Is my G/F cheating on me?

[LightsPlease]

This is my first post, so please bear with me. Sorry if this is too long for some.

So I've been involved in an off-and-on relationship with my g/f for the past seven years, but have been steady for the past three. We have lived together for about a year now and things have been, in my opinion, going pretty well.

Recently my g/f decided to go back to school to work on extending her degree. During this time, I'm almost positive she has met another guy while there.

I know her class schedule, and she has been coming home late, about an hr, maybe two hrs later then she should be on some occasions. I don't nag about it, I understand there could be certain things she needs to get done at school, and it doesn't happen all the time.

However, a friend of mine, who attends the same school, said they saw her at the local bar with another guy. When I asked what he looked like, my friend, bluntly said he looked better then me. I'm not bad looking, I'd say about average, so I kind shrugged it off like it wasn't a big deal.

When I asked her about this, she said her friend from class asked her to get a drink sense it was the last class before break and so she agreed. I found it as a legit excuse and stopped asking.

However, she recently left her laptop open with her emails on it, so I took the time to read some of them. One of them I'm assuming was from this guy, because it was him giving her his class schedule for the next semester.

If he was just a friend, then why would she ask for his schedule, let alone give out her personal email? To copy off of him? Obviously she wants to take the same classes as this guy. I really don't know what to think of this and any help would be greatly appreciated. Am I just overreacting?

Thanks

 

[Darth]

Unfortunately, you are being taken for a chump. There is most definitely something going on.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

The fact that you have to ask before she tells you that she got a drink with another guy is a bad sign. Any decent woman that I've dated would tell me "Hey, I was gonna get a drink with Jim. Is that cool? Do you want to come?" Or something along those lines.

Basically, if you feel like your chick is cheating, there's probably a good reason for it. You're not pulling this idea out of the air. Whether it's something big like catching her at a bar with another guy, or just subliminal stuff, there's truth in it

 

[LightsPlease]

Unfortunately, you are being taken for a chump. There is most definitely something going on.

Yea, unfortunately that's what I was afraid of.

 

[LightsPlease]

The fact that you have to ask before she tells you that she got a drink with another guy is a bad sign. Any decent woman that I've dated would tell me "Hey, I was gonna get a drink with Jim. Is that cool? Do you want to come?" Or something along those lines.

Basically, if you feel like your chick is cheating, there's probably a good reason for it. You're not pulling this idea out of the air. Whether it's something big like catching her at a bar with another guy, or just subliminal stuff, there's truth in it

I understand what your saying, but I've gotten drinks with other girls before without necessarily telling her. I didn't do this out of not wanting her to know, but it was just a quick drink with a friend. But at the same time, your right, thanks for your input.

 

[JLW]

The fact that you are even asking for the question is proof that the relationship is doomed whether she is cheating or not. If you feel compelled to look through your girlfriend's emails, it means that you don't fully trust her. If you don't fully trust her, then you guys aren't going to last very long as a couple.

With that said, there is very good reason to believe that she is cheating. She's asking this guy for his schedule, she's coming home late from class, AND she was seen with another guy at a bar (this in itself would be enough for me to break up with her).

Plus you have a VERY bad feeling about this whole thing. In fact, you have such a bad feeling that you actually made a new account on some random internet forum because you felt so paranoid about it. Go with your gut, buddy. You know what's going on.

You probably won't listen to us. But this relationship will end in tears sooner or later anyway.

 

[LightsPlease]

The fact that you are even asking for the question is proof that the relationship is doomed whether she is cheating or not. If you feel compelled to look through your girlfriend's emails, it means that you don't fully trust her. If you don't fully trust her, then you guys aren't going to last very long as a couple.

With that said, there is very good reason to believe that she is cheating. She's asking this guy for his schedule, she's coming home late from class, AND she was seen with another guy at a bar (this in itself would be enough for me to break up with her).

