Is it possible to turn the tables?

[mrbojangs]

So currently I've messed up a "friendship" with this girl. I was a total AFC, spent a ton of $ on her, she doesn't respect me at all (making it apparent she just wants me to buy her stuff now, not paying attention to me, told me she has no time for me yet shes banging other dudes), and telling me about other guys she's seeing and banging.

I implemented NC and intend to stay with it.

I've been reading up on "power" and she pretty much holds all of it. I'm at the point where I'm fairly detached but I can't help but wonder if it would be possible to turn the tables? Use my position as an AFC\weak man\sucker who cares for her against her?

I know NC can be powerful in itself, but if she comes back, or I decide to reinitiate contact...Is there anyway to turn it around?

I guess a part of me wants to make her confused emotionally and wonder wtf happend. I guess that's the goal of NC? If the person could care less about you...I suppose it's just time to move on?

 

[Jariel]

It's probably too late for the time being, but stick with the no contact, learn from your mistakes and work on becoming a proud and self-respecting man. Maybe one day you will meet again and she will see you have changed.

However, that's not to say you can run into her in a few weeks and start faking a new attitude, trying newfound seduction tricks or whatever. You basically need to move on now and start putting your energy into seeing other women.

Chalk this one upto a valuable lesson and promise to never make the same mistakes with another girl.

 

[ArcBound]

No, no contact isn't usually meant to get back a girl, its meant to distance yourself from her so your oneitis does not continue.

The girl's point of view right now is that you are just a friend buying her stuff. So when you implement "no contact" the worse that will happen is she will think she lost her friend that buys her stuff. If no contact even manges to work and makes her start trying to do things with you, its only because she is trying to get back that friend that buys her stuff, not to get back a lover since you never were her lover.

Everything is possible in life and with that its also possible to turn tables. I would check out The Archives that had a one way of doing it, by Mr. Fingers.

That being said I think in your case it should be time to move on.

 

[mrbojangs]

No, no contact isn't usually meant to get back a girl, its meant to distance yourself from her so your oneitis does not continue.

The girl's point of view right now is that you are just a friend buying her stuff. So when you implement "no contact" the worse that will happen is she will think she lost her friend that buys her stuff. If no contact even manges to work and makes her start trying to do things with you, its only because she is trying to get back that friend that buys her stuff, not to get back a lover since you never were her lover.

Everything is possible in life and with that its also possible to turn tables. I would check out The Archives that had a one way of doing it, by Mr. Fingers.

That being said I think in your case it should be time to move on.

I feel it is time to move on too. We did have sex a couple of times but she was incredibly emotionally cold...

This girl scares me honestly. The level of games she's capable of playing. I'm obviously out of my league.

I realize she isn't this great person anymore. I built her up to be something she's not.

I want to regain my dignity. A part of me wants to hurt her emotionally, but I realize that's just giving her another piece of me. Even talking about her is empowering her.

The fact that she barely talks to me now and doesn't even try to hide her intentions disgusts me. She made a freaking amazon wishlist yet "she's been so busy and doesn't have time for anybody.".

I'll live fine without her. Learned a lot of lessons.

Edit: we had no contact for a week prior...she broke it to say thanks for sending her some crap. (sent it to her days prior to NC). That should have been enough for me to not respond. Lesson learned..

 

[mrbojangs]

Wow. she just texted me. "I know you don't want to talk to me but I need your help with something. Kind of an emergency."

****.


She sent acouple more texts...Her phone is broken. That I bought her. She spilled oil on it. ****. I'm so tempted to keep being the nice guy. ****k.

damnit.

 

[bombtrack2007]

tell her you have to return some video tapes.

 

[scorpio1138]

ah thats your opportunity.

do nothing.

say nothing.

HOLD YOUR GROUND!!

 

[mrbojangs]

"Nevermind. sorry to disturb you. Hope all is well on your end."

Not going to respond...

I'm not freaking t-mobile.

I feel like she's testing me. She's treated me like utter crap lately. Screw her.

 

[mrbojangs]

ah thats your opportunity.

do nothing.

say nothing.

HOLD YOUR GROUND!!

That is the plan! :rockon:

I'm kind of concerned though. I ended up ordering her more sh*t and like a total AFC I included a card saying I'll always be there for her...I'm not sure if that hurts my image or is just icing on the cake? Shouldn't matter I suppose. Any input?

 

[scorpio1138]

cancel that order stat!

you should never have rewarded her with all that stuff.

you learned a lot on this one.

 

[st_99]

IMO no contact works but only when interest level is hovering somewhere near the 50% mark.

Having said that, yes no contact does work in all cases as far as her wondering what the f*ck happened and trying to get good with you again, BUT not in a sexual way if her sexual interest level was in the basement originally. Just in a friendship way and having someone to talk to or hang with, etc.. or whatever type of relationship you guys had.

Hope that makes sense. In other words, don't expect her to jump on you d*ck if you had 0% chance of it pre no contact.

 

[mrbojangs]

IMO no contact works but only when interest level is hovering somewhere near the 50% mark.

Having said that, yes no contact does work in all cases as far as her wondering what the f*ck happened and trying to get good with you again, BUT not in a sexual way if her sexual interest level was in the basement originally. Just in a friendship way and having someone to talk to or hang with, etc.. or whatever type of relationship you guys had.

Hope that makes sense. In other words, don't expect her to jump on you d*ck if you had 0% chance of it pre no contact.

I don't know man. She was REALLY sexual with me, just emotionally cold about it. (Humping my leg, asking for it, etc). I think I screwed my chances of it again though by telling her how much I like her, getting upset when she wouldn't give me attention, etc.

I wanted to be emotionally close to her, not just **** her. That's where I messed up. Another lesson learned.

