Is my conscious catching up or am I just being being a p*ssball?

[WORKEROUTER]

Here's the deal. I am "dating" a girl who considers us to be exclusive. Now, I do like this girl and like going out with her, but she wants to be exclusive with me.

Anyway, I'm also actively pursuing other women (one in particular) on the side.

I am starting to feel bad though because I'm letting this girl believe that we are indeed exclusive (as a means to continue dating and f*cking her) while at the same time trying to f*ck as many other girls as I can.

Is this really bad? Is there any way that I could fix this problem up? OR, am I just whining and being too sensitive over nothing?

 

[everywomanshero]

Women

I don't want to act like a know it all. I hope you won't take this the wrong way. I'm going to be very honest, though.


One of the hardest pills to swallow for men is that women place 100x less emphasis on any one guy than most guys do on any one woman. The truth is for women this stuff just isn't that serious. Men greatly increase the incidence of suicide ina divorce while the rates of women remain totally unaffected. Men place way more emphasis on a relationship, women place way more emphasis on friendships with other women.

The truth of the matter is that women are constantely searching for greener pastures, and most divorces are filed by women not men. SO women are the first to abandon ship and the least likely to become deeply troubled by it.

The truth of the matter is that we think they take us way more serious than they actually do. Furthermore, by searching for other women and having fun you will be much more attractive to her than some chode who sits around worrying about what she's doing all the time and being so damn serious. There is so many guys like that right now, almost all guys. These people are a dime a dozen.

I don't say this to be bitter, because being bitter is a form of being too serious and will reduce your success with women. I say this because the hollywood potrayal of women just isn't even close to accurate. They are just humans, they are not little angels who long to take care of some man and make his every wish come true. They are not sitting aroundf worrying about guys. They will leave your sorry ass in a heartbeat is something better comes along. Women tend to have far less guilt about cheating, lying, or breaking loyalty than men do.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Sounds like you may have had a recent bad experience.

I fully agree with you though man. But what exactly are you implying in order to solve this dilemna?

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Re: Women

Originally posted by everywomanshero
I don't want to act like a know it all. I hope you won't take this the wrong way. I'm going to be very honest, though.


One of the hardest pills to swallow for men is that women place 100x less emphasis on any one guy than most guys do on any one woman. The truth is for women this stuff just isn't that serious. Men greatly increase the incidence of suicide ina divorce while the rates of women remain totally unaffected. Men place way more emphasis on a relationship, women place way more emphasis on friendships with other women.

The truth of the matter is that women are constantely searching for greener pastures, and most divorces are filed by women not men. SO women are the first to abandon ship and the least likely to become deeply troubled by it.

The truth of the matter is that we think they take us way more serious than they actually do. Furthermore, by searching for other women and having fun you will be much more attractive to her than some chode who sits around worrying about what she's doing all the time and being so damn serious. There is so many guys like that right now, almost all guys. These people are a dime a dozen.

I don't say this to be bitter, because being bitter is a form of being too serious and will reduce your success with women. I say this because the hollywood potrayal of women just isn't even close to accurate. They are just humans, they are not little angels who long to take care of some man and make his every wish come true. They are not sitting aroundf worrying about guys. They will leave your sorry ass in a heartbeat is something better comes along. Women tend to have far less guilt about cheating, lying, or breaking loyalty than men do.

That is the absolute truth.... sad but true.

Great post.


Worker, I'd say keep doing what you're doing and don't feel bad about it. She'd leave you in a heartbeat if a better man came along. Every woman will, but they'll never feel bad about it and no one would ever say they are at fault for doing so.

If a man leaves a woman for another woman, on the other hand, he's instantly dubbed a jerk, ass hole, etc... A nice double standard just as we'd expect.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

So just keep doing what I'm doing?

Sounds like a plan.

 

[everywomanshero]

Here's what I would do

I don't like putting all my eggs in one basket. I would tactfully pursue other women. You won't have any desperation, because you've got regular(s), so I think you'll be quite effective at this. At the same time, you don't want so many different women going that it starts stressing you out and encroaching on other areas of your life.

There is a balance, for me more than 3 sexual relationships at once starts stressing me out and negatively effects ALL of the relationships. I know some guys who can handle more. Currently, I have about 5-6 women going, and some of those are already starting to freak out on me. However, I continue to sarge regularly because I don't want to get hung up on any one woman and start being too serious. Anytime I've done that it comes back to bite me in the a$$.

 

[Desdinova]

The truth of the matter is that women are constantely searching for greener pastures, and most divorces are filed by women not men

This is bull5hit. Women don't search for a man unless they have reason to. Also, women will cheat or fvck another guy only if she's emotionally driven to do so. If this other guy can push her buttons better than her current bf, her emotions will drive her to this man even though she's fully aware that she's in a relationship. That's how women work; they act on their emotions.

