And by that,I mean this whole seduction thing? The going for it part.Saying to yourself,I can do it. The approaching/ignoring,the negging,The kino,The "DHV",although,lot of debate over that. Overcoming the shyness/anxiety. Then the physical,the working out,the dressing. Thats one thing I haven't worked on I should have. I have always been fat,not obese,but fat.Know what I mean? The whole building attraction/comfort thing.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Is it really more mental than physical???
- Thread starter ItsOnNow
- Start date
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
The confidence part is something I have struggled with for a long time.That plus the anxiety.I am trying to come out of it. Alot of the stuff that has bothered me has always been socially related. I haven't bounced back. I have little game if any,what can I do to improve? Just go out to clubs/bars all the time and deal with the rejections,working out,building confidence,overcoming the loneliness? Procrastination is a ***** as well.I know sitting in front of a computer alot doesn't help,but I realize I have gotten too comfortable.
After school, I was bored. So I said fuvk it. So walked one block down and started opening sets. Its that simple.ItsOnNow said:The confidence part is something I have struggled with for a long time.That plus the anxiety.I am trying to come out of it. Alot of the stuff that has bothered me has always been socially related. I haven't bounced back. I have little game if any,what can I do to improve? Just go out to clubs/bars all the time and deal with the rejections,working out,building confidence,overcoming the loneliness? Procrastination is a ***** as well.I know sitting in front of a computer alot doesn't help,but I realize I have gotten too comfortable.
You want to start having a social life?
Step 1. Get outta the house.
The only time as of now I really get out of the house is for work,thats my outlet as of now.I have always told myself I gotta get out more,change,be more social,meet more people etc.But yet I never did.I feel like I have missed out on so much and I am somewhat behind other people as a result of all this.I dont know if its more fear/anxiety or lazyness. I did have a rather active social before,but something happened where people who I thought were freinds stabbed me in the back. This caused me to go into this emotianal whirlwind that I think I am slowly starting to come out of.I have always been afraid of being percieved as weird or creepy as well I suppose.I have realized I haven't been putting in the effort I should have been putting in.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Realize that no one cares about your success except yourself. No one is going to do anything for you. You gotta do it yourself.ItsOnNow said:I did have a rather active social before,but something happened where people who I thought were freinds stabbed me in the back. This caused me to go into this emotianal whirlwind that I think I am slowly starting to come out of.I have always been afraid of being percieved as weird or creepy as well I suppose.I have realized I haven't been putting in the effort I should have been putting in.
Take responsibility for your life.
I know that. But I am stuggling with this realization of like holy damn,I have been wasting alot of time,and keep doing this over and over. Its like my mind is locked in this state. Especially in the dating department,my self esteem and confidence hasn't been the best.Im just not happy with myself and feel like I am not the person I want to be. And yet it seems to me,everyone else is.Theres people my age or younger who have been dating someone for a few years,and some are going to get married,and yet here I am with poor game if any.Its shocking.Im afraid of being alone,yet I already am.
Stop comparing yourself with others. Only compare your own progress with yourself. As long as your making progress in your own life, that should be enough.ItsOnNow said:I know that. But I am stuggling with this realization of like holy damn,I have been wasting alot of time,and keep doing this over and over. Its like my mind is locked in this state. Especially in the dating department,my self esteem and confidence hasn't been the best.Im just not happy with myself and feel like I am not the person I want to be. And yet it seems to me,everyone else is.Theres people my age or younger who have been dating someone for a few years,and some are going to get married,and yet here I am with poor game if any.Its shocking.Im afraid of being alone,yet I already am.
If you love yourself, if you respect yourself. Then you would not be afraid of being alone. Have internal validation, don't seek it from others.
I myself don't plan on getting married to 40. Its really my personal choice, considering that I'm 17. I want to experience everything slowly. Embrace life.
Any woman can slim down, get breast implants, and turn blonde to turn heads. The same way you can change your looks.
Kids use to make fun of me when I was little, cause I was fat. "Fatso, fatty." You name it, they tormented me.
Now I have slimmed down, some said I have a model's body. Whatever. I dedicate my 3 days a week to working out, and I eat a protein rich diet.
I dedicate my lifestyle to be constantly improving.
Back in High school, I missed out on a lot of social activities too. I never was the social guy. I'd just stay home and play computer games. This only made everything worse for me. Running away from problems only tend magnify them.
The past year I've been working very hard on improving my social skills. And it really shows. I can make friends anywhere I go, and talk with any girl I want.
At one point I went out everyday just to make ~40 approaches/day.
This was how bad I wanted to change my life.
If your behind in social skills, then you have to play catchup. Unfortunately there are no shortcuts. You must work hard for the life you want.
I have that problem comparing myself to others,I have just always had it,Im trying to stop.I want to have that internal validation,I want to have that satisfaction of hard work,to say I did it cause i worked for it,school,socially,life,women,etc.The validation thing is something that really opened my eyes,part of why I feel the way i feel or felt is cause I wanted acceptance,not isolation.I am not in high school anymore,Im 22,almost 23,I should be preparing for grad school,but thats something else entirely.I try to watch what I eat.But I just don't have the motivation for it.I want it,but I havent gone for it. Thats it,I have been running away,not confronting them and changing them.For a long time,I would just drink,but I gave that up.The approaches thing,i work a sales job,i approach probably 100-150 people per day,some women,some very beatiful women,yet,in other situations,i cant,im the guy whos quiet for the most part.Thats it,i havent worked hard,socially,academically,i really want to get into film,i aint gonna get there the easy way.