Is it true that if a girl's looking to f-ck, and you don't pick up on it your done?

[Kal0051]

I've been told that the girl I went out with was just looking for sex, and that I failed by not giving it too her (and that's why she's too busy for the next little bit). Honestly I didn't pick up that vibe at all. But then again I'm crap with women so maybe I just didn't see it.

Anyway, question is simple, do you only usually have one chance if a girl's looking to f-ck?

 

[2crudedudes]

I've been told that the girl I went out with was just looking for sex, and that I failed by not giving it too her (and that's why she's too busy for the next little bit). Honestly I didn't pick up that vibe at all. But then again I'm crap with women so maybe I just didn't see it.

Anyway, question is simple, do you only usually have one chance if a girl's looking to f-ck?

I'm by no means an expert here, so take my words with a grain of salt. From what I've learned here, however, its more or less like this:

She wanted to f*ck. She didn't care too much about who (there may have been some criteria, but nothing too complicated), she just wanted some. She may have not been particularly interested in you as much as she was in your penis. Now that her needs have been met (or the urge has subsided), she is thinking a little clearer and realizes she doesn't need to be as available as she was when she wanted some. She can tone it down now.

As for you, you didn't pick up on it, so that may be a little unfavorable for you in her eyes, as you didn't anticipate her needs, nor have the basic understanding of them to satisfy them.

What you should do from there, I am not one to say. I don't know this myself. But it does seem like its gonna be an uphill struggle at this point. Move on for now and see if she comes around.

edit: man, I re-read my post and it sounds like a real downer, heheh. Don't despair man, we all make mistakes. This is a learning experience, and so long as you learn something out of it, its not a waste.

 

[Kal0051]

I'm by no means an expert here, so take my words with a grain of salt. From what I've learned here, however, its more or less like this:

She wanted to f*ck. She didn't care too much about who (there may have been some criteria, but nothing too complicated), she just wanted some. She may have not been particularly interested in you as much as she was in your penis. Now that her needs have been met (or the urge has subsided), she is thinking a little clearer and realizes she doesn't need to be as available as she was when she wanted some. She can tone it down now.

As for you, you didn't pick up on it, so that may be a little unfavorable for you in her eyes, as you didn't anticipate her needs, nor have the basic understanding of them to satisfy them.

What you should do from there, I am not one to say. I don't know this myself. But it does seem like its gonna be an uphill struggle at this point. Move on for now and see if she comes around.

edit: man, I re-read my post and it sounds like a real downer, heheh. Don't despair man, we all make mistakes. This is a learning experience, and so long as you learn something out of it, its not a waste.

well, most of this question isn't specific to this girl, more of a general question. For one, the girl that this guy was talking about never gave off any vibe that she wanted that. She seemed to want to meet up specifically with me, seemed very shy, and excused herself to go home when I invited her over (though she gave me a ride and we kissed).

But anyway, someone suggested that this girl was only after sex and that's why she's unavailable so that's where I got the idea for this discussion. Doesn't mean he's right but I'm sure there are other guys like me that don't pick up on this stuff easily.

 

[flint]

Honestly dude (and again I'm not the expert here either) but my impression is that things are pretty black and white with women until you act like a wuss. In other words they'll lump you in the "I'd f*ck him" crowd or the "He's a wimp" crowd. If you're in the f crowd, then if you pass up on it (in a good way) it seems like you're a challeng. If you pass up on it in a bad way (too afraid to make a move) then she assumes you're an AFC and you're done forever.

I've had experience in both of these categories. One girl I was simply afraid to make a move with, and from then on she treated me like an AFC even though I had a chance at first. I also had another chick who tried on a few occassions (I just wasn't picking up on the obvious IOI's) but I passed on the opportunity in a way that made it seem like I was a challenge. And this girl is literally still very much into me even though I haven't closed with her yet.

So to answer you're question more simply, I think it depends how you end up not closing or how it comes off. If it seems to her like you're afraid to take the bull by the horns, you become an AFC and you're never going to have another chance again. If it comes off like you're making her work for it or you have a legitimate reason that night or something, in some cases the attraction will grow.

As a rule of thumb though you've got to strike while the iron is hot! My best suggestion would be to read up a lot more on IOI's so that there isn't a shadow of a doubt. If you know you're IOI's really well you won't be as afraid to make a move or keep things going.

 

[Phat]

If a girl goes out on a date with you, or hangs out with you. Sex or a makeout is always expected. I had a girl in my room one time, and i had no idea what i was thinking at the time. And i was laying on my bed watching tv and she got up and started posing in my mirror and was fixing her thong. Then she sat back down on my bed and said "your a *****". I didnt even have sex on my mind. But i thought about what she was doing later and put 1+1 together. Then i had another girl who would randomly knock on my door at 2 am in the morning and tell me shes drunk and wants to go to sleep. She would walk right in my bedroom and lay on my bed. And i would just sit there on the computer looking at her ass like a dumass. Then id lay next to her to go to sleep and i would just lay thier with a 10 in my bed. She came over 2 times. Then she stopped coming over after i didnt make a move.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

Anyway, question is simple, do you only usually have one chance if a girl's looking to f-ck?

