Is my close friend trying to steal my girl?

[The Comeback Kid]

At the beginning of this school year, I became very good friends with someone I work with for our extra-curricular activity. We had a class together, we have similar interests and we hang out very often. I got to know his group of friends and we all get along, everything's great. A few months ago, he got a girlfriend, which is cool (they've been dating 3-4 months). Although the rest of the guys in this group I am currently hanging out with have gf's, I wasn't going to get a gf for the sake of having one. I'm waiting for the right girl, and now it looks like she may have come along.

The girl, my friend and myself share a class together. A couple weeks ago, we were all forced to go to a performance hosted by our professor. That's when we met her. Almost instantly, we hit it off. We were all comfortable and enjoyed the evening. Things between me and her were just beginning. We text jokes and random comments during class. She wanted to hang out last weekend and tagged along to one of my other friend's super bowl party, where we both had a fun time. It was getting to be time for a "real date" to happen.

Then came the twist. At first, I thought my friend, who is very social and talkative and does kino with everybody, was just being nice. Now, I realized that it's very possible he has been hitting on her! Not only that, he apparently asked her out - When her and I were walking out of class yesterday (he didn't show), she told me she'd be up for something on the day I'm back. She also mentioned how my friend asked her to accompany him to a jazz club the same evening. I have a hunch she likes me more than she likes him, so I was unaffected by this. I then calmly said, "Interesting. I'd think he could be doing stuff with his GF that day, but who knows. I'll be back on Monday, let's grab dinner at (name of place)." She immediately said yes and we figured out a time.

I then decided to have a quick talk with my friend. I politely insisted that he back off and let me have some space with her. Over the past couple weeks, he has said to me she is "my girl" and all that, but it comes off begrudging. He was "stunned" she came to the super bowl party with me and wished me good luck, but it didn't sound 100% genuine. When I spoke with my friend, he said that's fine, but also..."we'll talk. What's her number?" I was in a hurry, so that was my excuse to bolt. I don't think my friend really absorbed my message.

Now that I'm out of everyone's way for a few days, I can think a little more clearly and piece things together. I don't know much about jazz performances, so I looked up the typical atmosphere at these things. Food, dimly lit, "intimate"...sounds like a date spot to me.:nono: In the past, my friend has tried asking girls with bf's out to dinner "just as friends of course," and that seems weird, even if it was before he got with his current gf. I didn't see him as the cheating/betraying type, but maybe I was wrong.

I need your help with how I deal with the situation. I don't understand why my close friend - who has had a gf for 3-4 months - is trying to take my girl out. Maybe it's just me, but something isn't sitting right.

 

[Iceberg]

A - He's trying to take her out because he wants to bang her.

B - Not cool telling "your girl" that your buddy had a date planned with his GF. There are plenty of ways to get your girl without c**kblocking your buddy.

C - If you'd make a move on "your girl," I guess you wouldn't have to worry about another man claiming her, right? Is this girl supposed to put her vag on pause while she waits for you to make a move? She should bang every single one of your friends as punishment for making her wait for this long...

 

[Kal0051]

C - If you'd make a move on "your girl," I guess you wouldn't have to worry about another man claiming her, right? Is this girl supposed to put her vag on pause while she waits for you to make a move? She should bang every single one of your friends as punishment for making her wait for this long...

she probably will, if it's not this guy it will be another one. That is unless the OP makes a move instead of acting like her brother.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Just to clarify (based on the two replies so far):

-I made a move. Read the post again. I'm not anywhere close to campus this weekend, but on Monday we have something set up. Also, I met her less than two weeks ago, so it's still moving rather quickly.
-I also agree it was a "low blow" with the gf remark. My friend knows I like this girl and is committing a "low blow" act himself by trying to steal her. I've always been too nice when dealing with people trying to take advantage of me...it's time I start fighting back.

 

[Kal0051]

Just to clarify (based on the two replies so far):

-I made a move. Read the post again. I'm not anywhere close to campus this weekend, but on Monday we have something set up. Also, I met her less than two weeks ago, so it's still moving rather quickly.

sorry but agreeing to meet up isn't making a move to me. It's a good start though. But you said you already hung out at the superbowl party, what happened between the 2 of you? Did you kiss? Was your interaction platonic or more sexual/romantic? Not bashing you for nothing much happening yet since you just met her (although some guys might).