Plus you have a VERY bad feeling about this whole thing. In fact, you have such a bad feeling that you actually made a new account on some random internet forum because you felt so paranoid about it. Go with your gut, buddy. You know what's going on.

You probably won't listen to us. But this relationship will end in tears sooner or later anyway.

Your exactly right. I've been on this forum a lot lately to see if anyone else had a similar situation, and like you said, the simple fact that I had to make an account to ask a question is a red flag on its own.

But to be honest, I really didn't expect it to go this far, and having been in the relationship for 7 years, I guess I just wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt before jumping to any conclusions. Thanks for the advice.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Is she? Most likely yes. Or headed that way. My last ex on occassion would talk about a guy who was married she was friends with.

I honestly didn't care. If she was going to cheat. She was going to cheat.

That doesn't mean I would never find someone else.

Did I ever find out? No.

Do I care? No.

I eventually left her due to other circumstances and never looked back. Went complete NC on her and would do it to anyone whom I felt wasn't working out with me.

That's me though.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Probably isn't cheating, but prob is testing the waters. The fact that you're suspicious would indicate that her behavior towards you has gotten a bit colder.

If this is the case, keep in mind that it isn't because the other guy is BETTER than you, it's just because she's grown too comfortable with you.

You never want to let your own level of ambition be dwarfed by your girlfriend's. She's back at school and has a whole new world of possibilities available to her, and you're playing the housewife--waiting for her to come home.

You need to change this fast. Start making her wait for YOU to get home. Start reconnecting with friends and doing exciting things. Let this light a fire under your a** so that, if worst does come to worst, you won't make a woman the center of your world next time.

Also, don't live with your girlfriend--nothing kills attraction quite like it.

 

[LightsPlease]

Is she? Most likely yes. Or headed that way. My last ex on occassion would talk about a guy who was married she was friends with.

I honestly didn't care. If she was going to cheat. She was going to cheat.

That doesn't mean I would never find someone else.

Did I ever find out? No.

Do I care? No.

I eventually left her due to other circumstances and never looked back. Went complete NC on her and would do it to anyone whom I felt wasn't working out with me.

That's me though.

So true,thanks a lot for helping me put the situation into another prospective.

 

[LightsPlease]

Probably isn't cheating, but prob is testing the waters. The fact that you're suspicious would indicate that her behavior towards you has gotten a bit colder.

If this is the case, keep in mind that it isn't because the other guy is BETTER than you, it's just because she's grown too comfortable with you.

You never want to let your own level of ambition be dwarfed by your girlfriend's. She's back at school and has a whole new world of possibilities available to her, and you're playing the housewife--waiting for her to come home.

You need to change this fast. Start making her wait for YOU to get home. Start reconnecting with friends and doing exciting things. Let this light a fire under your a** so that, if worst does come to worst, you won't make a woman the center of your world next time.

Also, don't live with your girlfriend--nothing kills attraction quite like it.

Awesome advice, definitely opened my eyes. Thanks for the input.

 

[Pierce]

Do you really want a girl that goes out with drinks with other guys and doesn't tell you?

Are you stupid??

I don't care how many times you did it. She is wrong for that and you need to tell her that's unacceptable. Most guys here would probably break up with their GF if they went out with another guy.... you know why? Because that is a date! Let alone you had to find out by a third party.

Trust me you are going to feel bad if you break up with her but look at it this way. She probably won't pull that bullsh!t with her next and you will find a girl that won't do this to you. It might not be the next girl you hook up with but if your patient you will find this.

I hope you make a wise decision.

 

[powpow]

hey man listen. honestly, youre asking a bunch of people that you dont really know about something that sounds pretty important to you. however, these people absolutely speak the truth, a lot through experience.

the fact that you gotta ask about it means its really bothering you, so just sit her down and calmly talk about it. this lets everything out in the open, and will help you make the best decision. either it lets her know that youre the big **** and have no problem talking about whats going on, or she tells you straight up shes not feeling you any more. either way, you got your decision and no more worrying.

in my case, the last girl I was with told me she just wasnt feeling me anymore, so that was that. no big deal. better than sitting around worrying about it.