Not at all. Well, unless you AFC it and shut her down.

Resisting a woman sexually turns her on quite a bit unless there's something wrong with her mentally. Women love to chase and if it's too easy it's not something worth having. If it takes 3-4 attempts for a girl who likes you to get some, she'll be an animal sexually and you'll either be able to FB or LTR her.

But, if you're just sitting there next to her and she's flashing all sort of sexual signals and you seem to be in a state like you're a virgin boy scout, she'll get shut down and probably not come back. That's weakness, not resistance. You'll be in LJBF land in no time.

 

[Kal0051]

Yeah, TMG, that's what I thought. I've learned you have to make some move, any move or your done. Which is why I was taken by surprise when it was suggested that I ****ed up because I only made out with her on our first hang out. That surprise is what started this discussion, to get ppl unbiased opinion.

 

[Desdinova]

You have many chances, but you're on a time limit. If you take too long to lay her, she's going to think you're not interested.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

Funny how the anxiety clouds your thoughts, and you miss the most obvious signs. It all goes back to being a pvssy.

 

[Willis]

So what are some obvious signs to look for because i think back at times nd im like "WOW, im really stupid" because i miss so many,,,then i continue to miss them

 

[Dante420]

Not always.

She could just think you don't want to have sex right at that moment.

 

[bish0p]

In my experiences, if I've missed the signs (or recognized them, but didn't act on them), I would not be given another opportunity....and trust me, I've tried.

But, that's just me.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

Yeah, TMG, that's what I thought. I've learned you have to make some move, any move or your done. Which is why I was taken by surprise when it was suggested that I ****ed up because I only made out with her on our first hang out. That surprise is what started this discussion, to get ppl unbiased opinion.

The problem is that you gave too much weight in your mind to (that's ok, see below):

I've been told that the girl I went out with was just looking for sex

You realized you needed outside opinions to consider as part of your thought process...THAT'S GREAT. You're not giving so much weight that you won't seek out experienced advice to question what you are told by people who are biased by being connected to the situation. You're evolving. Keep it up.

There are always multiple paths to take and still get what you want. It's not a "if you don't take it now you won't get it" situation. Those extremely rarely happen with women and when it does, you shouldn't be screwing her anyway, she has serious issues. When a normal woman wants something and there's resistance (not chodey/AFC stuff, that's not resistance, that's indecisiveness/low confidence), they'll want it MUCH more. This a central key concept that you have to pound in your head about women that's absolutely true and you'll always be limited if you don't watch how women are about that sort of thing and decide in your mind that it's a True Thing about women. Decide now to observe women in general when they're faced with something they want and it's just out of reach.

A more evolved way to look at it in that situation is "what do i really want from girl x, girl x seems to want sex, how do I handle this so we both get what we want". This puts you in logical mode and you're much more able to deal with a situation as it's happening rather than having random chatter going on in your head "does she like me...will she not like me if I don't make a move...is this a situation where I won't get sex if I don't take it now" that's completely useless.

Being decisive IN ANY WAY is making a move even if it's just inside your head. In fact, women really really really love men who make internal decisions and don't explain them. The woman puts high value on the guy for having such an awesome mind that has firm ways of handling things without explaining or justifying his actions or non-actions. For instance, if a girl wants sex and you logically realize "ok, she wants sex, but I'm not sure this is a good idea right at this time and be DECISISIVE in your mind SOLIDLY choose that you're going to wait until another time, she'll FEEL it. You've made a move and women are very sensitive to that...it turns them on.

But, OTOH, a woman faced with a guy who's internally undecisive gets turned off and that's why a guy won't get a second chance. It's not because he didn't grab her by the hair and drag her to the bedroom, it's because her radar detected the man being indecisive. He doesn't even have to say a word, she reads it by very obvious (to women) external clues that you're as puzzled in your mind as a woman naturally is in hers.

Like I said, if you skip an opportunity PURPOSELY and DECISIVELY, you'll get her chasing you and much more interested. All women want a guy they'll feel secure with...a guy who is very selecting in some unknown way ESPECIALLY when she sees the evidence with her own eyes...he's temporarily putting off (resisting) sex with her. This translates roughly to a bunch of things in her mind but most importantly it's "this guy won't just go and sleep with other random women if I'm with him, he's decisive and selective, I can trust him to keep his pants zipped".

THIS GETS WOMEN HOT