 

[Iceberg]

Just to clarify (based on the two replies so far):

-I made a move. Read the post again. I'm not anywhere close to campus this weekend, but on Monday we have something set up. Also, I met her less than two weeks ago, so it's still moving rather quickly.
-I also agree it was a "low blow" with the gf remark. My friend knows I like this girl and is committing a "low blow" act himself by trying to steal her. I've always been too nice when dealing with people trying to take advantage of me...it's time I start fighting back.

I'd consider it a low blow if he tried to steal your girlfriend. Trying to bang some cute single college chick is perfectly within his rights as a red-blooded male. That "I saw her first" line might have worked in the 1920's...but these days, until you're banging a girl, she isn't "your girl."

If one of my AFC buddies "likes" a girl, and I do too, then what can I do? Am I supposed to stand around for 4, 5, 6 weeks waiting for this guy to make a move?

You did make a move in a sense...and I'm proud of that...but hanging out with her is just hanging out, until something happens. I wish you all the best...It's just that in my life these days, "hitting it off" with a girl only counts if there's something physical going on. I've kinda advanced beyond the point where I can chat with my friends about good conversation with a woman. So do me a favor...go out and make something physical happen.

Go get her. Good luck.

 

[Warrior74]

A - He's trying to take her out because he wants to bang her.

B - Not cool telling "your girl" that your buddy had a date planned with his GF. There are plenty of ways to get your girl without c**kblocking your buddy.

You have got to be fvcking kidding me? Not cool? His friend pulled a d1ck move, that wasn't cool. Turnabout is fair play.

If one of my AFC buddies "likes" a girl, and I do too, then what can I do? Am I supposed to stand around for 4, 5, 6 weeks waiting for this guy to make a move?

So you would sit around waiting? What a tool. You go and meet some other women you ponce! Damn there are more fish in the sea than to have to take one from your buddy who is stuggling to land it. Seriously? Do you even have friends?

 

[Iceberg]

You have got to be fvcking kidding me? Not cool? His friend pulled a d1ck move, that wasn't cool. Turnabout is fair play.

A d**k move is trying to steal your girlfriend. Even your f**k buddy. Some chick you "like"?? Man, I "like" a new girl everyday. By your rules, my friends aren't allowed to pursue any cute girl that gets within 10 feet of me.

So you would sit around waiting? What a tool. You go and meet some other women you ponce! Damn there are more fish in the sea than to have to take one from your buddy who is stuggling to land it. Seriously? Do you even have friends?

First of all, I love your passion. Channel it.

Secondly, I'm just saying, you either make a move for this girl or you expect someone else to. It can be your friend that you met at the beginning of a school year, or it can be total stranger. Doesn't matter. Until the girl is yours, what are you supposed to do? Assume that no one else is hitting on this girl?

 

[zekko]

A d**k move is trying to steal your girlfriend. Even your f**k buddy. Some chick you "like"?? Man, I "like" a new girl everyday. By your rules, my friends aren't allowed to pursue any cute girl that gets within 10 feet of me.

Nah, I agree with Warrior74. This guy's buddy already has a girlfriend and knows the OP wants to pursue her. His trying to move in is a d!ck move. Pointing out that he already has a girlfriend is totally fair in this circumstance. If there was attraction between the girl and his friend I doubt it would make much difference anyway.

This is not to say the OP's buddy isn't within his rights. But it's still a d!ck move. It's very similar to having a wingman who tries to move in on your target, only worse.

 

[Warrior74]

A d**k move is trying to steal your girlfriend. Even your f**k buddy. Some chick you "like"?? Man, I "like" a new girl everyday. By your rules, my friends aren't allowed to pursue any cute girl that gets within 10 feet of me.





First of all, I love your passion. Channel it.

Secondly, I'm just saying, you either make a move for this girl or you expect someone else to. It can be your friend that you met at the beginning of a school year, or it can be total stranger. Doesn't matter. Until the girl is yours, what are you supposed to do? Assume that no one else is hitting on this girl?

Channel it my ass. Channel your poncy douche behavior and learn how to be a man.

If my boy...my friend, who has my back is after a target...no matter how much I'm interested, its his target. I have enough respect for myself and for my boy than to step up in the middle of him trying. YOu sound like the type who wants your friends to fail so you can succeed instead of going out and getting your own.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

I feel like something similar happened to me recently. But I'm not getting mad. Like Iceberg said its more the fault of waiting to escalate in the first place. That said, if this "friend"'s GF ever makes a move on you or if your roles are ever switched with some other girl HE likes, accept Karma's gift to you and do not turn it down.

