as an excuse to take her to another place so that you can take her two places and make her feel like she's getting to know you at a faster pace.
5. As for the whole "options" thing, I DO believe it's in the guy's right to choose the place since he's paying. I just think he needs to be mindful of the place he asks to take her. Even if a girl is thinking about POSSIBLY sleeping with a guy on the first date, her slvt-o-meter doesn't want to make it seem too easy. Her agreeing to meet at a bar sends off an alarm in her head that says "Whoa, if you say yes to this you'll look like a slvt!!! Don't go! Don't go!" That's why it's better to ask her to a place that just happens to serve drinks vs. asking specifically to meet at a bar. You'd be better off saying "let's meet at a lounge," or naming a restaurant that has a bar. I've taken girls to dance clubs before, where they happen to serve alcohol - again, the alcohol isn't the issue, it's taking her someplace where it's just about alcohol. Even if your only goal is to bang her, at least show some suave and finesse about it by ACTING like you're trying to be classy!
6. With that said, though, giving options out as to time is just common courtesy. For example, I work from home so I'm generally free whenever I want to be. The girls I date, though, have jobs like lawyer, doctor, teacher, etc. and are busy people. So, me saying "Wednesday at 8, me and you go on date or else" isn't gonna fly. Just like you have a schedule of some kind, so do they - therefore, there is nothing wrong with offering a couple of times where she might be free. I always ask them what days of the week they usually have off so I can plan accordingly - I'm not going to ask a woman out for a Tuesday if she works every Tuesday night, nor can I act like she's rejecting me if she says "No" when I do because she already TOLD me it wouldn't work for her.