Now, back to Workerouter's situation....

I am starting to feel bad though because I'm letting this girl believe that we are indeed exclusive (as a means to continue dating and f*cking her) while at the same time trying to f*ck as many other girls as I can.

If you're pretending to be faithful to her, you should feel bad. No matter how goofy or flakey women can be, doing this is pretty damn decieving. It's like being someone's friend only to constantly borrow money without paying them back or hanging out with them like normal friends do.

Now, if you've repeatedly told this woman that you're not interested in a LTR but she pretends you are, that's a completely different issue. She's then decieving herself and you're not the one to blame.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Desdinova, that's the problem. I explicitly lied to her by agreeing to an exclusive relationship, and I do feel bad about it because she really is a good girl.

But here's my issue: despite liking her, I still want to pursue other women. Part of it is feeling vulnerable when I'm stuck onto one girl. When I have other women on the side, I'm able to maintain better control, avoid oneitis, and ultimately have less stressful relationships. It's like a safety net in a way.

And also, she wants to have a relationship. I mean, I took her virginity, we go out, etc. It's not a FB sort of thing. If I were to tell her really how I felt--that I do like her but also want to date/f*ck other girls--she would obviously be very upset with me and not want to continue our relationship.

So I don't want to destroy a good thing, but at the same time, I feel bad about deceiving a girl who I respect. This is a dilemna that seems like it can be solved in only a couple ways.

Either I stop f*cking around with other chicks and trying to get in their pants (which I almost impossible) OR I continue doing what I'm doing and feel bad about lieing to her.

I really don't know if there could be a compromising medium here.

 

[everywomanshero]

Problem

If you tell her the truth she probably won't dump you, but it will create a a source of resentment that will stck around for the next 20 years and get worse with time. It will be used against you every time she throws a fit.

Sometimes when you snatch a girl's virginity they can be pretty hung up on you. There is an outside chance she really is in love with you and will be loyal for 3-5 years until this completely wears off, especially if you have kids together.

Either way it is a risk. If you knock her up you could end paying child support for the next 18 years, or you could end up in a permenant relationship.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Re: Problem

Originally posted by everywomanshero
If you tell her the truth she probably won't dump you, but it will create a a source of resentment that will stck around for the next 20 years and get worse with time. It will be used against you every time she throws a fit.

Sometimes when you snatch a girl's virginity they can be pretty hung up on you. There is an outside chance she really is in love with you and will be loyal for 3-5 years until this completely wears off, especially if you have kids together.

Either way it is a risk. If you knock her up you could end paying child support for the next 18 years, or you could end up in a permenant relationship.

Ya, I stupidly had sex with her unprotected. Luckily she didn't get pregnant.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I wasn't paying attention to the exclusivity part....

I would feel a bit bad, too if I was knowingly decieving someone. You ARE cheating, by definition and any decent person would feel some guilt.

The best thing to do would be to think long and hard about wether you want to be exclusive with this girl or not. If you don't, then do her a favor and break it off.
No sense continuing to see her when you want to sleep with other girls. If you've already gone the excluive route, it's pretty much impossible to go back to a more casual thing, without hurting her and creating some resentment. She won't want to do that, I can guarantee.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

While I agree women are driven more by emotion than men, I also think women make hasty decisions and cheat. I don't think you should deceive this woman, but I also would take what desdinova is telling you with a grain of salt. Here's why:

1) When women cheat and leave a man, it's almost always perceived as his fault, and he's usually called a dog or an abuser. When women cheat, it's because he wasn't showing her enough attention, and she did it only because he drove her to another man's arms.

2) A lot of women are deceitful while looking for something better. Some women are like little monkeys. Hanging on to one branch while actively searching for another. And when the do find "greener pastures" not only will they not feel guilty about it, but they'll make the guy feel like it was his fault.

3) Women are NOT more sensitive than men. They are better at discussing their problems and seeking empathy from friends. Guys tend to hold their emotions in check, which can lead to more emotional problems.

I do think you should tell her how you feel about an exclusive realtionship though. I mean that's only common courtesy. I don't think you'd want to date some chick who was bonking a bunch of other guys behind your back either. There are health issues, and other things to consider.

 

[Desdinova]

The nickname you've inherited around here fits, Mr_knowfvckall...

1) When women cheat and leave a man, it's almost always perceived as his fault, and he's usually called a dog or an abuser. When women cheat, it's because he wasn't showing her enough attention, and she did it only because he drove her to another man's arms.

