Is 'niceness' just bad for sarging- or is it universally bad?!

[michaelhctam]

I read the bible before writing this- so I do know my stuff.

Niceness is not good when trying to get a girl (we all know that), but what about other people? Aquantinces, people you meet on a daily basis?

I am not 'nice' with girls I want to get with, but I am really nice with other people. And I get stepped over.

I good example is when I introduced this new kid in my school to all the facilities in the school, talked to him when he didn't knew anybody, I introduced him to people and my 'friends'. How does this person repay me? He publically embaresses me, he calls me '*****' and 'wh0re'??? I mean wtf, he takes my 'friends' then makes me seem bad in front of them- now they have there own little 'group', and I am left in the sewer to eat my own sh!t.

Rest assured- I completely eradicated these fvcks from my life- I dont tolerate this LIGHTLY. I only have 6 months untill the end of school, and my philosophy now is to:

1. Lie low, and dont get into confrontations.
2. Do what needs to be done (Exams, Uni applications)
3. Get the fvck out of there and start living my life as a happy and healthy person.

So my point is-

Is it bad to be 'nice' to people in general? Because I am afriad to be nice because I fear that situation happening to me again, like a person that will take my friendliness and think I am 'below' him, or that I am some sort of wussy that he can make fun of publically. Or outright use me.

I know what the flame feels like- I dont want to touch it again.

This experience has made me into a very bitter ,cynical person.

What should I do? I wish for some mature perspectives. Thank you.

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Hey buddy....interesting question that definitely should be discussed here.
In my opinion, too many of us misinterpret exactly what 'nice', 'doormat' and 'too nice are'. With people you know, don't be a doormat. Hence, be nice in the sense that ur friendly, down to earth, not that judgemental, accepting of people, but be firm(don't take ****, call out on people who truly disrespect you, stand up for yourself, only be nice to people who are nice to you). For women, the same applies, imo, also u don't want to be too too nice(Going out of your way for a girl ur not dating yet, etc). Make sure, u know when to be a badboy(being sexual, leading, learning to be relaxed on her, playful). Best to be the nice guy w/ an edge ;-) Hope this helps.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

"Nice" is boring and generic. How would you rather be described, dynamic, charismatic, funny, adventurous, insightful, unique, intelligent or nice. I guess "nice" is an "okay" quality to aspire to.

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

you can be all these things above, and still be a nice guy. Nice just means u have good intentions and u express them in a positive light. Its the being TOO NICE is the bad area.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

you can be all these things above, and still be a nice guy. Nice just means u have good intentions and u express them in a positive light. Its the being TOO NICE is the bad area.

Maybe you can but I definitely won't. My intentions are hedonistic and self serving although I will allow certain women to accompany me in those endeavors. There's a very good chance that I will ever do anything so simple that will be only be considered as just nice.

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Maybe you can but I definitely won't. My intentions are hedonistic and self serving although I will allow certain women to accompany me in those endeavors. There's a very good chance that I will ever do anything so simple that will be only be considered as just nice.

Yes, i am nice in the sense i give respect to people who deserve it, friendly when i want to be, learned to not heavily judge everyone, but if someone disrespects me...i aint gonna respect them back. So wait, ur not like that at all? Ah so what ur saying is that ur intentions are actually bad with women? I never knew being upfront with women with what u deep down want to was a bad thing O. Women can perceive it as "bad" but its a good thing deep down. Honesty. To each his own tho .

 

[potato]

There is nothing wrong with being nice to people. The problem is in expecting to influence people and make them like you by being “nice” to them. It makes you look like you are just sucking up to people. Be your own man and follow your own path. Having manners and being polite and considerate while having strong character and you will be seen in a positive light. Doing nice things just to get people to like you makes you a wuss.

 

[Obsidian]

Honestly, it sounds like he called you a b1tch because you really are a b1tch. The mere fact that someone disses you in front of your friends shouldn't be enough to ruin all your relationships (or your life as a whole). He backstabbed you like an assh0le -- and at the end of the world he'll have to answer for it to the deity for his jerkiness -- but in the meantime YOU obviously didn't stand up to him.

On the other hand, it sounds like all your friends are pretty lame anyway to turn on you so easily, so you're probably better off forgetting them. But that brings up another personality flaw: Why did you choose to hang out with people who didn't respect you properly?

And no, being nice isn't bad. Being weak and timid is bad. Also, foolishness and naivete are weaknesses you should strive to overcome. People as a whole are not honorable, and you can't just trust them to do the right thing. Always be prepared to defend yourself when someone backstabs you.

This whole thread is basically one big n00b question. You obviously haven't read the Book of Pook, so I suggest you do so. It will help you.

 

[PrinceBeavis]

I try to be a "Good Guy," but with everyone I deal with, there is the aspect of them having to prove themselves before I truly befriend them, or trust them.
I still get burnt, but not as much, and I don't kick myself quite as much later.

I also approach people in that I expect to have to prove myself trustworthy...respect goes both ways.

I might help some new person who needs it, but only in metered steps. I give a little bit, then see how they respond. ....saves a lot of trouble that way.