 

[sodbuster]

He is way out of line. IF he doesn't back off, you may need to ***** slap him.

 

[( . )( . )]

She should bang every single one of your friends as punishment for making her wait for this long...

Iceberg nailed it.

She's not "your girl", you havn't even banged her and this is not the 50's. Your delusion of ownership is weak.

I then decided to have a quick talk with my friend. I politely insisted that he back off and let me have some space with her.

Lame, if that were me I would have made it my mission to phuck her after your brash display of AFCism just to spite you.

There is a saying you should probably familiarize yourself with : " May the better man win " Getting all pissy, jealous and threatening are generally not traits that the better man has. As a matter of fact what are you even doing here? That whole post stinks of someone with zero game, if youve been here this long and havnt even spent time learning all this information then whats the point?.

Edit: And just so you know, try and picture a mosquito trapped in a jar ,held to your ear and amplified 10 times whilst sitting next to a bunch of pretentious dip sh!ts sipping wine and overpriced beers and thinking they might just have some class by being there..... thats a jazz club.

 

[horaholic]

Back in high school, I had a 'friend' who was a serious player. Every girl I got close to, he would snatch her up. Granted, I was an afc and didnt escalate enough, but looking back, I realize he was a false friend. He had his choice of chicks, and always had to swipe up the one I was going for instead of giving me a chance first. As a result of hanging out with this dude, I never got any, and it took YEARS to realize that Im good enough to get hot chicks. My friend was a douche. He had to have ALL the girls, and couldnt stand it whenever I would actually have a chick interested, so he would move in on every girls I had a shot with. That aint right. You dont treat your friends like that. If I weren't friends with that guy, I would have at least had SOME success with women back then, which would have escalated as time went by.

Its supposed to be bro's before ho's, right? I guess that can be interpreted different ways.

My ethics are, if its some random chick, its fair game. If its someone he is actively pursuing, you back off and give your friend a shot to do his thing. If he gets nowhere, or lands in the FZ, then its fair game again. There should be a window of grace you should give your friends, or they should give you. Real friends will do it. Especially for the ones who dont do that great with chicks. You gotta help your bro's out; to an extent of course.

We dont know your friends side of the story either though. I dont know whether he stepped back and gave you shot, and you blew it, so he stepped back in or not. Assuming your story is the real deal, that guy isnt your friend. He has a GF, and still moving in on someone you're going for, KNOWING that you arent ok with it? Not cool. He should have at least given you a chance to blow it, or FZ yourself, beforehand. Guys that do well with chicks dont realize that it really sucks when you arent good with chicks, and someone else always seems to grab them first. Luckily, you have this site to help you. If I had this site back in high school, my life would be very different.

On the bright side, consider it a learning experience, to move in quicker. Also, you might still get this girl.

Remember this: He doesnt HAVE to be cool, and back off the chick you're going for, but you dont HAVE to be cool and keep your mouth shut to his GF about it either.

EDIT: I forgot about another of my personal morals: If she was making plays for him, and he was just playing along, I say he can go for it. That means she wasnt interested in you in the first place. I stay away from my boys targets out of respect for them, but if SHE totally comes after me... I'm only human.

 

[Ease]

Id say watch your friend, but if i understand correctly you've only been on 1 date with this girl.

Therefore she is not 'your girl'.

She is still fair game in most people's books. There is a huge exception if your competing against your friend. In which case id say 'yea man i took her out last weekend, we're meeting up this week, gona try and F-close this hoe', at which point i make it known that she's my target and it would be very innapropriate for him to initiate anything with her.

I dont think i would say 'let me have some space with her, stop chasing her', because with someone that i am a intimate friend with it would be a given.

Otherwise, dont focus on what he does, focus on your game. This girl can only be fully attracted to 1 guy at a time, so if you have her 100% interest there is no room for anyone else.

Dont be insecure about her liking your friend, thats the sure way to fail.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Thanks for the replies. Definitely two camps in terms of the argument here. Analyzing everyone's posts would take a long while, but I will say that my buddies and I back home would NEVER try to steal a girl one of us were going after. We'd either help our friend or simply pursue other girls. It's not a big deal.

Nothing substantial happened this weekend. I was home and hung out with friends. My friend did talk to me a couple times and didn't mention the girl once, though did mention his own gf a few times.

I expect to see her tomorrow evening, but that also depends on how things play out. After tomorrow, there should be a clearer picture of the situation.