Is it something I am doing?

sph21

Senior Don Juan
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I can't believe it. You were doing great when you kicked her out of your house.

What I'm about to tell you is going to hut you a lot but it's better than what's about to come next if you maintain this relationship with her.

Your problems started from your scarcity mindset. Another problem is that you need to fix your own mindset about what a father is.

Another issue is that you don't know what love is. You still think that love is unconditional and in the end she'll see what a good man you are.

It's not your obligation to care for her needs when she doesn't care at all about respecting you as a man.

Do you know about what role you're having right now? You're being the feminine guy. You take care of any household mess that she won't do. If you take the feminine role in this relationship, then she has no other choice than to take the masculine one. She's in charge of you because you don't want to be a man in this relationship. This kind of role reversal is uncomfortable for both of you and it will lead to prolonged depressions for both of you.

Why do you keep fighting for this relationship when there's nothing worth fighting for?

She doesn't respect you. She doesn't love you too. Love comes from respect. No respect, no love.

After a certain age, women don't care about love anymore if the can't find a real man. They will settle for a beta who is willing to do whatever they want him to do. You're now in this position.

Don't listen to what she's telling you. Watch what she does to you and your daughter.

Do you still want to be in this relationship because you think that a socially successful man is a man who can have a relationship with a woman? If so, this needs to change.

Take your time to contemplate what Pook wrote about success in relationship:
Lesson Eleven

Comfortable with himself and his successful habits, he relaxed and reacquainted himself with his friends. He noticed they had lady-problems.

“Why are women female?” one opined. “Everything would be much simpler if they weren’t female and would logically make sense!”

“Indeed! They are not just female but so annoyingly female.”

And on and on they complained.

Years later, the young man found his old friends married or in serious relationships. In every single one, the girl chose him. Each and every one of them was chronically unhappy.

However, they wouldn’t admit it to themselves. They said, “What! You are still single? Oh, poor guy! You will one day progress and get a chick like us.”

“Indeed,” said another. “I just got a new girlfriend and you are still single! Hah!”

And a third said, “We all are married or have girlfriends but you, poor chap, are still single. You need to start listening to our advice…”

And together they said, “Give the woman flowers, chocolate, poetry, declarations of love, your full attention, your promises, your exclusiveness, your time, your dreams, your LIFE and adopt her desires, her plans, her manipulations, and her designs on your future.”

The young man laughed. “Shrug off my Manhood for a girl? No thanks. For…”


“Getting a girl is not the success.”

“Pook! Whatever do you mean by this?”

“Most guys still think like women. They think that by sleeping with lots of women, by having a girlfriend, or by having a wife means they are successful with women.”

“You mean that ‘beggars can’t be choosers.’ You mean for guys to PICK the girl rather than the other way around.”

“You’re closer and that is true. But women date for all sorts of reasons. They marry for all sorts of reasons. They sleep with you for all sorts of reasons. To the addition of the above, you want to find a woman that is interested in YOU.”

“I don’t understand.”

So Pook summoned forth a guy and his girlfriend. The guy, smug, says, “I got a girlfriend now! Dobedobedo!” Pook summoned a single guy into the room. The coupled guy smugly said, “Oh, poor thing! You will get a girl like me one day!”

The single guy bowed his head and looked sad. Alas. He had no chick. Boo hoo.

“Now,” said the Pook, “let us fast forward several years.”

Years later, the guy and his girlfriend got married. Why did they marry? “It seemed like the next thing to do!” Alas, the divorce swiftly came in a few years.

“The error is guys defining their success on having a woman or women. They should rather be concerned with having a woman that DOES actually like them.”

“Why do you say this, Pook? It sounds like a bit more work.”

“Yes, but if you do this then you won’t be like the following:”

“She said she loved me and we got married! Why does she want a divorce now?”

“All my friends thought ‘she was a keeper’. So why is she cheating on me with her ex?”

“She won’t return my repeated calls? What is going on?”

“I do her date ideas and she thought I was ‘boring’. What does that mean?”


Pook shook his head. “When you aim at something long term, you need to make sure the woman like you. Just because she dates you, sleeps with you, and yes, even MARRIES you does not mean she likes you.”

“So what should I do?”

“You define what the dates are at first. She will work with you if she likes you. You can ‘soften’ up later like in a couple of months. If she starts breaking dates, giving you the run around, or seems INFLEXIBLE then that should be warning signs that she doesn’t like you.”

“I see… But what if you’re so awful at DJing that NO woman likes you?”

“Then you’ll have more free time with your buddies. Success cannot be getting a girl because that means failure is being alone. No. Failure is being in an unhappy marriage or a relationship where she has no true interest in you.”

“So the focus must be on you, including her interest?”

“Right. Drop the ‘getting a girl is success’ mantra and you will never be DUMPED.”
Your investments in her past these couple of years has made you a slave for her needs. If you still don't want to change to be a real man, then you need to accept the future possibilities that you will have a very hellish relationship with her. Your choice! Man the f up or be forever miserable
 

Depressive2019

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"Man the f up or be forever miserable"

Thanks for the response from you all, especially the lengthy ones, I can tell you have put some real thought into them.

Here's, an update for you on what has happened since my last post...

