is it still possible to do good in a bad situation?

[Apprentice DJ]

a little background on me: i go to a high school 350km from where i live in Toronto and i get to go home maybe about once a month during a long weekend.

here's the story: 2 years ago i meet this incredible girl downtown and i could see that everything was there( eye contact, body language, etc) so i go up to her, talk to her and get only an email. of course this wasn't good but since we were 17 yrs old and she barely knew me( we talked for 2 minutes cus i was in a hurry, i will never flirt like that again) email was ok and i eventually got a phone number a couple of weeks later. (i had not heard about Sosuave.com when this happened) so my 3 Cs did not exist, ill come to this later...

it takes me a month but she eventually gives me a date(i shouldn't have bothered but i was young and didn't have any knowledge of the SYStem) . As expected, she was cold and not very talkative when we went to dinner. i was clueless so i kept trying to win her over by staying positive...useless, of course

the day after the date, we talk and she tells me that there is another guy(there was one for real!) and that she had liked him before meeting me) so of course i didn't stand a chance because they went out like 2 weeks later...maybe she was using me to get the guy jealous.

she keeps contact with me while she's still with the other guy.i don't know why, maybe as a backup ?

so about 8 months ago her boyfriend breaks up with her and all of a sudden she starts writing to me alot and tells me she wants to see me and everything...i know i should have forgotten her forever but i thought she was special and gave her a second chance by meeting her for coffee. At the coffee place we talk and i realize im still interested in her and that her interest level is even higher than mine since i can't really adore a girl who screwed me over like that, i was cautious when i went to see her. during a conversation, she tells me that her ex tried to get back with her a couple of weeks before but that she didn't want anything to do with him anymore because he broke up with her and that i was the one now and everything...lipservice, therefore i wasn't sold yet

so we've been "seeing" each other for over a month now(remember i live on a school campus 4 hours from my city so i only saw her 3 times, and im still very cautious of what she really is about) but we write emails.

so not wanting to be seen as a guy she can walk over i confronted her with what happened two years ago and that i felt like i was a backup to the initial boyfriend. and if that was the case i would not stand that and will walk away. she gets upset but doesn't say that she was sorry or felt bad of what happened and that she is the way she is...and what i decide to do are my choices but you could tell by the way she wrote the email that she was just saying that in order not to seem needy and that if i left her she'd be sad.

i write back to her saying that i didn't wanted to hurt her feelings by confronting her but i wanted her to know what she did to me and that i couldn't keep this "relationship" going and ignore that event completely.

i wrote that last night and am waiting for an answer...

i know this is a disgrace to Dj everywhere and an insult to the system but i want to know if there's anything left to do or should i just break up? at least this time i won't be the one on the short end...

 

[DJnomore]

Break it off

Just don't tell her you breaking it off and keep flirting.

Find someone in school.

Enjoy time at home.

She did it to you you do it to her its all good.

 

[icehot]

The questions you gotta ask yourself is how much you like her, are you willing to walk away and can you trust her?

I had the same kinda thing happen to me:

1) Meet girl
2) Girl has high interest level
3) Girl flakes
4) I tell her to go fu@k herself

No contact for 7 month and now she's emailing me like crazy. Her first question is "are you still mad at me"... I played it all ****y & funny.

In your situation, by confronting her, you come off like a whiny, crying, little kid who lost his lollypop 8 months ago.

Now, were you ****y & funny when you told her? or were you all serious, 'cause i think the tone is what really matters.

If you were "hey, i'm not gonna be your backup boy toy" that works better than being all serious.

I always try to keep it light for the first 3 months of seeing a chick, unless she's a real beotch. Especially in your case where you only see her a few times a month.

-iceH

 

[Apprentice DJ]

Thanks Guys but the thing is i honestly don't know if i can trust her because she's got cold attitudes sometimes...

and sadly no i didn't do it ****y and funny...honestly i didn't think talking about that with ****y and funny was doable...

so what does this mean?

 

[icehot]

Right now, there's not much you can do. Wait and see what she says..but honestly, It doesn't look good. I get the feeling that you may have come on too heavy (face it, you really haven't know her that long to get all emotional).

If you can't trust her then that's a bigger problem..'cause you'll eventually say or do something that'll make you look like an insecure AFC.

My advice is to play it cool and keep it light from here on in.

And for the love of god, don't get one-itis for this girl... We've all been there.


-iceH

 

[Apprentice DJ]

misunderstanding

When i said that i couldn't trust her, i mean that i didn't believe her reason for wanting to see me all of a sudden cus i know that she'd a complete trusworthy girl if we were to have a relationship

but i think you're right about the waiting thing cus all i have to do is wait now...nothing left to do...

 

[Apprentice DJ]

Ok so here's a stupid Question...

should i buy her a valentine's day gift? we may be in a fight ...but it's Valentine's Day!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

What exactly are you fighting about? Because you came second to another man 2 years ago? So why did you even keep in contact with the chick? Why have you been sseing her the last month? You brought this scenario upon yourself and now you regret her for denying you two years ago? Did you not have other prospects in the meantime? Were you waiting on the side-lines all this time?

Now you want her to know that she just can't walk all over you? It's a little late for that isn't it? You set a bad example and prescedent if you been talking to this girl for the last 2 years and got nothing ouy of it. If she has these misperceptions of you as being a pansy, it's because you gave it to her through your interaction with her in the last two years!.

You were communicating with her when she wasn't your girl, now you don't want to comunicate with her now that she is your girl?
What exactly are you fighting about again?

If u do anything for valentines, let it be a small gesture!

 

[Apprentice DJ]

i wasn't keeping contact with her
she was the one who kept emailing me. i replied to her sometimes when i wasn't seeing other girls

 

[Apprentice DJ]

i was not sidelined cus i was playing with other teams.
i just happened to be a free agent when she wanted to see me again so why not try out?

 

[icehot]

Dude, you need to chill.

If you go out and get her a v-day gift, you're going to look like a total ***** who can't back up his words.

the girl hasn't returned your last email and you're ready to go get her a gift like an AFC.

What if she does return your email and tells you its over? Now you're a chump with a gift.

-iceH

 

[Apprentice DJ]

True...

but i'm trying to send out a message that i care for her but don't want to or can't be with her if she stays the way she is..

Can i do that without seeming like an AFC?

 

[Apprentice DJ]

Does anyone think it's possible? or should i start concentrating on another honey?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You left the ball in her court..I wouldn't send anything unless you find out what her response is...although you have to feel the situaton yourself...did she call u yet? She may get upset if u don't do anything fo v-day, but who is to say that she is doing anything for you?

 

[Apprentice DJ]

I appreciate your replies PuertoRIcan but im not learning anything new from your posts...could you give me some advice besides stating the obvious?