 

[TheManOfSteel]

1.) Drinks after class with ONLY the guy - fishy. Drinks out with the guy and several other classmates - not fishy.
2.) Not telling you about going to see that guy for drinks - fishy. Not telling you about the emails - fishy. Never mentioning the guy at all...? - fishy.

Has your G/F mentioned anything about this guy "oh hey I met this person in class and we study together in a group blah blah blah, etc..." at all? That's just weird to not bring it up over the course of talking about your day. I'm assuming you two do this considering you live together.

It sounds to me like maybe she hasn't cheated to this point, but she is losing interest in you and searching for new guys. It's probably best for you to break up with her now before she does with you... sorry bud.

 

[Chickfight]

She probably is or will be soon, most girls deserve better than some clingy loser who secretly reads their e-mails. Sorry, but that's the hard truth. Focus on improving yourself.

 

[Jariel]

In my experience, your instincts will tell you when a girl is cheating.

Also, you have to weight up her character. Is she the type who would cheat? Has she ever been dishonest about things in the past?

I have been the guy being cheated on and the other guy, and I agree with what others say that she's just testing the waters at the moment.

Now, the reason she's doing this is probably because you're too available and reliable. She has you and you're no challenge any more.

So, if you want your girlfriend's full interest back, you need to plan a course of action. First of all, work on improving yourself, spend time working out, learning new things and focusing on your needs. Give her less attention and make her feel like you're going of her. Finally, go out with friends, flirt with girls and start building some prospects. I'm not suggesting you go and sleep with lots of women, but have other women in your life at all times.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

How could we know? Anyway here on sosuave, most people will always advise you to next the girl, and of course women are always cheating lol...

 

[JdelaSilviera]

dp...

 

[tihash]

She probably is or will be soon, most girls deserve better than some clingy loser who secretly reads their e-mails. Sorry, but that's the hard truth. Focus on improving yourself.

This ^^ is stupid.

What is better: to read her emails, find something fishy, and dump her; or not read her emails and get blindsided when she dumps you.

Duh.

The OP gave no indication he ever looked into her email until there was something already fishy.

This kind of crap opinion pisses me off in large part because GIRLS think this way. Often, GIRLS will flip the script and accuse the bf of being a "stalker" or whatnot for reading her incriminating email, finding the girl in a compromising situation, etc.

When the police catch a criminal, I don't want to hear about how there was some typo in the search warrant and therefore they shouldn't have had a wire tap in place.

Give me a break.

 

[Iceberg]

This ^^ is stupid.

What is better: to read her emails, find something fishy, and dump her; or not read her emails and get blindsided when she dumps you.

Duh.

No, actually what you said is stupid.

There's no way in hell I'd live my life as some dude snooping through his girlfriend's email. If I have any reason to suspect cheating, then I'd dump her.

Snooping through her email means you don't trust her. If you don't trust her, then why keep her as a girlfriend?

The OP gave no indication he ever looked into her email until there was something already fishy.

Which brings me back to my point. If there's something fishy going on, then your instincts are probably right. There's no guarantee that you're going to find an incriminating email. There's no guarantee that you'll find a shady text. If you're a normal guy (not the abused puppies that infest this site), and you have a reason to suspect something fishy, you're probably right.

This kind of crap opinion pisses me off in large part because GIRLS think this way. Often, GIRLS will flip the script and accuse the bf of being a "stalker" or whatnot for reading her incriminating email, finding the girl in a compromising situation, etc.

And a man thinks what way? That his life is going to be so turned upside down by a breakup or bad girlfriend that he resorts to spying her email?

Either trust the chick or dump the chick. No girlfriend is so important to me that I'd compromise my principles as a man in order to keep her. You know how much insecurity it would take to lead you down that path?