I've done some though, soul searching, spoken with friends and done some reading. In a nutshell, because in the UK and she is from a different country I am not allowed to just kick her out of my house. Silly as this is, if I put them both and her things on the street I can get I'm trouble for it. She potentially could even claim some squatters rights, and get legal backing for right of residence.

I've realised as I've looked back on these posts, felt the pain which is inside of me and regurgitated the story of what's happening what the true issue is.

I feel I have not invested in myself enough.

Without this I have minimal self respect.

No Self Investment = No self Respect

Would a man who has his options with women allow a female to treat him like this?
Would a man with muscles, 6 pack abs and low body fat allow this?
Would someone with his career, finances and life in order allow it?
Would a man with self love allow this?

Would my boss?
Would my father?
Would a high ranking business man?
Would Patrick Bateman?
Would Donald Trump?
Would Jesus?
Would James Bond?

Fck No!!

So....In realising this I have made an obligation with myself to develop in every possible way. This creates growth, which in turn will create options.

Physically - Lifting every day, running a few times a week, intermittent fasting and watching what types of foods I eat.

Mentally - Decided to take up reading again and focussing on my hobbies. I used to listen to e books in my car a lot, so I will take that up.

Spiritually - Explore different aspects of my faith (I'm Christian) and begin reading my Bible again. Pray more and practice meditation, mindfulness and active faith. Also focus on my church life, witnessing, donations, etc

Financially - Opened up a secret savings account for myself. Make investments in savings, cash, precious metals and cryotocurrencies for myself and my children as an inheritance.

Personal goal - Do one thing a day which scares the crop out of me.....I actually did two today....

1) Sent my woman a text suggesting we split up if we cannot be happy together.

2). Offered some idiot who took offence to my driving, then tried to rear end me to a fist fight.

This could be useful to building confidence and self respect.

Maybe if I reach a certain point I will lose my scarcity mindset and realise there is more to my existence than catering to the will of someone else.
 

lamath

Master Don Juan
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"Man the f up or be forever miserable"

Thanks for the response from you all, especially the lengthy ones, I can tell you have put some real thought into them.

Here's, an update for you on what has happened since my last post...

I've done some though, soul searching, spoken with friends and done some reading. In a nutshell, because in the UK and she is from a different country I am not allowed to just kick her out of my house. Silly as this is, if I put them both and her things on the street I can get I'm trouble for it. She potentially could even claim some squatters rights, and get legal backing for right of residence.

I've realised as I've looked back on these posts, felt the pain which is inside of me and regurgitated the story of what's happening what the true issue is.

I feel I have not invested in myself enough.

Without this I have minimal self respect.

No Self Investment = No self Respect

Would a man who has his options with women allow a female to treat him like this?
Would a man with muscles, 6 pack abs and low body fat allow this?
Would someone with his career, finances and life in order allow it?
Would a man with self love allow this?

Would my boss?
Would my father?
Would a high ranking business man?
Would Patrick Bateman?
Would Donald Trump?
Would Jesus?
Would James Bond?

Fck No!!

So....In realising this I have made an obligation with myself to develop in every possible way. This creates growth, which in turn will create options.

Physically - Lifting every day, running a few times a week, intermittent fasting and watching what types of foods I eat.

Mentally - Decided to take up reading again and focussing on my hobbies. I used to listen to e books in my car a lot, so I will take that up.

Spiritually - Explore different aspects of my faith (I'm Christian) and begin reading my Bible again. Pray more and practice meditation, mindfulness and active faith. Also focus on my church life, witnessing, donations, etc

Financially - Opened up a secret savings account for myself. Make investments in savings, cash, precious metals and cryotocurrencies for myself and my children as an inheritance.

Personal goal - Do one thing a day which scares the crop out of me.....I actually did two today....

1) Sent my woman a text suggesting we split up if we cannot be happy together.

2). Offered some idiot who took offence to my driving, then tried to rear end me to a fist fight.

This could be useful to building confidence and self respect.

Maybe if I reach a certain point I will lose my scarcity mindset and realise there is more to my existence than catering to the will of someone else.
Good resolution
Imo you need to deal.with bigger issue of that selfish women using you.
She is using you for your money and house, you need to find a way to throw her out.

Real man find solutions not excuses.
Get rid of that parasite!!!!
 

touma.akagi

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she flat out refuses to claim maintenance from her child's dad.

Furthermore, my house is a mess. Constantly, and I'm physically drained from tidying and dealing with the drama from them two.

I never quite know what I'm going to walk into when I get home from work.

She wants to get married as soon as possible, so she can be "legally married" and wants a child to "cement things between us".

I am depressed as anything, and have done many hours of reading and watching YouTube videos in my spare time but none of it seems to help. I am trying to act as masculine, strong and emotionless as possible but I feel like a part of myself is dying somewhere.

Am I being to weak, emotional or caring too much?

Do I not care enough?
Mmmmm, if things are bad now and you think that it'll aaall just fall into place once you "cement" it with an ours child, man you are deluded. While you're at it, you might as well find a discarded foreskin and glue it to your peen and tell yourself you'll feel more pleasure.

You're not married to this woman already, so don't get married to her. If you have an earnest will to make this work, then put on the brakes and tell her that it's relationship/family counseling or the boot. Hate to resort to ultimatums with women, but this is one situation where it's called for.
 
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