 

[Kenny Powers]

Dude hang in there!!!!!!! Maintain no contact!!!!!!

With our combined powers maybe you will have a chance to beat this girl hahaha

But seriously, I was in a similar situation. Girl disrespected me hardcore so I did no contact. I said hi when I saw her and responded when she talked to me, but otherwise acted indifferent to her. Eventually she asked if we could be friends again. I said ok, but was still a little cold towards her. I've been slowly increasing the friendship, maintaining all the power and making her work to be my friend.

You should try this. It will probably be tougher cause my girl wasn't scary haha. Make her feel like she has to work to earn your friendship. If she keeps bugging you eventually call her out on how she treated you earlier. This is your best chance to gain the power.

However, keep up no contact for a while. This girl needs to prove herself to you. She is not a friend because she didn't treat you like one or respect you.

Keep us updated

 

[mrbojangs]

Dude hang in there!!!!!!! Maintain no contact!!!!!!

With our combined powers maybe you will have a chance to beat this girl hahaha

But seriously, I was in a similar situation. Girl disrespected me hardcore so I did no contact. I said hi when I saw her and responded when she talked to me, but otherwise acted indifferent to her. Eventually she asked if we could be friends again. I said ok, but was still a little cold towards her. I've been slowly increasing the friendship, maintaining all the power and making her work to be my friend.

You should try this. It will probably be tougher cause my girl wasn't scary haha. Make her feel like she has to work to earn your friendship. If she keeps bugging you eventually call her out on how she treated you earlier. This is your best chance to gain the power.

However, keep up no contact for a while. This girl needs to prove herself to you. She is not a friend because she didn't treat you like one or respect you.

Keep us updated

Great advice man. Will take it. Thanks.

 

[Packers2010]

yes you can! can i prof of that.

i mean. you have to stay in the no contact zone for a while. but this is a good time to improve yourself. get your confidence back and raise the bar.

your lucky cos you have the time now to do it. the girl i am seeing now is all over me. but i am still trying to work on myself so i can get her to be my gf cos AORN she is not. i'm no DJ far from it. but what i have lent in the past month or 2 here. has helped me a lot. the DJ bible is the place to start. read it and LIVE it. thats the best way to do it.

 

[mrbojangs]

Just a small update...Still haven't had contact with her. She tried to talk to me again the day after my most recent post. I ignored it.

At times it's easier to deal with. Sometimes I just feel anger towards her, and at others I miss her.

I'll get over it.

 

[mrbojangs]

Still no contact but I'm having trouble moving on. I still check out some of her online profiles and it's just drawing out the pain more. Any advice?

 

[mrbojangs]

Well...I broke no contact 3 days ago. Uggh. :cuss: :cuss: :cuss:

A,

I want you to know when I said no hard feelings I meant it. I feel like I've lost myself and I need time to recover.

It's not the easiest thing but I'm learning more about myself every day and growing in positive ways.

I know I can be very ridiculous, and you shouldn't have to deal with it.

I hope everything has been going well for you.

S


--------------


2 days later...

Why hello there, stranger.

I'm glad to hear that you're learning about yourself and that your growth continues to inspire you. I wouldn't use the word ridiculous in a description of you, but it is only you that defines who you are. That is something we have in common -- we lose ourselves in other people. There is something to be said about that kind of devotion, but you have to direct that devotion at yourself first (advice I too struggle with. You never stop learning)

Listen to "it's in our hands" by Bjork, or look at the lyrics. Musically, she is better at describing what I can't.

I've been doing well, albeit moody because of the moons erratic cycle lately, but I won't complain as it is starting to clear now. I hope you are well, and if you are not, I promise that you will be.


-------

I've been moody lately also. Very testy with my loved ones. I wasn't aware of the whole lunar cycle situation...

Thanks for the song recommendation.

I've been listening to stuff like this:
xxx

I'm actually trying to get in touch with my inner spiritual side...I know it's in there somewhere.

I do understand what Bjork is saying. I've been struggling at times with it however.

It comforts me to know we have this in common and we can identify with each others plights.

I've been thinking about you, and I recognize the need for me to take a few steps back and find balance.

I need to regain my composure. I feel weak that I haven't been able to accomplish that 100% already.

I've been directing a ton of energy towards myself, and it does help. More time tending to myself is still the best route.

I'd like to speak with you more but we'll have to see where the universe leads us at a later date.

I would be lying to both of us if I didn't say I want to go trekking all over Europe with you in the future.

Respectfully,
S

 

[WorkingDJ]

Delete her number.
Delete her from social networks.

Meet new chicks.

Delete her number man, and stop being her **** and ordering ****. And turn the tables? Eff her man, let her go.

 

[schttrj]

So currently I've messed up a "friendship" with this girl. I was a total AFC, spent a ton of $ on her, she doesn't respect me at all (making it apparent she just wants me to buy her stuff now, not paying attention to me, told me she has no time for me yet shes banging other dudes), and telling me about other guys she's seeing and banging.

I implemented NC and intend to stay with it.

I've been reading up on "power" and she pretty much holds all of it. I'm at the point where I'm fairly detached but I can't help but wonder if it would be possible to turn the tables? Use my position as an AFC\weak man\sucker who cares for her against her?

I know NC can be powerful in itself, but if she comes back, or I decide to reinitiate contact...Is there anyway to turn it around?

I guess a part of me wants to make her confused emotionally and wonder wtf happend. I guess that's the goal of NC? If the person could care less about you...I suppose it's just time to move on?

Well, it is out of control as it sounds.

But give it a try! Be friends with the girl. Start flirting with other girls in front of her. This will increase your value in her eyes. And when she starts seeing you flirting with other girls, you can start staying a bit busy at times. Try this out!