Is it sick to prefer being dumped then dumping?

[Fela Kuti]

*Title edit: Is it sick to prefer being dumped to dumping?

I just don't want her to play victim and has our mutual friends turn against me. I don't care about protecting my ego and such.

 

[El Payaso]

It depends.

 

[WanderingMan]

I agree^, but why do you care what her friends think of you? I know why you do, but really, why do you?

Would you rather be respected or liked? Which one do you think is easier to accomplish?

 

[SgtSplacker]

This is how one of my friends always breaks up with his girls. He just starts being an ass and eventually she leaves him. One thing I will say about doing this is I just hope you don't have a really nice or new car. Because he's always getting his car keyed or something broken due to all the fights.

 

[bigneil]

Yes, it's sick. And just to clarify, winning is better than losing. Always dump her before she dumps you.

 

[zekko]

It probably is sick, but I don't really like hurting women, especially if I care about them on some level. There have been times when I have let them dump me rather than dump them just because I didn't want them to get hurt as badly. But this was kind of a passive-aggressive approach to take. Arguably, once you know you are not well suited for each other, you are doing them a favor by ending it. But I can certainly relate to what the OP is saying.

 

[stevo]

You move on faster when you do the dumping, plus it's alpha.

If your self esteem is healthy, you'd rather walk away than be the person left behind.

 

[bigneil]

Zekko, we only think we don't like hurting women, because we know what it's like to be hurt. They don't. Women don't take rejection the way men do. They have too many options. So don't feel too bad.

 

[zekko]

Bigneil, you're probably right in that they get over rejection quickly, but short term it's a lot of drama and waterworks.

Stevo, I don't really think it's a self esteem issue. If my self esteem was low, then I'd be worried about my ego getting damaged from getting dumped. As it is, if it's what I wanted anyway, it doesn't hurt me.

 

[WanderingMan]

Stevo, I don't really think it's a self esteem issue. If my self esteem was low, then I'd be worried about my ego getting damaged from getting dumped. As it is, if it's what I wanted anyway, it doesn't hurt me.

Understand this, BUT OP is worried about what people will think of him if he's doing the dumping. I guess, if we're going this route, there's two sides to this. What will people think of you if you're the one being dumped, and will people think of you if you're the one doing the dumping.

Good points here if you think about it. Depending how you look at it, as far as your image is concerned, neither one is beneficial, or they're both beneficial.

As a generalization:
Alpha (bad boy) - does the dumping.
Beta (nice guy) - gets dumped.
And this will be how you are perceived. Some guys fit, and like, the nice guy roll, and hate being the bad guy. But sometimes you have to be the bad guy - and understand that it's okay.

 

[zekko]

Lol, the guy who gets dumped isn't always the nice guy. The guy can get dumped for bad behavior. For example, what if he gets dumped for cheating on his girlfriend?

 

[WanderingMan]

Valid point, but I was speaking from the OP's context

 

[stevo]

if it's what I wanted anyway, it doesn't hurt me.

My point exactly.
For it to be something you wanted, it means you've already emotionally dumped the girl and just riding it out till she realizes, then she verbally do the cutting of ties. In which case you would not be affected because you already walked mentally.

However knowing you want to walk and not being courageous to walk but instead hoping and praying the other person pushes you away is weak.

Look at it this way:
Would you rather whoop someone else's arse or be the one who takes a beating?

 

[logicallefty]

The right place to get to with this is to learn to be a master at gaging a womens' behavior towards you and seeing red flags long before you get emotionally invested in her. Then dump her first. If you allow it to get to a point where she dumps you, AND, you actually give a sh|t about it, then your skills with women still need some work. And that's OK, that's why you are here. Time and experience will help you too.

 

[exhausted]

The right place to get to with this is to learn to be a master at gaging a womens' behavior towards you and seeing red flags long before you get emotionally invested in her. Then dump her first. If you allow it to get to a point where she dumps you, AND, you actually give a sh|t about it, then your skills with women still need some work. And that's OK, that's why you are here. Time and experience will help you too.

That is the key, when the red flags add up stop making excuses and get rid of her.
They say don't judge, but then ok assess her poor attributes and inability to compliment your life and dump them.