Is it wrong to...

[Xeno]

Is it wrong to still be into your ex even though she caused you a lot of pain? Is this a normal thing?

 

[cactus3178]

You mean your not with her but you still think about her? How long ago did you two split? Who initiated the breakup? What caused the 'pain'?

Details, man

 

[Xeno]

She broke up with me six months ago...I know...a long time. Problem is I saw myself marrying this girl down the line. She has contacted me a few times post breakup. I have never been so depressed in my entire life without her. Since the breakup caused me so much sadness, is it wrong to still have feelings for her?

 

[cactus3178]

Wrong? No....F*cking you up? Yes. So she broke up with you six months ago, and she initiated contact with you a few times? Was there a reason cited for the breakup? How long were you guys together for? Did YOU make any contact?

Honestly, the best thing you can do is forget about her completely. You have to think about it like this: If she's already gone, what more do you have to lose than what you already have?

Don't worry about it being 'wrong' or not for you to still have feelings for her.

Instead, concentrate on making yourself a better person. When your depressed/bummed about women, the easiest thing to do is slip into a self-destructive way of thinking. What have you done to better the situation? Have you dated other girls since the breakup? Tried something new?

/20questions

 

[Xeno]

Ive hung out with a handful of girls since the breakup...not that many though as my game has been rattled due to the breakup. I even f*cked one girl. Ive ignored her text messages in hopes that Ill either a) get over her or b) raise her interest level again due to my mysteriousness....whichever one comes first. Ive gained 20 lbs working out in the gym. Tried to reinvigorate my interest in film (its what my degree is in) with little success. For some reason this **** isnt working. I was head over heels for her. We had a LDR which of course sucked but I was moving out to be with her soon...matter of fact if we were still together id be out there now. The reason she broke up with me was that it was too 'complicated'. Thats it. I knew she got into someone at college at which point I was like forget it and stopped contacting her. The majority of the pain was the shock of the breakup (no warning) and of course her wanting someone else.

 

[cactus3178]

Man, if she wanted somebody else, your done. You don't have time for that bullsh*t. It sounds like you've been doing things to stay busy, and improving yourself. This is good. Carry on.

The harsh reality is that you should continue what your doing and not look back. You've got better things to than worry about her. You've got your life. And remember, even though it never makes sense to anybody who's been hurt: There are literally hundreds of thousands of cute, smart women who are waiting for somebody like you to meet them.

The best thing you could do is learn from this. If you made any mistakes in that relationship, fix them and don't repeat them.

Good luck.

 

[ph00k]

cactus is right, you've got to learn from your mistakes and move on

Don't even bother thinking that you can raise her interest levels and get back with her. This b1tch screwed you over.... the sooner you realise she's gone the better. you MUST MUST MUST at all costs break off any remaining affection you have for her, and this can be done by gettin around with other women like you have done. so kudos to you on that.

HOWEVER

what you need to start doing is to forget that this girl is marriage or whatever the f*** material that you thought she was. Because if she was, you clearly wouldn't be in this position and you'd still be banging her as it is. Ask yourself... would you want a wife that lets herself be seduced by some other dude while you're away???


SHE IS NOT SPECIAL OR BETTER THAN OTHER CHICKS and the sooner you stop comparing her, the better off you'll be. Tell yourself:

SHE IS NOT SPECIAL
SHE PLAYED YOU
SHE IS NOT ONE YOU SHOULD WASTE YOUR TIME ON
SHE IS JUST ANOTHER H0E (REPEAT x3)
YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS PIECE OF TRASH

cut the b1tch off, and stop attaching special markers to her name because the sooner you get rid of all the "ohhh.... only she did this" or "she did it the best", then you're free.

As a side note: The furthest i'd go with her if interest picks up, is just to screw her to get physical kicks out of it --- but i suggest you have nothing to do with her, because of your super attachment to her. You MUST kill off that attachment.


YOU CAN DO IT!

 

[becker]

Everytime a situation like this comes up, it's always the person who gets dumped who has a tougher time getting over it, obviously.

But realize that people get over things eventually. You just have to find a way to let go. That's the hard part, because if you don't, everyone who comes along will be compared to the old relationship and you won't give them a fair chance.

 

[becker]

Everytime a situation like this comes up, it's always the person who gets dumped who has a tougher time getting over it, obviously.

But realize that people get over things eventually. You just have to find a way to let go. That's the hard part, because if you don't, everyone who comes along will be compared to the old relationship and you won't give them a fair chance, and without giving them that chance, you will not be able to move on.

 

[Xeno]

I have tried dilligently to move on. I try and talk to girls whenever I can. The passion just isnt there. I do it because I feel like I should make myself rather than wanting to. As extremely wussy as it sounds I feel like no one will ever want me. I am embarassed that I still want a girl that has been broken up with me for six months. Why am I holding on so tightly when I KNOW in my logical state of mind that it is stupid?

 

[ph00k]

you're holding on and feeling pity for yourself
get over it and move on

if no girl wanted you, then you wouldn't have landed a lay with another chick. you must get your mind out of this 'i can't do it, no one likes me, why should i bother' frame of mind...

If you don't want to go out and get to know more women --- thats fine, just do something else that gets your mind off this stupid woman, because she's clouding your vision.

it takes willpower --- i know you are down in the dumps and feeling sh1t --- but trust me with enough willpower u can lift urself out of it. You've realised what your problem is -- so you're half way there. you need to get up and go, each of us has experienced times when we're really down when someone really special to us has f*** us over. this is your chance to bounce back. u can do it!

 

[squirrels]

"She's the perfect girl, except for the fact that she doesn't like me and breaks my heart and I never see her and she broke up with me because she met so many other men where she is now and felt stupid for continuning a romantic engagement with someone she never sees."



It's not complicated. It's very simple. She's not the one for you. YOU are making it complicated by failing to see this.

It just didn't work. Not your fault, not hers. It just didn't work. You weren't right for each other, and no amount of pandering or prayer is going to change that. Let go.