That is the opinion of feminazis. What's your point?

2) A lot of women are deceitful while looking for something better.

Based purely on emotion. They're wanting to pursue the other guy because he gives her positive emotions, but they don't want to break up with their bf because it causes a flood of negative emotions. That's why they drag the end out in relationships. They hate the feeling of guilt, being labeled a "b1tch", and don't want to be looked down upon by their friends and the soon to be ex. Their emotions will drive them back and forth throughout the whole thing. Women hate goodbyes, and will do all they can to avoid it. That's why after a breakup, they give the "I still want to be friends" line. They want to prevent their bucket of emotions from spilling over. They think this line will help them sort of drift away from the relationship, with few emotional outbursts.

3) Women are NOT more sensitive than men.

Agreed. Women are more EMOTIONAL than men.

Now, Workerouter,

Part of it is feeling vulnerable when I'm stuck onto one girl. When I have other women on the side, I'm able to maintain better control, avoid oneitis, and ultimately have less stressful relationships. It's like a safety net in a way.

In other words, you're afraid of commitment, and I'm guessing it's most likely rooted through one or more previous bad experiences.

Another thing, I don't know how the hell the term "one-itis" got so distorted around here. A guy has one-itis when he's actively pursuing a lost cause. There's no such thing as having one-itis when you're in a relationship. It's called love.

Life is full of risks. We can either take them, or crawl into a corner and never experience success or loss. Dude, you've obviously experienced the whole loss part in relationships. And hell, you're still alive. You've dealt with it and continued on. When you get kicked down and 5hit all over, you get back up, brush the 5hit off, and keep going.

Now, there's two things that you can do here. Either live up to your word of being in a relationship with her, or cut her off. You've already expressed a liking for this woman, and she's obviously expressed a liking for you. If you decide to enter a relationship with her, all you need to do is keep your head on your shoulders, keep your feet on the ground, keep doing what you're doing (minus fvcking other women) and you'll do fine.

However, if you decide to cut her off, you're going to experience what you've been trying to avoid - feeling like 5hit. You're going to be hurting this woman, and it will affect you. You will have hurt someone who didn't deserve it because of this protective wall you've built up for yourself. The unfortunate part, is you built that wall on the foundation of fear. It's going to crumble.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

Desdinova, I thought moderators had to have a reasonable semblance of intelligence? NOT

Women don't drag out relationships for emotional reasons you dypshyt. They drag them out either because they're financially dependent on the guy, or they haven't quite secured another chump.

Some pussies get a little authority, and they think it makes their opinion mean something.

To the original poster: Unlike what des****nova will tell you, women couldn't give two shyts about being thought of as a "bytch". They know the guy will be looked at as the villian. Women aren't more emotional than men, they know how to express there feelings more, which can make them appear more emotional.

Guys go through a much tougher time after a break up than women. Women can get another guy without even trying. Most guys have to go through the arduous process of finding a suitable girl who's attracted to them.

Keep your chin up bro, and don't worry so much about her feelings.

 

[everywomanshero]

My Take

I think it';s useful to know men tend to generally have more to lose if a relationship goes sour, especially with the court systems of Western Societies.

However, you should still be converying the attitude that you don't realize this. You can't let this become a part of your expressive reality. Just keep it in the back for decision making. Never feel guilty. A women will not, and you shouldn't either. Always do what is best for you.

 

[englishman]

Originally posted by Mr_knowit_all
2) A lot of women are deceitful while looking for something better. Some women are like little monkeys. Hanging on to one branch while actively searching for another. And when the do find "greener pastures" not only will they not feel guilty about it, but they'll make the guy feel like it was his fault.

.

I gotta say the monkey analogy is spot on, thats been my experience of women and Im a right old cvnt (over 40) also Desdinova, are you really a moderator???

 

[Desdinova]

women couldn't give two shyts about being thought of as a "bytch".

Women get very concerned about how their viewed by other people. If a guy is able to bed a woman on their first date, their anti-slvt defense goes up. They don't want this guy to think of her as a slvt.

Women are also concerned about what other women think of them. They will viciously attack other women on their looks and their body language. They also know when they're being attacked themselves.

Women don't drag out relationships for emotional reasons you dypshyt. They drag them out either because they're financially dependent on the guy, or they haven't quite secured another chump.

Those are logical reasons to stay with a guy. Women don't work on logic. After being the guy who can steal women from their bf, I've noticed that they will stay with him unless something "better" comes along. Women are poor at defining what "better" is. They'll take a jerk over the nice guy any day, because the jerk can create that emotional rush that the nice guy can't.

also Desdinova, are you really a moderator???

No, I'm just a figment of your imagination